So you’ve just come home after a first date.
You’ve agreed you’ll text each other or at least “see each other later”.
What are you meant to do now?
You know that you need to text them soon, but what should you say?
That’s exactly what I’m going to cover in this article.
First, I’ll discuss “when” to text your date. After that, we’ll talk about “what” you should text.
When to text your date: 6 questions to ask yourself
1. How did your date go?
Now you need to ask yourself:
Was it a good date?
Or was it a little awkward?
Was the rapport through the roof?
Was there any sexual tension?
Did the conversation flow?
If it’s obvious to you that you got along really well with your date and the conversation flowed naturally, then you’d want to text them sooner rather than later.
Because they’re probably waiting for it, and more importantly, there’s no risk.
If you know there’s chemistry and you both like each other, then why not get the ball rolling?
Start texting (we’ll cover what to text later in this article) and soon enough the second date will be organized.
If the date was “average” – as in you got along, but there wasn’t exactly rapport, then don’t text them immediately (you’ll come off as desperate), but you do want to text them in the next couple days.
Otherwise, you’ll be forgotten and you’ll never have a chance.
If the date was very boring and you’re not really interested, then you don’t need to text at all.
Being politically correct is overrated.
If you’re the one who is interested in them and it’s clear they’re not interested in you, then you need to wait a couple of days before texting them.
After all, you don’t want to appear desperate and lose the small chance you have.
However, more than 3-4 days is too long.
2. Did you get to know them well?
First dates are different for everyone. Sometimes you get to know everything about their life, other times you don’t really learn that much.
So, now you need to ask yourself: How well did you get to know them?
If you spent a long time together, you probably learned more about them. And this can give you a longer time period before you text them.
Because this will let the anticipation build, and seeing as you got to know each other pretty well, they’ll be waiting on your text.
They’re also not going to forget you anytime soon, so waiting to text them doesn’t run the risk of being forgotten.
If, however, you didn’t get to know each other very well, then you actually should text them sooner rather than later.
You want to make it clear you want to see them again while you’re still on their mind.
This is even more true these days with everyone using dating apps like Tinder. You can be easily pushed aside as they move onto someone else.
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3. What is your age?
Age is important to consider when you’re deciding what and when to text after your first date.
In general, older people are more direct with their communication.
If you’re younger, then you may place more value on appearing cool and waiting a few days before you text.
But when you’re in your late 20s and over 30s, you risk being “out of sight, out of mind” if you wait too long.
At this age, you need to text them the same day or next day to make your interest clear to them.
But if you’re younger, it may be better for you to wait at least a couple of days.
(If you want to improve your texting game with men, check out our epic Text Chemistry review here)
4. When you parted ways, what did you say to each other?
What was said when you both parted ways?
Was it obvious that you both wanted a second date?
If the expression was clear that you were going to see each other again (and if you set a specific event) then you can wait a little longer to text them.
It’s clear that you’re going to see each other again, and they won’t be worrying about whether you like them or not.
However, if you told them you’ll text them, then you need to make good on your promise.
If you didn’t organize to meet them again, and you just said goodbye and that’s it, then you’re probably going to have to text them soon (today or next day) to make it clear that the date went well and you’d like to see them again.
5. Should you text straight away?
In general, you shouldn’t text straight away after your first date unless you said you would.
After all, you’ve only just finished your date so you don’t want to appear like you’re needy or desperate.
The initial stages of dating with anyone are very impressionable.
Some men like to text after the first date to make sure their date got home safely. That’s fine, but don’t start a conversation beyond that.
6. But don’t wait too long
Some people think that the longer they wait to text after their first date, the cooler they’ll look.
But this is not the case. You run the risk of being forgotten or on the other hand, appearing like you’re too cool for school.
In general, anything over a few days is too long.
If you’re unsure, then a text the next evening is a safe bet.
Some people may find a text the next day as too much, but they’re rare.
In the end, most people will enjoy a text the next day.
One key thing you need to remember is this:
Avoid playing games and trying too hard to build anticipation.
It can often go wrong, or even worse, you can turn off your date because they think you’re acting like an asshole.
What to text after a first date: 13 no-nonsense tips
Now that we’ve covered when to text someone after a first, let’s discuss what you should text them.
Here are some things that you need to include in your text after your first date:
1. Tell them that you had fun and you liked hanging out with them
After a first date, everyone questions how the date went.
So telling them that you enjoy your date will make them feel good and have a better idea of where they stand.
We all want validation about whether we’re enjoyable to hang out with, so make it clear that you enjoyed their company.
2. If you want to see them again, say it
Don’t play games. If you want a second date, then tell them that you want to see them again.
Nobody likes a vague message that’s hard to interpret.
You don’t have to tell them the time and location of the next date, but just something like simple such as “it would be great to hang out again” is fine.
If their response to this is positive, then you’ll know where you stand.
And in a couple of days, you can get down to the specifics of your next date.
These first 2 points are really all you need to include in your text: You had a great time and you want to meet them again.
In general, you want to keep it short and let the conversation flow from there.
3. Use the hero instinct to capture his attention
It’s nerve-wracking trying to think of that first text – how can you get your date’s interest straight away?
Well, one route to take is using the hero instinct.
Let me explain…There are three main drivers that all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
When these drivers are triggered, they feel content, secure, and happy. They also take more notice of the woman triggering these feelings.
This comes from a revolutionary concept called the hero instinct, coined by relationship expert James Bauer.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”. Will he really need to feel like a superhero just to get a text back?
No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. There’s no need to play the damsel in distress to get a second date.
So what do you need to do?
The best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
That’s the beauty of the concept — it’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to him to make sure he’s fully captivated, even if it’s only done via text for now!
All of that and more is revealed in this simple and genuine explanation of the hero instinct. Make sure to watch the video before making your move.
4. Relate to something that happened on the first date
It sparks rapport when you mention something they said and it shows that you were paying attention.
So if your date talked about their love of dancing, you could say that you’d love to see them dance sometimes (or even dance with them).
Or if something happened on the first date that made you both laugh, bring it up again.
When you say something positive about the first date, it reminds them of the great time they had.
Don’t bring up the awkward moments as they might start remembering that the date was actually more awkward than they thought.
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5. Keep the texts short and concise
Nobody enjoys reading a big slab of text that waffles.
Make sure you know what points you want to get across in your texts and clearly communicate them.
On the other hand, nobody likes a text that says “Hey, what’s up” and that’s it. They’ll have no idea how to respond.
A good rule of thumb is this:
The real conversations are for the actual dates themselves. Texts are just for maintaining the connection.
However, there is an exception to this rule:
If the other person texts really long responses, then you can feel free to do the same.
It’s okay when texts mirror each other, and in fact, it may help in building rapport.
6. Don’t text all the time.
I think we’ve all encountered someone who texts non-stop at all hours of the day. It can get really annoying.
Don’t be that person.
If you’re having a real-time conversation, then sure it’s absolutely fine to text them right away, but if they’ve texted you out of the blue, you don’t need to text them right away.
They will understand you’re busy and you’re doing things in your life.
Remember what I said above, You don’t want texts to replace the actual conversations on your real dates.
Reply when you can, keep it short and concise, and save the conversations for the real dates.
7. Flirt, but don’t flirt too mich
I may be a traditionalist, but I think if you’ve only been on one date with them, then don’t try and start being sexual in your texts.
You run the risk of offending them and appearing like you’re just in this for sex.
But you can flirt – which means being playful and having fun.
In fact, if you can do this successfully, then it can really build the connection.
Flirting can sometimes be tough though for those who aren’t natural flirts.
If you can’t do it, don’t start searching for lines on the Internet you can use. Usually, they won’t work and you’ll portray yourself as a creep.
Instead, if you can’t flirt, make sure you just be yourself and be clear in your communication.
8. Keep it playful
Don’t start getting really serious. That can turn a lot of people off.
Texting after a first date should be kept easy. Don’t start trying to initiate deep and meaningful conversations.
Also, people don’t want to answer a million things in a text, so make sure you’re only asking one question per text.
Also, don’t start acting toxic to them, either. Some people like to complain about how bad their day is, or how much they hate so and so.
This is not a conversation to have with someone you’ve only been on one date with.
It’s better to talk about positive things and keep interactions fun and easy.
9. Don’t go nuts with the emojis
Don’t get me wrong, emojis can be fun, but they should never be your primary form of texting.
Just sending a lone emoji is a bit like saying “Hey what’s up” and nothing else. It can just confuse them.
So if you do use them, make sure you use with them a sentence that communicates what you want to say.
In fact, using your favorite emoji is a great way to show some excitement and personality. Just make sure it goes along with some text!
10. Don’t be afraid to show some humor
Imagine texting this after your first date:
“If that date was a bank heist, we totally made off with a million”.
How would your date react?
Sure it’s cheesy, but it’s also guaranteed to be different.
As I’ve said, it’s okay to rely on generic phrases like “I had a great time last night! Let’s do it again”, especially if you’re bad at flirting, but lines like above can lighten the mood a little.
Of course, you don’t have to use the bank line, but you could use anything that’s clever or cheesy.
It also depends on the type of personality you’re dealing with. If they’re a person who likes to have fun and laugh all the time, then going with a humor line to start with might work better than a person who is more serious.
11. Use something you said in the first date as a launchpad for a second date
If you had a long enough discussion on your first date, there was probably something mentioned that could lead to a second date.
For example, if they said they love to go on walks down the beach, why not mention that the next date can be a long walk on the beach?
It shows that you were listening and it’s actually something that they’ll want to do.
12. Don’t text them and organize a date for tomorrow
If the first date was successful, you might be tempted to organize the next date with them right away.
But you might appear a little desperate if you do this.
Instead, it’s better to take things slowly so you can build a proper relationship and connection.
In order to not appear desperate, you may want to text something like:
“Have a lot going on this week, but definitely want to see you again as I had an awesome time. How about we get together next week?”
This text shows that you have things going on in your life outside of your dating and a second date next week gives you enough time and space.
If you really want to see them again soon, then you could say something like “I’m really busy this week and next, but I really want to see you again, so how about we meet on an afternoon this week?”
13. If the first date was awful, then you might be wondering if you need to text them at all
The truth is, you don’t really need to. It’s acceptable to choose not to text them.
However, make sure that before the date ends, you end it with a polite “it was nice to meet you”.
Then if you don’t want to see them again, just say “good night” and leave it at that.
Now if you’ve decided that the date was just “okay” but you’d like to keep them as friends, then you could text them with something like “Not sure if I felt the dating spark, but it would be cool to hang out as friends. Don’t know if this would interest you, but just wanted to put it out there”.
14. Feel like you blew the first date?
Sometimes you come home thinking that it was you who made it awkward.
Instead of constantly wondering if you blew it, why not send a text feeling out how they felt about it.
After all, if they want to see you again, they’ll let you know.
So text this:
“Sorry if I seemed a little awkward. You helped me spark up my day! I’d love to see you again if you’re up for it?”
Some acknowledgment that it was awkward helps them be clear that you felt it too, and if they want to see you again, they’ll say so.
Remember, keeping texts simple is the rule.
Also if you don’t flirt, they might not get the hint that you like them.
Flirting doesn’t have to be anything outrageous. You could text something like “How are we ever going to top that date?”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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