When it comes to love, you can often be your own worst enemy.
Self-doubt and insecurity can sink a relationship before it even starts, plaguing you with the conviction that you’re “not good enough” for the guy you are interested in.
Here’s why these feelings of inadequacy are wrong and are actually a turning point to a much better love life.
1) Digging up the roots of your insecurity
First of all, it’s important to dig up the roots of your insecurity. For almost all of us, the feeling of not being good enough began in childhood.
We can’t control where we’re born or our family situation, and many misunderstandings and traumas that occur when we’re young leave a deep impression.
Even having a parent who doesn’t pay enough attention to us as we need or give us the love we crave can leave a strong feeling that we’re not worthy of love and the affection of others.
Once this kind of message gets embedded, it starts running like a script in our head, sabotaging our life and relationships for years to come.
2) Turn the tables around and see what happens
If you think you’re not good enough for him, you’re wrong, and there’s a simple way to prove it.
Try flipping around the tables and imagine you’re him worrying if he’s not good enough for you.
How silly would you feel? And how surprised?
Because quite honestly there’s a good chance that this is exactly what he’s feeling too…
And there’s a way for both of you to get over these inner feelings of not being worthy of love.
In fact the truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
3) The fear of rejection is sabotaging you
It’s normal to be afraid of rejection. We all are…
At least I know I am.
Of course getting rejected by someone you ask out for coffee on a whim means a lot less than getting rejected by someone you started dating and have feelings for…
But rejection of any form does hurt, and if you already feel like there’s something wrong or “not good enough” about you then it tends to feed into that narrative.
We create a self-fulfilling prophecy where we begin looking all over to prove our own own doubts about ourself. And eventually we find them, get down and then watch the relationship go south (or never start to begin with).
4) Your relationship past doesn’t define your relationship future
One of the worst things that can cause you to think you’re not good enough for him is if you feel your relationship experience is lacking or overly full of drama.
Why would a guy so good-looking and balanced and interesting be into a woman like you with a broken past and horrible exes?
The thing about your relationship past is that it doesn’t define your relationship future.
Yes, the topic may and probably should come up if you start getting serious with this guy, but it does not mean you are not good enough for him.
Chances are he has some skeletons in his closet, too.
5) There’s a secret solution inside you to feeling trapped and inadequate
If you’re feeling insecure and unworthy it’s like a heavy weight around your neck.
You feel like no amount of words or encouragement can give you that self-confidence and inner peace in this situation.
You feel sure you’re not good enough, and like nothing I write here can change that…
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
When I felt the most lost in life, I was introduced to an unusual free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê, which focuses on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace.
My relationship was failing, I felt tense all the time. My self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom. I’m sure you can relate – heartbreak does little to nourish the heart and soul.
I had nothing to lose, so I tried this free breathwork video, and the results were incredible.
But before we go any further, why am I telling you about this?
I’m a big believer in sharing – I want others to feel as empowered as I do. And, if it worked for me, it could help you too.
Secondly, Rudá hasn’t just created a bog-standard breathing exercise – he’s cleverly combined his many years of breathwork practice and shamanism to create this incredible flow – and it’s free to take part in.
Now, I don’t want to tell you too much because you need to experience this for yourself.
All I will say is that by the end of it, I felt peaceful and optimistic for the first time in a long time.
And let’s face it, we can all do with a feel-good boost during relationship struggles.
So, if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to your failing relationship, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video. You might not be able to save your relationship, but you will stand a shot of saving yourself and your inner peace.
The list is almost endless when it comes to the difficulties that can arise from repression.
We all do it, and our personalities in many ways are defined by those things we’re willing to express authentically and those we feel ashamed of or have repressed.
6) Looks do matter (but they don’t mean everything)
One of the common reasons why some women think they’re not good enough for a guy is looks.
He may be a supermodel Hugh Jackman lookalike while you consider yourself a plain Jane, or even downright ugly…
I’m not going to patronize you and say you’re beautiful. I can’t see who’s reading this.
I will say that Hollywood has created unrealistic standards of beauty and that personally as a guy I like women who aren’t the “supermodel” and ultra-thin type.
But I’ll also be straight-up and admit that looks do matter to me.
So if you’re worried you’re not good enough for him due to looks, I can sympathize.
What I will say is that the personal connection you build with a guy will end up meaning just as much as your physical beauty, and that beauty is also in the eye of the beholder to a certain extent.
Women I find stunning, some of my friends find “strange” or ugly. Different strokes for different folks, I guess!
7) The hits you’re taking in life don’t define you
One of the top reasons why you might believe you’re not good for him is that life is kicking your ass.
From your job to your family and friendships, things are going wrong that have you feeling terrible.
For this reason, you look at the mess your life has become and wonder “what guy would want a piece of this insanity?”
But the thing to remember is that your life problems don’t define you, and that he’s got plenty of his own, too.
Never beat yourself up or take yourself out of the race because your life is going through a rough patch.
You still deserve love!
8) If you’re mentally or physically ill, don’t give up
Another big reason that you may believe you’re not good enough for him is if you are mentally or physically ill.
You may have the impression that you’re “damaged goods” and that this guy won’t want you.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Of course you should not be looking for a savior or guy to come fix or rescue you, but at the same time the idea that we have to wait to be fully well and “perfect” until being worthy of love is a damaging and false idea.
9) You have more power than you realize
There are so many forces in modern life that seek to take away our power, tell us who we are and channel us into exploited identity groups.
They want corporate drones, political pawns, ideological robots…
These forces can get us feeling we’re not worthy of love and that we probably won’t even ever find it.
The question is:
How can you overcome this insecurity that’s been nagging you and the social conditioning that’s poisoned your mind?
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration, dreaming but never achieving, and of living in self-doubt, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
10) Think about all the people who see your worth
One of the best ways to also start reversing this inner sense of low self-worth is to think about all the people who see the best in you.
When I’ve been plagued by feeling like dirt, I’ve been buoyed by the comments and encouragement from friends, often out of the blue…
Telling me they appreciate me…
Praising my creativity…
Or giving me a nudge in the direction of valuing myself.
The truth is that there are probably more people who see your worth and appreciate you than you think.
And I’d bet good money that the guy you’re interested in might be one of them.
11) Level up
Focus on the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled across your life.
Hit the gym, go for runs, start painting or crafting…
Learn a language or go to a used clothing store and buy items to redesign and tailor into a new outfit..
There are so many options out there for learning to grow your own self-confidence and reaching your full potential.
When you believe that you don’t measure up, you’ll often look around for signals of it until you end up causing it to come true.
Or you’ll take one example of a hurtful rejection and make it the chorus of your life.
But I encourage you to think and feel about this in a new way.
Because here’s the thing about being good enough…
Leaving the idea of being “good enough” behind is, ironically, necessary if you want to be good enough.
Because the truth is that all of us are mortal, flawed and temperamental.
Our emotions rise and fall, and our relationships go through ups and downs.
If you believe you are insufficient or broken in a way that makes you unworthy of someone else’s attention or love, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you believe you are worthy of love and affection, you seek out those who believe the same and find a way to move on from those who aren’t ready to rise to your standards.
The fact of the matter is that nothing gets better until you get better. Even a happy relationship will soon collapse or become codependent if you believe you’re basically not good enough.
“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited of what could go right!”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.