Raychel Ria Agramon
It’s an all-too-familiar scene: catching your guy – in this case, your husband – looking at another woman.
So what do they really think when they do this?
Worry not, for I have the answers below…
1) Nothing – it’s just plain reflex
When your husband looks at another woman, it’s not always because he thinks of cheating on you. More often than not, it’s just a plain reflex.
As with most men, he likes seeing beautiful things. Of course, he can’t help but look whenever he sees one.
As an NBC News article explains:
“In a series of experiments on something called “attention adhesion,” a team of psychologists found that every one of the men and women in their study fixated on highly attractive people within the first half second of seeing them and had a harder time pulling their gaze away from good-looking folks than average joes.”
And yes, it’s not just men that do it. According to the above-cited study, women are equally guilty too.
The moral of the story here is don’t get mad at your husband right away. You may not know it, but he may have caught you ogling at other hotties as well!
2) He admires her
Similar to ogling being a reflex, your husband may look at another woman simply because he admires her.
Maybe she’s got the face (or the grace) that your hubby has always liked.
Although this is the case, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s bent on cheating on you. Just put yourself in his shoes: if you see a guy with the qualities you’ve always liked, you’ll surely do a double-take as well.
3) He wants you to trigger his inner hero
If you often catch your husband looking at other women, then one of the possible reasons is you haven’t brought out his inner hero.
Also known as the hero instinct, it’s what James Bauer describes as a motivating factor in men’s relationships.
It’s inborn, and yes, all men have it.
See, this hero instinct can transform your husband into a better person. You won’t have to worry much about his wandering eye after this!
The good news is you can tap into this potential and make your husband the best spouse he could be.
All you need to do is watch James Bauer’s excellent free video. Here, you’ll learn about a text that will appeal to his hero instinct right away. I have personally used this, and it has worked wonders for my relationship!
If you want your man to be the hero you’ve always dreamed of, then all you need to do is watch this free informative video.
4) “Why is my wife looking at her?”
Say you were gazing at this girl for quite a while. Perhaps you were either admiring her style or sending her a look of fashion disapproval.
I mean, those shoes with that dress?
Your man, being the curious character that he is, starts to look her way. You see, he’s ogling her because he saw you ogling her.
He’s wondering why you’ve been staring at her for the longest time. So don’t be surprised if he nudges you and asks: “Why are you staring at her?”
5) He’s curious
If your husband is looking at another woman with a quizzical stare, it’s probably because he’s curious.
Don’t worry though, because this does not automatically mean that he’s interested in knowing her.
According to a Psychology Today article, people (your husband included) stare because “faces, and in particular, the eyes, provide lots of useful non-verbal information about a person’s mental state.”
So in case you catch your man looking at the woman’s lips, it’s not because he wants to kiss her!
According to the report, people “stare at others’ lips to gain additional contextual cues about what they mean when they’re talking… It could be because they actually can’t hear you all that well.”
And if he’s staring at the woman’s hands, it’s not because he wants to hold them.
“People might also look at your hands if you’re using gestures while you’re speaking, or perhaps they’re trying to figure out how to do what you’re doing,” adds the report.
6) He thinks her clothes/bag/shoes etc. will look good on you
If your hubby is fashion-conscious, then he’s probably thinking that her clothes/bag/shoes etc. will look good on you.
Perhaps he’s curious as to where she got her bag. He knows that you’ve wanted to have that purse for the longest time, and he’s planning to buy one for your birthday.
Should this be the case, don’t be surprised if he goes ahead and talks to her. He’ll try to do it the subtlest way he could, for he doesn’t want you to know that he’s planning to get your dream handbag.
As you see, this relates to the hero instinct I explained earlier.
When a man feels needed, he’ll be driven to be a better partner. So even if there’s a pretty woman in front of her, he’ll only think of you – and how you’ll rock her outfit better.
The good news is you could easily trigger your husband’s hero instinct simply by texting the ‘right’ things.
This is actually what I learned when I watched this simple and genuine video by James Bauer. I bet you’ll learn a lot from this too!
7) He’s doing it to annoy/tease you
If you’ve been married to your husband for so long, then things may be a little ‘blah’ for you both. So, to add more ‘spice’ into your relationship, your hubby may do something to annoy or tease you.
And yes, one of his ways may be to look at other women.
As marriage counselor Julienne Derichs explains in her Bustle interview:
“Being playful is such an important part of a relationship. It helps couples connect, de-stress, and it acts as an important repair technique when couples are feeling tense over conflict. Laughter and teasing can help de-escalate the conflict and help you remember that you actually like each other.”
8) He’s bored
Picture this: your man is the only male at the dinner table because your friends’ husbands and boyfriends decided to pass.
To make matters worse, his cell phone batt has just gone empty. Now, he’s so bored that he can’t help but watch the people around you.
So if you – or friends – manage to catch him looking at another woman – it’s not because he’s admiring her. It’s just that he’s so bored out of his wits so he’s resorted to staring at every person that passes his way.
As psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. explains in her Psychology Today article:
“Many of us turn to people watching to pass the time. Without even realizing it, perhaps, we decide whether those sharing our space—even temporarily—are smart or dumb, interesting or dull, and happy or anxious. We might even start to spin theories about them… Fleshing out our theories from the clothes they’re wearing, the jewelry they have on, and even the state of their shoes.”
9) He’s zoned out
If you catch your man staring at a girl, observe his eyes first. Is it lit up, or is it just glazed over? If it’s the latter, then there’s a huge chance that he’s just zoned out.
In other words, his mind has gone to ‘offline mode’ – a time when he has no idea of what’s happening around him.
And yes, a report shows that it occurs around 13% of the time.
In fact, evidence suggests that “zoning out may be vital to creativity and imaginative thought. It allows us to float along internal streams of consciousness without being distracted by dull external stimuli. In offline mode, we become free to follow where our minds randomly take us — perhaps arriving at a “eureka!” moment, or at the very least, a spontaneous and interesting idea.”
10) He’s no longer happy with you
If your man is no longer happy in your relationship, his eyes will wander and look for women who’ll make him smile.
Since this can be hard to spot at times, it’ll be best if you spoke with a relationship coach about your situation.
That’s actually what I did when I caught my husband staring at this bronze goddess who walked past us.
I spoke to a coach at Relationship Hero, where I found the best and most trusted relationship coaches.
You see, I don’t really believe in speaking to these people. But after not getting any usable advice from my friends, I decided to visit the website.
Needless to say, it helped get my marriage back on track.
Like me, you don’t have to suffer in silence. All you need to do is reach out to a coach over at Relationship Hero, and they will hep you no matter how complicated your situation might be.
11) He’s sexually attracted to her
We’re all guilty of something that makes our loins ‘burn.’ It could be big biceps for you, and say, an ample bottom for him.
So in case he sees one, he may not help but look at her (or at ‘that’ specific place.)
That being said, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he plans on doing something about it. Again, it all boils down to ‘reflex.’
She’s her type, and he can’t help but look at her.
In fact, researcher Margo Mullinax, Ph.D. says “It’s totally normal to have feelings for other people.”
In her Men’s Health interview, she explained that “Crushes can continue throughout your lifespan. You don’t just stop having them because you’re in a relationship.”
The good news is this little crush “has absolutely nothing to do with you or your relationship.”
According to Mullinax, “Attraction to other people is practically inevitable, regardless of whether your marriage is struggling or rock-solid.”
12) …or it’s the opposite: he’s not his type!
Although men mostly look at other women because they admire or are attracted to them, it’s not always the case.
In fact, your husband could be looking at his lady because he dislikes her.
Just look at the way he looks at him. Is it with disapproval, or distaste, perhaps?
Maybe your husband – who’s conservative by nature – is concerned with the woman’s provocative dressing.
Perhaps he senses that she’s not treating her partner the way he thinks she should.
As you see, if your husband looks at another woman, it need not alarm you. If any, it should make you glad. It’s one of the things that’ll make him realize how lucky he is to have you.
13) She’s blocking his way
We all don’t like things (or people) blocking our way. So if your husband is looking intently at another woman, he may be thinking that she’s a hindrance (or an obstacle) along the way.
For example, you both may be rushing to get somewhere. But this woman is just chilling there, potentially delaying your attempt to get to a particular location on time.
Again, this is one of the reasons why you shouldn’t get all mad when you see him looking at another woman. He could be thinking this way, and he just wants you both to get where you need to go ASAP.
He’s hoping that by staring at her, she’ll get out of the way – without the need for him to ask her to do so.
14) She’s causing a scene
Our eyes will always gravitate towards something peculiar. So if a woman is causing a scene, your husband will find it hard NOT to look at her.
I’ll bet you’ll feel the same way too!
For this, you’ll have to blame curiosity.
According to author Mario Livio, “It’s a bit like an itch that we need to scratch. That’s why we try to find out the information to relieve that type of curiosity.”
As you see, he’s starting because he’s wondering what’s happening. He’s curious as to why she’s acting that way. Unless you pull him away, your man will just stare until the lady stops making a fuss.
15) “She’s seducing me.”
Men know when women are seducing them. There’s an aura of sorts, if you will.
Expectedly, your husband won’t be able to stop himself from staring – especially if someone’s winking or making eye contact with them.
In fact, he may even wonder: “Why is she seducing me when I have my arms around my wife?”
Well, it’s the thrill of the chase, according to psychologist Stephanie Newman, Ph.D.
In her Psychology Today article, she explained that “If you’re a single woman, a relationship with a married man gives you breathing room…Plus, sneaking around has its thrills. The sex is great because it’s new, adventurous, no strings attached, and so on. ”
16) He may be planning on cheating on you
In case this woman is victorious in seducing your husband, his look may be an indication that he’s planning to cheat on you.
Some men like variety, which is why they often indulge themselves in novel sexual experiences.
That being said, this ‘seduction’ may not be the only reason why he’s planning to cheat. There could be several other reasons.
He may have unmet needs in your relationship, whether emotionally, sexually, or both.
He may have fallen out of love and he’s looking to spark romance – but with someone else.
He may have the opportunity to cheat. In his mind, why shouldn’t he take it?
He could also have low self-esteem, and he believes that being with someone else would help raise it.
On the other hand, you may have cheated on him before, and he’s planning to do the same to you.
Although it’s hard to determine his motivations – unless you talk to him – there may be a lot more brewing behind the ‘look.’
Final thoughts
It’s unsettling to see your husband looking at another woman. But as you see, most of the reasons why they do it are generally trivial.
That being said, there are some that can affect your relationship direly.
I know how troubling it could be, which is why I recommend doing something that will help your relationship.
That’s why I keep on circling back on the concept of hero instinct. By appealing to your husband’s inner hero, you’ll be able to take your relationship to greater heights.
And it’s just a matter of watching this free video.
When I watched it myself, it gave me immediate insight on how to trigger my hubby’s hero instinct.
And now, I could safely say that my spouse is far better than he was ages ago!
Watch the video right now and I promise you, your relationship will change for the better!
