Has your woman stopped interacting with you in the last hours or even days?
Are you feeling frustrated or don’t know what to do with her reaction?
She’s probably giving you the silent treatment, and that, unfortunately, is a form of psychological abuse and a way to manipulate people.
The silent treatment, if it becomes the default way in which she behaves when there’s an argument or a disagreement, can have a lasting negative impact on a relationship.
This communication pattern has to change or break to make space to face conflict more constructively and healthily.
After all, every relationship requires a difficult conversation to build intimacy and show vulnerability.
Do you want to know what you can do when she uses the silent treatment on you?
Responding to silent treatment: 10 healthy ways
1) Calm down
This is the first thing you have to do. The silent treatment can trigger sadness or anger in the person that’s at the end of it.
Instead of letting those emotions take over you, make a pause.
Reflect on the reasons why she’s silent.
Was it a fight, an emotional outburst, or days of little conflicts?
Take silence as an opportunity to think rationally.
2) She needs space to think
If you struggle with anxiety, for example, one of the ways in which you might respond to the silent treatment is by nagging the other person and trying to get them to talk.
Remember this: mind-reading isn’t real yet.
You don’t have to figure out what she’s thinking.
Giving someone the silent treatment is passive-aggressive behavior.
It’s not actual, healthy communication.
She needs to talk to you, and if you’re trying to figure out her thoughts or feelings, she won’t do that.
3) Don’t try to get her attention
As such, you shouldn’t give her the attention that she wants. Don’t text or call while she’s silent.
It’s a waste of your time and efforts.
Especially if you’ve already tried to talk to her and figure out what’s happening and you’ve met with insults or mocks from her side.
If this has already happened two or three times, walk away.
Respect yourself and respect her wishes: if she needs space, give it to her.
4) Don’t make fake apologies
If you believe you haven’t done anything wrong, the worst thing you can do is apologize.
That’s no way of building a healthy relationship.
However, you can listen to her and try to empathize with her point of view. If you’d like to fix things, express that wish and see how you can move forward.
5) You won’t win if you give her the silent treatment too
Nobody should be trying to win an argument; that’s not how a healthy relationship is built.
There are no winners and no losers when it comes to silent treatments.
What you can do, however, is try to solve the problem together rather than apart. Remember that you’re a team, not rivals.
Even with that in mind, she has to recognize that the silent treatment isn’t effective when trying to communicate and stop doing it in the future.
Be empathic with one another, bad communication styles can develop for many reasons.
If you validate someone rather than putting them down, you make space for them to speak in a safe environment.
It helps both of you to thrive.
6) Change your body language
While you don’t deserve silent treatment, there might be something you can try to change your woman’s behavior.
And it relies on your body language.
That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…
They get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.
Kate’s a relationship expert who helped me improve my own body language around women.
In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.
7) Try to determine if it’s just a personality difference
Maybe you’re on the more extrovert side, and your girl is an introvert through and through.
If she is, this means she needs a bit more time to process her feelings. If the argument has been complicated or has triggered her, she needs silence to overcome her emotional response.
Then, you can talk about it.
However, make sure you tell her explicitly that there’s a limit to this time and that you have to speak and solve the issue.
8) Healthy communication has rules
Rules aren’t always a bad thing, and sometimes they’re essential for a couple to thrive.
Generally speaking, rules help in difficult situations, like communication.
There’s a psychological response we can’t help when we have a triggering argument with someone else. It’s called “flooding.”
It happens when adrenaline saturates the body and prevents us from thinking rationally and processing our emotions.
In this case, the best course of action is to set some time apart from each other and allow the adrenaline to fade.
Once you’re both in a better state of mind, you can speak in a much more productive way.
9) The sandwich method can be helpful
Getting back at your woman and giving her the silent treatment isn’t a solution to your problem.
Don’t copy her actions!
First of all, calm yourself down. Then go to her and speak directly, but remember to be as gentle as possible.
Make sure she feels safe and that you’re both in a comfortable environment.
She might not talk at first, but you can expose your point of view without forcing her to speak.
With time, she might start talking to you again. Remember never to assume what she’s thinking or feeling unless she has stated it to you before.
If you want to give constructive criticism, using the sandwich method is the best way to do so.
Start your statements with “I,” especially if you’re talking about feelings. Don’t tell her things like, “you made me feel this way” instead, say something like “I felt this when you said x thing.”
Lastly, don’t make it all about yourself. Remember to be empathic to her in every moment.
10) Think about solutions instead of staying in your feelings
A simple solution might be to talk in a safe environment before things get out of hand and she goes silent again.
It has to be face to face, of course.
Plan how you will approach each other and how you might avoid hurting each other’s feelings.
Remember that everyone has a turn to speak, and they have to listen actively when it’s not their turn. Leaving the room, unless it is to calm down, is not a great response to conflict either.
Couples’ counseling might be a good place to learn better ways of communicating with each other.
How to communicate in a healthier way
Communication is all about confronting issues, so to do it better, you need to change how you approach an argument.
This is a process, not an instantaneous change, so be prepared to work on it for a few weeks to even months.
You have to build new ways of reacting to triggering stuff, so it’s normal to fall into old patterns once in a while.
Your woman might change faster or slower, so be prepared to take responsibility for yourself first and foremost.
Focus on small steps rather than intimidating goals!
But at least you can try simple steps that’ll help you to deal with this unhealthy pattern your woman picks when it comes to conflicts.
The strategy that I highly recommend is a course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article on how to save your marriage alone, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be… and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other.
And maybe you feel that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage — even if you’re the only one trying.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world:
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Why is she giving you the silent treatment?
Her feelings a re hurt because of you
This is one of the main reasons why people go silent.
If your woman loves you, she’s not expecting to be hurt by your words or actions. Of course, everyone is afraid of getting hurt, but if she wants to be with you, then that fear is dismissed.
Unfortunately, couples can hurt each other very often, and it’s not always with ill intent behind it.
So, when it happens, she might feel like she’s been stabbed in the back.
If she’s been idealizing you, she can feel disillusioned by your actions and even a bit afraid of herself for having fallen deeply in love with someone that hurt her.
Of course, this is a normal side of every relationship. We have to be vulnerable to build a real connection and that opens up the possibility of getting hurt.
Neither of you is perfect, so it’s normal to mess it up.
If she’s silent, it’s not always intending to hurt you back. She just upped her defenses for a bit.
Make an effort and pay attention to her, connect with her feelings and take responsibility if you’ve done something wrong.
She’s angry about something you said or did
To most people, anger seems to make them explode.
However, this isn’t always the case. Some people go silent, bottling their feelings.
Giving you the silent treatment might be a way to express her anger and also get emotional distance from you so she can calm back down.
Silence is a powerful tool, after all.
If she’s explicitly expressed why she’s angry and you’ve dismissed her or even mocked her, then the silent treatment is a lesson you have to learn. Nobody likes to feel misunderstood.
When she gets a clearer head, she will come back and talk to you once more.
You can help her by stating that you want to talk about things and to talk like adults, without aggression on either side.
Your body language can be a great way of communicating without speaking.
This relates back to what I mentioned earlier – women find certain body signals completely irresistible, and most men don’t know how to use this to their advantage.
I was lucky enough to learn from relationship expert Kate Spring.
In this excellent free video, she shares some valuable techniques to make women naturally fall for you.
Kate’s considered a best-selling author and has helped thousands of men like me and you – if you’re ready to take control of your love life, the best place to start is with her advice.
She wants to make you angry
Nobody is perfect, and she might be a little manipulative.
The silent treatment is a great way of getting people obsessed and confused, and it’s an immature way of trying to make a point.
Some women are excited by the prospect of having a man obsessed with them, and they use the silent treatment to achieve that goal.
It feels good to be chased, to her at least.
Her ego gets bigger because she perceives your confusion as validation of her power over your life.
You wouldn’t be reacting like that if it were otherwise.
Again, it’s not very mature, but it can happen.
So, don’t let yourself get manipulated. Try and discern if there are reasons why she might be genuinely upset with you, and don’t chase her without thinking first.
She’s going out with someone else
Sometimes silence is an answer in and of itself.
It is painful to see the woman you want going out with someone else, but it’s also the reality.
In the dating world, it’s called ghosting, and it’s one of the worst lessons to learn.
It is completely immature to not speak about things that might hurt the other person, especially if you’ve been spending time together.
Unfortunately, people think the easiest solution is to disappear from someone else’s life without regard for the consequences.
In a nutshell
Getting the silent treatment is never a good experience. It can be frustrating, confusing, and painful.
It’s a punishment that we sometimes don’t understand, and it can affect our mental health.
Nobody has to accept this kind of behavior since silent treatment isn’t a solution to anything.
You don’t deserve it!
You’re both responsible for building healthy ways of communicating negative feelings.
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.
Don’t let people abuse you psychologically!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.