10 things to do when your soulmate doesn’t want you

Sometimes life doesn’t come together with the way the stars want it to.

We all have a path we’re meant to take and a person we’re meant to be with, but just because it’s in our destiny doesn’t mean it will necessarily happen.

Even the universe can’t predict all unknown permutations of life, which is why sometimes even when a person meets their soulmate, they don’t end up together.

Finding out that your soulmate doesn’t want you the way you want them can be a confusing, terrifying realization.

You might have been including them in all your life plans, and now you have to throw all that out the window and find the desire to live without them.

But how do you continue without your soulmate?

Here are 10 things to do when your soulmate doesn’t want you:

Ask Yourself: Were They Really Your Soulmate?

Realizing that your soulmate doesn’t see you the same way is a heartbreaking experience.

And while it can be difficult (if not impossible) to truly assess your connection with them at the moment, it’s important to look at your bond in hindsight, after it’s done.

Before you grieve over the loss of your soulmate, ask yourself: were they really your soulmate to begin with?

Here are some signs that they weren’t:

1) You Felt Like You Had To Be Someone Else

Being with your soulmate should be easy and straightforward.

It should be as simple as breathing: you do it naturally and without thought, as if it’s just an action you were born to do.

The relationship with your soulmate should be that smooth, at least the majority of the time.

But with your supposed “soulmate”, you never truly felt comfortable in your own skin.

You always felt like you had to try to change yourself when you were with them just so they would like you.

That might be the way you dress, the things you say, or even your entire behavior.

But if you have to be another person for your soulmate to like you, then are you really their soulmate?

2) They Had Trouble Reading Your Mind

Your soulmate should be the person most spiritually connected to you in your life.

They should resonate with you on all wavelengths, and when two people are that closely bonded, they should be able to read each other’s minds, at least to a certain extent.

Your soulmate is always thinking of you.

All the little microexpressions, behaviors, quirks — these are all modes of non-verbal communication that soulmates should pick up on and interpret.

But the person you thought to be your soulmate never really understood you intuitively.

Everything needed to be spelled out for them, piece by piece, to the point that they drove you to frustration just because they couldn’t even get the simplest things without being told.

3) You Constantly Had To Fight For the Relationship

It always felt like an uphill battle, being with this person you thought was your soulmate; and most of the time, it felt like you were the only one doing any of the fighting.

Your “soulmate” was more than happy to hold onto grudges, negative feelings, and doubts, while you were always trying to prove that the relationship was worth fighting for.

But being with your soulmate shouldn’t be so difficult.

Of course, no relationship is perfect; there will always be fights and arguments, even between the most compatible partners.

But it shouldn’t feel like it’s hopeless half the time, a losing battle where one person doesn’t seem to be putting in the work.

4) You’re Always Doubting Your Own Thoughts

Your soulmate should be the person who helps you reach your absolute potential.

They should be the person who empowers you, makes you feel that you can conquer the world (or at least your dreams!).

While differences in thoughts and ideologies are to be expected even between soulmates, your true soulmate won’t let those differences get in the way of your relationship, and will accept you for who you are.

But with your supposed soulmate, you always felt like you had to think twice about every thought in your head before sharing it with them.

Most of the time, they made you feel like your natural reactions and responses were wrong, and even inferior to their own.

So you ended up walking on eggshells around them without realizing it, because you never wanted to come off stupid.

5) You Had to Defend Their Actions To Your Friends

Your friends are your most trusted confidantes, and when you were with the person you thought was your soulmate, they never felt like things were truly right.

There may have been events or behaviors that your friends witnessed which made them seriously question whether or not this person was right for you.

Some soulmates can even cheat on their partner.

And you, of course, being so in love with this person, did everything you could to try to convince your friends that they were wrong, and they just didn’t know your soulmate’s “real” version.

But you will realize that when you actually find your soulmate, your friends will notice that true bond the moment they first see you two together.

There will be no doubts from your friends, and therefore no need to defend anything.

If They Were Your Soulmate

If you’ve gone over everything and you still believe that this person was your soulmate, then maybe they actually were.

So how then do you move on from the person that was meant to be your partner for life?

How do you rebuild your life, knowing that the person the universe destined to be yours doesn’t want anything to do with you?

6) Take Time Off To Understand What Really Happened

The normal reaction after losing your soulmate is absolute devastation.

You may find yourself trapped in a negative spiral of self-pity for weeks or months, without the will to continue with your responsibilities.

For the longest time you thought you had the love of your life secured, but now you have to figure out how to keep living without them by your side.

And the hardest part? This is what they want.

This can be one of the most traumatic experiences of your life, but it’s important to remember that it’s also a learning experience, but only if you take the time to make it one.

If this person really was your soulmate, then you have to try to understand — what did you do so wrong that turned your soulmate away from you?

It might not have even been something you did, but something that just happened that neither of you could avoid.

Without this learning, you’ll always feel that a part of you is deeply missing.

7) Forgive Yourself Before Trying To Move On

The reality of losing your soulmate is often too difficult to accept.

You don’t want to look this awful event in your life in the eyes, and even when you do eventually learn to live with it, you’d rather pretend it never happened instead of constantly facing the knowledge that you lost your soulmate.

And you’ll end up trying to forget by forcing new partners into your life.

You may think it’s the right idea to go on a series of dates, with the intention of either sleeping away from your pain or finding someone who can fill the void in your heart.

But you’ll never find happiness in the arms of another lover because, at the end of the day, you blame yourself for losing your soulmate.

The only right answer is self-reflection — looking within yourself, seeing the flaws that made your soulmate leave your side, and forgiving yourself for having those flaws.

8) Find Ways To Start Anew

It might not be easy to swallow, but there’s one hard truth you’re going to have to accept (aside from losing your soulmate): life will never be the same again.

The life you had with your soulmate was a life you obviously once loved — the things you did, the places you went, the people you knew.

But to truly move on from your soulmate and move away from the pain, you need to tell yourself: things can’t keep going on the way I want them to.

Your routines, habits, and maybe even the city you live in; all of these have to change.

A break up with your soulmate is the worst break up you will ever have in your life, and it requires the most serious efforts to truly get over it.

9) Accept That They Will Always Be a Part Of You

Getting over your soulmate doesn’t mean ripping them out of your heart and forgetting their name and face.

This person was called your soulmate for a reason: they were the one that was meant for you.

But for one reason or another, reality simply didn’t align with destiny, and you aren’t spending your life with the person you were meant to be with.

But that doesn’t mean you need to try to bury that part of yourself and never remember it again.

This person is a part of who you are, even if they aren’t a part of your present and future.

Ignoring what was supposed to be isn’t healthy for your mind or soul, and will only lead to decades of regret.

Accept their role in your life, even if you don’t like it.

10) Understand That Love Will Come Again, Even If It’s Not the Same

Here’s the thing they don’t tell you when they talk about soulmates: if you do manage to lose your soulmate, it’s not the end of the world.


Because you can fall in love with just about anyone who has the right characteristics and right personality to match yours.

You can move on, build a happy life, and live in a satisfying relationship.

Just because it isn’t with your soulmate doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

However, it won’t be exactly the same, so don’t expect it to be.

Your standards are sky-high because you’ve already met the perfect person for you, so try to ease up on the next person who walks into your life.

Don’t expect things to click as smoothly and flawlessly as it once did, and realize that adjustments will have to be made to make things work.

And that’s okay.

Most of us don’t end up with our soulmates; there’s nothing wrong with that.

Appreciate the time you had with them, but understand that it’s for the best to move on.

You don’t want to waste your life waiting for someone who doesn’t want you.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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