Getting dumped has got to be one of the worst feelings on this planet.
If you’ve recently had this experience, I probably don’t have to tell you how lonely, sad, and lost it can make the dumpee feel.
Believe it or not, usually, there comes a time where a guy realizes what a huge mistake he has made by breaking up with you.
It’s hard to pinpoint how long it will take exactly, as every man and every relationship is different, but there are 7 moments when he will be frustrated to have ever let you go.
Guys experience break-ups differently than you
Before I dive into all the moments that he will realize his mistake, I want to explain how men tend to process breakups.
This is important, as it will help you understand why it might take him longer than you expected to realize what he has lost.
Men’s grieving process, in particular, differs from that of women.
While women go through shock, denial, self-blame, heartache, anger, and acceptance, guys do it the other way around.
That’s why it can feel like he has moved on without any issues while you’re still in the depths of your feelings.
Don’t worry, in reality, he will go through all the same emotions you are experiencing, just a little later, as he is trying to suppress his pain in the beginning.
Once he hits his final stages of shock and heartache, he will experience 7 moments where he realizes what he has done.
7 moments when a guy realizes what he has lost
1) When he never feels understood
Relationships thrive when the individuals have a deep understanding of each other’s patterns, thoughts, traumas, etc.
No matter how close you are to your friends and family, it’s usually hard, or even impossible, to get close to that relationship you have with a partner.
Due to spending so much time together, they just understand you better than anyone else.
This understanding is the foundation of a healthy and strong relationship.
Once your man starts dating new people, he will soon come to realize that nobody seems to get him the way you did.
Even if the two of you never end up getting back together, there is a chance that this regret will stick with him forever, because a real connection where someone truly understands you is rare in this world.
2) When he has enough of partying
One thing a lot of guys do right after breaking up is to go out and party.
Their yearning for passion, freedom, and not having to be responsible might have even been the driving force behind the breakup.
They light up at the thought of not having to be committed to anyone, and go out every weekend, hooking up with different girls each time, and drinking until the sun comes up.
While this can be fun and great for a while, there will be a point where your ex will actually have an epiphany right there in the middle of the club.
He will realize that, of course, it’s fun to mess around a bit, but none of what he is doing is fulfilling.
Right on that dance floor he will suddenly miss the cozy movie nights, cuddled up in bed with your favorite takeout, or the way you spend your Sunday mornings together.
All of these superficial hookups will never come close to the deep connection and intimacy you shared, and he will realize that what he is doing is simply an attempt to distract himself from losing you.
3) When nobody he meets is as kind as you
Genuine and kind women can be hard to come by, and your ex will realize this painfully once he starts getting back out there and dating new people.
Don’t get me wrong, there are many beautiful women out there, with unique strengths and qualities, but they might not get close to how kind you were to him.
Kindness is often overlooked as a trait and taken for granted until it is gone.
Your ex might have never consciously valued your kindness, but now he realizes that it is actually one of the most important qualities a person can have.
There is nothing like feeling safe in the presence of a truly kind partner, and once your ex notices how nobody seems to measure up to your kindness, he will feel the lack of your presence.
4) When nobody cares about him the way you did
Caring about someone is a trait that also gets swept under the rug more often than not, and is only noticed when it’s not there.
Your ex-partner will realize sooner rather than later how rare it is to have someone who deeply cares about you.
Sure, family and friends are always there, but a platonic relationship will never replace the things you did for him.
This epiphany will probably happen while your ex is doing something mundane, like doing the dishes.
All of a sudden, he realizes that he has never done the dishes with you there, because you knew how much he hates this chore, so you took care of it.
This will spiral into a cascade of memories of how much you did on a daily basis to make his life a little bit easier.
So many things are taken for granted when we do them every day, but once you’re not there anymore, he will notice how much more he should have appreciated you.
5) When somebody uses him
I know, you probably don’t wish it on anyone, not even your ex-partner, but we do live in a world where taking advantage of people is no rare occurrence.
Once your partner gets back out there and dates new people, chances are good that there will be someone who uses him.
At that moment, he will yet again realize what a huge mistake he has made when he let you go.
Having someone in his life that is only using him to their advantage will remind him of your sweet and genuine nature, and how you accepted and loved him with all his flaws.
You had no ulterior motive, you simply loved him for who he was, and that can be hard to come by.
6) When no connection feels as intimate
When your ex-partner starts to have sex with new people, there might be an instant realization of what a mistake he has made breaking up with you.
Deep connection is what makes intimacy so mind-blowing, and in comparison, all his new adventures feel unfulfilling and bland.
This might make him crave you again, reminiscing about the connection you two shared.
There’s even a possibility that he will reach out again.
7) When he sees that you have moved on
Lastly, a man will undoubtedly realize what he has lost when he sees that you have moved on.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be with someone else.
As soon as he sees you happy, by yourself or with a new partner, he will realize that you are not his anymore.
All of a sudden, he will notice what a great woman he has let go of, and it will frustrate him knowing that he didn’t come to this realization soon enough.
Signs that your ex regrets losing you
Now that we’ve talked about all the moments your ex will realize what you have lost, I’m sure you’re curious if your ex has had these epiphanies already, am I right?
There are a few signs that show you that he regrets losing you.
1) He keeps contacting you
He will try to talk to you as much as possible, and might even try to convince you to get back together.
In extreme cases, guys might even reach out to friends or family and ask them to convince you!
In that situation, it’s up to you what to do!
2) He shares his emotions
This one might be less obvious, as he will probably only talk to close friends, but guys like to share their emotions with someone.
When he really regrets losing you, he will talk to his best buddies about it.
You might not be able to identify this unless you have mutual friends that tell you how much he’s been talking about you.
But if your friends say that he has been asking about you, then you can already guess that there is something behind that.
3) He doesn’t move on
We already talked about guys immediately trying to move on and have some non-committal fun.
That’s why it might seem like they have moved on, sleeping with a different girl every night.
Unless he actually gets into a serious relationship, however, all these girls might just be a distraction.
In reality, he knows that he hasn’t moved on and tries to mask that fact with sex.
Usually, his close friends will have a pretty good idea about whether or not he has truly moved on.
4) He is very nostalgic
If your ex-partner talks about all the good times the two of you had together, that might be a sign that he regrets losing you.
Sometimes, he might not even be able to recall all the bad times, because you were such a good influence on his life.
He might tell you these things, or he talks to his friends about it. Either way, it is a big sign that he regrets his mistake.
What can you do to speed up the process?
Do you want to give your ex-partner a little help with realizing what he has lost?
Well, lucky for you, there are 2 ways that will not only make him regret his decision but make you happier as well!
1) The No-Contact Rule
Have you heard of the no-contact rule before? It’s quite commonly known, and for good reason, as it truly is the one thing you should do right after breaking up.
If you are already some time into the break-up, don’t worry, you can establish this rule at any time, just make sure to do it as soon as possible.
What is the no-contact rule?
You can probably already guess by its name, the no-contact rule means cutting off all contact and communication with the ex.
That doesn’t only include calling or texting, you should even refrain from commenting or liking their posts on social media!
You should not reach out to him in any way. If he does, you can choose if you want to ignore it or reply.
For how long do you keep up the no-contact rule?
You can set your own timeframe for this, but a month is a pretty good amount to start with.
I know, after having been in each other’s life constantly, a month sounds daunting, but it will start to feel a lot easier as the days and weeks pass.
Having a set time frame will be crucial for you to stick to your rule, if you’re too vague about it, it can be tempting to hit him with that 4am “I miss you” text.
When choosing your timeframe, try to challenge yourself, knowing that after you’ve done this, you can contact him if you want to.
Why would you want to do this?
The no contact rule has many benefits. In the time period where you are refraining from all communication, your ex will have no clue as to what you’re up to.
He thought you were gonna feed his ego by being clingy, sad, and desperate, but instead… there’s absolute silence?
That’s incredibly confusing for him, but also immensely attractive.
When you break up with someone, the least attractive thing they can do is beg for you to come back, so when you do the opposite, you will actually get his attention.
He might reach out, wanting to know what you have been up to. It will be another moment of him realizing what an amazing woman he has lost.
But his intrigue is not the only benefit. The no-contact rule will give you the much-needed space to focus on your own life and get some emotional distance from him.
That brings me to the next point.
2) Fall in love with your life again
More than anything else, falling in love with your own life will be the one thing you can actively work on to help your ex-partner realize how much he messed up when breaking up with you.
Not only will your life be better in every way imaginable (which will make him want to be a part of it again), but it will also help you to move on!
But how does it work? How does one fall in love with their life?
Use all the excess time you have now to focus on the following things:
Learn to take care of yourself
Nothing is more empowering than knowing how to take proper care of yourself.
Sure, it’s always nice to be spoiled by others, but knowing that even if they’re not available, you’re more than okay? That’s the good stuff.
On top of that, you need to feel good to have the necessary energy to do amazing things!
Learning to take care of yourself means honoring your needs on a physical, mental, and spiritual level!
Taking care of yourself on a physical level has a lot to do with health.
Instead of following any restrictive regimens, though, it’s more about tuning into your unique needs that day and taking care of them.
It’s also about making healthier choices, in the sense of choosing things that make you feel good.
What that will look like for you might look completely different to someone else. Everybody is unique, and so are their needs.
It will also differ from day to day.
Today you might have lots of energy and need to work out in order to channel all of that, but tomorrow your body might be screaming for rest.
Some days are for salads and grilled chicken, while others are for chocolate cake and chips.
Neither of those options is more or less healthy than the other if you learn to listen to your body and nourish it accordingly.
There are some tips I have for you that you can try to implement:
- Move your body on a daily basis, even if it’s just a short walk around the block or a stretch session. This can help you when you’re feeling restless and emotional, or when you generally tend to sit a lot throughout the day.
- Learn to rest when your body is exhausted and tired.
- Drink enough water.
- Get some fresh air and sunshine every day, even if just for 5 minutes.
- Eat a variety of food, incorporating plenty of whole foods like fruit and vegetables.
- Take care of your hygiene, making sure to shower and brush your teeth every day.
- Splurge a little on something that makes you feel good, maybe a new outfit, going to the hairdresser, getting your nails done…
I know, with some of these you’re probably thinking “Duh, I brush my teeth every day”, but especially when in the middle of a break-up, it can be easy to neglect yourself a bit.
Your mental health is extremely important, and during a break-up, this part of ourselves is usually not at its peak performance.
Support yourself a little extra by maybe finding a therapist, starting to journal, expressing your feelings through art, or anything of that sort!
Spirituality can carry us through the hardest times in life. That’s why nurturing your connection to what you believe in can be especially helpful during a breakup.
It doesn’t matter what you believe in, simply try to connect to it more consciously.
If you don’t believe in anything, you might benefit from going out into nature and being in awe of its greatness.
Another thing you can do is simply nurture the connection to yourself and your inner world through meditation, for example.
Try out new things
The next thing you can do to fall back in love with your life is to try out new things!
You might have more free time now, which is the perfect opportunity to do anything you’ve always wanted!
Join a club, go on a trip somewhere, pick up a new craft, learn a new sport, there are endless options!
New experiences bring new sensations and feelings, which is exactly what you could use right now.
On top of that, you will meet new people, which can help you to move on!
Focus on your personal goals
When we’re in a relationship, we sometimes put our own goals and aspirations on the backburner.
Now that you’re single, it’s the perfect time to focus on everything you’ve ever wanted to achieve!
There are many goals you can pursue. A few ideas are:
- Personal goals
- Financial goals
- Career goals
- Creative goals
- Athletic goals
I’m sure there is something you have always wanted to achieve.
Focusing on your goals will not only give you a welcome distraction from thinking about your ex, but it will also boost your confidence and show you what you’re capable of!
In the meantime, your ex will notice how successful you are without him and realize that he messed up when he broke up with you.
You should be the main focus
I know, this whole article is geared towards your ex realizing what he has lost when he broke up with you, but I hope you realize the gist of what I was trying to bring across here:
You should be the main focus right now.
It’s tempting to think about how jealous and frustrated you’re making your ex feel with your actions, but try to shift your focus onto how good these things make you feel, instead!
If he broke up with you, that was a choice he may or may not regret, but either way, you will make his choice the best thing that has ever happened to you!
Don’t wait for him to beg you to come back in order to feel “successful”.
Claim your own power and realize that you can use this break-up as the trampoline catapulting you to your highest potential!
That way, no matter what your ex does or doesn’t do in the future, you won, because you got yourself in the process.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.