All relationships go through ups and downs.
But sometimes there comes a point where there won’t be any more ups and the relationship is headed to a very dark place that’s just going to get worse.
Here’s how to know if your relationship is beyond saving.
18 unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving
1) You rarely or never talk anymore
One of the most unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that you just never talk anymore.
When I say never, I don’t necessarily mean literally.
You may ask “how was your day?”
Or you may say “any ideas for dinner?”
But the amount that you converse apart from necessities is basically nothing.
One or both of you is over the relationship and doesn’t have any interest in talking at a deeper level than basics.
If this is one-sided it’s very hard for the other person to accept. If it’s both of you, it can feel like you’ve just reached a natural end point in the relationship.
2) The physical passion is gone
The second of the most unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that the physical passion is gone.
When I say gone, I mean gone.
This can also be coming more from one side than the other, so this is really about your perspective.
After all, you can only really know what you feel or don’t feel.
If the passion and desire for your partner has left, then it’s very important to be honest about it, at least with yourself.
I’m not saying it can never change and never rekindle, but it’s important to be clear about where you are currently in your relationship if you want any hope of moving beyond that.
If the physical passion stays gone, the relationship is beyond saving, at least insofar as it will be a romantic and sexual union.
3) Your emotional connection has completely faded
In addition to the physical passion, you must take a long hard look at your emotional connection.
If the conversations have stopped and the desire for sex and physical intimacy is absent, then what’s left?
Hopefully there’s at least a strong affection and care for your partner.
Generally the three layers of love are physical, intellectual and emotional.
If the physical is gone and the intellectual desire to communicate, then at least you can hope for a heartfelt affection and care for your partner.
When that’s missing as well, the relationship is dead in the water.
If you’re not quite sure how you feel, ask yourself this question:
How sad would you be if your partner left tomorrow and never came back? If the answer is anything other than devastated, then the emotional component of your relationship is in serious trouble.
4) Can a high-quality relationship coach help?
When your relationship is really floundering, there is no shame in turning to a professional.
Maybe your relationship truly is beyond saving, but if there is a spark of hope, I strongly encourage you not to give up until you’ve exhausted every avenue.
I’ve given up halfway due to serious problems in a relationship, and I came to regret it.
We all know that relationships can be extremely confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
I know that I was always skeptical about getting outside help, until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like a relationship that honestly seems to be completely over and hopeless.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
If Relationship Hero can’t help you then you definitely don’t have any way forward in your relationship.
5) Any conversation you have turns into an argument
Earlier I mentioned the disturbing situation when you and your partner no longer want to talk beyond the very basics.
A related symptom of a dying relationship is when any conversation you do have immediately becomes a disagreement.
It could be what to buy at a grocery store…
It could be over music you like or dislike…
It could be over why you like different kinds of weather.
It barely even makes a difference what you’re arguing and bickering about at a certain point.
It’s more about that underlying toxic energy that has you both at each other’s throats 24/7.
Even if you want to try to make a comeback in your relationship, you’ll need to first address why it is that you’re so sick of everything your partner says.
6) Your partner treats you like an afterthought
The next upsetting sign your relationship is beyond saving is when your partner treats you like an afterthought.
Maybe you treat them as unimportant as well, maybe not.
Either way, this kind of dismissive treatment of a romantic partner never ends well.
It’s common to start taking someone for granted when you’re around them a lot and you know they value you highly.
If you’re taking your partner for granted, reflect on why.
Maybe you didn’t even realize that you were doing this. Maybe you do realize it, but don’t know how to change it without faking it, because you’ve truly lost your feelings for them.
7) You have no desire to be around your partner or go places with them
Another one of the unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that you just don’t want to be around your partner anymore.
If they come in one room, you go in the other room.
They text you about what you’re doing this weekend and you immediately start making plans to do something that will be far away from them.
And so on.
The bottom line is that you clearly don’t want to be physically around where your partner is and are only really a couple on paper.
If your relationship has reached this point, then it’s all but over apart from the official goodbyes.
8) There’s just no ‘spark’ left at all
One of the most unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that there’s just no spark left.
In many cases it feels like your love simply had an expiry date and it’s come due.
But relationship psychologists have actually found another reason why many couples lose attraction, and it has to do with the way a woman relates to her man and vice versa.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
9) Everyone you talk to agrees it’s over
Another of the more unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that everyone around you agrees.
Now, your romantic life is not a reality TV show where the crowd votes on who stays together or not.
This is real life.
But nonetheless, if friends and family close to you are constantly advising you to end things, there’s probably a good reason for it.
Those who know you best also have some good insights into what is best for you and some of the dynamics in your personal life.
If they’re all telling you that your relationship has run its course then it’s probably because they see many warning signs that you’re not a good match.
Even if you don’t agree, at least hear them out.
10) You have no trust anymore in the relationship
Trust is a necessary ingredient of any healthy relationship.
If the ability and willingness to trust your partner has been eroded away, then there’s not a whole lot left to fall back on.
Without trust, how are you supposed to plan for the future or really know what to base your relationship on?
In the next point, I’ll get into infidelity…
But the crucial thing here is just to consider the central place that trust should have in any relationship.
If one or both of you is lacking trust, the relationship is in serious trouble.
And unless that trust can somehow be rebuilt, then this union is beyond saving.
11) You or your partner have cheated multiple times
Cheating hurts so profoundly in relationships because it’s a two-punch hit.
It shows that you’re not that attracted to your partner anymore and that you’re willing to betray their trust.
That hurts, and it’s hard to come back from.
Of course, cheating isn’t necessarily the end of a relationship by any means, and couples do come back from it.
But if you and your partner have cheated multiple times and keep doing it, eventually one has to ask what’s going on.
Unless you have some kind of open arrangement or don’t care, then you’re going to have to decide if this relationship has any life left in it.
If you or your partner can’t keep your hands off other people, then maybe you should be with them, instead.
12) Neither of you really like to be seen together in public as a couple
Another of the most unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that neither you nor your partner wish to spend time together in public and be seen as a couple.
You find your boyfriend boring and unattractive…
You find your girlfriend treats you like a friend and is overly predictable…
The idea that others might think you’re happy or fulfilled with each other is almost embarrassing, and makes you both feel like a fraud…
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to take a real interest in being with a woman.
As I was saying, relationship psychologist’s call this the “hero instinct.”
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
13) You make future plans not involving them
Another one of the unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that you make future plans not involving your partner.
This may range from short term plans for what to do next week to long term plans for what to do next year.
It could also come down to something as simple as deciding whether to take a promotion that would require you to work more hours or switch your schedule.
If you don’t even give a thought to how this could affect your relationship, it’s because your relationship is no longer important or hopeful for you.
The same goes if it’s your partner not considering you and placing the relationship in an important place.
14) You don’t get turned on unless you think of someone else
Another sign that relates to losing physical attraction is that your partner no longer sexually excites you at all.
If you are pleasuring yourself or trying to get turned on, the thought of your partner is like going through baseball scores or statistics in your head.
The thought of your partner is an instant erection eraser and panty-dryer.
This is definitely not a good thing.
Even if you’ve been together for years, a relationship should still be with someone you find so attractive and enticing that you never truly get bored with them.
If the thought of them completely bores you on an erotic level, then there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship.
It’s mostly likely over and done with for good.
15) You both spend time imagining a future as single
What’s your dream for the future? Maybe you don’t have one…
But I’m guessing you have at least a few vague visions of something enjoyable and meaningful down the road.
Maybe you in a mountain cabin writing the next novel that changes the world…
Or you sitting around a table with a loving family and Christmas music in the background…
Maybe it’s you skydiving out of a plane in Tahiti and partying all night on the beach.
Whatever your future ideas are:
Who’s in those images?
One of the most unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that your visions of the future have your current partner nowhere near them.
Your happy place is a place that has zero presence or reminders of your current romantic partner.
What could be more clear?
You wish the relationship was over and done with.
16) Your curiosity about your partner is zero
If you’ve been in a relationship for a number of years, you probably know many things about your partner.
You may know everything about how they grew up, what matters most to them, their pet peeves and their sense of humor.
You may even know many things you wish you didn’t know, like how bad the house smells after you go out for Mexican food or how you sometimes wake up thinking there is a missile strike but it’s just them snoring.
But one of the unfortunate signs your relationship is beyond saving is that your curiosity about your partner fades away.
Left in its place is something quite hard to pin down.
There’s a reason for that, because most often what’s left is indifference.
There’s not always resentment, annoyance or being upset or disgusted by them. Many times the worst thing of all is that you just completely stop caring in any way.
Love and hate are both very strong emotions, but indifference is more like a black hole where emotion once was. There’s not always a lot you can do with indifference.
17) You low key try to set up your partner with someone else
This sign sounds almost comical, but it definitely happens.
You low key want your partner to leave you and end up with someone else.
This isn’t about open relationships, swinging or that kind of thing. It’s where you actually would like your partner to fall in love with someone else so you can have a good reason to break up.
If this is going on in your relationship, there are definitely red flags that should be popping up all around you.
But it’s not always that far along.
Sometimes it’s just at the level of musing or having a whimsical idea.
“Hmm, I wonder what it would be like if we went for drinks with Deb and Greg, and then Tina and Greg really hit off and…hmm.”
*Breathes sigh of relief.*
If you’re even at this level, your relationship is in big, big trouble.
18) The thought of trying to make this work fills you with depression and dread
What do you feel if I say: you can make this work if you really try hard and resolve to communicate with your partner?
The fact is:
Your relationship may be salvageable and there may be life in it.
But if the thought of trying to make this work basically fills you with dread and revulsion, then there’s not much hope.
There has to be a basic desire to make this work on your part and on the part of your other half.
If you or them are no longer interested in making it work or are just too emotionally exhausted to put your soul back into it, then the relationship is over.
However, if you still love your partner and you are willing to try hard, it’s one of the signs that even the most hopeless relationship can sometimes be turned around.
Can you still turn this thing around?
If your relationship is showing many of the signs of being truly beyond hope, then it could well be time to say your goodbyes and hit the road.
On the other hand, nobody ever regretted giving love one last try.
Here’s what I recommend:
By now you should have a better idea of what makes a relationship truly beyond saving and possible ways to try one last time.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.