You text each other regularly and you’re starting to fall in love, then suddenly, he stops.
It thrusts you into a rollercoaster of theories for days or weeks and just when you’re about to move on, he texts you with a casual “what’s up?” or “I miss you” as if nothing happened.
Before you cut him off or call him a j*rk.
Here are 15 honest reasons why he would stop texting and start again
1) He wants to be missed—plain and simple
We all have the desire to feel loved. This guy is no exception.
And while it might feel like an odd and completely backwards way of going about it, his disappearing might be his way of trying to give you a taste of what life’s like if he’s not around.
He wants you to miss him, and to want to chase him for once.
The reason why he’d start texting again could be something that he had planned, but it could also be because he simply couldn’t stand another day without you. So, violating his own little game, he reaches out and tries to act like nothing ever happened.
2) He is testing your level of interest
This is related to #1, but it goes beyond his need to be missed.
There are many little games you can play on a man to gauge his interest in you. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t play those same games on you.
By going quiet or acting aloof every now and then, he’s trying to see just how interested you truly are in him.
Perhaps you’ve been playing mind games with him and he’d like to figure out if you’re for real or if you’re just playing around.
Perhaps you’ve gone quiet on him, for example. If you genuinely are no longer interested in him, then he knows he should move on and look for someone else. But if you were just playing around, you would break your games, panic, and try to reach out to him.
But even if you aren’t playing games, how doggedly you’d pursue him after he goes quiet on you will tell him just how interested you are in him.
3) He doesn’t want to give the impression that he’s so into you
There are many reasons why he would like to make sure he doesn’t come off like he’s totally into you.
For example, he knows it can be alarming for you if a man comes on too strong.
Another reason is that he’s aware that if he makes it too obvious that he likes you, he’ll be “too easy” or boring and become less interesting because of that.
If this sounds familiar to you, it’s precisely because it probably is. Guys can also play “hard to get” when they want to.
Him texting you after going silent is because he wants to remind you that he’s there, and that while he had been keeping his distance, he’s not necessarily shutting you out of his life.
4) You haven’t triggered his Hero Instinct yet
Alternatively, it could be just because he really isn’t that into you yet. He may like you, but he’s having doubts, so he pulls away.
You can deal with this by triggering his inner hero and making him feel invincible around you.
This is something I learned from hero instinct by the relationship expert James Bauer.
This concept deals with a fascinating phenomenon—the Hero Instinct—that is ingrained into the DNA of men, and what drives it. And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
When you trigger a man’s Hero instinct, he’s motivated to commit more deeply into the relationship. It makes him feel that the relationship is that much more special, and he’ll love you more deeply, feel better around you, and find himself unable to resist you.
The word itself might make you think of superheroes and fancy capes, and I can’t blame you. But he doesn’t have to have superpowers or a fancy cape—though he might appreciate it anyway—to be your own personal hero.
Don’t think you need to act helpless, or be a damsel in distress all the time either.
To understand the Hero Instinct and how you can trigger it, you can start with James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, like how you can trigger his hero instinct in a text-only 12 words long!
That’s the beauty of the hero instinct. It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
5) He is texting other women
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a fateful encounter with their one true love on their first try, or to meet their true love without having to work hard for it.
For the rest of us common folk, we have to work hard to find it.
And it’s just an unfortunate reality that people would try to reach out to more than one potential partner all the time.
And in the modern era, it’s easier than ever to flirt with more than one person and get away with it, thanks to texts and internet messaging.
Chances are that you’re one just one of potentially dozens of people he’s checking out.
But on the bright side, him returning every so often to you means that you probably are high on his list of “candidates” so to speak.
He’s probably not going to tell you about what he’s doing, but eventually he’ll come to a decision and either choose you, or discard you.
So that’s why you should try to get on ahead with the competition by triggering his hero instinct and making him care.
6) He’s probably dating his girlfriend
Your jaw probably hit the floor reading that heading. And it could be worse. Maybe he’s been busy being with his wife!
Unfortunately, it’s a very real possibility that to him you’re just a pretty little side thing to keep him entertained or fulfilled when he feels like his partner isn’t fulfilling his needs. And the reason why he’d stop texting is because he doesn’t want her to get suspicious.
And when he feels like the coast is clear, he’ll get right back to texting with you as if he had been doing nothing wrong.
He might give grounds for his actions by thinking that texting is not considered cheating. But guys and girls alike should know— yes, it is. There is such a thing as emotional cheating, and you don’t have to degrade yourself or that other girl by playing along.
If you ever have suspicions and find out you’re being strung along like this, end it immediately with him before you get into deeper trouble.
7) You offended him
You feel comfortable around him, so you started talking a bit more candidly with him… and then he begins shutting you off all of a sudden. What gives?
Well, it’s very possible that you have offended him without meaning to.
The thing with words on a screen is that they can be quite tricky. While it’s possible to express tone through text, not everyone will be able to understand it straight away and end up misunderstanding things anyways.
This is especially true if you haven’t met in real life yet.
Misunderstandings aside, perhaps you had unwittingly said something that he finds offensive.
Perhaps there was a word that you thought was harmless but had been used to insult him before. Or perhaps you were sharing life stories, and something that you shared made him feel uncomfortable or even triggered a bad memory.
It could take him a few days to process it all and go through his feelings about what you have said.
He may try to look at your texts and try to see if he’s just being too sensitive. The way he messages you after he starts talking with you again will give you a clue.
Of course, you can always just ask him if you said anything wrong, apologies, and gently ask him to help you understand so that you won’t do it again.
8) He’s not sure if he wants to pursue you
Feelings are hard. Chances are that he does feel something towards you, but he isn’t exactly sure about it as of yet. It could be that he’s just starting to develop feelings for you and can’t quite figure out the next step.
And that’s why he stops texting you every now and then to get a better grasp at how he actually feels about you.
If things are this way on his side, then maybe all he needs is a little push or encouragement to get going.
Dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has developed sets of phrases that are guaranteed to get a man thoroughly and helplessly infatuated with you.
These phrases reach men on a deep primal level – most women don’t know about this, which is why they struggle to keep a man’s attention.
To find out what they are, watch his video here where he explains everything.
9) He’s going through a tough time
Life can be sometimes tough. We all know this.
Maybe he’s going through a really tough time in his life right now and is coping with it by going silent every so often.
It’s unfortunate, but society likes to imagine men as cold, stoic beings and men who break this ideal by being open with their emotions are branded as “weak” or “girly.”
But this expectation is out of touch with the reality that men do feel things, that they have emotions. This results in men getting into the toxic habit of pretending like nothing’s ever wrong… and either hiding away when things are too much to handle or exploding in anger.
It’s not his fault that he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions properly — or, worse, thinking that hiding away from the world is the “proper” way of handling emotional turmoil! — so give him the understanding he needs.
And if you can, try to offer yourself as a safe person he can open up to. Let him know that you won’t be forcing him to share his feelings with you, but that if he does you won’t think any less of him.
In the end, he simply needs the time and space to process his own feelings. Perhaps he’s soul-searching and doing the best with what he has.
Once he’s cleared his head and has his life organized, let’s hope he’ll get back to you 100%.
10) He’s just busy
As much as we would like to hang around our friends and loved ones all the time, there simply isn’t an unlimited supply of time in this world… and we have responsibilities.
Chances are that he’s busy trying to stay afloat.
Maybe a lot of people in his life need his time and attention, so he’s simply giving you what time he has to spare.
Even that aside, it could even be that he just has hobbies that take his time away. If he likes to go rock-climbing, for example, expect him to go silent when he’s out on a trip. He probably won’t have the time to check his phone, if a signal was to even reach him in the first place.
And before you take offense — you might feel incensed at the idea that he’s putting his hobbies above you — it’s important to keep in mind that even if he does like you, he still has a life of his own to live… and it doesn’t have to revolve around you.
But at the same time, just going silent is a bad behavior you shouldn’t tolerate if you’re getting serious with each other. Make sure you tell him how it makes you feel and what you want him to do next time he gets busy.
11) He sees you as a friend
Say that the two of you are friends and you’re both leading flourishing lives independent of each other.
Perhaps you would pop up in his social media, and this is enough to pique his interest. So, he tries to contact you again and catch up.
And perhaps he’s feeling lonely and getting in touch with you feels great so he’ll do just that. He’ll probably keep at it for a while and stop again, banking on the fact that you’ll see each other anyway since you’re already well acquainted.
He wants to keep you in his life and likes the feeling of closeness. That’s why he catches up with you every so often. Basically, he just thinks of you as a friend.
12) Your independence intimidates him
You’re a girl who can get things done. You can handle everything by yourself. You’re a professional with a clear career path ahead of you.
In other words, you’re a badass woman.
And while this is not bad at all, he might feel insecure—like he can’t add anything more to your life.
So he walks away thinking “How can I ever be good for this girl?” or “If I truly love her, I should let her find a better man, one that’s suited for her.”
But there’s something you can do about it as a woman.
This brings us back to that concept I mentioned earlier—the hero instinct. A man likes feeling respected, and useful, and needed to be truly invested in a relationship.
And the good thing is that if you know how to trigger his hero instinct, you can make him feel this way without having to make yourself lesser than him.
And the best part is that triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
13) He’s not a fan of texting
Maybe you don’t know each other too well yet.
You haven’t moved past the “What’s up” stage. There’s probably so much “Have you eaten yet?” and “How’s the weather?” a guy can take in a day.
There are some people who aren’t good texters, and maybe he’s one of them. The first few days you were talking was the best you can get from him because he’s probably just not into texting!
All in all, the two of you need to build a deeper connection so that you have more things to talk about. Try to initiate more. Maybe ask if you can do phone calls or video calls.
And if you haven’t met in real life, then you should.
14) He just got bored
Sometimes women make a big deal out of things.
The reasons for this conundrum could just be simple and no-nonsense: He just got bored, or a bit lazy. Take your pick.
Men are simple creatures and sometimes do not think beyond the day ahead of them. If he’s not really into it, he won’t work hard for it or won’t put in the effort.
Maybe he really did fall asleep mid-text and couldn’t find the timing to apologize about it.
It’s not such a bad thing. He’s not playing games with you, he’s not trying to get you through all these decoding gymnastics, he just doesn’t feel like texting at the moment.
He could be head over heels in love with you and still be lazy.
It doesn’t mean that you should tolerate it, it just means you shouldn’t cut him off if he’s done it only once.
15) He likes you but he’s not ready
Maybe he likes you a lot, but he’s not confident enough to take the plunge just yet.
Perhaps he just got out of a rocky relationship and wants to take a breather. Or he still has some unfinished business with his ex.
Either way, he’s the type to not rush things.
Maybe while you were texting, you talked about the future in passing and it freaked him out a little.
He might have felt a bit of pressure, knowing that you don’t mean to play around. He understands what a serious relationship entails so he doesn’t want to give false hopes until he’s very sure.
Depending on what his comeback text is, he could also just not be into a formal commitment at the moment and wants to keep things casual a little longer.
Most of the time, a man’s contact with you stopping and starting again doesn’t really mean anything particularly bad.
Sure, it could be that he’s cheating on his partner, but chances are that life’s just catching up to him or that he simply needs time and space to process things.
But if you’re personally offended or hurt by him going “cold” on you, something you can do is to ask him—gently—why he’s doing that and try to understand.
By now, you should have a better idea of why men would stop texting with you every so often, so you can probably expect what he’ll have to say
And if it’s because he’s indecisive, then you also know exactly what you can do to break that indecision—triggering his hero instinct.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.