Being married to a man who doesn’t appreciate you cuts deep.
It’s the last thing any of us want to experience when we say “I do.”
With that in mind:
Here’s how to identify the problem with a negligent husband and how to solve it.
10 big signs your husband doesn’t value you (and what to do about it)
1) He trash talks you and cuts you down
One of the big signs your husband doesn’t value you is that he constantly cuts you down and criticizes you.
Whether it’s your weight, your opinions or even what you suggest for dinner, he’s never onboard.
It’s like having a fulltime negative voice in your head, except of being inside your head, this voice is around you in your home and in your life.
It’s enough to make any woman go mad.
When it happens it can be tempting to lash out or start trash talking him back, and I’m sure there’s plenty you could say.
I encourage you to resist this temptation and instead to speak forcefully but calmly to him to let him know this won’t stand.
“If your husband doesn’t respect you then it is important to be open with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling.
“If he cannot understand that you need him to respect you then it may be time to consider whether he is the right man for you,” is what Sonya Schwartz wrote about this subject.
2) You always come last
If he never makes you a priority it’s one of the very big signs your husband doesn’t value you.
Everyone gets busy and has a lot going on.
But a marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not him in the boss’ chair and you constantly in a subservient supporting role.
That may be how many cultures practice marriage, but it’s not what any woman I know wants it to be.
Yes, women love to help and look after the man they love.
But being obligated to do so with no thanks is something else entirely.
There are phases every relationship goes through where one partner has more needs than the other or becomes a pain in the butt.
If he’s no longer interested in reciprocating care for you, then it’s like a runner bowing out of a marathon.
You can’t keep going alone forever if he’s quit.
3) He rarely helps you out
That brings me to my next point in terms of your man’s commitment.
It can sometimes seem like he doesn’t value you because he rarely helps out.
Recently I found out something about my marriage that really shocked me.
My husband has clearly lost interest in our relationship in almost every way, and I wanted to know why.
In particular, I’d noticed that he never lifts a finger to help out, even when there’s something he can easily do.
It turned out I’d been asking him to do things for me, but in the wrong way.
I came across this concept called the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
4) Your opinion means zilch to him
Another one of the disturbing and big signs your husband doesn’t value you is that he doesn’t value your opinion.
No matter what the subject is, your husband seems to believe he was elected intergalactic emperor of your marriage.
And his arrogance shows it every day.
When you open your mouth to speak, he closes his ears.
Until the point that you eventually stop even bothering.
This is a sad state for a marriage to reach, there’s no doubt about that.
Why should you value anything he says if he won’t grant you the same courtesy?
5) You seem him openly (or covertly) flirt with other women
Marriage is supposed to be a commitment.
Unless you have an open marriage, there’s no reason your husband should feel free to flirt with other women.
If he’s doing so, it’s a giant red flag that he just doesn’t care much what you make of it.
If he’s trying to hide it from you, it’s not much better.
At least it shows that he’s ashamed of his behavior and wants to hide it. But the fact is that he’s still sexting or flirting with women behind your back.
And the lack of respect that shows is very significant.
6) He minimizes your achievements
An unappreciative husband can be like a stone wall. Unresponsive, cold-hearted and acting like you’re a stranger he’s sitting next to on the bus who smells bad.
He rarely acknowledges you at all, and minimizes your achievements at work and in life.
He may go for the semi-sarcastic nod of congratulations or say “yeah, awesome,” and similarly dismissive comments when you have a huge milestone.
How are you supposed to feel?
If a proverbial pat on the back isn’t enough for you to feel supported by your spouse, there’s nothing wrong with you.
You deserve better.
7) The words just aren’t flowing
Another one of the big signs your husband doesn’t value you is that he just doesn’t communicate.
By message or in person, he’s a closed book.
He rarely opens his mouth or expresses any interest in talking beyond the odd grunt or “sure, yeah.”
It’s dispiriting, to say the least.
One technique that I’ve found really successful is the texting strategies of a renowned dating coach.
It sounded like nothing at first, but this is actually starting to totally change our relationship’s burnt-out dynamic for me – and for him.
Instead, men choose women who they are infatuated with. These women stir up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them by what they say in their texts.
Want a few simple tips to be this woman?
Then watch Clayton Max’s quick video here where he shows you how to make a man infatuated with you (it’s easier than you probably think).
Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And although it sounds crazy, there are a combination of words you can say to generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.
To learn exactly what these texts are, watch Clayton’s excellent video now
8) He dismisses your needs and desires
Along with being dismissive of your accomplishments and your opinions, an uncaring husband is generally also uninterested in what you want and need.
Whether it’s in the bedroom, finances or even your need for conversation and personal connection, he seems to be permanently AWOL.
He just doesn’t care.
It seems like there’s a missing link somewhere that caused him to just tune out.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to pay attention to you and actively want to be with you, instead of taking you for granted.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
9) He just doesn’t enjoy spending time with you
Marriage problems aren’t always complicated.
Sometimes it comes down to something as simple as your husband not wanting to spend time with you.
It becomes clear that he just doesn’t like being around you.
When you come into the room he ducks out.
When he’s talking on the phone and you walk in, he hangs up soon after.
The intimate space and trust you used to share just seems to be gone.
It’s disappointing and a real let-down, especially if your marriage used to be strong.
10) Mend your marriage
If your marriage is having problems and your husband seems to have checked out, I can understand your frustration.
It’s understandable, and the desire to give up is also a normal reaction.
But you don’t have to.
If you’re still in love with your husband there are ways to make this work.
There are some other excellent resources out there that can help you recover what you once had as well.
One resource that I highly recommend is a course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article on how to save your marriage alone, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be… and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other.
And maybe you feel that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage — even if you’re the only one trying.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world:
You’ll learn the 3 critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never learn how to fix these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn a proven “Marriage Saving” method that’s simple and incredibly effective.
11) He expects you to cater to him
One of the big signs your husband doesn’t value you is that he expects you to cater to him.
If he’s hungry, he wants a sandwich to materialize in front of him.
If he’s tired, he expects a massage and you to do the laundry.
This can be boiled down to male chauvinism and sexist attitudes, of course.
But it can also be closely related to not caring about you anymore. He doesn’t mind what you think about his boorish conduct.
He’s just using you until you get too tired and leave.
12) He already thinks of you a preset way
One of the traps that almost any marriage can enter is that each person gets into a preset role.
You stop seeing the person in front of you and you just see who you think of them as.
They’re the dad or the mom, the provider or the cook, the driver or the funny person.
You stop seeing what’s really going on with them.
That’s why one of the best ways to start turning this around is to show your husband that you’re not just a boring person he can forget about.
Earn back their trust by showing them that you can change.
If you want some help with what to say, check out this quick video now.
Relationship expert Brad Browning reveals what you can do in this situation, and the steps you can do (starting today) to save your marriage.
13) He’s got another woman in his life
If your husband is cheating you then he doesn’t value you.
I don’t care what his excuse is: it might even be a good one.
If he valued you enough, he’d communicate with you and at least make a clean break instead of abusing your trust in such a way and cheating on you.
If he has another woman in his life, then he’s choosing not to give you three things:
- His loyalty
- His attention
- His affection
And that’s a combination that he should be giving you as your husband.
14) Save your marriage
Being in a marriage with an absent husband can feel like rowing a boat with one oar.
You’re spinning around in circles with no idea where you’re going.
I get it…
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.
15) He complains about you a lot
Another one of the big signs your husband doesn’t value you is that he complains about you a lot.
Everything you do seems to have something not good enough about it.
Your behavior, your appearance, your friendships, your job, your schedule, you name it:
He’s not a fan!
This can create a really toxic and codependent cycle where you try to please him as much as possible but never quite get where he seems to want you.
Dealing with a husband like this is definitely an uphill battle, and clear communication and energy will be needed to get through to him.
3 key tips to deal with a husband who doesn’t value you
1) Treat him like a man
Your husband doesn’t need you to sugarcoat what’s going on.
If your marriage has a reached a place where he doesn’t care about you, then he knows that something is wrong just as well as you do.
Treat him like a man, not one of your girlfriends.
Communicate directly and without self-pity or angry accusations.
Let him know where you’re coming from and how you’ve been feeling.
Keep it focused on your own experiences and needs. This isn’t about him letting you down or being a jerk.
It’s about how you’re feeling based on how things are between you and him.
This avoids him feeling like it’s all on him or that you’re attacking him, and allows him to respond step by step and begin to make some improvements, or at least acknowledge how you’re feeling.
2) Be proactive, not reactive
As you deal with a negligent husband who doesn’t value you, remember to be proactive instead of reactive.
Common examples of being proactive include:
- Communicating with your husband before tension and anger builds up and blows up unexpectedly.
- Giving him specific things he could do to improve the relationship.
- Setting up date night ideas and things you can do together, instead of just pointing out how the spark seems to be gone.
- Speaking with friends or even professionals about how to get your marriage back on track.
- Taking care of your own health and mental and physical wellbeing, so that you don’t end up becoming completely drained and traumatized by the state of your marriage.
3) Let him take the lead
As I’ve written in talking about the hero instinct, you can lead a man to water but you can’t make him drink.
The decision to commit has to come from him and be self-generated.
Your job is to provide the best platform for that to happen and to show him that he really means a lot to you without being needy.
Let your man take the lead.
Show him that you’re still the right woman for him and that you appreciate him and find him attractive.
Let him make the decision about how things will be going forward, and let him know that if things continue on the track they’re on then there won’t be a way forward.
Being in a loving relationship means sharing good and bad times with someone who loves us, respects us and helps us to grow.
This is how it should be with everyone.
Of course there are going to be rough patches, but the point is to be there for each other during those hard times!
If your husband is only there for the good times, then you have a real problem on your hands.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.