We know we probably shouldn’t get our hopes up. But when you’ve been chatting to a guy you like, and it seems to be going well, it’s difficult not to.
So when all of a sudden you stop talking, it’s a blow.
On top of the crushing disappointment, you’re probably left with so many questions about why.
Why did he stop talking to me?
This article will help you tap into what’s going on in his head, and discuss what you can do next.
Why would a guy stop talking to you suddenly? 25 reasons
1) He likes you, but not enough
Sometimes the simplest answers are the correct ones.
But unfortunately, they are also not what we always want to hear. And so we go chasing after other explanations for someone’s behavior.
There’s no doubt that love and romance can be very complicated. Plenty of factors will play into whether things work out with someone or not.
But often it can also boil down to this:
He’s just not that into you.
That doesn’t mean he isn’t a bit into you, or that he doesn’t like you whatsoever. But if he chatted to you for a while and then stopped reaching out, it could be a reflection of the extent of his interest.
If the amount of effort he has put in from the start has always been mediocre at best, then it is likely he isn’t interested enough to keep things going.
His lack of interest may also combine with some other reasons on the list for why he suddenly stopped talking to you.
2) He’s a player
One of the hallmarks of a player is that they are hard to pin down and tend to be flaky and unreliable. One day they are blowing up your inbox, the next they’ve disappeared.
These hot and cold types of guys are often just playing games.
They may make you feel pretty special in the beginning. They can be charming and flattering, and shower you with attention to the extent of love-bombing.
That only makes it even harder to understand when they unceremoniously withdraw this attention without explanation.
I don’t think all players are bad guys. I don’t think they always consciously go into things with the intention of leading girls on.
But they do tend to be unavailable. They may even be a bit scared of commitment.
They aren’t really looking for a relationship right now. So their affections remain superficial. And at some point, they move on.
In their mind, it’s all very casual. The problem is that’s not how it feels on the receiving end.
Players tend only to enjoy the first flush of romance, but they’re not in it for the long haul.
3) He doesn’t see a future with you
Dating and chatting with someone is ultimately about getting to know them better to see where things could go.
Maybe you’ve been chatting for a while, but things haven’t really progressed. Whilst it’s been nice, you haven’t really gotten closer. Those fireworks weren’t particularly flying.
If he has come to the realization that he doesn’t see your connection going anywhere, he may have decided to call it quits.
As cutthroat as it sounds, in his mind if he doesn’t see a future with you he might think it’s better to not take things any further.
Sadly, we’ll probably never fully understand why someone ends up feeling this way.
It is likely a complicated combination of factors based on things like not having compatible personalities, mismatched values, or different goals. And then there is the biggest mystery of all, the mystery of why we fall for one person and not the other.
4) He doesn’t think you’re into him
Sadly there is a continually perpetuated myth still floating around that to keep a guy’s interest you should make him chase you.
But this is a misunderstanding of the real truth.
Always insisting he is the one who reaches out to you, taking ages to reply to his messages, or purposely being cool with him is a dangerous game to play.
Rather than make yourself more desirable by “playing hard to get” you could be simply sending him the message that you’re not really interested.
And at some point, if he thinks you’re not into him, he’s probably going to give up.
Sure, acting interested to the point of desperation is never a good idea. But the happy middle ground is confidence and self-respect.
You don’t chase him, but neither do you play games. Attention should always be a two-way street —with give and take from both sides.
If that attention has been lacking from your side, he could have just gotten fed up.
5) He sensed some neediness
Above I mentioned the importance of confidence.
Research has shown that having self-esteem and confidence significantly boosts our attractiveness to others.
Sadly, when we lack that inner confidence, it can show in certain ways. One of those ways can be a clinginess or eagerness that comes across as a bit too keen.
We regularly talk about things like what to say, or what to wear to attract guys. But we don’t talk enough about these inner foundations of self-esteem that attraction is really built upon.
But without these in place, so many of us are doomed to unconsciously chase love in a toxic way. Or end up inadvertently pushing away people we are trying to draw closer.
The greatest tool you have in getting any guy you want lies not in what you wear, not in how long you wait to text him or before you sleep with him. It lies in first creating an unshakeable relationship with yourself.
That’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
I watched this free video of his in which he revealed the three key elements for creating successful relationships.
It made me realize that, ironically, the best way to keep someone in your life is to not need them.
Don’t rely on a guy for your validation or to fulfill your needs. Know your real worth and let it shine.
And guess what happens?
You instantly become a magnet to men.
We all sense each other’s energy (no matter how much we try to hide it). And confident energy can’t be faked. It needs to come from the inside out. It impacts on everything in the relationship.
Do yourself a favor and check out what Rudá Iandê has to say in this free video.
I guarantee his approach will change your whole perspective on how to create relationships that actually work, rather than quickly fall apart.
6) He’s genuinely busy
Here’s what has happened to me plenty of times when I genuinely like a guy:
What I mean is that because I care I am suddenly on high alert for any potential pitfalls and problems.
And it can lead to jumping to conclusions and worrying unnecessarily.
Once I started talking to a guy, and in the beginning, we would chat pretty much every day. After a couple of weeks that started to go down.
When I didn’t hear from him for one day, I quickly concluded something was up. He must have lost interest. He was clearly going off me.
But these were just paranoid projections from my own mind. The truth was that he was just busy.
Our paranoia can lead us to imagine the worst when there is a perfectly innocent explanation. Has he stopped talking to you? Or could he just be busy?
I can see why it’s made you panic if there has been a change to your communication habits, but it could be because he’s had other things to do. Plus it’s perfectly normal for how often two people talk to fluctuate.
If it’s only been a few days, don’t assume anything just yet.
7) He’s dating other people
We don’t live in the 1950s. And the reality about modern dating is that plenty of people are keeping their options open.
Particularly with so many ways of meeting new people through dating apps and social media, it could be that you aren’t the only girl he’s been chatting to.
It never feels good to think you might have competition.
But his time and energy might be spread more thinly if he is messaging and chatting to other women.
If he has totally withdrawn and stopped talking to you, then he might have decided he has a better connection elsewhere.
As much as it stings, the reality is that until things are exclusive between two people, there is always the chance they are playing the field.
8) He’s dodging an awkward situation
Another reality about modern communication is that it’s become an easy option to ignore people rather than have honest conversations with them.
There’s something about a screen between us that makes us behave in ways we wouldn’t in real life.
Ghosting is an obvious example of this phenomenon.
Rather than deal with a potentially awkward situation — whether it’s a falling out, a change of feelings, or having to explain ourselves— it seems more convenient to just ignore someone and stop talking to them.
Everyone probably knows that it’s disrespectful and pretty cowardly. But yet it still happens all the time.
If he has stopped talking to you, it might be that he is taking the easy way out and trying to avoid an awkward conversation.
9) He just wanted sex
It’s a tale as old as time.
Girl likes guy. Girl thinks guy likes her too. Guy gets what he wants from girl. Guy disappears shortly after.
I don’t want to perpetuate stereotypes. Because clearly it’s not all guys, but there are some who operate like this.
The reality is that different people are looking for different things. We should be communicating with each other about what we want. But let’s face it, this doesn’t always happen.
There are some men that are looking for casual connections. They want sex but not love from you.
But they’re not always upfront about that. And the attention they give you when they’re trying to get what they want can be misleading.
If he only wanted sex from you he may stop talking to you if a) he got it b) he didn’t get it and lost patience in trying to get it.
10) His feelings changed
Emotions can be powerful, but they can also be very changeable.
As everyone who has ever had their heart broken knows, feelings can change. And we don’t always know why they change, but they do.
If he was really into you and suddenly stopped talking to you, it could mean that he started to feel differently about you.
Maybe he realized he wasn’t ready to commit. Maybe his feelings didn’t get any stronger. Maybe he doesn’t even know why himself, but his feeling just faded.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that emotions can change and that it’s okay to feel hurt by this.
But unfortunately, we can’t always control our own emotions, let alone other people’s.
11) He’s tired of putting in all the work
Some women can come across as high-maintenance.
They expect a guy to always pick up the check, they expect him to always be the one to call or message, and they expect him to be the one constantly making all the effort.
This Princess mentality might spark some men’s interest in the beginning. They might even enjoy the chase for a while.
But eventually, the vast majority of guys are going to start to resent it if they have to put in all the work.
If you’ve been expecting him to do all of the work in your connection, he might have hit a wall and decided enough is enough.
12) He’s annoyed at you
Was there a trigger event or did it come out of nowhere that he stopped talking to you?
If this is the reason he stopped talking to you, there is a good chance you would know about it.
At the very least you might have a suspicion that he is mad at you.
Maybe he got jealous. Perhaps you did something that he thought was out of line. The last time you too spoke, things could have gotten a bit heated. Have you disagreed about something?
Think about any reasons why he could be feeling annoyed at you and keeping his distance.
If you have a sneaky suspicion he’s mad at you, then you’re probably right.
13) He has a girlfriend (or wife)
This is a fairly extensive list of reasons a guy just stops talking to you. And so I’ve got to include the next one:
He might be in a relationship.
Social media is the perfect place for men who are already taken to browse for women, get some attention, and even have affairs.
The chances of this being a reason are much greater if you met through social media or through online dating, and not in person yet.
Some research has claimed that as many as 42% of Tinder users already have a partner.
I’m sorry to say, but there is a chance you are the side chick.
14) He got bored
Let’s face it, we have a throwaway culture these days.
From the fast fashion industry to the latest phone releases that quickly make the last one redundant.
For a lot of us, out with the old and in with the shiny new has become a bit of a way of life. And this attitude has also become commonplace in dating too.
In a world where we have the illusion of endless choice, we can be forever searching for a better option.
Always in search of the next new thing, some men just get bored as soon as the initial excitement starts to wear off.
15) He’s still making his mind up about you
If it feels like he has stopped talking to you and suddenly withdrawn a bit, he could just be making his mind up still.
He just isn’t 100% sure. If he has some doubts he may pull back whilst he tries to work out how he really feels.
As frustrating as it can be, plenty of us second-guess our feelings for someone, especially in the early stages.
This happened to a friend of mine when she first started talking to her boyfriend. All seemed to be going well. But out of nowhere he just stopped talking to her.
He wasn’t reaching out anymore, and she got, what felt like, frosty replies when she sent messages to him.
What turned things around for her was a few simple techniques she learned from watching a free video about this psychological theory called the hero instinct.
It says that men are genetically programmed to want certain things from a woman. They want to feel respected and useful. But the problem is, when their biological instinct isn’t triggered, they pull away.
Believe it or not, my friend just sent one simple text that seemed to turn everything around. But importantly, this text tapped into her boyfriend’s hero instinct.
If you want to get a guy off the fence about you, then I really recommend checking out this free video.
Even if this guy is a lost cause, triggering a man’s hero instinct is a skill you’re going to need.
It really can be as easy as knowing the right thing to say over a text to make him come to his senses.
16) He thinks you’re seeing someone else
We’ve already talked about the potential that he could be seeing someone else. But there is also a chance that he thinks you are seeing or talking to other guys.
If he has got the impression there are other dudes on the scene, he might not be up for the competition.
Perhaps he mistakenly thinks this, or maybe you have been dating other men.
Either way, he could have felt threatened if he thinks he is losing ground to another man.
In this instance, holding back might be his way of simply trying to protect himself.
17) He’s worried he came on too strong
Let’s not forget, none of us are given a manual on how to behave when it comes to romance, dating, and love.
We’re all just making it up as we go along. Maybe things started out strong and you were constantly talking.
He always reached out to you. He constantly sent you messages and texts, just to see what you were doing or say hi.
If his interest level was super high, there’s a chance he was worried that he was coming on a bit too strong, and so has decided to play things cooler.
This is especially likely if he started to feel like he was the one always reaching out, or driving the communication.
It could be a tactic to see if he steps back, whether you will reach out.
18) He freaked out
Emotions can feel intense. They can create all sorts of weird reactions in us as we try to deal with our feelings.
Although liking someone, in theory, is a good thing, it can cause us to freak out sometimes too.
When you’ve caught feelings for someone, it can make you feel uncomfortable. You can panic a bit about the intensity of your feelings. You might not know how to handle them.
If you’ve been getting closer, he may have panicked. If he doesn’t know how to handle or express these emotions, he decides to step back instead.
If this is the case, he could be feeling pretty confused and unsure of himself.
19) He only likes the chase
You’ve probably heard this before. The idea is that some men only like the chase. That they don’t actually want to be romantically involved with anyone.
They prefer to keep things casual and fun. So if you start to move towards him, he’ll decide to step back.
Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr says, sadly, this happens:
“Almost everyone – men and women – put a certain added ‘value’ on to something that’s not easily attainable…It’s the same with sex and the classic chase – many men find the chase exciting and it strikes their ego to feel they’re the one who is finally going to get her attention. Add to this the fact that men are very goal focused and an elusive goal can seem all that much more interesting.”
If the cat feels like he already caught his mouse, then the chase is over and he may stop talking to you.
20) His ex is back on the scene
Has he recently been through a breakup? Was there another girl that you know he was into?
Rather than him talking to multiple women, there may be one in particular who is back on the scene.
If he was looking for a distraction to try to mend a broken heart, you could have gotten caught up in the collateral damage.
There may be someone in the picture with who he has a history with and with who he has started to rekindle a romance.
21) He was just looking for some attention
Why do guys stop talking to you and then start again?
You’ll usually find it coincides with when they are on the lookout for some attention.
It sounds cruel to think that they are just looking for something to do. But some men like to chat up with women to give themselves an ego boost.
They see it as something fun to do, but it doesn’t mean their feelings run deep enough to take it any further.
Deep down it’s often a sign of insecurity when you need validation and attention from someone to feel good about yourself.
But he may stop talking to you if he fills up his ego, and so doesn’t need you anymore.
22) There has been a misunderstanding
If this article proves anything, it’s that communication can be confusing.
It’s very easy to feel in the dark about how someone feels and what they are thinking. Miscommunication and misunderstanding are very common in romance.
We mistake what the other person meant. We project our own thoughts onto someone else.
Maybe he stopped talking to you because of some sort of mix-up or misunderstanding. It could be something as simple as who was meant to call who. Or it could be something more complicated like how you feel about him.
Perhaps you unknowingly said something that offended him or your wires were crossed somehow.
But it’s possible that the reason he stopped talking to you was from some misunderstanding.
23) He’s worried your feelings are stronger than his
This has happened to me more times than I care to remember.
I’ve started chatting to a guy. It seems to be going well. But at some point, they get spooked because they realize I’m looking for something they’re not prepared to give.
If he is just looking for something casual, but he thinks you two might not be on the same page, then he is probably trying to do damage control by backing off.
Sadly, when they think you are catching feelings, some guys will go running for the hills.
It all seemed innocent fun until he panics that you might be getting the idea he is boyfriend material.
He’s afraid that you will fall for him and want something serious. So he stops talking to you.
24) He’s self-sabotaging
Particularly when everything seems to be going so well, self-sabotaging is a very strange thing that we sometimes do.
And, as pointed out in Psychology Today, people often aren’t aware they are doing it:
“The forces that lead to self-sabotage can also be more subtle, such as an accumulation of dysfunctional and distorted beliefs that lead people to underestimate their capabilities, suppress their feelings, or lash out at those around them.”
In relationships, this can lead to pulling away to try to protect themselves:
“Developing a deep relationship leads to vulnerability. The process can make some insecure about the potential loss of the relationship, their self-esteem, and uncomfortable feelings that surface. The desire to avoid emotional pain and protect themselves could be the reason for sabotaging a relationship.”
Many of us have a habit of messing things up when they are good. Insecurities do that to us.
25) He’s immature
Maturity plays a really big part in the quality of the connections and relationships we are able to create with others.
And so, emotional immaturity can also lead to behaving in some strange or inappropriate ways.
As someone perceptively points out on Quora when asked why a guy would stop talking to you, it can be an immature way of avoiding discomfort:
“I think some people do this because they are not good at dealing with “conflicts” and this way they don’t have to face any criticism, potential arguments, or being confronted. I know someone whose boyfriend of 5 years broke up with her in a text. Some people are certainly not good at practicing emotional maturity.”
He should be mature enough to explain to you what is going on, rather than leaving you guessing. If he doesn’t, and simply stops talking to you instead, it hints at some emotional immaturity.
What should you do when a guy stops talking to you?
1) Reach out, but only once
I’ve seen some advice that says never reach out to a man. I think that is nonsense.
After all, it totally depends on the relationship you have with him and the situation. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with sending one message to try to get to the bottom of things.
It’s up to you what feels most appropriate. It could be something casual, just to test the water and see if you get a response. Something like:
“Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while, all ok?”
Or if there is zero doubt in your mind that he has stopped talking to you, then you may decide to address the elephant in the room directly with something like:
You aren’t losing any self-respect or dignity in checking in on someone who you genuinely like. It simply shows good communication and maturity if anything.
But don’t let this spill over into desperate behavior. So this part’s important:
Send one brief message and that’s it.
2) Do not chase him
The point above leads me very nicely to my next point.
After sending your one message, do nothing. Nada.
The ball is now in his court. You have to wait for him to contact you.
I know this may seem torturous, but even if you don’t hear from him, then you do (in a roundabout way) have your answer.
3) Do not social media stalk him
Still watching what he is up to on social media is like picking an open wound and then wondering why it hurts.
My friend tortured herself about a guy who she liked that stopped talking to her, yet he still followed her on social media and watched all her stories.
She found it super confusing. But the truth is actually pretty simple:
He is happy to be an observer in your life but doesn’t care enough to be a participator.
To avoid this, ban yourself from checking his social media (but that requires willpower), mute him or unfollow him.
4) Lean on fun distractions
A watched phone never pings.
The best antidote to problems in our love life can be to bring the focus back on ourselves to quit obsessing about them.
Try to have fun, see friends, watch comedies, do your favorite hobbies, and take care of yourself.
Your world is way bigger than this one guy, so be sure to remind yourself of that.
5) Move on
If you’ve still not heard from a guy who stopped talking to you, then rest assured there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Why does it hurt when someone stops talking to you? Because all rejection hurts, and we see it as a form of rejection.
But the brutal truth is that if he’s stopped talking to you, then he is far from your Prince Charming.
Sadly he has shown you that he isn’t worth your time and energy.
And as Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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