Why don’t girls like me? The top 9 reasons

“Why don’t girls like me?”

If you’re asking that very question right now, then read this article to the end. The answers will surprise you.

First of all, let me say that I know how you feel, and so do many other men. Most men will go through the “Why don’t girls like me?” phase at least once in their lives.

And that’s a good thing. With so many men asking the same question, there’s got to be some answers by now, right? And we do.

This article will lay out the top 9 possible reasons why girls don’t like you – and what you should do to become a more likable, well-rounded, attractive guy.

Let’s start by getting something VERY important out of the way first:

It’s usually not about you – It’s about her

Let’s be clear about this. When a girl doesn’t like you, most of the time it’s not about you. Instead, it’s about her. She has certain circumstances in her life that prevent her from developing any romantic feelings towards you.

Here are some of the most common circumstances you’ll encounter:

  • She’s happily taken, and she’ll not risk losing her man by dating you (or even flirting with you).
  • She’s busy. Whether it’s with her studies, or work, or her family, etc. – it’s simply not the right time for her to get into a relationship.
  • She just got off a bad relationship, and she needs time to heal – meaning getting into a “rebound relationship” isn’t the smartest thing for her to do.
  • You’re just not her type. Which, of course, isn’t personal, so don’t take it that way, okay?

When you meet a woman in a similar circumstance, here’s my advice: Just let her go. Thank her for her time anyway, and then move on with your life until you meet the next woman.

Yes, it can be THAT simple.

Now, that being said, sometimes it IS about you. Let’s see what happens when that’s the case…

What if it is about you?

Let’s say you met a pretty woman. She’s not taken, she’s not busy, and she’s even dating around – just last weekend, she went on a burger dinner with a guy she just met on the sidewalk that same morning.

So you have a conversation with her. Afterward, you add each other on social media and spend time chatting online. And then you ask her out on a date for the weekend.

Unfortunately, she says “No, thanks” – even if her weekend is completely open.

What happened? Why did she reject you? Why’d she go out with some dude she met on the sidewalk, but not with you?

Here’s the answer: It’s likely about something you’re doing or NOT doing. And that’s what we’ll figure out next.

The following are the top 9 possible reasons why girls don’t like you. Here’s what I advise you do:

  • Check yourself against each of the 9 possible reasons.
  • If the reason applies to you, then understand why it turns women off.
  • Then take note of how you can improve yourself in that area, turning yourself into a more likable, more attractive guy.

Got it?

Good. So let’s roll the tape.

Possible reason #1: You have too little self-esteem

Answer honestly: Do you hate yourself?

Do you believe you’re no good at anything in life?

If someone compliments you, do you feel uncomfortable – like you’re a fraud who’s about to be exposed?

If any of that sounds familiar to you, then it’s pretty clear – you have too little self-esteem.

And when women sense the lack of self-esteem in you, instead of feeling attracted, they’ll feel PITY. And that’s never good for romance.

You’ll need to build your self-esteem. Of course, that’s not easy to do when you’ve been HABITUALLY low in confidence.

That’s why I suggest you take two approaches:

  1. The first is the fast, short-term approach. Do things that make you feel more confident in a snap, like wearing a cologne that you like. It’ll fill you with confidence, and women will notice, as this 2009 study proved.
  2. The second is the longer-term approach, which is to understand that confidence comes from competence. If you’ve got things you’re not good at doing, improve them. And the things you ARE good at? Become an expert at them!

(Quick Note: Also, if you’ve been feeling worthless for a while, open this article in a new tab and read it after this one.)

Also, don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know certain things. Learn to say: “Honestly? I don’t know much about that. Tell me about it.”

And here’s a trick: When a woman compliments your new look, instead of saying “Thanks,” say: “You’re welcome,” preferably with a smug look. It’ll make her giggle, and it’ll make you even more attractive in her eyes.

Possible reason #2: You have too MUCH self-esteem

Now, of course, too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and being too smug can be a possible reason why women don’t like you.

So if you think: “Nah, self-esteem isn’t my problem,” maybe check yourself first:

  • Are you too arrogant?
  • Do people SAY you’re too arrogant?
  • Have people called you even more colorful names before?

If people have been hinting or outright telling you you’re stuck up, pay close attention. Your problem might be having too much of a good thing, and too much confidence easily slips to arrogance.

And, nope, women hate arrogant men. Eventually, at least.

Why? It’s all rooted in human nature – the first thing we want to be is safe. And when you cross the line to arrogance, women start seeing you as dangerous.

So what do you do if you suspect you have too much self-esteem?

I suggest you redirect all that assertive energy from people to projects. That is, instead of trying to one-up your fellow man, use your energy and sense of certainty to solve problems.

In other words – show, don’t tell. You want other people to see you as a badass not because of what you say, but by the problems they see you solve.

Possible reason #3: You’re too needy

Have you ever done any of the following before?

  • You had a woman in your life and you spent most (if not all) of your time and money on her
  • Whenever you had to make decisions in your relationship, big or small, you’d defer to her preferences (or you made her choose for you)
  • Whenever she needed anything, you dropped everything you were doing to accommodate her

If you answered “yes” to any of the above, then here’s my next question: Did she start treating you worse and worse as the relationship went along?

And did the relationship get so bad you decided to break up?

And have you been jaded and hurt ever since?

If any of that sounds familiar, then you’re not alone. It happens to a LOT of men.

And the problem is all the same: You were too needy. You desperately craved her attention and affection, and you were willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

It’s precisely what turned her off. Women dislike needy men – it’s one of the most unattractive traits you could ever have as a man.

When you’re a needy guy, any woman you’re dating will feel like you’re a puppy, a slave, or a child to be told what to do. She won’t feel in love with you – not even close.

So is neediness your problem?

If it is, then my advice is the same as in #1 and #2. You absolutely NEED to build confidence in your own abilities. You absolutely NEED to lead your own life.

Here’s the takeaway: If you can’t be happy as a single guy, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

(NOTE: Want to get rid of neediness for good? Read this today.)

Possible reason #4: You lead a half-assed life

Speaking of…

Do you know the deeper reason why women are turned off by needy men?

It’s all because of purpose – or, more specifically, the lack thereof.

Think of it this way. You need a mission in your life that’s BIG. And by “big,” I mean bigger than the pursuit of women, money, or notoriety.

Having a mission in life is the antidote to the poison of neediness.

  • For some men, their mission is to build businesses, create jobs, and build wealth.
  • For others, it’s to coach people through a kind of adversity that they themselves managed to live through.
  • Still, others spend their free time volunteering for a good cause, such as to feed the hungry, fund cancer research, or fight crime.

Needless to say, women love a man who relentlessly pursues a mission. They’re all too happy to come along for the ride as his sidekick.

Now, what happens if you DON’T have a mission in life, and you get into a relationship with a woman?

You’ll end up making HER your mission in life, that’s what.

And on the surface, she might like it. She might even SAY she appreciates how much importance you give to her happiness and fulfillment.

But deep inside, she’ll be wondering: “Why doesn’t this guy have a life?”

Read this carefully: Women don’t want a boyfriend or husband who’s “beneath” them. And when you make her your main reason for living, that’s exactly what she’ll see you as.

So how exactly do you find a mission in life?

If you don’t have one yet, then try this:

  1. Take a sheet of paper and fold it to make four quadrants.
  2. On the first quadrant, write down 5-10 things you like doing.
  3. On the second, write down 5-10 things you’re good at doing.
  4. On the third, 5-10 things you believe the world sorely needs.
  5. On the fourth, list the things that appear in at least two of the three other quadrants.

The things you list on the fourth quadrant are good options for your mission. Try them out and see which one gives your life the most meaning and direction.

When you find it, congratulations: You’ve found your mission. Now women will have a reason to like you.

(Quick note: While you’re at it, read about my 31 no-nonsense tips to finally get your life together.)

Possible reason #5: You’re unattractive

Now, let me be clear: I’m not talking about genetics.

There’s little to nothing we can do about the physical features we’re born with. It’s pretty much a dice roll at birth, so you shouldn’t waste any of your time stressing over it.

What I AM talking about are the areas of attractiveness you CAN control, such as fashion, grooming, and fitness. You can make yourself ten times more attractive OVERNIGHT if you make the right decisions in these areas.

And you should. Your physical appearance is the first thing women take note of when they’re looking for potential lovers.

So are you unattractive? Check yourself for the following signs:

  • You dislike dressing up in stylish clothes because they’re uncomfortable and it’s pretentious.
  • You dislike shaving, brushing your teeth, having regular haircuts, or taking showers.
  • You don’t work out – you don’t even lift.
  • You spend hours watching Netflix or playing video games

Now, if you’re thinking: “But women care more about a man’s personality than his looks!”

Sure, they might SAY that. But science says the opposite. And if I want to get better results with women, I’d go with the science.

So if you’re unattractive, where do you start?

I suggest you start with fashion and grooming. Again, you can make yourself look ten times more attractive overnight by simply upgrading your look.

At the same time, start working out. At the very least, start lifting.

Possible reason #6: You’re way too aggressive

Do women like sex? The answer is “yes.” There’s no doubt about it.

But do women SAY they like sex? The answer is “no.”

Here’s why this is a hugely important distinction to make. It’s not just society in general that frowns upon promiscuous women. As it turns out, other women also frown upon their more sexual peers.

Again, women love sex. There’s no denying it. They’d have as much of it as they could if they could get away with it.

However, women don’t want to LOOK like they love sex, simply because they want to avoid the “promiscuous” label. It’s too damaging to their reputation.

And in case you’re wondering why women would protect their reputation at all costs, here’s why. Women know that the best guys out there – the ones who rise to society’s higher tiers – tend to NOT marry women with tarnished reputations.

And so, to give themselves a shot at finding a good husband down the line, women will try to keep their reputations intact.

This is why it’s possible to be too aggressive. You like sex, and you know women like sex, too. And so you’re too forward with your intentions when you interact with women – and you might not even notice it.

Here are a few signs you’re too aggressive:

  • You casually drop hints about sex and it’s making women uncomfortable
  • You invite every woman you interact with to sex
  • You send unsolicited photos of your manhood

So are you too aggressive?

If you are, then you’re probably a bit too desperate for sex or companionship.

My advice: Slow down. Instead of meeting women with the goal of sleeping with them, meet them to just see what they’re like and if they’re worth your time. Genuinely build friendships with really nice women, and see where it goes from there.

And when the conversation does cross onto more sexual topics – as it naturally does when a man and a woman like each other – what should you do?

Feel free to admit that you like it and are open to it, but that you’re okay either way. This makes you the opposite of aggressive – which is MAGNETIC – and it makes women like you so much more.

(Quick tips: Want to know how women tell whether you truly respect her or not? They look for these 17 signs.)

Possible reason #7: You’re way too opinionated

Have you ever been warned to not talk about sex, religion, or politics in the workplace?

It’s sound advice for your relationships with women, too. But not in the way you might think.

Here’s why: Whenever you get too opinionated on any hot-button topic out there, it sends a clear message: That hot-button topic has control over you.

Now, that might be good or bad, depending on what exactly it is that sways your opinions. So to make sure your opinions don’t turn women off, here are a few guidelines to keep in mind:

  1. If you ARE controlled by a certain religious or political ideology, it had better be something she agrees with, too. Common ground will make your relationship stronger, not worse.
  2. But better yet, DO NOT let anything control you. For instance, you want the ability to see something controversial and divisive – like politics – as one big joke.

That sense of self-control and determination – free of any external influence – is much more attractive to women than any opinion.

So if you’re too opinionated about anything, you got two ways to make it work for you instead of against you. Just remember that there are many, much better things in life to focus your time and energy on.

Possible reason #8: You’re too weak and submissive

Think of the woman you really want.

She’s got to be a real person in your life – someone you’d do anything to be in a relationship with.

Got someone particular in mind right now?


Now, imagine if this woman told you: “If you loved me, you’d do this for me,” and she asks you to give up something you love in life.

Let’s say she asked you to give up your friends, or your hometown, or your hobbies, or your values.

What would you do?

If you complied with her request, then I have some bad news for you – you’ll lose her eventually.

That’s because you’re too submissive, and you’ve shown it. And no, women don’t like submissive men.

Make no mistake: You need enough of a spine to hold fast to your own beliefs and values. And when the woman of your dreams says you have to give them up to win her, tell her: “I respectfully disagree.”

Think about it for a moment. What if you had the confidence to tell a woman, “We won’t work out, but thanks anyway,” even if she’s the woman you’ve always wanted, that’s the pinnacle of inner strength.

And yes, it’s that inner strength that will make women like you.

Possible reason #9: You’re insufferable

Now, sometimes, it IS about you. Some men have the habit of making every conversation awkward, inappropriate, or confrontational.

And if people have said any of that about you, then it means you’re insufferable.

Need I say why that makes women NOT like you?

Remember: When a woman dates you one-on-one, it means she’s at least considering what you’d be like as her lifelong partner.

“Would he be good for me or bad for me?” she’d ask herself.

And if her answer is anything less than “Absolutely YES,” then she won’t date you for very long.

She’ll eventually decide that the perks of dating you do not outweigh the stress you bring into her life.

So if you’re insufferable (or even if you think you might be), what should you do?

It’s important to know what women DO want in a man. And pardon the spoiler, but you’ll soon realize women are attracted to two male traits most of all:

  1. Attractiveness (You absolutely need to look like a strong guy who can handle himself)
  2. Affection (You need to make her feel safe and secure instead of uncertain and insecure)

And yes – these are among the many, many attractive traits you can learn.

(On a side note, here’s an inside look at what women go through when trying to find a “good man.”)

The bottom line

The challenge is that some of your dislikable traits can be removed overnight, while many others need a longer, more sustained approach. It’s like a lifestyle change – you’re turning yourself from a boor no one likes to a truly attractive, magnetic man.

The good news? There’s no problem you can’t solve. And this guide has given you tip after tip on how to make girls like you more.

So get started. You’ll be surprised with how quickly things turn around when women start seeing you as an attractive, confident, strong man with a mission in life.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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