Does your man always seem to be out partying with his friends?
Maybe you’re a bit worried about what he’s getting up to when you’re not around or perhaps you just don’t get why he wants to be out in bars or clubs when he is in a relationship.
Before you jump to the worst kind of conclusions, the good news is, there are plenty of perfectly innocent reasons why he might want to go clubbing without you.
Here are 9 reasons why guys in relationships go to clubs (other than wanting to pick someone up).
1) He wants to blow off some steam
Adult life can be pretty stressful sometimes. There’s often a constant stream of things we end up worrying about.
Our thoughts can obsessively flutter from paying the bills on time, impressing the new boss, maintaining our relationships, and 1001 other things.
The truth is that the daily grind can be a bit of a drudge and we all need to let go and blow off some steam from time to time.
What is the point in clubbing? Studies have highlighted that this escapism from everyday life is exactly what nightclubs offer some people.
That doesn’t mean he wants to escape from you of course but a nightclub is a convenient place that feels separate from normal life, where he can let loose and relax.
2) He wants to hang out with his friends
The reason we feel so loved up when we start dating someone is thanks to a powerful hormone called oxytocin. It’s often referred to as the cuddle hormone or the love hormone.
He gets that hormone from being around you but he also gets it from being with his friends too. That’s because it’s released whenever we take part in bonding activities.
Just hanging out with buddies produces this hormone, which reduces fear and anxiety and makes us feel happy and peaceful.
Even the most loved up couples still enjoy the company of others. It can be really healthy to spend some time apart doing other activities, otherwise, we’re in danger of becoming a bit clingy or needy.
Let’s face it, the energy we have around our closest friends is different from the one we feel around our partner. We often get to show a different side to ourselves.
3) He wants to go dancing
There is something very primal about our desire to express ourselves through dance.
A lot of people love to go clubbing just so that they can dance and share this highly charged energy with other people.
“Humans are born to dance, it is something within us. That feeling you get when you go clubbing, you get a natural high. The buzz you get from dancing, you get an amazing emotional release. And you don’t get that feeling anywhere else in life, you don’t get it in the workplace, and you don’t get it in school, you don’t get it anywhere.”
Even if your guy has got two left feet and you can never drag him on the dancefloor, just feeling the music and watching other people can still create this same euphoric feeling.
4) He wants some independence
Being in a couple is great, but it’s also nice to be apart too sometimes. That way, we can appreciate our partners, even more, when we are with them.
It’s perfectly healthy to need a bit of space in a relationship where you can do your own thing. Of course, how much space you both need will depend on you and your relationship.
But enjoying a certain amount of freedom is a really important part of a successful relationship. After all, we want to be able to grow together, but still, be our own people too.
In fact, it can put a lot of strain on a relationship when we become too dependent on one another for all of our needs.
When you’re dealing with feelings of codependency it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You’ll feel worried every time your partner does something you’re uncomfortable with.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to stop feeling concerned about your boyfriend going clubbing, I’d recommend taking Rudá’s incredible advice.
5) He wants to relive his youth
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, your guy might just want a little taste of his younger years — particularly if he’s at a more settled stage in life.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his life now but it can feel good to do the things we haven’t done in a long time.
If in more recent years he’s swapped boozy nights out for cozy nights in, he may enjoy experiencing the club scene again. It can bring back happy memories and make us feel young again.
6) He enjoys the vibe
Clubs are definitely not just a place people go to get laid (although, sure, this does happen sometimes too).
The pleasure we get from going to clubs is way more complex than that. It’s often the whole vibe that people enjoy.
What’s so fun about clubbing?
Before going, we get dressed up and make ourselves look good. When we’re there we dance, we drink, we can feel the beat of the music, we’re social.
All of this sweaty, highly charged energy comes together to create a real buzz that’s quite unlike anything else.
7) He wants to get drunk
You obviously don’t need to drink when you’re going clubbing, but for most people, it’s part of the experience.
It’s a bit like the first reason on our list of “blowing off steam”.
Rightly or wrongly, many of us turn to alcohol so that we can forget regular life for a while, relax, and let go of any inhibitions.
Clubs provide the perfect environment for whenever you want to go boozing long into the night.
8) He wants to socialize
The idea of anyone wanting to go clubbing can seem strange when you really think about it.
Why would anybody want to cram into a hot and crowded room full of strangers who they don’t know?
But coming together in this way is actually part of who we are. Fundamentally, human beings are social creatures.
We live and thrive best in communities. The need to belong is strong within us. We’re just biologically driven to be in groups.
When we feel cut off from one another our well-being actually suffers. We can feel lonely or isolated.
Even when you don’t know the people partying around you, coming together to celebrate and have fun is part of our nature.
9) He wants a little taste of the single life
When I talk about a taste of the single life, I don’t mean he wants to have casual sex or anything like that.
But even when we are in very happy relationships, it still feels nice to enjoy the gaze of admirers. It certainly doesn’t mean he is going to act on it.
Some men will miss the attention they got when they were single. But it’s not necessarily a big deal.
An ex once told me when we were going out that he missed the ego boost that he used to get from dating apps. For years there had been a constant stream of women on hand to offer him validation, which suddenly stopped once we were together.
But it didn’t bother me because I knew he was happy in the relationship and I totally understood that it’s flattering to feel desired. Honestly, who doesn’t want to feel attractive?
Going to the club and getting admiring looks might just give him a little ego boost, even though he’d never take it any further.
My boyfriend goes clubbing every weekend
Even though there are lots of reasons why a guy who is in a relationship might choose to go to a club, what about if it’s happening all the time?
It could be that your boyfriend is unsatisfied with the relationship. He’s looking for fulfillment elsewhere…
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can win back his heart and his attention, and say goodbye to his clubbing on a regular basis for good.
So what do you need to do?
You need to appeal to his inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger to their relationships.
And most importantly, the void they try to fill with distractions like clubbing become a thing of the past!
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to be invested in their relationships?
No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. There’s no need to play the damsel to stop him from spending his weekends with “the boys” getting up to goodness knows what.
The truth is, triggering the hero instinct comes at no cost or sacrifice to you or your independence.
With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
You see, that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make realize he’s better off at home with you than anywhere else.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want your man to find fulfillment and happiness in your relationship rather than out in a club.
Bottom line: Going to clubs while in a relationship
Feeling a little apprehensive about your partner partying without you is perfectly normal.
We’re all only human and it’s natural to feel a little insecure from time to time, especially when our feelings are involved.
Why do guys in relationships go to clubs?
The answer is for lots of reasons. It really depends on the guy.
Most importantly, why do you think he wants to go to clubs? Maybe deep down you know his intentions are innocent or maybe there’s something in his behaviour that makes you feel suspicious.
Ultimately it all comes down to trust and communication.
Trusting that your relationship is strong enough that he won’t want to look elsewhere and being able to talk about any concerns that you have with one another.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.