10 signs a good woman is done with you (and what to do next)

You thought she would be with you forever. You thought that she’ll keep loving you and being loyal to you.

But you’ve taken her for granted, and have not been giving her what she deserves in a relationship.

Maybe you simply didn’t see her value until she was ready to leave.

It’s a good thing you realized this before it’s too late.

Don’t fret. Her bags might already be packed, but you can still do something about it.

In this article, I will give you ten signs that a good woman is done with you and what you can still do about it.

10 signs a good woman is done with you

1) She has built a bubble

A good woman doesn’t just take the decision to quit on her man lightly. But when she decides upon it, then you can bet your life she’s going to leave.

But it’s not always possible for her to leave right away. For example, she might feel like she has too much to lose or that she has nowhere to go, then she’ll keep herself sane by building a bubble and staying there until times get better for her.

That is to say, she creates a wall around herself and shuts out everything outside of that wall.

You can tell this when she’s not easily affected by the things that used to bother her. For example, maybe you used to get into fights all the time whenever you got home drunk. But now she just shrugs and carries on as if she didn’t see anything.

2) She shuts down

This is similar to her bubble except that it’s more like a hard metal shell.

She pulls down this metal shell when you’re having a confrontation.

When you ask her to talk because you know something’s wrong, she shuts down.

She won’t say anything because she’s afraid that you would justify yourself once again and not listen to her.

She won’t say anything because she’s afraid that once she says something, her anger towards you would slowly taper down…and she doesn’t want this. She wants to remain angry at you because it’s her motivation to leave you.

Ultimately, she won’t say anything because she’s done it many times in the past and nothing has changed.

3) She doesn’t get jealous anymore

Even if you seem bored with each other, you’ll know a girl is still in love with you if she still gets jealous when you’re with another girl.

If she used to get jealous a lot and she now doesn’t give a single damn who you’re with or what time you go home, she’s done.

To her, she’d rather focus on herself than waste another second worrying about you with someone else.

4) She doesn’t come to the rescue like she used to

Your girl is one of a kind. She used to be there for you all the time, even during her busiest days.

She used to happily meet up with you after work after telling her how stressful your day was. And if you needed money, she’d happily give you a few dollars to help you out.

Now? She doesn’t even rush to comfort you even if she’s just at home watching Netflix. She suddenly has no money to lend you, either.

She may still be around, but she’s basically done with you.

4) She’s become a brand-new person

She has reinvented herself—from her routine to hairstyle to hobbies…and even her taste in music and movies, too.

While this happens to anyone in a healthy relationship, what makes this different is that you feel you’re not with her in her journey.

She doesn’t let you know she’s getting a haircut and she doesn’t share her new hobbies with you.

A woman who’s done with you would want to be a different version of herself while she’s still in love with you. It’s her way to detach from you if breaking up is still difficult to do.

5) She’d grab any chance to be away from you

A good woman is sometimes too kind to break your heart, so even if she wants to leave you, she’d find it hard to actually make it official.

However, you can tell she’s emotionally checked out if she used to be clingy but now she wants to be away from you.

She’d grab at any invitation, even from the people she doesn’t really like, just to not spend the night with you.

She’d visit her family more often too, even if they’re not really that close.

6) She sets clearer boundaries

Gone are the days when your relationship motto was “What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours.”

She now demands that you respect her space, her privacy, and her emotional boundaries.

She wants you to feel that you’re two separate people because not only is this healthy, she’s also trying to rebuild her sense of self—the self she had before you were together.

She’s probably doing this to prepare both of you when she is finally ready to break up for good.

7) She has become passive in the relationship

Usually, a good woman is proactive in a relationship. She usually does the planning, the relationship maintenance, the housework, and other things that are needed for a relationship to work.

Women usually find it hard not to care and to get lazy in a relationship so when she does become passive (especially if she exhibits the other signs in this list), she’s not going to stay much longer.

8) She stops trying to impress you

When a good woman is in love with you, she’ll try to become better so you’ll be happy that you’re in a relationship with her.

It doesn’t automatically mean that she just needs validation from you, it’s because she’s inspired to be better so you’ll both be happy.

When a good woman is done with you, she thinks she’s already good enough and that it’s unfair that she’s doing her best and yet, you aren’t putting in the effort to be a good partner.

You can tell this is happening when she stops doing the things that made you happy, and when she stops caring about what you think about her.

9) She’s not scared of hurting you

When a good woman loves you, she’s willing to do anything to protect you and make you happy. But when she’s over you, she doesn’t give a damn.

In fact, she wouldn’t stop herself from saying hurtful things to you.

That’s because she thinks it’s unfair that she cared so much about you but you didn’t do the same thing for her.

She’s done. She’s gone through her grieving process and has now come out of it with the conviction to prioritize herself no matter what.

She’d say what she wants to say even if she knows it could hurt you. She’d do whatever she wants, too.

She’s done being good and being the responsible one, and she’s not afraid to show it to you.

10) She doesn’t go out of her way to make you happy

Of course when someone is done, they won’t do much for their partner. But when a good woman is done, she’d show you just how done she is.

A good woman gives all her love when she still believes the relationship is worth it. But when she realizes it’s hopeless, she won’t fake being nice just to keep the relationship afloat—she would show she’s checked out.

No more surprise gifts, no more massages, no more dinners cooked with love.

She’s now focusing on her happiness more than yours. That’s the biggest sign a good woman is done with you.

How to mend your relationship

If you see your woman showing the signs described above, you can be sure that your woman’s done with you. So feel free to grab a bottle of wine and grieve.

But you’ll have to stop grieving at some point and do something about it if you want to win her back.

We got you covered.

Here are five crucial steps that you should do.

1) Do some serious self-reflection

People usually don’t just leave committed relationships on a whim. There’s always a bunch of valid reasons behind that decision. And, every time, there are some that are within your ability to control, and some that aren’t.

There’s no point in wasting your energy on what you can’t change, so focus instead on what you can. And you can start by doing some self-reflection.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What did I do to make her unhappy?
  • What can I change in myself to make her happy?
  • Am I willing to change myself because it’s good for me, or is it simply because I just want to please her?
  • Am I actually capable of carrying through with the changes needed? Do I need to violate my own values?
  • Do I still want to be in this relationship, or should I look for someone new?
  • If I fail to convince her to stay, will I regret the changes I put myself through?

 2) Talk to a relationship coach

Relationships aren’t easy. If they were, then everyone would have no trouble finding a partner and articles such as these would be obsolete.

A lot has to go right. You need to find someone with values and a lifestyle compatible with your own. You both need to be mature enough to work through issues properly.

Some of these things come from the lessons taught to us by experience, and thankfully it’s possible for others to share what they’ve learned.

I was personally skeptical about asking for outside help, but after having listened to love coaches from Relationship Hero I am convinced.

They have seen it all, and are perfectly willing to share their insights on difficult situations, such as winning back a woman after she’s done with you.

Personally, I tried them last year while my relationship was in deep trouble.

My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to check them out.

3) Schedule a sit-down talk with her

You can think about what you did wrong all the time, or spend weeks doing nothing but learn from others’ mistakes, but self-reflection is worth little if you don’t actually put it into action.

And so that’s why you should try to find the time and place to sit down and talk over the issue with her.

  • Make sure she consents, even if begrudgingly. Ask her, without trying to guilt, threaten, or corner her.
  • Don’t lock her in. Let her have the option of walking out at any time should she decide to do so.

4) Negotiate

In most cases, part of the blame—even if not all of it—lies in your hands. And no matter how hard you think about your issues, it’s still better to listen to what she has to say.

So ask her about her issues with you, and then try to do your best to see if you can do something about it.

  • Tell her about what you’ve noticed she’s been doing (not communicating enough, etc), instead of accusing her outright of being done with you.
  • Acknowledge that you messed up and are willing to change if she’s still willing to give you a chance.
  • Tell her what you think you have done wrong, acknowledge that it might not be everything, and ask her if she has anything else to add.
  • Listen to what she wants from you, and try to see if you can fulfill her requests.

5) Follow through on your promises

Of course, just as thinking isn’t going to mean much if you don’t act on it, promises don’t mean anything if you aren’t pushing through with them.

  • Make only promises that you know you can follow through with.
  • Commit to your promises. Don’t stop just because you have managed to win your girl’s heart back.
  • Even if you do break up, it still pays to take the lessons you’ve learned (and the promises you’ve made) to heart, for your future relationships.
  • If she asks for things you can’t follow through with in the long term, then you should probably question if you’re meant for each other.
  • If she calls you out for slipping back on your promises, ask her how you can do it better.


Realizing that you’re with a good woman just when she’s about to leave you is one of the most painful realizations a man can ever have.

But it’s not the end of everything.

Show your woman that you’re willing to make the relationship work and you’re going to commit to your promises this time around.

If she’s really a good woman, she’ll give you one more shot. If you’re really meant to be together, you both can make it—and even come out stronger than ever before.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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