Pearl Nash
My ex broke up with me two months ago. As of last week he’s been texting me quite a bit.
I just want to know why. I don’t have feelings for my ex anymore, I really don’t. So I also really wanted to find out if this is why he was reestablishing contact.
Here’s my best advice on what it means when an ex pops up again and starts texting you, despite him being the one who dumped you.
1) He still loves you
Guys regret dumping way more than they admit. After a few weeks alone, he’s prone to sit there wondering if he made a large error.
In my case, I believe our relationship had run its course. The spark wasn’t there anymore and we were going different directions in our lives.
The relationship had just burned out, that’s it. At least, that was it from my perspective.
However, if he still loves you, then obviously nothing is over for him.
This is high up on the possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you.
He still loves you and letting you go has made him realize it.
Relationship status: drama way on.
2) He feels guilty
Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore but he feels guilty.
In this situation, a lot of texts might seem kind of pointless and going in circles.
He’s asking how you are, he’s chatting but also joking. He’s all over the place. It’s basically him trying to wash away his guilt and make sure you forgive him.
What he wants from you here is to act normal and tell him you’re fine and to get on with his life.
This is basically fairly selfish: he’s asking you not only to be OK with getting dumped, but also to give him the all-clear on feeling bad about it.
I’m sorry, but feeling bad is just part of life, especially when you do something like dump someone.
It hurts to dump someone (not only to be dumped). That’s life. If he’s doing this for this reason, he’s kind of a selfish guy in my opinion.
We can’t always get full moral absolution and “no problem” replies for everything we do in life, that’s not how it works.
Feel free to give him the clear conscience buzz he wants, but don’t feel obligated to, either.
3) He’s just frisky
I don’t want to spoil ideas of romance and an ex texting you, but sometimes he’s just plain randy.
I mean horny, turned on, in a dry spell, looking for action, you know…insert any synonym you’d like here.
Guys’ minds aren’t always that hard to read, because a lot of the time it’s either sex or food that’s going through them.
Watch out for this one because it’s very common:
An ex who dumped you starts texting you a few weeks later wanting to reestablish contact. He seems to have some sort of feelings of regret and fondness for you. He wants to see you again.
Next thing you know it’s getting physical and you’re back being super confused about your relationship status.
Does this guy mean anything more than a one-night stand?
Is he trying to start something real with you again?
Does he really have feelings for you, or do you just come next on his contact list in alphabetical order after the last girl he texted for a booty call?
Then he keeps that confusion going in order to use you for sex, and you get your heart rebroken a few times.
I highly recommend you to avoid this type of situation if possible. It is damaging to your mental and emotional health.
4) Uncertainty about how he feels for you
There are many possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you.
This next one is a humdinger, because it doesn’t really clarify anything.
He may be texting you because he himself is legit confused about how he feels about you.
He doesn’t necessarily regret dumping you, but he might, you know?
This murkiness is really upsetting, especially if you still have feelings for your ex.
5) He’s trying to check if you’re OK
Relationships go wrong in so many ways. The fact that you were dumped doesn’t always mean your ex is a jerk, mine wasn’t a jerk. He just reached the end of his interest in me (and I was getting close, too).
It’s sad, but it’s not the first time it’s happened in this crazy world.
When the guy you were with is basically a mature and decent guy, he sometimes texts you after breaking up to check you’re OK and reestablish contact.
He won’t put conditions on this, ask to meet or demand anything of you. He’ll just check your basic physical safety and that you have friends or family around and aren’t totally alone and destroyed.
This is the kind of thing that a good man does. He may be broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean he can’t care about you.
6) Purely out of boredom
This isn’t glamorous, but addition possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you is pure boredom.
Especially during the pandemic this happened a lot. It happened to a friend of mine actually that her ex got back together with her. In their situation they’d had a mutual breakup.
But they started texting a lot during the pandemic and then realized they still had feelings for each other. More accurately, she still had feelings for him.
He was just bored.
It took four more months of dating and getting close for him to fade out again and then eventually admit he’d never been into getting back together in the first place.
He’d just literally been really bored and lonely.
People can be shitty, what can I say.
7) He regrets dumping you
For a look at possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you, this is definitely one of them.
He regrets dumping you.
He may be unsure if he loves you, where the relationship could go if it had another chance or anything else…
All he knows is he regrets letting you go and it’s eating him up inside.
While this article explores the main reasons your ex might be texting you after letting you go, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
Earlier I recommended spiritual advisors, and the perfect additional tool to those extraordinary people is a relationship coach.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like an ex who starts chatting you up again and acting like everything can go back to normal.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them about my situation and they shared extremely helpful, breakthrough insights that helped me know what to do.
Without their help I’d probably still be stewing in all the drama from my ex’s constant texting and confusing mixed messages to me.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
8) He’s having trouble meeting someone new
There are various possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you, and one of them is when he’s having trouble meeting someone new.
Therefore he reaches back out to you because he knows it’s easier to build on what you once had (or at least try) than to start completely fresh.
These days there are so many options out there, but it’s harder than ever to find a real connection.
Say what they will, most guys still want a real connection, even if it’s friendship with sex.
When he has trouble finding anyone he can even talk to or be interested in for real, he may start talking to you once again.
9) He wants more ‘closure’
When a guy feels like he didn’t get the closure he wanted from a relationship, he may reach back out to try to find it.
This is particularly common if he dumped you in a sudden emotional outburst or rough time.
Now he’s regathered his wits and he’s reaching back out to assess the damage.
He wants to know exactly what went down and how you feel about it.
He wonders more or less whether things are really over or whether this is just the “off” phase of an on-again, off-again situation.
At this point you more or less would have the option to decide, since he’s definitely showing an interest in you.
10) He was totally unprepared for being single
I’ve been in this position myself of being broken up and feeling really alone.
I did work on myself to become more self-sufficient and know how to resolve and accept those feelings of loneliness.
The thing is that many people haven’t ever really faced their fear of being alone or single, and when it hits them for an extended time period they begin to freak out.
This could definitely be among the possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you.
It could also be one of the reasons you feel like you have no real choice but to get back together with him.
You, too, may dread being alone for a long time or wonder what will happen if you never meet someone new…
When you’re dealing with a nosy ex who won’t leave you alone, you may start to think it’s easier just to give in.
Why not just give him another try?
If you still have feelings for him and are attracted, it’s easy enough to see if you can turn this texting into something more…
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught a much more effective way to find true love and intimacy.
Your ex boyfriend is likely making this exact mistake that many of us do, so be the one to evolve and take Rudá’s incredible advice.
Here’s a link to the free video once again.
11) He wants to be friends
As much as it may be a cliche, sometimes former partners really do just want to be friends.
There might not be any ulterior motive or anything unusual going on here. Perhaps he really is motivated by a desire to be in touch with you in a platonic way.
This doesn’t mean that everything is simple, though.
Just because he wants to be friends does that obligate you to want the same? Of course not…
So it’s a decision you must make about whether you feel comfortable letting this man who dumped you back in your life.
You must also consider whether vestigial romantic feelings make you able to honestly promise “just friends” without wanting anything more.
If you can honestly say you are OK with just friends and you accept him coming back to you in this way, then I say go for it.
If you have feelings for him, or aren’t ready to let him just switch the category of your relationship at his whim, tell him it’s better that you not be friends.
12) He’s rethinking the reason you broke up
Imagine this:
He’s sitting there a few weeks after breaking things off with you and he’s remembering what went down.
The words, the tears, the disappointment.
Maybe he’s been mulling over and replaying a few things you said that cut him to the core.
Now the reason you broke up is weighing on his mind and he wants to open up about it to you.
He’s reconsidering why he broke up with you and seeing it in a new way.
Basically, he wonders whether he was wrong.
13) He wants to know if you’re with someone new
He may be texting you as a “temperature check” as well, to see how you respond.
He can want to do this if he wants to know if you’re with someone new.
He may ask directly or just beat around the bush.
Either way, if he’s curious about whether you’re “moving on” and similar kinds of things, it usually means that he wants to know if you’ve already found someone new.
Just remember that you really have no duty to let him know what’s going on or not going on in your love life.
This is particularly true since he’s the one who let you go.
14) He’s trying to learn from his mistakes for his next relationship
This is among the possible reasons your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you that is most interesting.
He may want to mine you for information and insights so he can avoid some of the similar things that were tough in your relationship.
Getting back in touch with you can be his way of finding out what went wrong from your perspective.
Regardless whether he agrees, knowing how you see things can be a way for him to learn and grow as a person.
It’s really up to you how much of your time you give to him on this, but if you’re not too hurt it could be worth it in order to see what you learn as well.
15) He’s drunk
There’s an old saying that says in vino veritas.
It basically means that “in wine is truth.” It means people spill their guts when they get really drunk.
I think it can be true, but more often than not I’ve seen people make fools of themselves and exaggerate their negative and positive emotions while drunk.
My experience in myself and in observing others is that inebriation is more likely to lower inhibitions and make you reckless than to bring out some deep truth.
That said, make of it what you will.
Intoxication can be a big possible reason your ex is texting you when he was the one who broke up with you.
He may be trying to open his heart to you and say he still wants you, but at the same time he could just be feeling maudlin and happen to thumb over where some of your old messages are.
Don’t read too much into it too quickly.
