We all know that breakups suck.
Sometimes, after weeks, months or years apart, former lovers can suddenly realize that they miss each other.
She might be wondering whether you’re happy without her. Or maybe she is struggling to move on. But when do ex-girlfriends start to miss you?
Here are the big signs to look out for…
When does an ex start to miss you?
There isn’t a magic answer to how long it takes for your ex-girlfriend to miss you.
The perhaps inconvenient truth is that it depends. It can take days, weeks, or months.
Different variables unique to your situation are going to affect exactly how long it takes.
But here are 5 very important triggers for your ex-girlfriend missing you:
1) When she feels your absence in her life
When you care about someone, and you spend quality time with that person you are going to miss them when they are not around.
How long that takes for her will depend on how prominent you were in her life and for how long.
So for example, if you two used to speak every single day it would take less time for her to miss you because she is used to talking to you so often.
Similarly, if you two had been dating for 12 months, she will likely miss you a lot more than if you had only been dating for a couple of weeks.
It obviously makes sense, the more someone features in our lives, the sooner we will miss them.
She needs to feel your absence in order to miss you. Even if you two broke up and aren’t a couple now, she’s less likely to miss you if you still chat every day.
2) When she’s reminded of you
Particularly when we’re dealing with loss and grief from a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily take much to think of our ex.
Maybe she hears a song on the radio, thinks about an “in-joke” you two have, or passes a place you two would always hang out.
It can be the littlest things during her day that bring you to mind.
But it sparks the reminiscing which is so common after a split, and that leads to those twangs of sadness when we miss someone.
3) When she realizes the grass isn’t greener on the other side
Some people after a breakup try to throw themselves into single life.
They may tell themself being single will be great, that they will have all sorts of new freedom, and that they can meet exciting new people.
But the truth is that single life isn’t any better or worse than being in a relationship. It’s just different.
Both have their own unique blessings and struggles. Both take work and effort. Both can lead to joy and disappointment.
When a relationship doesn’t seem to be working, there is often a temptation to imagine the grass might be greener on the other side.
Perhaps she thinks that single life will be more fun or easier. Maybe she imagines a different guy will offer her things you don’t.
Sometimes an ex-girlfriend starts to miss you as soon as she realizes that life without you isn’t as great as she hoped it would be.
4) When she can’t hide from her feelings any longer
One of the most painful things after a breakup is watching your ex seemingly having the time of their life.
I know how much it stings, I’ve been there. But then I noticed something.
The exes that went out all the time, suddenly got super busy, and from the outside seemed to not care at all about the split always broke down eventually.
I came to realize something very important:
Some people try to deal with the pain of a breakup by hiding from it.
They get lost in as many distractions as possible.
They go out partying, they seek out rebounds. They do whatever they can to avoid having to stand still and face the emotions that breakups cause.
But you can only hide for so long. Eventually, you have to feel the feelings.
Your ex-girlfriend might start to miss you when she can no longer keep running from her emotions.
5) When she worries you’ve moved on
The more available we think someone is, the less we worry about losing them. It’s basic psychology.
If your ex thinks she can get you back at the drop of a hat, she’s less likely to miss you.
But as soon as she gets a hint that you could have started to move on, then the panic sets in.
Maybe she sees that you are working on yourself. She notices that you are off living your best life, rather than pining for her and waiting for her to come back. She sees you out with some mysterious new girl.
Your ex-girlfriend is going to start to miss you if you’re actively moving forward with your life.
That’s because this triggers a fear in her and she starts to worry, what if I can’t get him back?
What will make my girlfriend miss me?
1) Time and space
There are some things that cannot be rushed. And time and space in order for someone to miss you is something that we cannot shortcut.
We cannot miss someone who is still around. Neither are we going to miss someone until enough time has passed for us to feel their absence in our lives.
You need to give your ex-girlfriend enough time to miss you. Distance also plays a role in missing someone. So if you stay present in her life, she cannot miss you.
You must create a feeling of distance. That’s why no contact is often suggested for couples who break up.
That time and space is crucial, regardless of whether your ultimate aim it trying to heal or you are hoping she will come to her senses and realize what she has lost.
2) Not remaining friends
It’s super tempting to keep an ex in your life.
It can feel like it softens the blow of loss — that way you still get to see them or speak to them. And who knows, maybe they will change their mind and you will end up back in each other’s arms right?
But unfortunately, staying in contact with your ex means they are less likely to miss you. For the very obvious reason that you can’t miss someone who isn’t gone.
In fact, plenty of couples try to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup by staying friends.
But rather than being a genuine friendship, it’s just a way of avoiding the loss. If you actually want your ex-girlfriend to miss you, then don’t fall into this trap.
3) How you respond to the breakup
If you behave in a dignified way after you split, she is far more likely to miss you than if you show her your worst side.
Calling her names, being cruel, or behaving immaturely is only going to make her glad to see the back of you.
Similarly, begging her to return and pleading for her to change her mind if she broke up with you is also only more likely to make her pull even further away.
There’s no denying that breakups totally shake up our emotions. It can feel incredibly difficult to stay composed.
It’s not that you need to pretend like you are unaffected or don’t care, but staying respectful and calm is always going to serve you the best.
4) Your relationship history
Often the longer you’ve been together, the harder it is to let go. We are creatures of habit, and you will miss anyone who has felt like a familiar fixture in your life for some time.
Whether the relationship was relatively happy for most of the time will also impact whether (and how soon) your ex misses you.
If things got nasty then there may be an initial relief at the end of the breakup.
If the relationship was incredibly rocky, or even toxic, your ex may still miss you of course, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to get back together.
You can still miss someone and think the breakup was for the best.
But sometimes relationships just get a little off track or that spark has faded, but they can still be repaired.
In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark her romantic interest in you.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
How do you know if your ex-girlfriend misses you?
1) She’s cyberstalking you
When I know that a relationship is well and truly over I unfollow all their social media.
It’s not about being cold-hearted or petty, quite the opposite. I want to move on with my life and I know that is much harder to do if I am still seeing every detail of what they’re up to.
The places they go, the people they are with, what they had for lunch. When you are trying to get over an ex, being constantly reminded of them doesn’t help.
But if she wants to know what is going on in your life, then it’s probably because she still cares.
Watching all of your stories is as close as she can feel to you right now. So if she seems to be silently all over your social media profile, you can assume she is missing you.
2) She wants to talk to get “closure”
Closure is one of the biggest cons in relationship history. I genuinely don’t think it even exists.
We act like having a big chat about the relationship after a breakup will make all the difference. But in reality, it often doesn’t.
When you really want out of a relationship you don’t need to try to understand what happened. Especially as often we will never truly understand.
If she still wants to talk things over, she could be having second thoughts.
Sometimes people say they are looking for closure when actually they are not ready to let go of the relationship yet and are still open to reconciliation.
3) She’s trying to make you jealous
A buddy of mine is still “friends” with his ex.
Sometimes when they’re arranging to hang out, she casually mentions that she can’t do a certain day as she has a tinder date.
You have to ask yourself, why would she bring that up?
She could quite easily just say she’s busy or suggest another day works better for her. But no, she volunteers the information that she is seeing another guy.
She is so obviously trying to make him jealous. She either wants a reaction from him or is checking to see whether there will be one.
Either way, if your ex-girlfriend is purposely trying to provoke jealousy, she probably misses you.
4) She’s non-stop partying
I said earlier how it seemed as though some of my exes were having a whale of a time when we broke up. Meanwhile, I was sitting at home brooding alone.
But everyone reacts differently to a split.
Don’t assume that if your ex isn’t staying home crying that she clearly doesn’t miss you.
Distraction is a go-too defense mechanism for many people.
So the fact that she is trying to keep herself busy can mean that she doesn’t want to stop and think about the breakup, as she knows she’s only going to miss you.
The problem is that we can only outrun feelings for so long, it always catches up with you eventually.
5) She makes big changes
Another tactic to handle loss and deal with grief is to try and make a fresh start. She might do this by creating some changes in her life.
The classic cliche example is the breakup makeover, where you update your wardrobe or get a new haircut.
It’s all an attempt to make yourself feel better.
She may make other changes like signing up for a course, starting a new hobby or taking a trip.
Trying to reinvent yourself after a breakup is really common and it’s often a reflection of them missing you.
6) She’s hot and cold
Breakups can feel like stepping onto a rollercoaster.
You usually feel a wide range of emotions and can swing from sadness to anger, and from resignation to regret in a matter of moments.
If she is warm one day and reaches out to you but cold and distant the next, it suggests she is struggling with this mix of emotions.
She may give you some signs she misses you, but then act like she doesn’t even care.
It’s actually pretty common and shows you that no matter what else is going on, she does still have unresolved feelings for you.
7) What would an expert say?
While this article explores everything you need to know about when an ex-girlfriend starts to miss you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like breakups or getting back together.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
8) You get late-night texts and calls
For some reason, the nights tend to feel like lonelier times. The distractions of the day die down and she finds herself alone and thinking of you.
If she texts you at all it’s a sign that she misses you, but texting you late at night is even more so.
It suggests her willpower has faded and she can’t help herself. Whatever justification she gives, a late-night text screams “I miss you”.
The same goes for drunken texts and calls. When her inhibitions are gone, she reaches out to you.
9) You “bump” into her
Sometimes it feels like you’re bumping into her everywhere.
Maybe you see her walking down the street in your neighborhood or suddenly she is in line at your favorite coffee shop.
Perhaps she shows up at your friend’s party, even though she knows you will be there and she barely even knows them.
Sure, maybe it’s a total coincidence. But maybe she is trying to reconnect with you. Most of us avoid our exes unless we secretly want to “bump into them”.
10) She starts reminiscing
Taking a walk down memory lane usually means one thing:
Your ex misses you.
Reminiscing about the times you shared and the experiences you had together means she is looking back fondly at your time as a couple.
And it’s often a clear sign that someone is having second thoughts about the breakup or isn’t ready to let you go.
11) She finds excuses to contact you
Does your ex still check in on you? Maybe she sends a message randomly asking how you are doing.
Does she try to find excuses to reach out to you? Perhaps it’s seemingly pointless things like asking if you remember the name of that film you watched a few months ago.
Does she keep you in the loop about what’s going on in her life? For example, tell you about a new job opportunity she has.
If she is trying to find reasons to keep in touch, it’s because she misses you.
12) She tries to start an argument
Sometimes even negative attention is better than no attention at all.
That’s why if your ex is trying to provoke an argument, it is because she still cares.
She’s not ready to let it drop. She is hurt about the breakup, and is using anger as a mask for it.
Finding reasons to get mad at you or start an argument is her way of not letting go of the relationship. And that means she misses you.
To conclude: trust me she misses you
It’s natural to spend a lot of time after a breakup wondering if your ex misses you. But the reality is that when you spend enough time with anyone, you’re bound to miss them.
So if you’re wondering if your ex-girlfriend misses you, trust me she does.
But as I mentioned earlier, missing someone is one thing, and wanting them back is another altogether.
You can still miss someone and not want them in your life.
That’s why her missing you is only one part of the puzzle to rekindling romance with an ex.
So if you really want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.
And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.
No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.
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