14 reasons your boyfriend hates you (+ the solution)

Somehow, your boyfriend went from loving you to outright hating you.

And it’s driving you nuts because you’re sure he’ll want to break up with you any moment now.

Calm down—it might not be as bad as you think it is. This happens a lot in relationships and it can be fixed so long as you’re still together.

But first, you need to understand why it’s happening.

Here are some of the possible reasons why your BF hates you and what you can do about it.

1) He’s going through a personal crisis

Before you go crazy wondering what’s wrong with you, you first have to look at him and ask the same question—is there something wrong with HIM?

Is he going through major life changes like parents divorcing, getting demoted at work, or having a fight with best friends?

Heck, maybe the problem is actually something that isn’t always visible, like depression.

In that case, it’s not you, it’s really just him.

Some people—especially men—can’t exactly deal with anger and depression gracefully and instead, take it out on the people closest to them.

It’s less that they actually “hate” their partners. They simply have a burden they’re struggling with, and they don’t know how to deal with it.

What to do:

  • Help him address his problems.
  • Don’t take things personally—focus on how you can be able to support your boyfriend in times of crisis.
  • Trust that this will just pass.

2) He wants you to pull your own weight

Relationships are not just about romance—it requires teamwork. And so, you BOTH have to offer something to the table, and you BOTH have to share your burden.

Have you discussed your expectations and limitations in the relationship?

Have you set your roles like who should do the dishes, the cooking, the dog walking, and all that? And what about finances?

If your boyfriend expects you to share 50-50 of everything, and yet you only put in 10%, then it’s inevitable that, as much as he loves you, he’ll end up resenting you.

What to do:

  • Ask yourself why you’re not contributing enough.
  • Have a sit-down talk with him and be very clear of each other’s expectations.
  • If you’re still not capable of doing your share in one thing (say, you’re currently in between jobs), then “pay” for it in other ways.
  • Assure him that you’ll try your best to contribute more.

3) You’ve committed a major offense

If you cheated on him—whether it’s full-blown infidelity or you texting your ex “I miss you”—then it stands to reason that he WILL resent you over it.

Or perhaps you snooped around his social media or threw away a keepsake his mother gave him.

Sure, he may have said that he’s already forgiven you, but don’t underestimate the damage that major offenses like these can do.

As hard as he might try to forget everything, a part of him will always be on edge.

And if he’s the type who can’t just let go easily, he will always have conflicting feelings for you. One minute he’s so in love with you…but then when he remembers what you’ve done, he can’t help but hate you.

What to do:

  • Don’t just forget about it, keep saying you’re sorry if necessary.
  • Ask him specific ways on how you can prove to him that he can trust you again.
  • Be patient. Give him enough time to process things.

Of all the things mentioned in this article, this is likely the most challenging one you’ll have to deal with. Trust is hard to earn, easy to break, and almost impossible to mend once it’s broken.

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. You simply need help from someone who actually knows how to fix relationships.

That’s the reason why I recommend Relationship Hero, a site where you can get in touch with relationship experts.

They’ve helped countless individuals and couples navigate the hardest challenges of their relationships.And yes, that includes winning back someone’s trust after it’s been crushed into dust.

If you want to mend your relationship the right way, then click here to get started.

4) His resentment over “small things” has piled up

It’s easy to see your partner as perfect when the relationship is still new. In fact, you’ve likely overlooked their not-so-pleasant traits and even found them cute.

But once that honeymoon phase is over, the mask begins to drop and you’ll start to see your partner for who they are. Things that you once found cute you might just begin to find irritating.

And this might be what’s happening to your boyfriend.

Maybe he’s getting more and more impatient that you’re always late, that you aren’t organized, or that you always forget to throw the trash.

These little things, when experienced daily, can erode any relationship…and this is one reason couples start to hate each other.

What to do:

  • Try to understand what’s truly bothering him and make the necessary changes.
  • Don’t be together 24/7. Sometimes, these irritations are just because of constant togetherness. You need to take a break from each other from time to time.
  • Discuss how you make them feel and ask for more patience while you both try to work on your differences.
  • Change the things you can change, but let him accept the ones you can’t change.

5) He feels that you’re a bit too needy

He’s trying his best to be a good BF, but somehow, you don’t feel like he’s doing enough so you act all clingy and needy around him.

While this might have been cute at first, it got to the point where he’s sick and tired of it.

And if he’s preoccupied with so many things right now—like a demanding career, a family emergency, or an illness—then it’s understandable that he has to deprioritize the relationship for a while.

These things can be overwhelming and if you give him more stress by being needy, it’s all but inevitable that he’ll hate you for it.

There are simply people who don’t always have the energy to spare, even for their loved ones. Maybe your BF is one of them.

What to do:

  • Go out and meet friends, join new clubs and organizations.
  • Understand that you can’t rely all your happiness on one person.
  • Try to understand his social boundaries and respect them.

6) He expects way too much from you

Like anyone in love, he was wearing rose-colored glasses at the start of your relationship.

Maybe he sees you as his “savior” or that he’s in love with your potential instead of the real you. And therefore, he expects a lot from you.

It’s even possible that YOU planted these seeds of expectations from him by promising him sweet nothings.

And so if this is your boyfriend, then he’s probably experiencing some sort of “buyer’s remorse”. He’s probably thinking “Wait, this isn’t what I wanted. I was promised more!”

This could be the reason why he hates you—he’s frequently disappointed by you because he expects you to be the best girlfriend.

What to do:

  • Manage his expectations and tell him repeatedly that you’re human, and you don’t just exist to please him.
  • Both of you should learn long-term relationship skills.
  • Recall what you’ve promised him, and try to do them if you can.

7) He’s just naturally “hate-y”

Take a hard look at your boyfriend.

Does he have more friends than enemies?

Does he always complain about people—that they’re all awful and he’s always the victim?

There’s a chance that he’s just wired this way, and poor you to take it all in. Maybe he was “behaving well” and not showing these signs at the beginning of the relationship because he’s still in love.

But, of course, people are who they… are and our real personalities show once the romance has toned down.

What to do:

  • If he just “hates” you for minor things, and he has many good qualities, be more patient. There’s still hope.
  • Suggest that he goes to therapy.
  • Be the one who loves more, but you shouldn’t forget yourself. Set boundaries and protect yourself from verbal abuse.

8) He’s in love with someone else

There are no two ways about it—there’s always the chance that he’s simply fallen in love with someone else.

He doesn’t even have to cheat on you. The heart feels what it feels, and sometimes it just decides to fall in love.

It’s not even that he’s fallen out of love with you either. It might be that the reason he’s being so antagonistic is because he feels guilty about loving you and someone else at the same time.

But of course, it’s also possible that he will have actually fallen out of love with you, in which case you’re no longer his beloved partner but someone who’s in the way of his true happiness.

What to do:

  • Be vigilant, but don’t jump to conclusions.
  • If you think your partner still has feelings for you, try to see if you can win them back.

Dealing with a partner who has fallen out of love is difficult.

Sometimes you have no choice but to let go of them. Making them stay when they simply don’t want to is only prolonging your mutual misery.

But most of the time, your boyfriend actually still loves you. You just have to be the bigger person.

It’s a tricky situation to deal with, that’s why, again, I suggest consulting Relationship Hero for help. Their relationship coaches offer psychology-back techniques to help you figure out the best way forward for both of you.

9) He constantly feels disrespected

Be honest—are you difficult to be with? By that I mean, do you always complain, see negativity everywhere, and get snappy? Worse, do you belittle and ridicule him?

If you’re guilty of doing disrespectful things towards your BF, then you shouldn’t be surprised that he hates you.

It’s just become obvious now but his resentment has probably been growing for a very long time.

What to do:

  • Acknowledge how he feels.
  • Ask for forgiveness and ask for more patience as you try to improve yourself.
  • Read self-development books.
  • If you want real change, you have to go to therapy.

10) He constantly feels unloved

When someone feels unloved for a very long time, it’s only natural that they grow to hate their partners.

Your partner might feel this way because you haven’t made love for a long time, or because you’re always busy, or because you’ve stopped doing sweet things to him (even if he’s ALWAYS doing sweet things to you).

Most men are afraid to admit this because it sounds too whine-y.

And so, they’ll just let things be, hoping that their resentment would just go away. But of course, it never does…and in fact, it becomes stronger each day that before they know it, they start hating their partner.

What to do:

  • Have an honest conversation with them.
  • Shower them with affection again, even if it feels a little forced at first.
  • Ask for specific things you can do to make them happier—and do them!

11) You make him feel “less of a man”

I know, I know. It shouldn’t be that way because it’s 2023, for chrissakes.

But some men are conditioned to believe that they should be NEEDED by women—that their woman sees them as their savior, provider, and protector.

Maybe, just maybe, your boyfriend is one of them (even if he seems progressive on the outside).

Let’s see…did you ever notice his mood changes when you talk about your salary (if it’s much bigger than his)? Or if you declined his offer to help in any way, does he see it as an attack?

Maybe he has this complex and if you’re slowly becoming an independent woman, then he can’t help but hate you a little ( or a lot!).

What to do:

  • He must be sensitive. Try to stay away from topics that make him feel insecure.
  • Remind him that your success is his success, too.
  • Celebrate his wins—big or small.

12) You keep repeating the same mistakes

If you lost your credit card for the nth time and so you borrow money from him once again, naturally he’d be bummed.

Let’s be real—it can be quite annoying.

And if you do this to 10, 20, 30 more things AND you expect him to always understand you, yeah well…he’d start to resent you. And you know we can’t blame him, right?

What to do:

  • Learn to follow through
  • Try your best to change your habits
  • At the very least, acknowledge your mistakes when you make them and try to keep the situation lighter.
  • If he gets annoyed at you, and it’s obviously your fault, then don’t deny it—say sorry!

13) He actually hates himself—and not you!

So once again, consider that it’s actually not you, but him.

This might seem quite awful—and that’s because it is—but many men actually get into relationships not because they love someone, but because they want to prove that they’re good enough to get a girl.

More than anything, he sees you (and your relationship) as a reflection of his worth.

And so if there’s a slight sign that you’re not being loving, or that you’re not “proud” of him, or you reject him in any way—especially in front of others!—he’ll hate you 20x more than he hates his enemies.

This doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t actually love you. It does mean that his insecurities and inner turmoil has taken charge in the relationship.

What to do:

  • There’s nothing much you can do except request him to go to a therapist. You can try to “tone down” your achievements or praise his every move, but insecurity is something that has to be processed.
  • If you think this person is worth it, then be patient for now and be the bigger person.

14) He thinks that YOU hate him

Most of the time, we see couples fighting and when asked why, they BOTH say it’s because their partner hates them.

It’s to be expected. Usually, we give back what we think we’re being given.

He might have said something that made you go ballistic on him, for example, and he’s been acting all angry ever since. But confront him about it, and it turns out he’s that way because he thinks YOU hate him.

Quarrels are normal in any relationship. The problem is when one interprets that their partner HATES them when in fact, they’re just frustrated, or annoyed, or angry.

And when one thinks their partner actually does hate them, bam! They throw back real hate…until it escalates like wildfire.

What to do:

  • Separate frustrations from actual HATE—they’re totally different things.
  • Talk, talk, and talk some more. This can clear miscommunication especially when it comes to body language.
  • Most of the time, the best cure for hate is love. Maybe all they need to know is that you still love them (and don’t actually hate them)—so go say it.

Final thoughts

It pains me that you’re reading this article.

Real HATE is not normal in relationships, and it could damage you if you stay much longer than what you can handle.

However, leaving isn’t the solution if you truly love the person. You really shouldn’t. Well, at least not without a good fight.

So do try to rescue your precious love. My advice is to go straight to a Relationship Coach for guidance instead of doing random DIY solutions.

Here’s some good news for you: Hate means they still love you.

But don’t wait til they reach indifference! Fix whatever needs to be fixed now.

And hey, if things just won’t work out, don’t force it too much. At least you can then find someone who won’t hate you for being you.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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