Intimacy between two people who are attracted to each other can be one of the most beautiful experiences in the world.
But nothing ruins it like a guy who leaves as soon as he can after sex and then doesn’t answer your calls and texts.
Why do so many guys seem to get the jitters right after they get intimate?
16 reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy
1) Because of brain chemicals
One of the reasons that many men get cold right after sex is purely chemical.
It sounds like a convenient excuse, and in some cases it is just an excuse.
But this also has grounding in scientific fact.
The point is:
When men have sex they release a boatload of crucial chemicals. This often leads to feeling deflated, tired and even a bit sad after orgasm.
“Research shows that during ejaculation men release serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, and the hormone prolactin…
“Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and vasopressin (both released during orgasm) are also connected to the feeling of sleepiness, contributing to the unaroused post-orgasm state.
“That’s why men pull away after sex.”
On a purely chemical level, June is absolutely correct.
But we all know that some men love to stick around after intimacy and that the post-sex afterglow is also a real thing.
So that’s why it’s important to dig a little bit deeper here and find out more about why some men detach after sex.
2) Because the thrill of the chase is gone
One of the biggest reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that the thrill of the chase is gone.
Even if they are interested in the woman they are with and find her attractive and interesting, some men simply lose a solid chunk of interest once they “have” her.
It’s sad to see, but it can be very real.
Something about knowing a woman is attracted to them and willing to commit completely erases the thrill of the chase, and with it that certain fantasy of adventurous, risky romance.
When a man loses interest because the thrill of the chase is gone and he just wants endless variety, there are basically two options:
One is that he has serious commitment issues and is stuck in an avoidant behavior style in relationships that causes him to have an addiction to romantic or sexual novelty.
Two is that he isn’t that into you in the first place and just wanted a conquest.
Neither of these are great news for you if you’re looking for a boyfriend or serious partner.
3) Because you’re not bringing out his inner hero
Another of the reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that they don’t feel fully engaged in the interaction.
They may enjoy the sex and find you charming and sweet.
But they’re just not ready to get serious about a relationship. Something big is missing, even though it might be hard for them to say what.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
4) Because he’s in love with someone else
One of the more dramatic reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that they may be in love with someone else.
For this reason, getting intimate with you triggers a panicked and shamed reaction in them.
They want to decouple and get far away and forget you ever got so close, because deep down they really want someone else.
This hurts a lot, especially if you’re interested in them.
But trying to sell yourself on illusions that they’re just confused or aren’t really sure who they like is usually not the solution.
If you know this guy is hung up on an old ex, don’t convince yourself he’ll just “get over it” soon.
Maybe he will.
But there’s no guarantee it will be quick.
5) Because he’s worried this means getting serious
Another one of the common reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that they’re worried the woman wants something serious when they don’t.
This comes at them like a jolt, and it almost always comes right after having sex.
Women may complain that all men want only one thing, but the truth is that it depends.
But if a man does just want sex then the bonding that occurs after sex is likely going to spook him.
On the downside, this is hurtful and jarring to a woman, who may feel like she’s been used or treated as an object.
On the upside, it avoids a man leading you on for a longer period of time and faking emotions to get more sex.
“The problem is that he sees that this is not just a fling but something that could become serious.
“He doesn’t want serious.”
6) Because you’re pressuring him too much
If you’re seeing a guy regularly and in a relationship, he may distance himself after intimate moments because he feels a sense of pressure.
He’s attracted to you and potentially interested in getting serious, but he feels like you’re already fitting him out for a tuxedo and it freaks him out.
He wants to be the kind of real man you need to care for and protect you.
But he doesn’t want to be pressured into it: he wants to rise to the occasion of his own free, masculine choice.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to voluntarily choose to commit and not pull away after sex.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
7) Because he didn’t like the sex
One of the reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that sometimes the sex just didn’t do it for them.
This is definitely not what a girl wants to hear, but it obviously does happen.
How common is it?
Based on the experiences of friends and colleagues I would say it is more common for a woman to not have enjoyed sex than a man.
But it certainly happens the other way around as well.
And when it does, a guy is not going to say something like “I just didn’t feel the chemistry, sorry.”
In most cases he’s going to make a lame excuse about work or having to get home to feed his dog.
Maybe he really does. But he’d probably want to go for round two if the sex had really worked out for him.
8) Because he feels you’re too needy
We all want to feel needed and validated, and that’s a normal and healthy thing!
But when this crosses the line into neediness it’s something else entirely.
The fact is:
Men love a woman who appreciates them and lets them become a hero, but they tend to move away from a woman who makes them feel pressured or obligated to commit.
It seems counterintuitive:
But the harder you push a man, the more he may feel you’re coming across too needy and run the other direction.
On the other hand, if you do absolutely nothing, he may just move on and never contact you again.
So what do you do?
I’ve found some of the best advice on this comes from relationship guru Michael Fiore. He teaches women how to make even the most commitment-phobic man want to stick around.
Check out this wonderful free video to see how to use science-based techniques to make him love you, so much so that he never wants to be apart from you again.
9) Because he’s got intimacy issues
Some men pump and dump because they have serious problems in their heart area. And I’m not talking about physical problems…
They’re scared of intimacy or use it as a weapon. Often they don’t even know what they do.
They just know they want love, but as soon as they feel the beginning of it they get extremely scared and run away.
Intimacy issues can really get to people and get in the way of their search for true love and intimacy.
If you’re dealing with a guy having these kinds of challenges, it’s difficult, but not impossible to move forward and still build a relationship.
10) Because he’d rather die than cuddle and pillow talk
Some men just really hate pillow talk and cuddling.
It’s not that sex with you grosses them out or anything else, it’s just that they become sort of temporarily avoidant after sex.
I’m not saying that’s a good thing, and apart from the chemical excuse it’s definitely questionable…
But it is what it is.
Maybe it’s partly cultural, maybe partly biological when cave men had to pack up their bedroll and run in case predators were approaching.
It’s not exactly romantic, that’s for sure.
And it takes some slow and steady work to turn this kind of man into a more patient and considerate lover.
11) Because he’s been burned by love in the past
Another of the reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy can be due to being burned by love in the past.
They enjoy the time with whoever they’re with. And they’re enjoying the talks, the sex and the activities together.
But there’s also another part of them screaming to get away before they get hurt.
They remember the last slippery slope where they trusted someone with their heart and got stabbed in the back or let down.
This could be fueling his instinct to withdraw as quickly as possible and avoid any sort of emotional entanglement with you.
12) Because he’s confused by his feelings for you
As I mentioned earlier, sometimes not being sure how he feels can be an excuse for a guy who just wants the thrill of the chase.
But in some cases it really is true.
How do you tell?
The thing about men is that even though they’re all different, they’re all the same in one way…
They all want to meet a woman who rocks their world and they all dread the thought of settling or ending up with someone they don’t really like that much.
I learned this from relationship expert Carlos Cavallo. He’s one of the world’s leading experts on relationship psychology and what men want from a relationship.
As Carlos explains in his free video, most men are unnecessarily complicated when they think about commitment.
According to Carlos, what men really want is to feel is that they’ve found the absolute best woman for them.
As if he has won the premiership of love.
Carlos Cavallo shows you exactly how to make him feel like he’s a winner in his new video.
You’ll learn several simple and genuine things you can do right now to stop him from being a player.
13) Because he’s not single
In some cases, guys distance themselves after intimacy because they shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place.
Although shame is not always a guarantee for a cheating man, it’s certainly a common reaction even for a veteran cheater.
He wants to get out fast before getting closer to you starts to make the guilt burn him up.
He also wants to keep it strictly sexual so that he won’t develop feelings and really have to address the relationship issues and personal issues driving him to cheat in the first place.
It’s sad, really.
14) Because he’s a sex addict and a player
Another one of the more disappointing reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy can be that they are a sex addict and player.
They wanted a tumble in the hay and a good time, but nothing else.
However, because they’re a player they may well have led you on or enticed you with suggestions of romance or a personal connection.
Then after sex they’re as cold as the north wind.
This is classic hot-cold player behavior.
The endless pursuit of one-night adventures can also easily become more of an addictive behavior than a mere lifestyle choice.
Frankly, it’s the behavior of an emotionally immature and psychologically injured person.
Being on the receiving end can make you feel pretty lousy.
15) Because he’s got sexual issues
Another of the possible reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that he may have sexual issues.
Erectile dysfunction can be very humiliating and cause a man to feel ashamed, as can general worries about his sexual prowess.
He may also be stressed wondering if he reached climax too soon or with too much delay.
Short of asking you these kinds of things in a serious relationship, many guys will opt for a cut and run approach.
He’ll act busy or get out fast to cover his own fear of being inadequate or wondering if his physical issues were apparent to you.
16) Because he worries he’s not good enough for you
Another of the reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy is that some men have quite low self-esteem.
If he feels insecure about his body, dating history or any other aspect of his life, intimacy may scare him.
He may feel it’s “too good to be true” and pull back instinctively.
It’s like a person who always loses in sports shooting ten baskets in a row. He’s starting to get scared about when his good luck streak will end and he wants to quit while he’s ahead.
This can be charming depending on your point of view.
After all, maybe you’ll be the one to bring him out of his shell.
But it can also become quite tiring and immature behavior if he takes the “aw shucks, little old me?” routine too far, for too long.
At the end of the day, his self-esteem is not your pet project and it’s something he ultimately has to address on his own.
Close the gap
The feeling of a guy withdrawing and detaching from you after intimacy is awkward and awful.
If you’re experiencing it, I empathize.
But I also want to offer a solution:
By now you should have a better idea of why guys distance themselves after intimacy and what to do about it.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.