5 reasons he is pushing you away when he loves you (and what to do)

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“Why is he pushing me away when he loves me?”

Are you asking yourself this question?

There are many reasons why a man might suddenly push you away, even if he is in love with you.

The interesting thing is that those reasons might not be what you’d expect.

Not all rejection or pulling away is done in an effort to hurt you, and in fact, it might be that he just needs time to figure things out for himself.

In this article, we’ll explore 5 reasons why he might be pushing you away and then we’ll talk about what you can do about it, so you can get back to doing what you do best: loving your man.

5 reasons he is pushing you away even though he loves you

signs he will never come back

1) He’s falling for you

See, we said this wasn’t going to be what you thought it was.

Not all guys pull away when they lose interest.

Some guys don’t know how to handle their emotions and when they find the one, they aren’t sure what to do with that information.

For guys, falling in love is not like it is for girls, and guys are taught to be tough and hide their emotions.

Imagine what it’s like to fall in love and be expected to share your emotions and thoughts when you’ve been told your entire life to hide them.

Many men find it difficult to process their emotions. They generally are not as in touch with their feelings compared to women.

If this guy is falling deeply for you, then he might find the thought of a relationship with you extremely appealing, but the emotions that come with it are difficult for him to get his head around.

If there’s a sign he’s pushing you away, he might need some space to figure out what all this means, but it doesn’t have to mean your relationship is over.

2) He’s stressed and none of this is about you

Continuing with our theme that not all rejection is bad, he might just need some time to figure some things out in his life that actually have nothing to do with you.

Even though you might share everything, he is still an independent person who had a life before you came along.

Why do men push away their perfect girl? This is hard for some women to hear because they assume a lot of responsibility for their partners, but sometimes guys just need a minute to deal with something from their past or process something that has happened.

He might not be rejecting you at all: he might not even realize what he’s doing because he’s not making this all about you.

Maybe his boss is asking him to work late, and as your man is an ambitious person, he doesn’t want to let his boss down.

This can especially be the case if he is in his late 20s and early 30s where his career is starting to take hold.

He could also be facing health issues that you might not be aware of. And if you haven’t known him for that long, he may not be willing to confide in you.

So he pulls away from you to avoid you finding out.

3) He’s not 100% sure about the relationship 

This one might hurt to hear, but even if your man loves you, he might still have reservations about being in a relationship. 

And that could be why he’s pushing you away.

So, how can you find out if this is the case without freaking him out or coming on too strong?

Speak to a relationship coach at Relationship Hero.

I know you might be thinking, is it really worth doing that?

And in response, I’d say – if this is a relationship you truly want, it’s worth fighting for! 

You see, a relationship coach can help you work out his distant behavior. They’ll piece together what’s really going on in his mind, and give you the exact tools you need to get through to him emotionally. 

So why not take control and make things happen? Speaking to a pro could be the difference between a loving, committed relationship, or his feelings dying out completely.

Click here to take the free quiz and get matched with a relationship coach

4) He’s not sure of his next move

If he’s about to pop the question, he might freak out every time he sees you.

You’re sitting there worried he’s rejecting you and at the same time, his worst nightmare is that you’re about to reject him.

It’s kind of funny, but at the same time, scary as hell.

If a guy doesn’t trust love or if he isn’t really clear on how you feel, he might be worried that you are going to say goodbye.

He might pull away as a way to help him cope with the sense of impending doom he’ll feel if you say no.

And here you are worried that he’s going to leave. He might just be trying to get up the gumption to stay.

If you want to learn more about why men frequently run away from love, watch the below video which goes over 5 common reasons. 

5) It’s moving a bit too fast for him

Similar to a guy who is scared of commitment, he might feel that it’s getting a little too intense for his liking.

Sometimes, guys act distant even when they like you. Sure, he loves you, but he also might be feeling that the emotions between you and the way you spend so much time together are a little too much.

And it’s moving too fast for him.

You’ve gone from having fun and hanging out to be in what feels like a fully-fledged relationship.
So pulling away is his way of putting a brake on things.

So, what does this mean for you?

It means that he is clearly more comfortable taking things slowly. So give him a little space.

Of course, you can continue seeing each other, but it’s important that you move the relationship along a little slower than it’s moving right now.

How to handle your man pulling away

1) Don’t make it all about you

Instead of assuming that you’ve messed up or done something wrong, try asking him what’s going on and really listen to what he has to say.

It’s hard for women not to freak out and feel rejected when their guys are pushing them away, but more often than not, it has nothing to do with you.

Trust that he cares for you and if he’s going to leave, well then there is nothing you can do about it anyway.

Best to approach these things with a matter-of-fact attitude and let him know you are worried about him.

2) Give him space

This may be tough to hear…but you need to give the guy some space.

None of the reasons why he is acting distant is going to be solved by desperately trying to pull him in and spend more time with him.

He is acting distant because that’s what feels right to him.

If you give space and time to figure things out, then eventually he’ll more than likely come around. If not, it’s his loss!

As we mentioned above, guys take longer to process their emotions. So give him that time.

3) But don’t stop all forms of communication

Space? Absolutely. Silence? Not so much.

In fact, giving him space doesn’t mean not seeing him, either.

It means understanding his need to spend time apart from each other, but it doesn’t mean that if he wants to meet up with you you should say no.

Should you message him online? Definitely. Just don’t act needy and don’t pressure him to move fast with your relationship.

Be relaxed and chat to him like he is your buddy.

If he’s acting distant then he may not be as forthcoming with his replies as you like, but that’s okay. Don’t panic. Remember you’re giving him space to allow him to work through his feelings.

You can still organize to meet each other, but keep it casual.

Don’t organize a big, pre-planned romantic chat. Meet up to hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

This keeps him close to you and lets him know that you’re still around and you’re not desperate to move into a stable long-term relationship.

And there are ways to make a man chase you after you slept with him.

4) Trigger his inner hero

If you want to stop your man from pulling away, then you need to know what drives him as a man.

There’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of why some men commit wholeheartedly to a relationship, while others go cold and pull away.

It’s called the hero instinct.

According to the hero instinct, men have a biological urge to provide for and protect women. It’s hardwired into them.

When a man feels like an everyday hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it also unleashes his deepest feelings of attraction.

And the kicker?

A man can pull away suddenly and unexpectedly when his hero instinct isn’t triggered.

I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.

To learn exactly how to trigger the hero instinct in your man, check out this excellent free video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who first discovered this natural biological drive in men.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And when it comes to stopping a man from pushing you away, I think this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

5) Listen and learn

Rather than jumping in and trying to save him from whatever kind of crisis you’ve determined this might be, take a backseat here for a minute and imagine that you can learn something from him.

Not everyone needs to be reduced or saved from their lives and it might be that he just needs you to be there to support him through whatever this is.

The key here is that he gets the support in the way that suits him – not you. So that might mean he needs his space.

6) Don’t annoy him

While your guy is trying to figure out what’s what, it’s best not to pester him every day and nag him with texts wondering why he isn’t commenting on your social media feed.

He’s hurting and somewhere in there is a human being who needs care and understanding as much as you do.

It’s not cool to assume that he can just get over whatever this is and move on. He might need you to just leave him alone so he doesn’t need to leave you alone.

Relationships are tricky but when you talk to one another and try to be as honest as possible, you can get through almost anything.

If your guy is pulling away, our best advice is to assume that he’s dealing with something. Our second best advice is to talk to him about it.

And finally, don’t assume any of it has anything to do with you.

7) Don’t introduce him to your family or friends yet

As we said above, if he’s pulling away from you (but he loves you) then it might be because things are moving really fast.

If you’ve only been seeing him for a short amount of time, then don’t put even more pressure on him by introducing him to your family.

The whole “meet the parents” scenario is a big deal. It solidifies the relationship.

You might be ready for that but he might not be.


Guys generally process their feelings slower than females. So take your time. He’ll eventually want to meet your family. Just give him space first.

8) Figure out if he is scared of commitment

He wouldn’t be the first man to be scared of getting involved in a committed relationship.

Why do men pull away? Some men just aren’t used to dedicating themselves to a single person.

Maybe he is still young and he wants to play the field. Or perhaps he has been addicted to the thrill of the chase, but now that he knows he loves you, he doesn’t know what to do next.

I’ve seen many men stay single well into their 30s because they don’t know how to process their strong emotions for others.

He may also be clinging to his independence. He knows that he has strong feelings and that once you guys are in a relationship, he’ll have to put you first instead of himself. After all, I’m sure this guy is a gentleman. And that’s a big commitment (not to mention a change in lifestyle!).

9) Get on with your life already — and fast

One of the fastest ways to get your guy to return to you is to make sure he knows what he is missing.

A lot of women end up creating a better life for themselves in this process and remember how amazing they truly are.

By the time he comes crawling back, you might not even want to be with him anymore.

Here are ways you can deal with someone losing feelings for you. 

10) Pretend it’s no big deal

It hurts like hell and you might have mascara running down your face so bad it might never wash off, but when you see him, you play it as cool as a cucumber.

Don’t let him see you squirm. Even if you have to pretend that it’s no big deal he left, pretend hard. It’ll make him wonder what’s up.

11) Smile — a lot

Sure, you can go ahead and cry when you’re alone in your room, but when you are out in public, smile like your life depends on it.

Because here’s the thing: it does. You can’t be sad forever and today is as good a day as any to start smiling again.

12) Tell him you’re busy whenever he asks you for anything or wants to talk to you

You might be dying to talk to him and ask him to come back but don’t you dare. He left you, remember?

Be unavailable to him. He doesn’t get to ask you for your time after he leaves. You get to decide when he can talk to you and when he can’t. It’ll drive him crazy.

13) Get yourself some arm candy

Go out on a date. You don’t have to marry the guy, but give yourself a chance to get out and see what else is out there.

You might find that what you’re holding on to is not actually what you want anymore. A lot of relationships keep going out of habit and not much more.

Shake things up a bit to make sure you want him back.

14) Get back to loving your own life

You might have had the best life when you met, but now things are a bit dull. You might be forgetting how amazing you are or what you have to offer this world.

Your work might be suffering or you might not be getting to see your family as much as you’d like.

Take this time to do those things better and get back to loving the life you have — without him.

15) Be sure you even want him back

When all is said and done, he might come back and tell you how much he loves you. Sometimes people need space and time to realize what they have.

It doesn’t make him a bad person, but during that little hiatus, you might also come to find you want something different.

So before you talk to him about getting back together, make up your own mind about what you want.

Don’t make a decision based on what he says is going to happen. You’re better than that.

If the above strategies don’t work, and it just doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to come around, then you need to figure out when it’s time to leave.

If you feel like it’s hard to leave and you don’t want to be without him, even though you know he’s not good for you, I’d suggest you do some soul-searching and healing. 

Try this free Love and Intimacy masterclass that helped me and many others overcome unhealthy attachments in our relationships. Your romantic life will be so much better off for it!

It was created by a highly-regarded shaman called Rudá Iandê who specializes in many things, with self-love and relationships being one of them. 

Through his insightful work, you can identify what your style of dependency and attachment to him stems from, first.

Then, the exercises in the masterclass will help you gain the strength and understanding to let go of him, or learn to be less attached to him – whichever feels right.

Either way, you will learn to attract a healthier relationship with your partner, and most importantly, with yourself.

So go and change your life for the better by checking out the masterclass.

And how do you know it’s really time to let go? Let’s go over the signs it’s time to walk away:

Signs it’s time to walk away from your relationship

Whether you’ve been dating a guy for two months or two years, it can be hard to know when to call it quits.

It’s even harder when all of a sudden you feel like he’s purposely pulling away from you, but you don’t know what to do with that.

There are plenty of signs you could watch for to let you know he’s getting ready to leave you, but our advice? Get it together and leave him first.

To help you make the decision to move on, we’ve put together a list of absolute signs that he is not interested anymore and that’s why he’s rejecting you or trying to push you away. Take your pride and your dignity and go.

1) He keeps saying that he doesn’t deserve you

When a guy is getting ready to spring a breakup on you, he’ll start to prime you with what seems like nice sentiments, but in truth, he’s getting ready to let you down easy.

If he’s saying he doesn’t deserve you or that he can’t be good to you the way you’re good to him, it’s a surefire sign he’s got one foot out the door.

2) Something suddenly comes up about an old flame

If you open the door to find his ex-girlfriend standing on his doorstep, something’s amiss and he might not be interested anymore.

You know you wouldn’t show up at an old flame’s house unless you were dead serious about getting back together with him, right?

Well, what do you think she’s doing there? If he’s been pushing you away, it’s probably because he knew she was going to show up.

3) He keeps ditching you

It doesn’t matter if you have tickets to a popular rock concert or for the movies, he’s not showing up anymore.

It seems that every time you make plans, he finds something better to do. He tells you it’s because he’s busy but the truth is that if he wanted to see you, he’d make the time.

4) You need to “book” him weeks in advance to spend any quality time together

See above. You’re not a priority for him. It would be much easier to reach him. You don’t need to send up smoke signals or send him 40 texts a week.

He’s getting ready to move on. You should think about moving on first. Is this really the kind of person you want to waste your time on?

5) He seems to be keeping things from you

Whether it was that his old flame was in town or that he had plans with the guys on Saturday and forgot to mention it, if he’s keeping things from you, it’s because he doesn’t want you in all parts of his life.

Newsflash: if you’re going to have a long-term relationship together, you’ll be involved in all parts of his life.

Sure, give him his space, but don’t let yourself be an afterthought. Ever.

6) His story changes

You’re catching him in some doozy lies and you’re starting to worry that something’s up, right?

You’re probably onto something there. It’s hard, sure, but better to know now that he’s not the one than to find out later and get your heart broken even more.

7) There’s no make-up sex anymore

You’re just fighting now. No more playful fighting or arguing or even picking a fight for the make-up sex.

Now you’re just a couple who fights. All the time. If he’s picking the fights and using it to walk away, let him.

You should at least be getting something out of that relationship besides a headache from yelling.

8) He’s gaslighting you

This is the worst thing someone can do to you: if he’s making you feel like the crazy one or telling you that something is wrong with you because you’re concerned your relationship is falling apart – something is up for sure.

Gaslighting is as old as time, and often people don’t even realize they are doing it.

But if he’s turning things around and making you feel less than, it’s time to walk away.

The best way to get him to commit and not pull away

There is nothing more frustrating than being pushed away by someone you love. Who you also know loves you right back.

Also, look for signs he’ll come back after pulling away.

While all these tips are the perfect way to help you both overcome this issue, if you’re looking for the best way to get him to commit to you and never pull away again, it all comes down to the hero instinct.

I mentioned this concept above, and it’s well worth highlighting again.

While the hero instinct is a relatively new concept, it is extremely effective when it comes to relationships. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s a game-changer.

Men are driven by a biological urge to earn the respect of the women they love. Many men don’t even realize this themselves.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and play a damsel in distress. We all know you’re perfectly fine without a hero in your life saving the day.

The truth is, he just needs to feel like an everyday hero. No capes. No heroic rescues. Just simply an everyday hero in your life.

Trigger the hero instinct in your man and he won’t be pulling away again.

To learn exactly how to trigger the hero instinct in your man, check out this excellent free video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship expert who first discovered the concept.

No one wants to be pushed away by the one they love.

If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level and see what your future together could look like, then watch the video and discover some practical steps you can take to trigger that instinct in your man today.

Here’s a link to the video again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.

Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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