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12 things it might mean when a guy says “I can’t give you what you want”

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Everyone has expectations and needs that they want their partner to meet when they’re in a relationship.

However, guys sometimes seem like they have given up on the relationship and say “I can’t give you what you want”.

Hearing those words from the guy you love can leave you with several unanswered questions; the first of which is what he actually means by saying that.

He could mean anything from not being interested in the relationship to feeling like he’s not good enough for you.

In any case, here are 12 possible things he could mean by saying that he can’t give you what you want:

1. He’s Afraid of Disappointing You

He may actually want to provide you with everything you want but is afraid of disappointing you.

He doesn’t have the confidence that he can give you exactly what you want and probably thinks it’s best to tell you so.

He doesn’t want to get your hopes up only to watch them crumble if he falls short.

It’s also possible that he’s feeling a little insecure and feels that if he can’t meet the standard set by you, the relationship will fail; this fear of failing you may be holding him captive and preventing him from having the faith even to try.

All he needs is a little reassurance that you’re not going to leave him, and all you want to see are efforts from his end.

2. He Isn’t Exactly Sure What You Want From Him

It’s entirely possible that he’s oblivious to what you actually want.

He may have tried to make you happy by doing a couple of things he thinks you’d like but to no avail.

If he has been making efforts for a while and suddenly says that he can’t give you what you want, then it may mean that he doesn’t know what exactly you want from him.

Communication is important to sustain any relationship.

It’s possible that your needs weren’t communicated effectively or he just didn’t understand what you really wanted.

By having an honest conversation and letting him know what you want, he may get back on board to ensure your needs are fulfilled.

3. He Doesn’t Feel Like Your Hero

He could be telling you he doesn’t feel like your hero and that you deserve someone who can provide and protect you.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you. 

Click here to watch the free video.

4. He Lacks Self-Esteem and Doesn’t Feel Adequate

Lack of self-esteem and feeling inadequate can leave a man depressed. He may start losing interest in parts of his life that he once loved.

This may translate into him feeling like he doesn’t deserve you and cause him to say stuff like “I can’t give you what you want”.

It could be that he isn’t sure how to continue the relationship with someone who can’t be happy with him.

It’s also possible he thinks you would be better off dating someone who can fulfill all your needs.

Maybe you berated him a few times for letting you down. He may have taken that personally and feels he will never be able to match your worth in the relationship.

5. He’s Genuinely Incapable of Being Someone You Want Him to Be

This isn’t common, but it’s possible that he’s just being honest when he says that he can’t give you what you want.

Maybe you’re trying to make him someone he isn’t; he may feel pressured to put on a fake mask and change his inner personality.

He may also feel like whatever efforts he has made so far haven’t been validated.

It could be just a sign of him telling you that he can’t go on putting on a facade for you.

He may be trying to tell you honestly that he understands what you want but can’t force himself to give it to you.

The best thing you can do is stop loving the idea of him and start loving him as a person.

Embrace him with all his flaws, and he may even go the extra mile to make you happy.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct. 

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to commit to you.

But if he feels incapable, he will feel like he doesn’t deserve you. 

The solution to this is triggering his hero instinct, so he feels likes he can provide what you need in a relationship.

And the best part is triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

6. He’s Afraid of Committing to You Because of Past Trauma

Childhood trauma and the pain from past relationships might be weighing him down. He has been scarred time and again by people he loved.

This may cause him to say that he can’t give you what you want because he’s afraid of committing to you.

He’s afraid that if he commits to you wholeheartedly, then you’ll leave him eventually.

The best thing you can do for the relationship is to be patient with him and let him know how much he means to you.

Let him understand that you’re in it for the long haul and that it would make you happy if he could commit to you as well.

Sooner or later, he will come around and be ready to give you the world if you want.

7. He’s Dealing With a Financial Crisis and Doesn’t Know How to Tell You

This is a tricky situation.

Guys usually don’t like to share their burdens or problems.

He may be under a tremendous amount of financial pressure or may have to deal with problems at work.

He may want to build a future with you where he can provide you with everything you need. But at present, he doesn’t have the stability to provide for you.

He may also feel like he can’t do right by you if he can’t make it out of the situation.

It doesn’t mean he has lost interest in you; rather, it means that he loves you too much and doesn’t know how to tell you his problems.

If you support him in his hour of need, he’ll definitely find a way out of the financial abyss to be a better man for you.

8. He Doesn’t Think You’re Worth the Effort

This is a simple and straightforward one.

He may not think that you’re worth the effort. In the words of Steve Harvey, “Men will change but will only change for one woman ever”.

If he has told you that he can’t give you what you want and continues to be in your relationship, it means he’s lazy.

He might be taking you for granted.

This is a major issue for the relationship and means that he’s not ready to give you the life you deserve.

If he’s repeatedly communicating that he can’t give you what you want, then believe him and choose to walk away without compromising on your needs, especially for the relationship.

9. He’s Interested in Someone Else and Looking for an Easy Way Out

He may be making it look like he’s losing interest in you if someone else has caught his eye.

He may want you to break up with him so that he can pursue the other woman.

This is a rather cowardly and easy way out of the relationship without needing to break the truth to you.

If he’s truly committed to you and isn’t interested in anyone else, then he will do everything within his power to make you happy.

Even if there are roadblocks, he will want to work with you to overcome them.

Ending the relationship without even trying means that he has given up on you completely.

10. He Doesn’t Really Love You

If he really loves you then he won’t play games with you or give you mixed signals. He will commit to you and won’t hold back.

It’s common for a man who doesn’t love you to lose interest in the relationship.

He may be just lurking around without actually investing in you or the relationship.

This is probably why he may say that he can’t give you what you want when you bring up the issue of commitment to him.

If he really doesn’t love you, then there’s no point losing your self-worth by being with him.

You deserve to be with someone who will treasure you and value you for who you are.

It’s time to walk away from him if he’s acting like he doesn’t need you and won’t make the effort to keep you happy.

11. He Thinks You’re Being Controlling or Demanding

If he has only recently said that “I can’t give you what you want”, then it may be a sign that he thinks your needs are demanding too much from him.

He may feel like the relationship is draining him emotionally and exhausting him.

If you’re being unreasonable and controlling, then he will start losing interest in making efforts for you.

You need to be with someone who can meet your needs, but in that process, you shouldn’t be taking his efforts for granted either.

Give him validation for all he does for you from time to time and be vocal with expressing your gratitude.

Show him that you appreciate him for who he is, which will inspire him to double down on his efforts for you.

Don’t try to change or control him; just accept him for who he is as a person, and he will make you happy.

12. He’s Focusing On His Career and Feels Guilty for Not Having Time for You

It’s possible that other things require his attention in the present.

For instance, he may work in an intense environment where time is worth its weight in gold.

He may be focusing on his own career and trying to get to the place he wants to be in life.

He may also not be able to spend as much time as he would want to with you and is probably feeling guilty about it.

This may cause him to say he can’t give you what you want if you aren’t patient with him.

His guilt makes him think that you would be happier with someone who could spend more time with you.

The decision depends on whether you want to stick around or leave him.

If you do choose to stay by his side, he’ll remember it for the rest of his life and will shower you with his time the moment he achieves his dreams.

By now, you should have a better idea of what he means when he says he can’t give you what you want. 

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you. 

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today. 

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now. 

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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