13 important things you need to know about dating an independent woman

You might find dating an independent woman quite different.

She’s the straightforward, clever, no-BS girl you’ve always wanted to be with. But while that’s great, you’re also very nervous of losing her.

Don’t worry. That won’t happen as long as you know how to treat her right.

To help you along, here are 13 things that you must know about dating an independent woman.

1) You can’t clip her wings

Independent women are independent for a reason. They want to be free!

And they aren’t going to simply let go of their independence just because they’ve found love, or because they now have someone to lean on.

Some people have this fantasy of “relieving” their partners’ burdens, of taking on all the work so that their partner can rest at home.

But this is the last thing she wants, so don’t do it. Don’t try to clip her wings and make her more “dependent” on you—she will get turned off and even resent you for it.

And if you start to control where she goes, who she talks with, and what she wears?  Expect her to run and never look back.

2) She wants to be heard

It’s always important to listen to what your partner has to say. But when your partner is an independent woman? It’s extremely important that you make sure she feels heard.

She gives importance to her thoughts and ideas and if she finds that a man doesn’t care about those things, she will start to lose interest.

Aside from that, she’s well aware of how important communication is in relationships. And she won’t have any patience for a guy who doesn’t make her feel heard.

Independent women aren’t easily swayed by their emotions. She might genuinely love you, but if you aren’t paying attention to the things she’s saying, then why should she bother?

She can always fall in love with someone who will.

3) Expect (brutal) honesty

Independent women don’t like taking bullshit and don’t have the patience for double-speak or mind games.

You can also definitely rely on her when you need an honest opinion on things. She’s not the type who lies to you just so you’d feel good.

And just as she is herself honest and transparent, she will expect you to be the same way.

She’s doing you a great favor by not playing games with you, so you better return the favor and not toy around with her heart.

And should you try, she will know in an instant. So simply don’t try it—it won’t work out well for you.

4) She needs you to be confident

It’s not optional.

Confidence isn’t just something that makes you more attractive to her—you NEED to have it if you are to have a lasting relationship.

That means no pity talk. No “oh, woe is me! I don’t deserve you!”

Independent women don’t want to have to play the role of the therapist or to constantly reassure you every time something makes you feel a little insecure or inadequate.

You might think that you are indeed a confident, self-assured person. But surprisingly enough, many men who think of themselves as “confident” quickly become insecure when faced with an independent woman.

Thankfully, you can always boost your self-confidence.

I strongly recommend checking out relationship expert Katie Spring. She had put together a guide to help men be more confident around women.

And you know what’s awesome?  You can check out for free here!

I can vouch for her guide. I didn’t have issues with confidence myself, but I recommended her video to a friend of mine who was always nervous around women.

And yes, it worked! I was witness to how he transformed into a confident man in just a couple of weeks after devouring Kate’s guide. I saw him work up the nerve to ask a girl he’s always had a crush on.

I’m sure Katie’s guide will be of great use to you.

Here’s a link to Kate’s free video again.

5) She expects you to carry your own weight

You might find yourself wondering that, well…  if she’s so independent, then surely she can do everything herself? Maybe you can just relax a little and leave things up to her, right?


The fact that she’s an independent woman doesn’t mean that you can just rely on her for everything.

You should try to share the responsibilities with her. Split the bill, pitch in when she’s trying to set up your date.

After all, she’s perfectly capable of standing on her own, and if she is to keep you around, then you better be worth it.

Simply put, don’t be a burden towards her if you don’t want her just leaving you behind.

6) She’s not afraid of serious talk

In fact, she likes it.

Sure, she’s going to humor conversations about her hobbies or engage in discussions about how her day has been going. But she’s not going to be content with just that.

You’ll have to expect her to breach serious topics, such as rent, marriage, income, personal beliefs and ideals, and each other’s flaws.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows with her, and she isn’t going to appreciate it if you try to joke around when she’s trying to talk about something serious.

And you know what’s awesome about this? This means you can do the same to her. You can tell her about things that other women might find too sensitive, and she wouldn’t even wince or bat an eye.

7) She wants to be pampered

She might be tough, confident, and independent. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t appreciate affection.

So don’t worry about pampering her—she will love it!

That said, however, pampering an independent woman isn’t the same as pampering any other woman.

Give her massages and cook dinner for her. Gift her a plushie she’s always wanted. Be cute with her.

Independent women are suckers for this because they’ve always been the one people rely on.

However, make sure you aren’t making her feel like you are infantilizing her by, say, insisting on doing things that she could do well enough on her own.

She doesn’t need help, she wants love and affection. Lots of it.

8) She will find it hard to accept help

She might even refuse it outright.

See, the last thing that independent women want is to be made to feel like they are indebted to someone… even if that someone is their own partner.

And because she’s independent, and likely has been for a while, she most likely knows what she can and can’t do.

So when she refuses help, don’t take it personally and just let her be. Don’t take it to mean that you’re not “good enough” for her—it simply means that she would rather do things herself.

She might mess up—who doesn’t—in which case, I’d strongly advise against saying things like “I told you so!”

Insisting that she take your help even after she had said no and being immature about it is one way to quickly lose the respect of an independent woman.

It’s offensive—and how could it not be? By doing this you’re telling her you don’t trust her abilities.

9) Personal space is sacred

An independent woman isn’t going to act all clingy with you and nag you for attention like other women will.

In fact, you might even find yourself wondering why she’s so hands-off!

Likewise, she isn’t going to appreciate it when you act clingy around her. Attention is nice, but too much attention is simply annoying for an independent woman.

You might wonder “but how much attention is too much attention?” and “how do I know if I’m being clingy?”

Well, one thing that will really help is to have that confidence I recently mentioned. Clinginess is often driven by desperation and insecurity, so being confident will keep you from being unconsciously clingy.

Another is to simply listen to her. She’ll be transparent with you with what she wants and needs, and if she ever feels like you’re being too clingy she’ll call you out.

10) She can and will speak for herself (and the people she loves)

Often, in relationships with a woman who isn’t so fiercely independent, there’s almost an expectation for the guy (you!) to stand up for her and to speak on her behalf. We like to think of this as romantic, almost.

But the thing with independent women is that they can and will speak for themselves.

Independent women are well capable of standing up for themselves and don’t need you playing spokesperson for them. In fact, they might even disregard you entirely if you tried.

If you see that she’s struggling, offer your help but don’t insist on it.

Otherwise, just sit back and let her do her thing.

11) A life with her is one hell of a ride

Independent women are rarely boring. They are more curious and assertive of their individuality than other women. They’re also unwilling to restrain themselves or pander to what their partners want.

So don’t expect her to just sit by quietly or try to get into your hobbies just to get closer with you. She’ll also expect that you try to understand her interests as well.

And sometimes your interests might clash, which would always lead to plenty of interesting—even if not always pleasant—discussion.

Things should eventually begin to calm down over time as the two of you get used to one another, but expect your life to remain interesting until the very end.

12) She has something concrete to offer

Independent women are more than capable of supporting themselves. And they’ll want to be able to keep supporting themselves even when they’re in a relationship with someone.

She has a lot more to offer to your relationship than any other woman would.

She likely has a stable income of her own, on top of knowing skills such as accounting, driving, and even household repair.

Life together with her means that you’re not going to have someone just minding the house all day. She’ll help bring in the dough, and perhaps even fix up the car before you could.

13) She isn’t afraid to leave

This doesn’t mean that she’ll leave you just because she feels like it, of course.

Rather, what this means is that she isn’t going to be dating you because you “complete” her, or that she needs you. The fact is that she’d be perfectly happy without you even if she does love you now.

So you should try to make sure your presence in her life adds some value instead of making it worse.

Love her and love her well. That’s all you really need to do.

Don’t expect her to chase after you or try hard to win back your approval if you do that. She has likely seen it before, and even if she loves you she’ll decide that you aren’t worth it.

Last words

An independent woman knows her worth and isn’t shy about it.

That’s why men often find them intimidating, and why so many of the usual dating tricks simply won’t work on them.

You need to be on her level of maturity and confidence if your relationship with her is to thrive. And if you find out that you aren’t there yet, then try to get on her level.

But should you manage to—and you can, with enough time and effort—you will find yourself in an especially rewarding relationship.

It’s going to be a bit challenging… but hey! The best things in life don’t come easy.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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