You can’t pin down exactly why, but you’ve been having a bad feeling about your boyfriend for several days now.
It could be that your gut is trying to tell you something, or it could be that you’re simply overthinking it.
In this article, I will give you ten reasons why you might be feeling this way, and five ways you can deal with it.
1) You’re just bored
It could be that you’ve been together for so long that you know each other like the back of your hand. You know what he’s going to say before he’s even finished speaking and it feels like there’s just no more excitement left in the relationship for either of you.
Before you break up with your boyfriend, consider the possibility that you just need to spice up your relationship a little.
You might have a lack of a connection now, but that can change.
Maybe it’s all in your head…unless of course, you notice the other signs in this list.
2) He has changed
Change is a normal part of life, but it’s not always easy to accept it especially if it’s something drastic or sudden, especially from your partner.
It can be as obvious as a career shift or even be as simple as him finding a new hobby or going through a change in values or beliefs. All of these things big and small will have an effect on who he is.
Maybe he used to be a laid-back guy when you first started and had all the time in the world for you, but now he’s so busy that you can barely have an hour with him. And because he’s busy, he might also be uptight that the simple things you do together no longer make him happy.
Try to think of anything about him that’s changed. Maybe that’s the reason why you feel “off” about your boyfriend, and not necessarily because he’s really not for you. Then ask yourself if you really can’t live with the kind of person he’s become.
3) He’s finally showing his true colors
Guys want to impress the girls they like and sometimes, they try to pretend to be a much better version of themselves… or someone else entirely. But of course, this isn’t something they can keep up forever.
Bit by bit, they’d turn back into who they really are and there’s no guarantee you’ll like what you’ll see.
This might sound like #2, but where I was talking then about him changing as a person, here I’m talking about him returning to who he truly is before you even met him.
This is one of the reasons you shouldn’t get married while you’re still in the honeymoon phase. You have to reach the point where both of you let down your facade and show your true colors.
If you have a bad feeling about your boyfriend, then this is probably one of the reasons. You must ask yourself if you love who he truly is as a person, and not just the perfectly polished version of him that you fell in love with.
4) You smell something fishy
You feel like he’s keeping secrets. Perhaps there’s just a topic he refuses to touch when you’re conversing with one another. Or maybe he’d try to change the subject every time you bring it up.
This will make you wonder what’s the deal with him.
Is he cheating? Does he find you untrustworthy? Is he afraid of you?
It’s incredibly painful to be in a relationship that’s full of secrecy, especially if you’ve always been quite open to one another at the very start of your relationship.
And the ultimate cause for secrecy of any kind is fear. If he had nothing to be afraid of, he would see no issue in telling you everything.
Maybe he got fired at his job and he’s afraid that you’ll freak out. Or maybe he’s afraid that if he tells you, you’ll start to see him differently.
If you feel like your boyfriend is hiding something from you, you should try to talk to him about it before it destroys your trust.
Trust is incredibly important in relationships and what you have with him will fall apart without it.
Important tip: Don’t castigate him. Whatever it is that he will tell you, try to listen with empathy.
5) You don’t feel as connected as before
You used to finish each other’s sentences but now you find yourself wondering “what the heck was he thinking?!”
You used to do a lot of stuff together, like hanging out with the same group of friends or enjoying the same hobbies. But now you’re doing your own things separately.
And when you talk about the things you like doing, you can clearly see he’s not interested. You can’t blame him either—when he begins talking about his hobbies, you can’t help but feel like yawning.
It’s normal for people to slowly drift apart a little, but when you can clearly see the distance between the two of you, it would be normal to question your relationship.
But while it’s a clear sign that your relationship needs improvement, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not the one for you. Maybe all you need to do is to try to reconnect with each other and things will be exactly like before.
6) You’re not talking about the future anymore
You used to get dreamy thinking about the future. The two of you used to talk about your plans in detail… and then you just stopped.
At first, you might have just thought “meh, that’s just normal. We know we love each other anyways.”
But now you miss it. And to make things worse, you also just can’t get yourself to imagine your future together. Not anymore. And when you do try, it exhausts you.
This may not be very direct but if you haven’t talked about your future in a while, you will start to feel that there’s something missing. You will even start to suspect that the reason you don’t talk and imagine about the future anymore is because your boyfriend isn’t really the one for you.
It seems trivial but if you add this to the other things in this list, then of course it wouldn’t be a surprise that you’d start to have a bad feeling about your boyfriend.
7) You don’t feel relaxed when he around
He’s not a bad guy. In fact, he’s a great guy in anybody’s book—responsible, kind, caring.
But for some reason, you can’t help but get a little tense when he’s around, and secretly wish he’d leave so that you can finally relax.
It’s not like you hate him either. You know you love him and care a lot about how his day is going so you can’t help but be a little confused.
The reason for this might be because you’re subconsciously noticing passive-aggressive behavior through his body language.
Maybe he says kind things to you, but the way he carries himself tells you that he’s impatient and critical.
You’re a highly sensitive person so you can tell just by the way he stands or how he looks at you just how he truly feels about you. And they’re mostly not loving even if love is all that comes out of his mouth.
8) You feel that he’s pretending
Sometimes we get the feeling that people are pretending before they even reveal their true colors.
Maybe he presents himself as a loving uncle and kind neighbor, but there’s just something off about how he does things. Maybe you suspect that he has an ulterior motive, like earning approval and respect from you and your family.
And when you try to ask him about it, he’d not only deny it, but he can also make you feel bad for even asking.
During your dates or parties with friends, he might be smiling by the end of the conversation, but you can just tell that he’s hiding a lot of frustration and anger. And this makes you feel like there’s something strange about this guy you call your boyfriend.
If you feel this way, you may want to read up on the signs of an inauthentic person and find out for yourself if it’s him or you’re just suspicious.
9) You’re going through changes
Sometimes the reason why you might have begun to have a bad feeling about him is not because he’s changed or has been hiding things from you, but because you have grown into a brand new person.
Maybe you’ve travelled the world and met new people, maybe you’ve read a lot and learned about life firsthand.
Experiences like this open you up and change you from the core and it could affect your relationship. You might begin to think of him as a prude when you learn to appreciate being candid with topics like sex while he continues to treat them as taboo.
Or maybe you’ll begin to think the jokes he makes are inappropriate and that his spending is way too careless.
It’s natural for you to change little by little but sometimes the things you come to realize might make you wonder if the two of you are still meant for each other.
You’re probably having a bad feeling about your boyfriend because you’re now a new version of yourself and each version has a different set of needs and wants in life, especially when it comes to relationships.
10) You’re not being treated as an equal in your relationship
You might think that being treated unfairly in a relationship is going to be obvious, but that’s not always the case.
For example, it could be that you listen to him about the highlights of his day or his frustrations with his coworkers, but when it’s your turn to talk, he zones out. Or maybe you’re the one who bears the brunt of housework.
When you take a moment to think over situations like these, it’s immediately obvious to you that it’s unfair.
But in the moment, you would most likely just shrug off and think nothing of it. You might even tell yourself “Oh, he’s just that way.”
Nonetheless, when things like these keep happening, you’ll end up feeling uneasy…like you’re a housewife in some sad 50s movie. This could make you have a bad feeling about your boyfriend and wonder if he’s truly the one.
What to do if you feel this way
Step 1: Give it time
It might be tempting to act the moment you feel like there’s something wrong with your partner but being hasty often leads to bad decisions.
So before you accuse him or come to a decision to leave him, stand back and watch. Observe without much judgment. Try to understand what’s really going on and see if he works it out on his own.
Maybe your suspicions were off the mark, or maybe he was just going through a rough time.
And there is also the possibility that it’s YOU. Maybe you’re overthinking it and you’re being unfair to your boyfriend.
The only way to know for sure is by giving it more time.
Step 2: Communicate
Once you’ve given it enough time and you still feel “off”, it’s time to talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.
Communication and trust are incredibly important for a healthy relationship. So, go share your feelings with him and ask him questions, especially the ones that you’re worried to ask about.
Tell him how you’ve been feeling lately and what you think about the things he says and does. If you suspect that he’s cheating or keeping secrets, then ask him that.
Just make sure you’re talking in good faith and are not simply trying to accuse him or pressure him.
Step 3: Work on your issues alone
There are problems that only you can fix. Maybe it’s simply because you’re paranoid or insecure, or that you’re not paying him enough attention when he talks about his passions.
For example, if you can’t understand him when he talks about the things he likes, then instead of trying to change the subject, you can try to ask him so that he can explain it to you one more time.
And if you’re paranoid and insecure, it would help for you to ask yourself why you feel that way and to remind yourself that he loves you.
It can be hard to work on these issues, especially if they come from old wounds, so don’t be afraid to consult a professional.
Step 4: Work on your relationship
While you’re fixing your own personal issues, you shouldn’t neglect to fix the larger problems that the two of you face in your relationship together.
If you no longer feel as connected as you used to be, then aside from trying to understand and appreciate his hobbies on your own, maybe you can also try to schedule a vacation just for the two of you to reconnect and remind each other of what made you so good together.
After all, it’s likely that the things you loved in each other and connected you never went. They’re still there and it’s possible you simply took them for granted.
All of the things mentioned above are fixable. You just have to work on them before they actually become a problem.
Step 5: Recommit to the relationship or take a break
If you’ve done everything and yet you still feel “off” about your boyfriend and your relationship, then maybe it’s time you took a step back and reconsider.
If you still really, truly love him despite having a weird feeling about him, maybe it will be healthier for both of you to take a short break to rediscover yourself and clear your head. He should do the same thing, too.
But if you’ve been having strong doubts about your love, then it might be better for the two of you to break up and move on. You don’t need to find a valid reason to break up. If it’s been a while that you’re not feeling good about your relationship, you’re free to leave.
It’s normal to have some of these seemingly petty issues in a relationship especially if you’ve been together for a while.
So if you want to leave your boyfriend just because you have a bad feeling about him, don’t.
However, if you’ve tried to resolve most of the issues yet the feeling remains the same, respect your intuition and choose a better path for yourself.
Putting yourself first
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,
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