Perhaps you’ve ignored the signs, or maybe you’ve just been in denial. It’s just unfortunate to think that you could mean so little to another human being when all you’ve done is love them. But, it’s ok, we live, and we learn.
If you’ve just had your heart squashed like mashed potato, don’t lose hope. You have plenty to offer, and sitting around walling in your self-pity isn’t going to help you finally meet “the one.”
So, if the penny has just dropped and you’ve just figured out that you mean nothing to someone, here’s what you need to do.
1) Acknowledgment is the first step.
It sounds ridiculous, but it’s essential; you have to acknowledge what’s happened.
The first step toward recovery is acknowledging that heartbreak hides behind various things, such as binge drinking, workaholism, and anxiety. Therefore, identifying heartbreak is the first step.
Here are the typical signs that you’re suffering from a broken heart:
- You cannot stop thinking about your ex.
- You follow their social media accounts to an extent where it’s becoming unhealthy.
- They dominate your conversations with your friends
- Alternatively, you refuse to speak to your friends about the breakup
- You may be overindulging (excessive partying, alcohol, substances, etc.)
- Neglecting your responsibilities
- You have lost your appetite, or you are eating more than you usually would
- You’re tearful all the time and are unable to stop crying
- You keep rerunning the breakup over and over in your head
- You have no energy and feel like sleeping all the time.
These symptoms are pretty typical. We all go through breakups, but know that what you’re going through is ordinary if it’s your first rodeo.
I’m not trying to minimize what you’re feeling simply stating that you’re not alone. Know that you will get through this, and you need to keep your chin up!
2) Don’t take it personally.
It can be a hard pill to swallow, realizing that the feelings weren’t mutual.
Whenever you face rejection, it’s easy to feel that there is something “wrong” with you, but in fact, the real reason they turned you down might have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Perhaps they’re not looking to settle down, they might have other things going on in their lives, or it could be a cut and dry case of the “timing” being off.
Regardless of the reason, if they need space, grant it to them. However, if they aren’t attracted to you at all, this should be enough reason to throw in the towel altogether. You can’t force somebody to love you. Doing this will cause you more profound heartache further down the road, and you don’t want to end up looking desperate, do you?
This brings me to the next point.
3) Don’t be desperate
Desperation is ugly, and it’s not a good look on anyone. It’s a kick to the gut when you’re in love with someone only to find out they don’t love you back. But, we all go through it at some point in our lives, and it’s a case of living and learning.
With that said, don’t beg and try to force them to change their mind. It’s impossible, and it will just never work out. Instead, think of it as a designer sweater; it’s not that it’s not nice, just that it doesn’t fit you. If this is the case, the best thing you can do is move on.
Forcing someone into staying with you by emotionally blackmailing or making them feel guilty is dumb for many obvious reasons, and it’s not going to work out at the end of the day.
4) Stay away from Social media and messaging apps
Yes, you read that correctly. Do yourself a huge favor and detox digitally. No social media, emails, or instant messages.
When you find yourself seeking answers, the first place most of us turn to is social media. So you’re scrolling and trolling, trying to figure things out, and are only likely going to make your feelings fester even more.
You will drive yourself insane trying to decipher and scrutinize their every move on social media, which will make you feel even more confused and unhinged.
Resist posting all those passive-aggressive memes you’ve been storing and stop scrolling through pictures of other happy couples on Facebook and Instagram.
If you don’t want to detox, simply unfollow or block your ex (if necessary) on social media. Place their mobile number on block or even delete the number if required.
Not only will it make you feel empowered, but it will also stop you from doing something silly like drunk dialing them after you’ve had a night out.
5) Take time to pamper yourself
You might be feeling lousy, and you might even feel devastated, unable to stop overthinking every little aspect of your relationship. You replay every conversation you have over and over again, and you’re starting to neglect yourself. You need to stop!
There is a reason why things didn’t work out between you. It’s not that you weren’t good enough or that you didn’t love hard enough. It boils down to it just wasn’t meant to be.
Instead of self-loathing and being miserable, go out there and pamper yourself.
Whether on a shopping trip, a day at the spa, or even a long walk on the beach, you need to make time for yourself.
A new pair of kicks and some fresh ocean air is precisely what you need to gather your energy and get a new lease on life.
6) Enjoy being single
You might feel compelled to start dating immediately and fall in love with the first person who shows interest in you.
Don’t fall for this; by getting with somebody new to heal the wounds of an ex, you’re simply delaying the healing process. We all want to feel loved, and rejection can cause us to do silly things like jumping into bed with someone else. You might feel a little better, but it’s cold comfort and is just a temporary measure to stop the hurt.
A rebound relationship isn’t a magical bandaid that’s going to heal all those wounds you’ve collected. So instead, take the time to work on yourself.
Do things you love doing and enjoy that you don’t have to answer to anyone but you. So many people take their singleness for granted. If you ask them now, I’ll bet you that they would give an arm and a leg to spend some time in solitude.
Just because you’re single doesn’t make you less of a person. Society is obsessed with labeling people and portraying single people as losers who’ll wander the earth alone aimlessly. It’s 2022; just be happy with yourself first; the universe will do the rest when you are ready.
7) Keep your cool
Wouldn’t it be great if they just fell off the edge of the earth and you didn’t have to deal anymore?
Wishful thinking, I’m afraid, sometimes our exes remain in our lives. Whether they’re a coworker, parent, or business partner, if you’re going to have to continue to stay in each other’s lives, don’t be a douche. Keep your composure and interact with them civilly and courteously.
Nobody likes being hurt.
When someone hurts you, you want them to hurt too. It’s normal to feel this way, but when you need to remain in contact, choose to be the bigger person. Let your mind hurl as many insults and sarcastic clap-backs as possible. Just keep them to yourself.
8) Make your circle bigger
When things go south, and you have mutual friends, it’s a rocky road to try and navigate. So naturally, you’re going to be tempted to ask questions and get the low down on what your ex is doing. I’ve been there, and I’m not judging you.
So, to remedy this situation, why not try meeting a few new people and extending your friendship circle. Join a gym, take up a new hobby, or volunteer at that animal shelter you’ve always wanted to.
Meeting new people isn’t as scary as it sounds. On the contrary, you might be pleasantly surprised at who you meet, and you might even find your soulmate when you’re not looking.
9) Take yourself on dates
This might sound similar to one of my earlier points, but it’s different. Taking yourself on a date means getting dressed up and hitting the town on your own.
Whether it be a bar, a restaurant, or a trip to the art gallery, part of healing is getting to know yourself and figuring out what you want out of life. Going out on your own can be an incredibly liberating experience.
Remember, just because you didn’t mean anything to your ex doesn’t mean you have no value. Thousands would give everything they have to spend time in your company. I believe in you, so now you need to do the same.
10) Rebrand and Reboot
What do corporations usually do when they take a knock? They rebrand themselves, of course.
I’m not talking about dramatic changes, so if you’re thinking of a trip to the plastic surgeon for a complete overall — you’re on the wrong page.
The first thing you need to realize is that there is nothing wrong with who you are. Perhaps you’ve grown in such a way that the old you just need a little pepping up?
Think of how Madonna has reinvented herself throughout the decades. Yes, you might not have Madonna money, but you can make some subtle changes to help you rebrand.
Go for that super short crop cut, or get those pink streaks in your hair. As the saying goes, change is as good as a holiday, and you’ll feel more optimistic, and you’ll be working towards becoming the best possible version of yourself.
11) Don’t party the pain away
When you’ve just had your heart pulled out of your chest, you might be tempted to hit the clubs and the bars and indulge in a bender.
There’s no magic cure that will take your heartache away; substances like alcohol and recreational drugs are merely temporary fixes and are not at all the right thing to do.
I could preach to you about how dangerous they can be, but you already know all of that.
There’s nothing wrong with attending an occasional party, but don’t let things get out of control.
When the party’s over, you’ll still be left with an aching heart and one helluva hangover.
12) Move on
There is no doubt that every human being has experienced this at some point in their lifetimes (if not more)! It does not matter if your partner feels nothing for you. You’re strong, you will get over it, and you will survive. Yes, this too shall pass.
This is an excellent opportunity to examine why you were in love with this person in the first place. Is it because they were open and honest with you? Was it physical attraction, or perhaps you felt a sense of comfort with them?
The best piece of advice I’ve ever heard is that you cannot grow when you’re in a comfort zone. Real growth and progression occur when the rug gets pulled out from under your feet, and you have to pick up the pieces. It makes us strong, builds resilience, and inevitably makes us better.
So, stop obsessing about something that wasn’t meant to be. Moving on is brave, and it’s the most sensible thing to do.
I hope that this article has helped you feel a little better!
We all want to be in healthy relationships with people who appreciate all that we have to offer.
If this person was not the one for you, it doesn’t mean that you will never find someone who is – and it’s possible to find that someone even when you least expect it.
Stay positive, don’t let the heartache make you bitter, and keep working on yourself. Your soulmate is waiting for you, and you’ll find them when you’re ready and least expect it!
Putting yourself first
Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.
And even then…plans fail.
But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…
No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.
I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.
Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.
She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.
So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.
How much do you want it?
Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?
If so, check out the workshop here.
If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!
All the best,
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