Have you stopped seeing or moved out of a relationship with a narcissist? Good riddance!
But when a narcissist sees you with someone else and knows that you’re over him, this person won’t like it one bit.
What does a narcissist do, and what can when he sees that you have moved on?
Let’s find out so you can prepare and save yourself.
15 things that happen when a narcissist sees you with someone else
Ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t something that they’re used to – so don’t expect that everything will be smooth sailing when you walk away.
Even if you get on with your life, it doesn’t work that easily with your narcissistic ex.
They would tend to feel and do these things:
1) They will want you back
Narcissists tend to use their powers to reel you back. It’s not because they love you, but because they’re wounded.
They’re all about winning, controlling, and maintaining their false self-image.
Once they see that they can no longer control you, you become a threat.
Thus, they will take desperate measures to win you back to rebuild their image so they can have the last laugh. They could be more manipulative, be nicer to you, or use aggressive measures.
And they would even use love-bombing to win you back.
2) They will react violently
Narcissists think that they will always be entitled to your love and support. You belong to him and no one else.
They’ll feel angry that you betrayed him. So when they see that you have moved on with your life without them in it, they’ll feel robbed of something that he thinks belongs to them.
Stay vigilant as they might react violently and abuse you. They may even try to hurt themselves to get your sympathy.
3) They will play the victim
When narcissists see that they have no control over you as you’ve moved on, they are likely to play the victim.
They would manipulate you so they can get closer to you again. It could also be that they would ask for your company as they feel lonely and sad.
But the truth is, they will make sure that no one else can love you or do things that they have done for you before.
4) They’ll get jealous
This one shouldn’t come as a surprise.
For narcissists, their self-esteem is usually tied to your relationship with them. When they see that you’re with someone else, they’ll feel threatened and extremely jealous.
They might call you or send those passive-aggressive texts – and this could move you to consider the chances of you getting back together.
So you have to make it clear that things are over, but don’t rub anything in their face to avoid any triggering reaction from their end.
5) They will be revengeful
Narcissists won’t move forward without a fight. They are likely to pull off an arsenal of revenge tactics when they see that you’re dating someone else.
After breaking up with your narcissistic ex, you can notice that they’ll go running to your inner circle. They would probably tell how you treated them, that you destroyed their self-esteem, or how unfaithful you’ve been.
They are likely to pull off an Oscar award-winning performance so their reputation will remain intact. Some friends and people you know might even fall for the words of your narcissistic ex.
The next thing you know, your life will be bombarded with messages and calls from everyone wanting to know why you’ve been so unfair to your narcissistic ex.
6) They won’t believe you’ve moved on
Narcissists are assured that no one will leave them. So when they know that you’re dating and seeing someone else, they would doubt it.
Your narcissistic ex believes and would convince themselves that you’re still in love with them, and the person you’re seeing is nothing but a friend.
They would do anything to show that you won’t be able to move on from your life without them.
To prove that, they’ll keep on calling you, show up where you are, and even call the police to get your attention.
7) They’ll be more possessive
Someone with a narcissistic personality tends to be domineering.
You probably have experienced how they’ve been controlling what you do, where you go, or who you spend time with.
While in the past might have made you feel special, this possessiveness had become difficult.
When your narcissist ex sees you with someone, they won’t understand that you can live your life without them. They may message you excessively or do things that you didn’t even expect possible.
So make it clear to them that you’re no longer part of each other’s life. But be prepared for their reaction as their possessiveness could turn violent.
8) They’ll try to sabotage your new relationship
According to Wendy Behary, LCSW, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) expert narcissists don’t take rejection well – that they feel injured seeing their exes date other people.
They would purposefully try to pit other people against each other. And they’re doing this to your new relationship to get you back.
They would use any tactics and do everything necessary to ruin your happiness and break up your potential relationships.
Be warned as they would resort to doing these:
- Telling lies and spreading gossip about the person you’re seeing
- Suggesting that there’s something wrong with your partner
- Making you think less of the person you’re seeing
- Setting you and the one you’re dating against each other
Again, be careful with this one.
As narcissists can’t handle seeing their exes move on, do all that you can to prevent them from manipulating you.
9) They become more manipulative
As they’re generally quite charming and manipulative, they may try to stir up trouble between you two.
There’s a possibility that he’ll provide your new partner against you. He would even attempt to keep him with you.
Watch out if your ex-narcissist gets friendly with your potential partner. He might make you look bad in the eyes of the person you’re dating.
Narcissists will fight with everything they’ve got to destroy your potential relationship.
The closer you are to being completely over them, the more manipulative they become. They would make you feel guilty or threaten you with things that can ruin your image.
He might even spill out all those secrets you have!
10) They’ll act strange and crazy
The thing is, narcissists are insanely erratic and host a maze of trickery. And when they see that you’re dating someone else, their personality shows.
They’ll get more clingy like they’re the most important person in your life.
They don’t care how crazy they’ve become that sometimes this behavior can get extreme.
Be warned about these actions:
- They might stalk you to get your attention
- They could accuse you of cheating on them
- They might make a scene in front of the person you’re seeing
So don’t allow them to. Instead, ignore it the best that you possibly can.
11) They would pull out the promise to change
When your narcissist ex sees that you’re seeing someone else, they would use “future faking” to control you.
He would appear to take responsibility for his behavior. Your narcissist ex might make amends for their wrongdoings or promise to work through their issues.
Expect to receive gifts from them expressing their undying love for you. He might even remind you how great your relationship with him was.
He may even say how sorry he was, a promise he’ll go to therapy, or do things your way.
You may be inclined to believe that your ex would be a better person as he seems serious about it – but don’t.
The truth is, he’s guilt-tripping you.
So instead of listening and believing their false promises, focus on your new relationship.
12) They’ll use social attacks and gossip
When your narcissistic ex knows that you’ve moved on without him, he may try to tear your new relationship apart.
As soon as he can, he’ll tell people that the person you’re seeing isn’t good enough for you.
Be careful as he might be spreading false information to ruin your name and your possible relationship.
He would even use gossip to get sympathy from people you know. And he’s doing this to bring you under his control or re-engage with you.
Narcissists want other people to know that they are better than anyone else – and they’ll do all that they can to prove it.
If you know that this is already happening, talk to the people closest to you.
13) They will stalk you on every platform
Narcissists can‘t take rejection and they see it as a personal attraction to their character.
Even after long periods of the breakup, they can’t accept the fact that you’re moving on.
Now that you’re seeing someone else, your narcissistic ex would act like a predator.
He would even do everything to know your whereabouts, your plans, and what you’re doing. He could be tracking all your movements – and even that of your potential partner.
Don’t get alarmed if you see him at the store where you shop or while having dinner with the person you’re dating.
Be very vigilant.
He could be using apps that monitor you or even hire a private detective to track you down.
14) They’ll feel hurt and angry
Narcissists are clingy and they might feel jealous, sad, and hurt that you’re with someone else.
Nothing hurts them more than knowing that you don’t care anymore and they have no more control over you.
Seeing that you’re happy with someone else is like salt to their wounds.
And it’s because they’re reacting to the feelings of shame as their insecurities have come to the surface.
This may even trigger intense feelings of rage that they may not be able to control. So make sure that you won’t be on the receiving end as they might get violent.
15) They’ll pretend that it doesn’t bother them
This is probably one of the best-case scenarios that you won’t notice.
When your narcissist ex sees you dating someone else, they won’t show that they’re affected.
They might act strong. They’ll act like they don’t care about your life and your new relationship.
But the truth is, they’re hurting a lot and can’t take the thought of you with someone else.
It could be that they are bothered by why the person you’re seeing is better than them.
Be warned as time will come that their emotions and behavior will start to crack.
How to save yourself from a narcissist ex?
Keep in mind that narcissism is a personality disorder. They won’t allow you to move on without a fight.
Don’t worry as there are ways to save yourself from your narcissistic ex.
- Stop questioning yourself
- Always maintain zero-contact – without exceptions
- Get busy to cope with your anxiety
- Never blame yourself for what’s happening
- Practice and focus on self-love
- Ignore their attempts to make amends
Here’s the thing:
You deserve all the peace and happiness that life has to offer.
So you have to work on putting yourself first and raising your self-esteem.
It’s time to focus on yourself, your new relationship, and the happiness that comes with that!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.