Rejection is one thing, but mixed signals are actually worse.
Let me explain…
When a guy is into you and everything’s going well, you can see all the signs that a real relationship could occur.
That’s why it can be so upsetting and confusing when he suddenly disappears…
Here are the top reasons why this happens.
16 reasons guys act interested but then disappear (male psychology guide)
1) When they just want sex
The cliche that most guys just want sex isn’t always true. It’s obviously the case that many men have a strong sexual focus and enjoy sex.
Still, the idea that “all” men are out there hunting endless bed buddies is incorrect.
What is true, however, is that some men obviously are.
If they weren’t, then the stereotype wouldn’t exist.
This list should start with this, because it’s definitely one of the most common reasons guys act interested but then disappear:
They just want some nookie.
Sorry to say it, but the truth is better than sugar-coating it.
And the fact is that in some cases the guy who was so “into” you was really just adding a notch to his bedpost.
2) When they find you boring
This relates to reason one, and it’s actually quite common.
A good example comes from one episode of the hit comedy Two And a Half Men, where sex-obsessed bachelor Charlie (played by Charlie Sheen) ghosts a stunning blond model on a date because she bores him so much.
He recently met another woman who’s not as “hot,” but who stimulates him far more in terms of his sense of humor and intellect.
And the truth is that a smart and creative guy will lose interest in most women if they don’t emotionally or mentally stimulate him.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “boring,” but it can definitely mean that he got bored of you and felt you weren’t a match.
It sucks, but it happens far more than most dating guides would like you to admit.
3) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main reasons guys act interested but then disappear, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like when guys pull away. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) When they find the sex average
Along with the sex subject, there’s the issue of the quality or enjoyment that a guy gets from sex with you.
It’s well-known that some women fake orgasms, but some men also “play it up” in terms of how into the sex they are with you.
Sometimes they act very turned on by you in the moment but in reality they’re more or less just taking what they can get.
As insulting as this sounds, it’s really not you…
Only a man with low self-respect and a sleazy attitude treats sex as a commodity that he “takes” when he can find it.
And only a coward lets a woman get her hopes up and have feelings when he really just wants to use her physically.
The fact of the matter, however, is that when a man puts in work to have sex with you, he’s going to be a pretty harsh judge of whether it was worth it for him.
“After that, he checks in on the scales and sees how much effort he put in stacks up against the feeling of being with you in bed.
“If the effort was too little, and the feeling not all that great (one influences the other, btw) – he knows he won’t be coming back. And he’ll just think it was because he wasn’t that into you.”
One male friend of mine said “sex is sex,” and it doesn’t vary that much. Nothing could be further from the truth, actually…
5) When he’s struggling to understand his own emotions
The idea that all guys are basically simple creatures who want sex and validation may have some roots in truth, but it’s not the full story.
Creative and intelligent men who know their own worth tend to have a lot more going on under the surface than it looks like.
“I’m one of those guys who came on strong only to later make a quick and surprising exit.
“Yet, if you ask my wife (and most of the women I dated), I’m not a liar, player, or a jerk. That means there’s a lot going on beneath the surface—for all of us,” explains Evan Katz.
Katz is correct.
Sometimes one of the big reasons guys act interested but then disappear is that they really are interested but then stop being interested.
The question, of course, is why?
And the answer can only come from him if he’s willing to talk to you again.
But the point is that the reason is often on his side as he struggles with his own emotions and figuring out what he really feels for you.
It isn’t always some grand complex thing or that he’s a player who just wanted to use you. It can be that he was a bit interested but then quickly realized he wasn’t actually into you.
6) When they meet another girl they’re more into
The simple truth is that sometimes a guy suddenly loses interest in you because he met someone else.
“Perhaps he started dating someone else because he was flirting with multiple women at the same time.”
Let’s be honest: in the days of Tinder and Bumble this is extremely common for both men and women.
They open up and app and send messages to dozens of people, going on dates with one or two. It’s then very common that he might take an interest in you but also have another girl he’s hoping to meet as well.
In some cases, he’ll meet up with her and find it doesn’t click…lucky you.
But in other cases he meets up with the new woman and suddenly his interest in you is an ancient relic: he’s just not into you anymore.
If there’s one thing that can make your attraction to someone die out fast, it’s meeting someone else you have strong feelings for.
And the simple possibility here is that a man who’s been flirting around and meets a new girl might suddenly lose all interest in you when he hooks up with someone who he finds he’s more into.
7) When you haven’t made them feel like a hero
One of the most common reasons guys act interested but then disappear has to do with the deepest roots of male psychology and biology.
There’s a little-known concept that makes a guy want to commit or scramble and run.
This relates to how you make him feel.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
8) When it’s just about their ego
Some guys aren’t so much after sex or thrills in their dating life. They’re after satisfying their bottomless desire for validation and ego stroking.
(I wish I could say it was only guys who suffered from this, but let’s be honest…)
The point is, this very human trait of seeking out connections just to have your ego massaged and be showered with praise and affection is extremely common.
When it’s just about his ego and feeling important and liked, you can be sure that a guy will lose attention quickly and get distracted:
That’s because he was never that into you in the first place, only into the attention and validation you gave him.
As soon as that fades, a bright shiny thing catches his eye (a job, a girl, a new hobby) and he drops out of view.
This is a big reason why some guys act interested and then disappear: they were only ever interested in feeling nice, not in pursuing an actual relationship.
9) When they’re having a personal crisis
One of the most common reasons why a man falls off the map is that he’s having a personal crisis or feels he can’t be the one for you.
Whether you just started dating, haven’t started yet or are in a serious relationship, it works more or less the same.
He begins going through a hard time mentally or emotionally and starts to self-isolate.
He then answers less of your messages and stops responding in any way to you, even if he’s physically around you.
This is a very hard issue to overcome, because you can’t force someone to come out of their shell.
Really, the most you can do is show him that you’re there for him and go about your life and meeting someone new, if and unless he opens up once again.
10) When they feel you’re not good enough for them
The idea of being “good enough” for someone is a very codependent idea in the first place.
It rests on this concept that we are somehow competing for the affection of a romantic partner with other potential rivals…
And that if we “fall short” in enough ways we’ll be left behind on the roadside.
The reality of love is that the right person will make you want to be stronger and see your potential, not assess you like a product in a grocery store.
Nonetheless, some guys with a high opinion of themselves definitely engage in this kind of mindset.
And for various reasons they may decide that you’re just plain not “good enough” for them.
The most common reasons include:
- They don’t think you’re physically attractive enough
- They don’t find you interesting or funny enough
- They believe your emotional or mental health baggage makes you spoiled goods
- They consider your life challenges, financial situation or reputation to be evidence that you’re not a very good catch
11) When they think you’re not compatible
One of the top reasons guys act interested but then disappear is that they think you’re not compatible.
This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you (or with them).
It just means that for some reason, right or wrong, they have decided you’re not a good fit.
If this is the case, the feeling of rejection and taking it personally can be overwhelming.
But it’s actually an opportunity to work on a different relationship that will improve your life immeasurably.
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
12) When they feel not good enough for you
On the flip side, some guys head for the hills because they feel they’re not good enough for you.
Whether in their own imagination or because of real challenges or shortcomings, they embrace this idea that they are insufficient or flawed and not what you need.
Dating coach Mat Boggs talks about this in a really insightful video that I recommend. As he notes, “a man’s sense of self-worth comes from his sense and his ability to provide happiness for you.”
When a guy feels he can’t do that, he gets a pit in his stomach.
Whatever the reason a man decides that he’s not good enough for you, it can be near impossible to change his mind. Once he gets it in his head that he’s not up to your standards, it can be very difficult to make him see his own worth.
13) When friends and family warn them off from you
Another one of the big reasons guys act interested but then disappear is that their friends or family tell them you’re bad news.
Advice from those close to a guy can have a really strong impact on him, especially if it’s his parents or close “bros” telling him their view of you.
If they more or less tell him that you’re not a good idea to get involved with, it can really trigger anxiety and hesitation in him.
Even if he was quite interested up until a certain point, the negative input of people he trusts and cares about can make him lose his interest in you.
This seems really unfair, and often it is.
But it’s important to keep in mind as one of the options because it happens very frequently.
14) When they only want the thrill of the chase
There is a certain type of guy who just loves the thrill of the chase.
It’s not so much sex itself as the pursuit and seduction of you that he craves.
But once he knows you’re interested or want more with him, he switches off like a stage light and disappears…
The show is over…
When a guy only wants the thrill of the chase, it’s his own issue.
There’s really nothing short of completely falling in love or working through his own issues that’s going to resolve this for him…
“It’s the worst to find out — after you’ve started to like a guy — that he’s dating because it’s his hobby and he has very little interest in pursuing anything more serious.”
15) When your behavior or values clash with them
Sometimes you think that things are going really well with a guy but he’s having a completely different experience.
One of the most common reasons is that he feels your values clash, but doesn’t believe it’s worthwhile to confront you or argue about it.
He sees subtle or specific things about how you act and what you believe that are a dealbreaker for him, but to you they’re just small details about your life…
For example maybe you:
- Smoke occasionally and drink
- Love pop music
- Embrace gay rights
- Have a desire to live in a large modern city
And he feels very strongly in different ways about one or more of these topics in a way that directly clashes with you.
Even if he doesn’t show it outwardly or argue with you, he may sidestep and desire to leave the relationship behind with as little drama as possible because he feels that your values are just so different that he can’t commit.
16) When they have commitment issues
Some guys want to get serious, but they have serious commitment issues.
As Justin Brown writes in his epic apology to women, there are some things that guys feel in relationships that can be difficult to talk about.
There are guys who really are interested in something serious but then as soon as it gets close they push it away and react in fear…
And some men just don’t know what they want.
There just seems to be something missing, and they don’t feel right..
This also relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to commit to you and want something serious.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
How do you avoid the bait-and-switch?
After reading through this guide, you’re probably feeling a little bit scared.
After all, with so many reasons that guys bail out on a budding relationship, how can you have any confidence that you won’t be smiling today and in tears tomorrow?
That’s why love is scary and always involves some element of risk.
But the one safeguard you can have against having your heart shredded into a thousand pieces is to work on your own foundation.
You can’t control how others decide to treat you, but you can control how you treat yourself.
The search for true love and intimacy begins with rock-solid certainty in your own worth and enjoying your own company.
If you’re dealing with a situation that’s got you at your wit’s end, rest assured that things will improve and that you are not at fault for someone else’s poor decisions.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.