Paul Brian
Does your boyfriend ignore you pretty much all the time?
It’s maddening and confusing, and no woman deserves to be going through this.
That’s why I’ve put together this comprehensive guide about what’s going on and why.
Why does my boyfriend ignore me? 24 reasons
1) He needs more space
Every one of us needs space now and then. This is especially true of men who are more introverted and sensitive.
No matter how much he loves you, there can be times that he just wants space.
Practically speaking, this could look like a few days hanging out alone, with other friends, gaming or just keeping a low profile.
It doesn’t mean you have to have no contact, but do your best to pay attention to your boyfriend’s ebb and flow of energy.
There will be days when he just wants to zone out solo.
2) He finds you overly needy
Another of the top reasons why your boyfriend may be ignoring you is that he could find you too needy.
What does this even mean?
Generally, it means that he finds you depend on him too much for validation and assurance.
He wants a relationship where you love each other but don’t rely on each other to be propped up.
For whatever reason, including a distorted point of view, he finds that your relationship has become too much about him supporting you.
True or untrue, this impression can be a top reason why a guy shuts down in a relationship and stops paying any attention to his girlfriend.
3) He’s going through something you don’t understand
Another common reason for a guy to ignore his girlfriend is that he feels misunderstood.
Fair or unfair, he’s shutting down because he feels alone. He doesn’t want to open up to you, and the more you try the more he closes down.
It can be at times like these that you can really use the insights of a relationship expert.
Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main reasons guys don’t pay attention to their girlfriend, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your specific situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to know exactly why your boyfriend is ignoring you, without making him feel pressured or uncomfortable.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track and doing better than ever.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) He feels scared by the idea of commitment
Commitment is a big deal for many guys, particularly in this world of dating apps and seemingly endless choice.
Depending on his age and maturity level, and also depending on how serious he is about you, he may simply be freaking out about the relationship getting serious.
The more you progress as a couple, the higher the emotional and other consequences of him bailing out.
This is something which men are keenly aware of.
And for guys with a certain emotional typology and history, it can cause them to really go into stone cold silent mode.
They don’t know how to address this inner panic, so they just bite the bullet and try to squeeze their eyes shut until the difficult feelings go away.
As you can imagine, this doesn’t tend to work very well at all.
5) He’s not a very communicative person
Not all of us are equally sociable, and sometimes you may be dating a guy who simply doesn’t know how to communicate very well.
This may sound like a convenient excuse, but there’s an easy way to tell if there’s anything to it.
Consider how he was when you first met and in the first couple of months of dating.
Did he talk more or was he still a fairly reserved and non-attentive guy?
If he’s changed a lot, then this problem likely goes deeper.
If you think back and realize he was always kind of withdrawn, keep in mind that him mostly ignoring you could be the way he operates and an inner insecurity rather than a problem he has with you or the relationship.
6) He’s really preoccupied about work
If your boyfriend is a hardworking guy, he may be ignoring you because he’s 100% focused on work.
One of the downsides of a hardworking man is that he can become extremely single-minded.
It doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you or wants to break up, sometimes it really is that he’s not paying attention to you because he’s paying attention to work.
Clues of this are if he nods and smiles but doesn’t listen while you’re talking and he’s focused on work.
Or if he sends generic texts while at work or says throwaway replaceable lines when you try to ask him anything and he’s in work mode, it’s a clear sign that this is what’s going on.
7) He’s trying to avoid having a fight with you
Another common reason why a guy ignores his girlfriend is to try to avoid conflict.
The irony is that it usually makes conflict much more likely once you get around to saying, “um, why are you ignoring me?”
Then he claims he’s not, you say to give you a break and…we’re off to the races.
In any case, some men have grown up with an avoidant response to romance and especially to the harder side of it.
I’ll discuss that in the next item, but the main point here is:
He may be ignoring you so that you don’t notice how angry he is at you and he hopefully sidesteps a tense period and gets his own emotions under control.
Sometimes if you’re preoccupied and don’t really notice he can get away with it, although usually as I said, you will notice this and call him out on it.
8) He’s an avoidant type in relationships
One of the dominant theories in relationship psychology centers around the concept of those who are avoidant or anxious in relationships, as well as those who tend to be secure or a mix of anxious-avoidant.
An avoidant person in a relationship will tend to pull away when they are feeling too close to someone for their comfort, while the anxious partner will seek out more validation and intimacy when they feel it being withdrawn.
The result is, generally, hurtful chaos and miscommunication.
As relationship expert Sonya Schwartz explains:
“Relationships can be a huge deal to some people, especially when they become more serious.
It’s essential to be understanding of his feelings and take it slow if you need to.”
9) He’s cheating on you
Let’s face it:
Sometimes your worst nightmares are true.
One of the reasons some guys ignore their girlfriend is when they’re cheating on her.
They feel guilty, plus their attraction is at a major low due to the conversation, intimacy and sex they’re getting elsewhere.
In order to determine if this is going on you will have to look around for more clues that he could be cheating on you.
But if you find yourself thinking that this is probably what’s going on, don’t jump to any conclusions.
It certainly could be true, but don’t assume the worst right away.
10) He’s trying to slow-ghost you
Slow-ghosting is brutal.
If you’ve been ghosted then you know how bad it is:
It’s when a guy breaks up with you without saying it by just stopping being in touch with you in person, by text or in any other way.
Slow-ghosting is just a drawn out version of this where he pretends not to be ghosting you as he slowly ratchets down contact over weeks or months.
“What, me? Ghost you? Imagine that!”
Then his messages get spaced out. He talks about “maybe” getting together soon, he ignores you and before you know it you’re no longer a couple.
11) He’s become a couch potato
Your guy may be a real rock, and if so that’s awesome.
But far too many guys who ignore their girlfriends seem to just have zero interest in life anymore.
Does it sometimes feel like your guy has an on/off switch and somebody flicked it permanently into the “off” position?
You’re not alone…
So if you’re looking for signs about why he’s ignoring you, pay attention to his level of apathy.
Does he ever offer to help out?
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you and that getting off the couch will actually make his life a lot better!
Click here to watch the free video.
12) He’s feeling jealous and doesn’t want to admit it
Several female friends of me say that they like when a guy is a little bit jealous of them showing attention to other men.
After all, it means he cares about them and who they like!
But you know what none of my female friends like? A guy who’s genuinely and possessively jealous and tracks and accuses them of things.
Smart men know that. If your boyfriend is smart then he knows that showing he’s jealous of you will turn you off and disgust you.
So if he is feeling the green monster pop up and knows it’s uncalled for, one of the common reactions is to just clamp his mouth shut.
He’s afraid that if he looks at you or opens his mouth he’ll become a blubbering mess of incoherent jealousy.
13) He believes he doesn’t deserve you and is afraid of being ‘found out’
There’s a common trait that low self-esteem men have: they feel unworthy of love.
Or at least unworthy of the love of a high-quality beautiful woman.
There are many reasons why a man might feel this way, often stretching back to early childhood abandonment issues.
Regardless of the reason he feels unworthy, the result is often that he ignores you as if doing so will “disguise” his lack of worth.
He hopes that he’ll seem “chill” and you’ll think he’s more confident than he is.
Maybe if he acts like Ryan Gosling in the film “Drive” you’ll think he’s the strong silent type instead of seeing that he’s a heaving mess of trauma and insecurity under the calm exterior.
14) He’s extremely exhausted
This ties into the point about your guy being focused on work, but in a different sense.
It might not be that he’s focused on work so much as that he’s tired off his feet from work.
There are some pretty intense jobs out there, both white and blue collar.
Whatever he does to earn his daily bread, it could be wearing down his bones and making him not even notice you when he walks in the door or takes your call.
“Sure, uh huh, yeah. OK, hum, sure.”
If that’s the extent of your conversations and you don’t know why, it could be that he’s just getting ground to the ground by work.
15) He’s mainly just bored with you
This reason why a guy ignores his girlfriend is going to offend a lot of people, but it’s true.
One of the top reasons a guy shuts off around his girl is that she’s started to really bore him.
He doesn’t want to come out and say it, but he no longer finds you physically or intellectually interesting.
If this is the case, then he should be telling you his feelings have changed.
And you’re absolutely in the right for feeling pissed off that he could be not into you anymore and hiding it.
But some guys are very passive aggressive and simply shut off instead of admitting they no longer are into you.
16) He feels useless around you
Your boyfriend may still love you and want to be with you but just feel unsure about how he fits into your life and whether you still need him around.
This can sometimes require you to give him a bit of a “nudge” to show him that he is indeed still a much-valued and much-needed part of your life.
As I talked about earlier, men’s desire to commit is closely linked to an evolutionary drive which relationship psychologist James Bauer calls the hero instinct.
When a man is truly in it for the long haul, he’s not scared off by a little drama.
He loves you for who you are, and wants to do everything he can to help you out.
Your side of the equation is to show him that not only is his help, advice and solidarity appreciated, it’s actively needed.
Because here’s the thing:
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to get a strong urge to commit and stop taking you for granted or ignoring you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
17) He’s got mental or emotional issues he didn’t tell you about
Mental or emotional problems can take a huge toll.
In a relationship that’s doubly true, because they not only affect the person going through them but also his or her partner.
If your boyfriend is having serious problems internally and wants to hide them, it can sometimes result in him more or less ignoring you.
He is trying to deal with awful anxiety, depression or other issues but doesn’t want to let you know.
Sadly, there is still quite a stigma among men and mental illness and he may feel that you will leave him if he acknowledges having a “weakness” regarding his own personal wellbeing.
18) He finds your looks are going downhill but doesn’t want to say
This next item is brutal, but it needs to be said.
Some guys who prefer to avoid conflict will ignore their girlfriend when they don’t find her physically attractive anymore but are afraid to say so.
This may be shallow and disgusting, and may even prove that he never “really” loved you.
But it can definitely happen.
And the sad thing is that the more you ask if that’s what’s going on, the more likely he is to deny it and feel even more defensive and shut down.
This is exactly the type of situation where I’d recommend the relationship coaches at Relationship Hero that I mentioned earlier.
19) He’s regretting dating you but is scared to break up
Another one of the common reasons why a man starts ignoring his girlfriend is that he is too scared to break up.
I passed over this earlier, but it’s important to highlight just how common it is:
When his attraction for you is dead but he won’t admit it, a guy will sometimes just stonewall you.
He’ll grunt and say the required things, but he’s no longer “present.”
This is him being emotionally absent and basically waiting until the relationship is over.
To put it more bluntly: he’s taking the coward’s way out and waiting for you to get so tired of his behavior that you break up with him.
That way he can dodge responsibility for breaking your heart.
20) He’s not feeling it in the bedroom
In addition to feeling your looks are going downhill and he’s not into you anymore, a guy may ignore you when he’s not enjoying the sex anymore.
Sexual chemistry is an odd beast, and it’s quite hard to predict.
It can sometimes start out sizzling hot and become a damp smoldering pile of leaves.
Other times it can start out slow and become a roaring bonfire with time and attention.
If he’s finding that the first option is what’s happened from his point of view, it could be part of the reason he’s ignoring you.
He hopes that he can avoid conflict over his flagging desires if he just…ignores you.
21) He feels a lack of conversational connection
It could be that your boyfriend still has feelings for you and finds you very physically enticing, but he’s more or less bored to death by talking to you.
If this is what’s happening, you may find that your sex life and affection continues as normal, but he basically ignores what you say.
This can happen when a couple has been together for a long time or finishes their honeymoon period and loses some interest conversationally.
You may even find you’re getting a little bored with his conversation patterns and topics as well.
22) He thinks an uncommunicative guy is attractive
There are some pickup artists out there and schools of thought which tell guys that the less you say the hotter you are.
It may be hard for some women to believe, but there’s a whole generation of guys who have absorbed the idea that women like jerks, or at least guys who don’t display their hand.
While it’s true that a typical “nice guy” who is over-eager and an open book isn’t really most gals’ dream guy, a closed book who scowls into the distance also has limited appeal.
And if he’s buying into that idea of an attractive man you have to question exactly what his maturity level is as well.
23) He’s testing you
One of the ways guys will test their girlfriend is by seeing what you do when they ignore you.
This can be something of a power trip, or it can also be a way for him to see if you become over clingy or desperate when he withdraws attention.
Needless to say, this is a fairly immature and gimmicky thing for a guy to do for this reason.
If he’s testing you to see how much you like him, maybe you like him more than you should.
24) He’s angry at you
Some guys go silent when they’re mad. Other ones start venting and get very vocal.
If your boyfriend is in the first category, then it could be why he’s now ignoring you.
He feels so upset with you that he doesn’t even want to talk or look at you.
This is different than him wanting to avoid conflict: it’s more like his form of conflict, specifically dousing you in the silent treatment and watching you squirm.
“If your boyfriend is ignoring you after a fight, then you can pretty safely assume that it has something to do with your argument.
It could be that he doesn’t want to jump into all of the negativity again and think about your problems.”
Is the relationship over?
If your boyfriend is ignoring you a lot then you are faced with a simple and difficult dilemma:
Is the relationship over?
Or is there a way to breathe new life into it?
By now you should have a better idea of some of the potential reasons your boyfriend seems to have stopped caring about you.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
