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What to do when a woman feels neglected in a relationship: 11 practical tips

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There’s nothing worse than making the love of your life — your partner and your queen — feel neglected in your relationship with her.

It might not be something you’ve done intentionally or something that happened overnight; maybe the neglect seeped in slowly after months or years of being together, and you never even realized you were doing it until she started showing you that she’s become emotionally withdrawn.

So what can you do?

How do you win back your partner’s love after making her feel neglected for so long?

How can you prove that you’re still the man who deserves her, and reinvigorate her feelings in the relationship once again?

Here are 11 tips for what to do when a woman feels neglected in a relationship:

1) Encourage Her To Talk To You Again

Your partner will always want to share her thoughts about everything with you; you’re her number one confidante, and she loves having that confidentiality with you.

But when she starts to feel neglected, that excitement to tell you about every little thing starts to go away; instead, she keeps it to herself, because she knows how little you care about what she has to say.

So bring that spark back out and encourage her to tell you about everything once again.

She’ll feel appreciated knowing that you miss her stories and her thoughts because she’ll realize that you really do care about what she has to say.

2) Show Affection In Bed, Every Single Night

One of the first ways that couples disconnect from each other is physically.

As you start to drift apart, the number of times you show physical affection in bed — whether through sex or just playful, loving touching — drops quickly, until the touch of each other’s skin becomes unfamiliar to both partners.

Start building that physicality with her once again.

Hold her close against you while you sleep, and touch her in the small ways that give her goosebumps.

Run your fingers across her arms, her chest, her back; give her small, sweet pinches around her body.

Let her feel that you love touching her, and do this consistently every single night.

3) When She’s Annoyed At You, Cool Her Down

Your relationship has been damaged; long-term neglect has soured the way she feels about you, and there’s no overnight solution to those deep feelings of resentment.

But you can show her that you’re sorry for that neglect every day by accepting the small bouts of anger and annoyance she directs towards you, and simply cooling the situation down.

The next time she snaps at you over something small, don’t use it as an excuse to start another fight.

Instead, try to understand why she doesn’t like you as much as she once did, and forgive her for that small outburst.

Show her that the health of your relationship is more important to you than any small argument.

4) Check In On Her

One of the easiest ways to make a neglected partner feel loved again?

Stop neglecting her, of course, and do the complete opposite: give her more attention than she’s ever experienced from you.

Check in on her regularly throughout the day.

Not to the point of being annoying, but just enough to let her know that she’s in your thoughts, and you love her even when she’s not around.

She doesn’t want to feel like you’re the type of guy to think “out of sight, out of mind”; let her know that she’s always special to you, even when you’re both miles away in the middle of your busy days.

5) Start New Hobbies With Her

There’s no quicker way to reboot a relationship than to simply give it a bucket of new experiences. What better way to wash away old, frustrating memories than by replacing them with new, exciting, loving experiences?

So pick up some new hobbies with her.

Find new ways to spend time together that aren’t about the relationship, but your shared interest in something that you can both enjoy together.

Whether that’s gaming, hiking, martial arts, painting, or anything else — as long as you two can enjoy something together, that’s enough.

6) Help Her Without Being Asked

One common reason men and women fight in relationships is the distribution of tasks.

Couples should share tasks around the home, and while some men are more than happy to do their fair share, they might not actually do anything until their partner asks them.

And for women, they feel that they shouldn’t have to tell their partners what they have to do; they should just do it.

So be better than most men out there — help her even when she doesn’t ask.

Let her know that you’re awake in this relationship, not just waiting for her to instruct you on what to do.

She’ll love seeing you take the initiative because it’ll show her that you see her, even when she doesn’t ask you to look.

7) Show Her Little Bits of Love Throughout the Day

Here’s the truth: if she’s feeling neglected, you’re probably being boring. You’ve fallen into a routine of the same old things, every single day.

But there’s nothing wrong with routines; routines are important to building positive, healthy habits; routines help you with your career and long-term goals.

It’s inevitable that any long-term relationship starts to feel the weight of each partner’s routines.

But just because you have routines doesn’t mean you have to be completely predictable.

Show her that even if you have a busy, full schedule, you still have the time (and desire) to express your love in little, unexpected ways throughout the day.

Give her a random kiss or hug when she least expects it; send her some flowers even if there’s no reason to celebrate.

Never let her think, “This is it”, when it comes to your relationship.

8) Speak To Her In Her Love Language

We all have our own love language or the way our soul naturally best gives and receives love.

This can be either through words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, or acts of service.

While it would be ideal for two partners to have the same love language, this often isn’t the case, and this can lead to issues similar to neglect: one partner feels like they’re giving the appropriate love, while the other partner feels that they’re being neglected.

It’s important to remember to show your love in your partner’s love language because this is what will resonate most closely with her.

Even if that isn’t what comes naturally to you, expressing your love in your partner’s love language will hit home harder than expressing it in your own.

9) Ask Her What You’ve Done To Hurt Her

One of the quickest (yet emotionally difficult) ways to make your neglected partner feel loved and seen is by simply asking her what you’ve done wrong.

It can be one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have with your partner, but if you two can navigate through it in a healthy and productive manner, being open and honest with each other the whole way, then your relationship will be several times stronger for it afterward.

Ask her — what have you done wrong?

How have you made her feel neglected?

What are you doing to make her feel unloved and unseen?

And don’t speak over her or don’t try to explain anything before she’s done talking; one reason why she hasn’t already told you this is that she knows that’s exactly what you’ll do.

Let her speak her whole heart out until she has nothing left to say, and then accept it and promise to work on it.

10) Make Small Promises, and Follow Through With Them

It doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture.

Making it up to your partner doesn’t have to be some huge event that costs thousands of dollars; it’s about showing them that you’re willing to incorporate love in your everyday life more than you currently do.

Because they have to live with your day-to-day self; not the self that throws grand gestures.

So do this by making small promises, and keeping your word with them.

If your partner needs some small help in some way — maybe they need a new umbrella because theirs broke — you can promise to remember to pick one up for them on the way back from work.

Remembering to do these little things and fulfilling those small promises is more than enough to make her fall in love with you again.

11) Express Your Gratitude Regularly

No one ever wants to feel taken for granted in a relationship, especially when the honeymoon stage was so amazing.

There’s nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your partner turn from the most attentive, loving partner in the world to someone who can barely give you the time of day.

So let her know that you care about her and that you’re thankful she’s in her life, with regular expressions of gratitude.

One simple yet loving way you can do this is with a gratitude card.

Give your partner a physical card with its own personalized message, written by you, detailing every way in which you’re grateful for having them in your life.

Place it in their bag secretly, allowing them to find it randomly at some point throughout the day.

Nothing will fill their heart with joy quicker than this.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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