Does your man always seem to be out partying with his friends?
Maybe you’re a bit worried about what he’s getting up to when you’re not around or perhaps you just don’t get why he wants to be out in bars or clubs when he is in a relationship.
Before you jump to the worst kind of conclusions, the good news is, there are plenty of perfectly innocent reasons why he might want to go clubbing without you.
Here are 9 reasons why guys in relationships go to clubs (other than wanting to pick someone up).
1) He wants to blow off some steam
Adult life can be pretty stressful sometimes. There’s often a constant stream of things we end up worrying about.
Our thoughts can obsessively flutter from paying the bills on time, impressing the new boss, maintaining our relationships, and 1001 other things.
The truth is that the daily grind can be a bit of a drudge and we all need to let go and blow off some steam from time to time.
What is the point in clubbing? Studies have highlighted that this escapism from everyday life is exactly what nightclubs offer some people.
That doesn’t mean he wants to escape from you of course but a nightclub is a convenient place that feels separate from normal life, where he can let loose and relax.
2) He wants to hang out with his friends
The reason we feel so loved up when we start dating someone is thanks to a powerful hormone called oxytocin. It’s often referred to as the cuddle hormone or the love hormone.
He gets that hormone from being around you but he also gets it from being with his friends too. That’s because it’s released whenever we take part in bonding activities.
Just hanging out with buddies produces this hormone, which reduces fear and anxiety and makes us feel happy and peaceful.
Even the most loved up couples still enjoy the company of others. It can be really healthy to spend some time apart doing other activities, otherwise, we’re in danger of becoming a bit clingy or needy.
Let’s face it, the energy we have around our closest friends is different from the one we feel around our partner. We often get to show a different side to ourselves.
3) He wants to go dancing
There is something very primal about our desire to express ourselves through dance.
A lot of people love to go clubbing just so that they can dance and share this highly charged energy with other people.
“Humans are born to dance, it is something within us. That feeling you get when you go clubbing, you get a natural high. The buzz you get from dancing, you get an amazing emotional release. And you don’t get that feeling anywhere else in life, you don’t get it in the workplace, and you don’t get it in school, you don’t get it anywhere.”
Even if your guy has got two left feet and you can never drag him on the dancefloor, just feeling the music and watching other people can still create this same euphoric feeling.
4) He wants to relive his youth
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, your guy might just want a little taste of his younger years — particularly if he’s at a more settled stage in life.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his life now but it can feel good to do the things we haven’t done in a long time.
If in more recent years he’s swapped boozy nights out for cozy nights in, he may enjoy experiencing the club scene again. It can bring back happy memories and make us feel young again.
5) He wants some independence
Being in a couple is great, but it’s also nice to be apart too sometimes. That way, we can appreciate our partners, even more, when we are with them.
It’s perfectly healthy to need a bit of space in a relationship where you can do your own thing. Of course, how much space you both need will depend on you and your relationship.
But enjoying a certain amount of freedom is a really important part of a successful relationship. After all, we want to be able to grow together, but still, be our own people too.
In fact, it can put a lot of strain on a relationship when we become too dependent on one another for all of our needs.
6) He enjoys the vibe
Clubs are definitely not just a place people go to get laid (although, sure, this does happen sometimes too).
The pleasure we get from going to clubs is way more complex than that. It’s often the whole vibe that people enjoy.
What’s so fun about clubbing?
Before going, we get dressed up and make ourselves look good. When we’re there we dance, we drink, we can feel the beat of the music, we’re social.
All of this sweaty, highly charged energy comes together to create a real buzz that’s quite unlike anything else.
7) He wants to get drunk
You obviously don’t need to drink when you’re going clubbing, but for most people, it’s part of the experience.
It’s a bit like the first reason on our list of “blowing off steam”.
Rightly or wrongly, many of us turn to alcohol so that we can forget regular life for a while, relax, and let go of any inhibitions.
Clubs provide the perfect environment for whenever you want to go boozing long into the night.
8) He wants to socialize
The idea of anyone wanting to go clubbing can seem strange when you really think about it.
Why would anybody want to cram into a hot and crowded room full of strangers who they don’t know?
But coming together in this way is actually part of who we are. Fundamentally, human beings are social creatures.
We live and thrive best in communities. The need to belong is strong within us. We’re just biologically driven to be in groups.
When we feel cut off from one another our well-being actually suffers. We can feel lonely or isolated.
Even when you don’t know the people partying around you, coming together to celebrate and have fun is part of our nature.
9) He wants a little taste of the single life
When I talk about a taste of the single life, I don’t mean he wants to have casual sex or anything like that.
But even when we are in very happy relationships, it still feels nice to enjoy the gaze of admirers. It certainly doesn’t mean he is going to act on it.
Some men will miss the attention they got when they were single. But it’s not necessarily a big deal.
An ex once told me when we were going out that he missed the ego boost that he used to get from dating apps. For years there had been a constant stream of women on hand to offer him validation, which suddenly stopped once we were together.
But it didn’t bother me because I knew he was happy in the relationship and I totally understood that it’s flattering to feel desired. Honestly, who doesn’t want to feel attractive?
Going to the club and getting admiring looks might just give him a little ego boost, even though he’d never take it any further.
My boyfriend goes clubbing every weekend
Even though there are lots of reasons why a guy who is in a relationship might choose to go to a club, what about if it’s happening all the time?
If your boyfriend is out in the club every weekend, or always partying without you, it is a problem if it makes you feel bad.
If you are feeling left out or like you’re not one of his priorities, then you should talk to him.
Explain that you’d love to join him sometimes, or if it’s not your thing, do something else together instead.
Relationships require compromise, and if he’s still acting like he is single, then he may need a gentle reminder that you need some of his free time too.
Bottom line: Going to clubs while in a relationship
Feeling a little apprehensive about your partner partying without you is perfectly normal.
We’re all only human and it’s natural to feel a little insecure from time to time, especially when our feelings are involved.
Why do guys in relationships go to clubs?
The answer is for lots of reasons. It really depends on the guy.
Most importantly, why do you think he wants to go to clubs? Maybe deep down you know his intentions are innocent or maybe there’s something in his behaviour that makes you feel suspicious.
Ultimately it all comes down to trust and communication.
Trusting that your relationship is strong enough that he won’t want to look elsewhere and being able to talk about any concerns that you have with one another.
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