Have you ever gotten a random text months after last hearing from a guy?
It’s funny, sometimes it pops in at 3am and you can already guess what he wants.
But then again, that text sometimes comes at 2pm on a Tuesday, and you might be wondering why the hell is he texting me right now?
Here are the top 15 reasons:
15 reasons a guy texts you out of nowhere
1) He wants an update on your life
One of the most likely reasons a guy will text you after being MIA for months is that he simply wants to know what you’re up to.
There is only so much you can find out over social media and lots of men reach out to find out more about your life.
This is especially true if the two of you were together for a while before stopping to talk.
He once cared deeply for you, and even though the two of you aren’t together anymore, those feelings don’t just disappear.
Are you seeing someone else? Do you regret breaking up? Have you moved on?
The answers to all these questions are hard to get out of your Instagram feed, so they might just hit you up with a “Hey, what’s up?” to get the conversation going and find out more further down the line!
2) It’s a booty call
More often than not, a random text out of the blue is an indicator he is just horny and looking for sex.
You have probably heard about the famous 1am “you up?” text. If his text is similar to this, there is a good chance that it’s nothing but a booty call.
The reason guys revert back to ex-girlfriends or people they used to date, is that it’s just easier.
Calling up an ex means that you don’t have to get to know each other first, and usually, they already know the sex will be good.
In most cases, you will be able to identify this type of text, because it often gets straight to the point, and there is not too much “What have you been up to?” involved.
3) He misses you
Men often take a bit of time to realize what they have lost.
That’s why sometimes, a random text after weeks or months of no contact could be an indicator that he finally entered the grieving stage and misses you.
This depends on the relationship and break-up you had, of course, but it is not rare that two people care deeply for each other but realize that they just aren’t compatible in a relationship.
If that is the case, it is very normal to still miss that person and feel an urge to be in contact with them.
Having a relationship with someone impacts a big part of your life, and that is not easily erased.
Even after some time has passed, the lack of your presence might still be very apparent to him.
It’s hard to say what his exact intention is with texting you, and sometimes men don’t even know themselves, they just missed you and didn’t think twice before hitting send.
4) To keep you close
This one can stem from a variety of different intentions.
Maybe he told you things that he is afraid of getting shared with the world, so he is intentionally trying to stay on your good side and be friends.
Or he just simply wants you in his life and wants to get regular updates on where you’re at.
Another reason he might try to keep you close is that he doesn’t want to let go of you, but he also isn’t sure how you fit into his life at the moment.
5) He wants to be friends with benefits
If a man texts you months after the two of you ended things, there is a good chance that he is single, misses the amazing sex the two of you had and thought that being friends with benefits would be the best of both worlds.
He went MIA for months to sever the emotional connection the two of you shared, and now he believes it is a good time to reconcile and see each other again, no strings attached.
A word of caution with this one. Of course, the decision is entirely up to you, but after having been in love once already, it is incredibly hard not to catch feelings again when seeing each other intimately.
Old emotions might surface, and depending on the break-up the two of you had, you may get hurt again.
Being friends with benefits with someone without catching feelings is hard enough as it is, even harder when you once shared a deep emotional connection already.
Before deciding, get very clear on your own intentions.
Is there a tiny part of you that hopes the sex will spark feelings in him again and bring the two of you together?
If that’s the case, then do yourself a favor and decline. The chance of you getting hurt is exponentially higher than the joy you might get out of this.
6) He feels guilty
How was your break-up? A reason a guy might reach out to you out of the blue might be that he feels guilty.
Maybe things didn’t end very well between you two, and he doesn’t want you to resent him forever for the way things played out.
Believe it or not, sometimes guys do get over their pride eventually and start feeling guilty for how they treated you.
If that is the reason your ex texted you, you probably already know because he apologized.
This can be a really good thing, as you can talk about everything and get the closure you might have missed the first time around.
It’s hard to say whether or not his intentions are purely to apologize or if he has ulterior motives, but whatever the case, don’t read too much into it at first and just appreciate the apology!
7) He was reminded of you
If the two of you were in a relationship for a while, your lives got a bit enmeshed, which is totally normal.
You did lots of stuff together and these memories don’t just vanish into thin air.
This could be walking by the bakery you always got Sunday morning breakfast at or accidentally buying the tea only you love to drink.
Whatever it was, it sparked a vivid memory of you, and he wanted to check-in.
These memories often cause some feelings to come back up, which could also mean that he is reconsidering the break-up.
To find out whether that’s the case, you will have to see how things play out. He might have had no other intention of texting you other than to catch up.
8) You’re the rebound
Has the guy that’s texting you been with someone else after the two of you were a thing?
Sorry to break it to you, but in that case, a random text could mean that you are now the rebound. Maybe his relationship didn’t work, and now that he’s single, he wants you back.
Depending on how recent that break-up was, his feelings, though perhaps not consciously, might not be genuine.
He doesn’t want to feel the pain of the break-up, so he’s trying to move on as quickly as possible.
And what’s quicker and easier than someone who already had feelings for you once?
In this situation, know that you don’t owe him a thing.
If you are the rebound, you have to decide your own worth and whether you’re willing to fill in the gap of someone else just for the sake of it.
Of course, there is a possibility that the failed relationship actually showed him what he has lost, and he genuinely wants to make things work.
This is a decision only you can make, as you know him and yourself better than anyone.
9) He wants to reconcile
Going hand in hand with the point above, there is a chance that he wants to reconcile and get back together with you.
Whether he was in another relationship in the meantime or not, it happens every once in a while that a guy actually wants to make things work.
Keyword: work. If this is the case, keep in mind that there was a reason the two of you ended things in the first place.
And, not to be a party-pooper, but simply missing each other is not gonna make a new relationship magically work out.
In order to make a failed relationship work again, something needs to change. And that means working hard on the issues that brought your last relationship to a downfall.
Has he shown signs of doing the work?
If so, and, given that you have a genuine desire to try again, nothing speaks against giving it another shot.
It takes effort, dedication, and commitment, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.
10) He feels insecure and wants attention
Just like us, guys also get phases of feeling insecure. When that happens, sometimes they revert back to getting attention from an ex.
Nothing puts a band-aid on insecurity faster than getting attention from someone they like.
As twisted as that sounds, as he’s literally using you for his own comfort, sometimes these things happen subconsciously.
He feels down but isn’t very connected to his emotions, and something in him just has the urge to hit you up.
Seeing you reply even after months of not speaking can give him the needed boost of confidence to feel good about himself again.
This one is tricky to identify, as it can be masked as an innocent “Hey, how have you been?” text.
No matter if that is his reason for texting you or not, the best thing to do is listen to your gut.
Do you genuinely want to talk to him and catch up, or are you relatively indifferent to what’s going on in his life?
Do what’s best for you, and don’t worry too much about his ulterior motives.
11) He is bored
This one is sticky. As much as we hate to hear it, oftentimes when a guy texts us out of the blue, he might just be bored.
Before diving into this paragraph, I want to mention that not all guys are the same. BUT women tend to put a bit more thought into who they are texting and when.
So, while you wouldn’t really text him out of fear to give off the wrong impression, he might have just been bored, thought of you, and didn’t think twice before hitting send.
In this case, be careful with your emotions and your heart. If he is just bored, he might drop you as quickly as he reached out to you.
Tread carefully and see where things go without putting too much hope into it.
12) He wants an ego boost
How was your relationship? Was he the one who ended things when you wanted to make it work?
In that case, he might get a kick out of reaching out to you and being reminded that you still care for him.
Again, as much as this might sound like an a**hole move, sometimes this happens on a subconscious level, without him consciously wanting to take advantage of you like that.
But sometimes, it is completely intentional, so be careful.
I know this is not the reason you wanted to hear, but unfortunately, it is quite common.
It also acts as a cocoon of safety for him, knowing that there is always a plan B waiting.
Look out for yourself and see how you feel throughout the interaction. Don’t get your hopes up too quickly!
13) He doesn’t like being alone
Whether he just got out of a different relationship, or it just took him the weeks/months of no contact to figure this out, another reason he might text you out of the blue is that he doesn’t like being alone.
Some people really struggle with this one a lot. While one person flourishes in their own company, another feels miserable.
Perhaps he belongs to the latter. He might have realized that being together was fun and exciting, and most importantly, he didn’t have to be alone.
If you feel similar, know that it is a practice rather than a gift. You have to actually be alone with yourself a lot in order to start enjoying your own company.
And trust me, being okay on your own is a skill that is extremely valuable!
It will help you be more confident, will make you less dependent on others, and will allow you to do the things you love, even when nobody else wants to join.
If he texts you for this reason, be wary of him using you for temporary comfort.
14) A friend asked about you
If the two of you have been together for a while, there is a good chance you have mutual friends, or at least know his friends well.
You might have been in the same shoes once, where a friend asks about your ex out of the blue.
Then you know that this can trigger old memories and feelings when he tried to forget and move on from you.
Because of that, he might have randomly been reminded to check up on you.
It’s a human thing, and nothing is technically wrong with it, but for the person on the receiving end of the text it can get very confusing.
You probably need to talk more to get to the bottom of his true intentions with you.
15) He likes the challenge
Some guys get off on having a challenge when pursuing a girl.
If you’ve gone no contact after the break-up or ignored his attempts of communication, he might suddenly be interested because you’re not making it easy for him.
As messed up as it is, some guys start to see you as a riddle to be solved rather than a human being and will try everything in their power to win you over.
This can be charming at first, after all, they’re putting in all this effort to get you back.
But beware, sometimes as soon as you give in and give him the validation he was looking for, *poof*, he’s gone again.
He solved the puzzle, got what he wanted and that’s all there is to it.
In order to find out if that’s his intention, you will have to be careful when talking to him, making sure not to let him woo you into catching feelings again before knowing his genuine intentions.
It comes down to you
When a guy from your past randomly hits you up, there are countless reasons why he might have done that.
The only person that truly knows how to go about the situation is you.
Take these reasons as inspiration and see what resonates most with your past relationship and what would be most likely given the person they are and the connection you shared.
I can’t give you any definite tips on what to do, because, in the end, you will know it in your heart.
All I can say is be cautious at first and don’t immediately jump the gun on your decisions.
If he wants to be in touch again, he can put in a little effort in order to prove to you that his intentions are pure.
You are in control of how you let these situations affect you, so take back your power and do whatever is best for you!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.