When a guy pulls away or stops contacting you, most women do one thing: they chase and message him.
But this is actually exactly the wrong thing to do.
Here is why sometimes the strongest move you can make is no move.
When he pulls away, do nothing
1) You demonstrate high value
When he pulls away, do nothing. The reason he’ll come back is that by doing nothing you demonstrate high value.
Think about it:
If you know your own value, why should you need to convince anyone else of it?
If you’re worried about him meeting someone new or deciding you weren’t the one for him, what does that say about your self-esteem and belief in yourself?
Confidence is attractive.
And doing nothing when a guy pulls away is the height of confidence.
At the precise moment that most women would chase, pester and post all over social media, you sit, reflect and get on with your life.
You know he’ll be back, and if he’s not then he wasn’t worth your time to begin with.
2) You prove you have your own life
By doing nothing when he pulls away, you prove you have your own life.
Let me emphasize:
You really should have your own life!
This isn’t just about appearances, or making him get the impression you’re a very busy and talented woman.
It’s about actually being a very busy and talented woman.
The kind of lady who doesn’t have time for juvenile games or men who aren’t sure what they want.
So he pulled away?
Good luck with that: you’ve got places to be, documents to sign, trips to take and friends to make.
He should be worried about losing you by his behavior, not the other way around.
And you live every day with that reality.
3) You’re triggering his inner hero
By doing nothing when he pulls away, you give him a chance to really grow into himself.
This is a time when he can realize that you’re a high quality woman whose trust and love he actually has to earn…
You’re not just a prize on a shelf hopping up and down and saying “pick me.”
You’re a brilliant, beautiful individual who’s going to immediately move on with your life if you get jerked around.
This will make him come running.
You do nothing is like catnip to a male.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
4) You respect his space
When you do nothing as a man pulls away, it means actually doing nothing.
Far too many women interpret it to mean sending him a casual text now and then or joking with him on the phone one night after you drink a bit much.
Don’t do it!
Doing nothing means exactly that: doing nothing.
Unless and until he comes crawling back to you and you take your sweet time in considering whether to give him another chance…
You do nothing.
This is not only more attractive, it’s also respectful of his space and his life, which is a very nice quality for a potential mate to have.
“Giving him space means you don’t call or text him,” notes Deanna Cobden.
“No emails, or DM’s on social media. And no trying to casually just ‘bump’ into him out in the real world either.”
5) You mirror his behavior
Mirroring is a popular concept in dating, and it makes a lot of sense.
When someone pulls away, you pull away.
It’s a cause and effect.
There’s nothing personal, no anger or overthinking: you simply withdraw your interest as he withdraws his interest.
Trust me, you’re not going to win his heart by showing up at his job with flowers and declarations of love.
You’re far more likely to have his complete attention by completely trying to stop getting his attention.
He’s going to feel that gap.
And then he’s going to come running like a little puppy.
6) You show real strength
When you care about someone and they pull away from you it’s painful.
Obviously your first instinct is to figure out what you did wrong and then move heaven and earth to make up for it.
But this is a weak thing to do.
Sure, if you really did something wrong, say sorry and try to make amends.
But if this guy is pulling away for no apparent reason, the worst thing you can do is chase after him.
Doing nothing shows real strength.
Ironically, it actually takes a very genuine kind of love and heart to refrain from action when you really want to act.
It takes patience to absorb some of the pain and really accept that this guy has his own choices to make and you aren’t going to force him to be with you.
7) Your character shines through
Not chasing after a guy who’s ghosting you shows a lot of character.
It also immediately sets you apart from other women he may have dated.
He’s bracing himself for the angry texts and calls, the sarcastic posts on social media and the jealousy bait that you’re going to spread through the grapevine to make him want you back.
When you don’t do any of that it sets you apart.
You’re different and, frankly, you’re better.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to commit and give up his ghosting ways.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
8) You have time to develop more skills and understanding
When you stop focusing on a guy who’s breaking your heart, you can focus on building new skills and understanding.
This is a chance to understand yourself more and your objectives in life.
You may also pick up new talents that you can use toward your career, focus on friendships you’d been too busy for, and reconnect with family and loved ones in fulfilling ways.
This time off doesn’t have to mean that your whole life is on pause.
Even if this man pulling away has made you feel terrible.
You can channel that heartbreak into new pursuits and breakthroughs.
Now is your time to shine!
9) You have an opportunity to boost your most important relationship
This time when he pulls away is also a time when you can get to know yourself better.
When we get disappointed and frustrated in love, it’s tempting to throw up our hands and shout at the sky and God for leaving us in the lurch.
But there’s another place you can also look.
Right in the mirror.
This is where your power lies.
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
10) You shift the balance of power
When you feel a man’s interesting waning, you will likely have all your instincts screaming to go after him.
I want to strongly encourage you to do the opposite.
By doing nothing, you shift the balance of power.
Think about it:
If he comes back, he is now the one asking your approval and interest for taking him back.
In contrast, if you pursue him, he continues to hold all the cards.
Your feelings may be deep, and this situation may be tearing you up inside.
But do whatever you can not to throw your power away so easily.
If he’s worth it, he’s going to come back your way and see that he made a mistake in ever leaving you.
Why did he pull away in the first place?
It varies in every situation, of course.
But generally speaking, there is a pattern which emerges in new relationships.
What happens is that two individuals start getting more serious and falling in love.
Then one of the partners becomes controlling or clingy for validation and attention and the other one runs.
It’s sad and many hearts are broken every day for this exact reason.
“You start demanding him to spend more time with you and shower you with affection as he used to do before.
“Once you start doing that, he’ll feel like you’re trying to be in control of him, so he’ll pull away.
“He’ll become scared of being in a relationship with a controlling partner, and because of that, he might start ghosting you.”
What if he doesn’t come back?
The question that everyone reading this is asking is:
OK, fine, but what if he doesn’t come back? What then?
You can’t force anyone to come back to you, for starters.
And if a guy has some attraction to you and is a secure and high-quality man, you don’t need to worry that no contact made him lose his interest.
Here’s the thing:
If he really loves you, then he’s going to want to claim his prize.
By now you should have a better idea of why knowing where your man stands on committing to you.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him and no contact will only increase his desire to be with you.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.