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27 things to look for in a husband (complete list)

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Are you searching for qualities of a good man that make him marriage material?

I’m here to help you solve this mystery.

I’ve learned most of these from our more than eighteen years of marriage. While our relationship isn’t perfect by any means – it goes beyond looks, success, and financial stability. I know we’re suited for each other as we balance and complement each other perfectly.

So here are 27 things I value in my marriage – and most of them are the qualities I believe every woman should look for in a husband.

27 qualities to look for in a husband

It’s because sometimes, the qualities that first attracted you to someone aren’t always the qualities that make for a lifelong marriage.

Knowing these qualities will help you know if you’ve found the man of your dreams.

Truth is, the right one is out there for you. And your partner can be a lot more than the qualities I’ve mentioned here.

1) He wants you and only you

Here’s an important thing you need to know.

Since you’re looking for the qualities that make a great husband, there’s something you need to do – and that is to:

Trigger his “hero instinct.”

I learned about the concept of hero instinct from relationship expert James Bauer. You see, for men, it’s all about triggering their inner hero – and this is something that most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, it drives the husband into the relationship as they become heroes of their own lives. This means that they feel their best, love harder, and commit stronger.

But you don’t have to act like a damsel in distress or make your husband wear a cape. What you simply need to do is l tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

To give you more ideas about this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares easy tips like sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

The beauty of the hero instinct concept is knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

2) He has a good sense of humor

This makes him more sexy and irresistible.

Life isn’t a bed of roses, but if he manages to face the ups and downs with a good laugh, then this is the kind of man you’d want to spend your life with.

And even if things get complicated, he knows how to lighten things and cheer you up/

Just make sure that his sense of humor isn’t sexist, racist, or derogatory. You wouldn’t like to deal with that.

So if you want to be happy even during the toughest times, then marry a man who knows how to laugh. Isn’t that awesome?

3) He’s easy to be with

Most probably you’ve heard couples who share how they “clicked” instantly.

Yes, it’s one of those magical phenomena that is associated with the chemistry that two people share. This just means that you and your partner have to share an undeniable chemistry.

This could mean a lot of things too, such as:

  • You find each other physically attractive
  • You share lots of similarities – interests, values, and beliefs
  • You desire to be connected throughout the day
  • Your body responds well to them
  • You can sit together in silence and not feel awkward with it
  • You’re comfortable being yourself

And why is this important?

The chemistry you share creates a natural flow between the two of you – and it’s more than physical pull – as it leads to long-term compatibility.

4) He’s kind-hearted

One of the best qualities that makes a man a good husband is his kindness and compassion.

The way he understands you and empathizes with your feelings makes you feel loved.

A man who treats you right but disrespects strangers, the elderly, or even animals, isn’t the kind of man you would want to marry.

But if he treats you and himself the way he treats other people, then you have hit the jackpot of an amazing husband.

And if he shows some of these traits, then it’s definite that he’s a husband material:

  • He has a good heart towards other people
  • He brings positive influence to people
  • He notices the good in everything
  • He genuinely helps others without showing off
  • He’s trustworthy, helpful, and respectful

5) He shares important values with you

You might have different opinions, and it’s okay. But if you and your husband-to-be don’t share the same values as you do, your marriage could turn into a battlefield.

These values serve as “rules of life” – which range from lifestyle choices, home preferences, religious beliefs, etc. –  that guide the way you live your way.

You and the man you wish to marry must be on the same page as this is one key to long-term marital success.

It’s always better to be with someone passionate about the same things you are.

But what if you and your partner have differences in value?

If for instance, you favor a child-free marriage, but your husband-to-be wants a big family, discuss this beforehand so you’ll get to see where you both stand.

So you must know and respect each other’s perspectives to know that you’re making the right choice.

6) He’s ready to compromise when needed be

Having disagreements and arguments is pretty normal as it’s impossible that you two will agree on everything. And sometimes, these are necessary too.

But when things start to go downhill or out-of-hand, is your future husband willing to compromise?

A desirable husband is open-minded and ready to compromise when it comes to your needs and relationship.

But of course, you also need to compromise and take the initiative to sort out a disagreement at some point.

Remember that a healthy relationship depends on how you and your partner are willing to work things out.

7) He prioritizes you and your relationship

Consider yourself lucky when your partner pays more attention to your feelings, needs, and relationship than anyone or anything else.

Most of the time, we tend to get busy with work and career responsibilities or other commitments that take over our lives and get in the way of our marriage. So it’s important to keep your spouse a priority no matter what.

Giving each other quality time is the key to a happy marriage – even if it’s only a few hours a week. This could be something simple as cooking weekend dinner, giving you a relaxing massage, or watching a movie at home instead of grabbing drinks with friends.

While it’s also important that we spend time alone to recharge by ourselves, you know that your spouse gives time for your marriage and he takes care of you.

The secret here is to find the right balance between your alone time and together time.

8) He desires to be with you

One sign that your potential partner makes a good husband is when he’s made it clear that he wants you and only you.

You know that he’s looking forward to starting life with you and you’re the only woman he sees as his wife-to-be.

While he might take it slow due to financial, career, or other issues, he maintains a deep level of commitment nonetheless.

With this, you won’t ask and wonder where your relationship is headed as you know that he’s willing to marry you at the right time.

9) He loves talking about your future

One of the top qualities of a man that shows he’s a husband material is when he talks to you about his plans (of course with you in it).

This way you’ll know that you’ll be spending a lifetime together.

Can you talk to him about living together, getting married, and starting a family? Do you talk about where to spend your honeymoon, where to live, or how to raise future kids?

If he doesn’t walk to talk about those topics or changes the conversation when you bring it up, better think twice (just my two cents).

10) He doesn’t need to fight to “win”

This isn’t just one of the qualities of a husband material but also in every relationship that thrives on love.

Miscommunication, disagreements, and arguments are inevitable. So make sure you and your husband-to-be are willing to clear out those problems instead of fighting and blame-shifting for the sake of winning.

It’s best to be with someone who won’t put you down by blaming you, saying you’re incapable, or discouraging you. You never want that kind of negativity as part of your marriage.

And you should have equal say in all important matters and not so important matters.

11) He’s good in bed

When considering the qualities to look for in a husband, don’t forget that sexual compatibility as a couple is a factor to consider.

It’s important that you can talk about sex openly and you know what each other wants in the bedroom.

Some couples remain unhappy with their marriage as their spouses are unable to satisfy them in bed. So to avoid this and infidelity from ruining your marriage, it’s best to make sure that you can satisfy each other sexually.

And you both know how to keep the love alive, spice it up, and have a healthy married sex life.

12) You’re learning from each other

Chances are that you and your partner have different skill sets. Your relationship won’t only get boring as it will not grow when you won’t get to share.

Both of you must have the willingness to learn and the ability to inspire each other to improve and be better.

For instance, he may be inclined with current affairs while you’re an expert in making mouthwatering hummus. You may want to share even those simple things and enjoy the process.

Be with someone who can make each day a happier, learning experience.

13) You can communicate everything with him

Great communication is the foundation of a strong relationship and one of the best qualities of a man.

He must know how to properly express his feelings, desires, and needs without getting upset.

Talking to your husband-to-be has to be effortless too.

If your man is husband material, you can talk to him about anything under the sun. You can tell him if something is bothering you or when you’re having difficulties. He’ll never put you down or see your feelings as invalid.

After all, mutual respect and understanding each other’s feelings and opinions are the bedrock of every thriving relationship.

14) He appreciates your good qualities and accepts your shortcomings

Being truly appreciated by your husband goes a long way in creating a happy relationship.

The saying goes, “Happy wife, happy life!” is true – for feeling appreciated is something that makes us happy.

Dangerous waters are ahead if you don’t feel loved and appreciated by your man. But when he shows how much he appreciates you through his words and actions, you know you’ll live to be a happy wife.

And he will not love you less as he should also accept your flaws and weaknesses. He will never let your shortcomings get in the way of his love.

Instead of judging you, he will support you to be a better person.

So keep this point in mind when looking for a husband.

15) He supports you

One admirable trait of a future husband is someone who supports your passions and cheers you on to pursue your dreams.

He believes in what you can do and encourages you to go for the things you love. He’ll even go out of his way to help you achieve them.

Find a man who loves you unconditionally – even when you’re not glammed up or in a terrible mood.

Be with the man who can both be your coach, supporter, and cheerleader. And most importantly, someone who loves you the way you are.

16) He’s loyal and trustworthy

Trust and loyalty are both foundations of an intimate and happy relationship.

Without these, you’ll feel anxious and uneasy even when you’re with your partner. And when you’re not together, you’ll keep wondering what they’re doing or who they’re with.

A trusting and loyal partner makes you feel safe and secure.

Does your husband act jealous or lash out at you? Or do you feel that he’s always hiding something behind his back? Do you doubt him and his faithfulness?

Well, you’re the only person who knows your partner well. So you have to listen and trust your gut feeling – as in most cases, it’s true.

17) He’s respectful

Your partner must be a man of respect as he will stand by you and your relationship.

He supports you, never crosses boundaries, and won’t make you do things you’re not comfortable with. He’s considerate of your feelings, decisions, thoughts, and properties.

A respectful man possesses these admirable qualities:

  • He has an inner sense of what’s right and wrong,
  • He never loses control when things don’t go smoothly
  • He won’t easily give up
  • He admits his mistakes

By having a respectful partner as a husband, know that he’ll never hurt you purposely.

18) He’s emotionally mature

Most emotionally immature men are afraid of commitment and are confused with what they want in life.

But a responsible, emotionally intelligent man will be able to handle the challenges, stress, conflicts, and everything else that life (and marriage) brings.

He’s a well-grounded man with a sense of balance and takes steps to understand you. This doesn’t mean that he’s not without a bad day (as we all experience that).

It’s just that he knows how to remain a supporting partner no matter what’s happening or what you’re going through.

Look for these traits to know if your man is emotionally mature or not:

  • He’s comfortable  communicating his thoughts and needs
  • He knows how to express his true feelings
  • He keeps on learning to grow
  • He listens attentively and knows if you need a comforting hug
  • He finds ways to face his fears
  • He keeps his promises and does things he says he will

19) He is forgiving

Being able to forgive isn’t just one of the qualities that make a good husband – as it’s a virtue that every human being should nurture.

Even the happiest couple and the strongest relationships don’t go along every minute of the day. There will always be instances where you’ll get frustrated and disappointed with your spouse.

But the important thing is that you’ll see and forgive each other’s faults without holding a grudge or making each other feel guilty about it.

Forgiveness makes a relationship run smoothly. The Journal of Health Psychology also found that people with “higher levels of forgiveness contributed toward better mental health in relationships.”

20) You have fun together

Married life becomes more enjoyable when you have a husband who is a friend and a lover. Someone with whom you can enjoy every moment of life. Someone whom you can get silly and confide in. Someone whom you can laugh and cry with.

Doing things together or finding a hobby or an activity that you both love doing can make your bond stronger.

Some couples enjoy working out together, wine tasting, traveling or trying out new restaurants. It doesn’t matter what you do or where you go together, as long as you continue to enjoy each other’s company.

21) You balance each other out

One of the most important things in marriage (at least based on my experience) is being able to work so well together.

Something is satisfying and fulfilling when you enjoy the same things, see each other’s differences, and live with each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

My husband values my opinion and treats me as an equal – and I do the same for him too. This gives life, growth, and value to our marriage life.

For in a marriage, a husband and wife have to work together. A wife has to stand beside her husband – and not behind or in front of him.

The thing here is, you have to work out how to balance each other positively.

For in married life, there are going to be changes – lots of big changes.

But when you’re able to have a balanced relationship, you can both give and take along the way.

Keep reading to find out the essential qualities of a man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

22) He manages conflicts well

A man with healthy communication skills makes a great husband.

When you argue and get into disagreements, you attack the problem as a team instead of attacking each other.

Conflicts are unavoidable but they serve as a way to keep you stronger.  But you can try to have meaningful discussions and healthy communication. It’s also best to get in touch with your feelings and talk about things that are bothering you.

For when you talk or shout destructively, it will only lead to frustration, anger, and disconnection.

Some of the most important factors of a thriving relationship are the couples’ ability to:

  • manage difficult emotions
  • disagree with respect
  • handle disagreements well
  • resolve arguments effectively

23) He has patience

Patience is a key quality of a good husband and that of your marriage. This will bring peace and calm into your home.

This keeps things in control when everything else becomes overwhelming. And this means being patient with your spouse, your kids, and your marriage.

During heated conversations, a patient husband will stop himself from saying hurtful things to his wife. He chooses to let go of those petty things instead of nitpicking.

More importantly, patience means not giving up on your spouse, your family, and your marriage when things get difficult, annoying, or frustrating.

Keep this in mind: If you want a happier and healthier marriage, look for a patient husband and be a patient wife as well.

Let these keys to being more patient help you:

  • Take time to listen and understand
  • Pause so you won’t let those hurtful things out
  • Accept your spouse’s flaws and shortcomings
  • Apologize and be quick to forgive
  • Keep calm and talk through things
  • Speak positively about your spouse and your marriage

24) He’s not dependent on you

Naturally, spouses start to depend on each other on a lot of things. But it’s still equally important to have a sense of independence.

And this means that your husband should not depend on you on everything – to the extent that you become his perpetual caretaker.

It’s best if you can choose a husband who isn’t lazy. He should be able to live and survive without you around all the time.

He must know how to manage household chores, cook food when you’re busy, and take care of the kids too. While you may choose to prepare his things when he has to go on a trip, he should know how to pack his bag on his own.

A man who is comfortable being himself and can take care of himself and his family makes an incredible quality.

25) He has self-control

Having self-control is a must-have in almost every area of our lives – especially in marital affairs and married life.

Those who act on impulse risk wrecking everything because of their thoughtless misdeeds.

A husband who has self-control is often happier and more satisfied with their relationship.

When your husband practices self-control, this means:

  • He’s more attuned to your needs
  • He remains loyal
  • He’s not giving in to short-term desires
  • He considers your decisions
  • He avoids flirting with other women

26) He lets himself be vulnerable with you

Communication remains the golden key in a relationship.

Most relationships don’t thrive and grow, and some die out, as even when couples get married, they’re unable to communicate their thoughts and feelings with each other.

It could be that one is still keeping his guards up into their married life.

It might be hard but your husband can let his guard down and be vulnerable with you. After all, your life partners. He should be able to share himself, his difficulties, and his softer side. He shouldn’t be afraid to show his weaknesses and cry in front of you.

When your husband-to-be is at ease with his vulnerability, consider that as a remarkable trait of a good husband.

And remember to be encouraging and accepting of this vulnerability without judging him or whatsoever.

27) He believes in monogamy

Commitment is a must in a long-term relationship.

According to WebMD, monogamy is is a relationship with only one partner at a time, and is usually both sexual and emotional.

Some couples are having a hard time staying monogamous. And this often leads to infidelity, separation, breakups, and divorce.

Women like their men to be committed, so you have to make it clear to your husband that you want a one-woman man. There’s no point in marrying someone who would indulge in having emotional and sexual affairs outside of marriage.

Before you tie the know, it’s best to talk about his views on monogamy, polyamory, open relationship, and infidelity in general.

Is your man a husband and marriage material?

He doesn’t need to have all those qualities above. But every potential husband will have at least some of them.

And your man will certainly be willing to make himself better if he truly loves you.

Marriage is a deep lifelong commitment. Choosing the right one for you will be your source of joy, comfort, strength, and inspiration.

Some qualities may be more important than others. And the qualities you desire in a husband are unique to your personal preference, beliefs, and values.

By now you should have a better idea of the qualities that make a good husband.

So the key now is knowing how to get through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct above. When you appeal directly to your husband’s primal instincts, you’ll be able to take your marriage further than ever before.

This free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct – and you can use this as early as today. You don’t have to wait until you get married.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, your husband will see you as the only woman that’s perfectly right for him.

So if you’re ready to take that plunge, be sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

Keep this in mind. Considering the qualities that make a good husband will increase the chance that your marriage will provide you with lifelong bliss.

And most importantly, you and your husband will both look back on the storms you’ve weathered, the laughter you’ve shared, and all the great memories you’ve created together.

Nothing is more beautiful and fulfilling than these.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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