My crush likes someone else and it hurts.
They say that the course of true love never ran smoothly. But how do you know when to give up?
When I found myself in this situation, I was desperate to know whether there was anything I could do that would help.
How do I get my crush to stop liking someone else? Is that even possible?
So I started researching. In this article, I’d like to share what to do when your crush likes someone else.
23 things to do when your crush likes someone else
1) Don’t jump to conclusions
When it comes to matters of the heart, if you’re anything like me, you can be extra sensitive.
Nobody wants to get hurt. But that can mean we tend to get a bit paranoid.
We’re extra vigilant and on the lookout for “problems”. We can even read into things that aren’t there.
This has happened to me plenty of times. I’ve been totally convinced of something only to find out later I’d got it wrong.
The mind can play tricks on us, and we don’t want that to happen. So the first thing is to not assume anything that you don’t know for a fact.
2) Resist the urge for storytelling
Ok, what do I mean by “storytelling”?
What I mean is that our own little world is created by the thoughts we have. These thoughts appear in our brain and tell us very subjective things.
Often without thinking we then put all of these thoughts together and makeup stories with them.
For example, we notice our crush looking at another girl and think “he’s clearly into her”, which before you know it turns into “I’ve obviously got no chance with him“, and maybe even something like: “he is probably out of my league.”
When we jump to conclusions, we then often use the power of our imagination to fill in the gaps and tell ourselves things that are just stories we have created.
When you notice yourself thinking something, resist the urge to make up these stories.
Ask yourself: ‘hang on, before I get even more upset, is this the truth, or could it also be my imagination?’
3) How do you know they like someone else?
Did your crush tell you they like someone else, did somebody else tell you, or is it just a feeling that you get?
Because there’s a big difference between each of those. And it’s also probably going to determine what you do next.
If they’ve told you that they are into someone else, then you’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth. But if they haven’t told you themselves, then you still don’t truly know how they feel.
4) Don’t assume you know what is going on in their head
Remember that pesky storytelling that goes on in our mind? Well, it is trying to convince you that you know how they feel and what they are thinking.
But that’s impossible. Only they can know that.
Even if your crush does like someone else or has had a few dates with someone else, it doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t stand a chance or that they don’t like you too.
This is especially true if they don’t even know how you feel about them.
5) Know that you can be interested in more than one person
Realistically it’s possible to think more than one person is cute, fun, interesting, cool, etc.
Think about it for a moment. I know you have this crush and it might feel like you only have eyes for them right now. But at some stage have you ever found multiple people attractive?
It doesn’t mean that it’s all over for you, just because they also think someone else is cute.
6) Establish how serious their feelings are for this other person
Are they in a relationship with the person they like? Are they in love? Have they got it real bad for this other person?
Because as hard as it is to hear, that’s going to make your chances of them noticing you or changing their feelings a lot less likely.
If on the other hand, it’s not that serious — maybe nothing has ever happened between them — then it might not even be as big of a deal as you think.
7) Keep your cool
I know firsthand how much it can hurt when you find out your crush is into someone else, but it’s important not to overreact.
Being mean or rude to either your crush or the person they like isn’t going to do you any favors. Jealous comes off as pretty petty.
You might start to feel a bit desperate, but don’t let it show. Remember to keep your poker face around your crush.
8) Up your flirting
Flirting is the way we signal to someone else that we like them without directly telling them.
Flirting isn’t always easy to define. But it’s about the attention you give to someone and combining that with other signals that show you’re keen.
It’s things like:
- Making more eye contact
- Smiling at them
- Giving compliments
- Leaning in slightly when you talk to them
If they respond to your flirting, you know that you still stand a chance. It’s a good way to test the water without having to fully reveal your feelings.
9) Be your best self around them
You might be crying inside a bit, but now is the time for your A-game.
So when you are around them, make an effort to be fun, relaxed, and playful.
I’m not one for usually suggesting we pretend. But being the very best version of yourself around them is going to showcase all your best qualities.
10) If you’re a girl, ask for his help with something
Recruit your crush to help you out. It could be something practical (like fixing something), or even simply asking for his advice.
But it’s going to make him feel needed and useful. You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero’s instinct. It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
11) Have fun with friends and do things you enjoy
You know what, we all get a bit of a pass to mope around for a while over someone. But then, we’ve got to pull ourselves together.
The best way to do that is to have a good time. Make plans with other people, and spend time doing the things you love.
Why does this work?
2) When you feel good, that shows — which makes you more attractive.
Being happy is actually one of the best ways to get someone interested in us.
12) Get their attention on social media
How do you make your crush jealous when he/she likes someone else?
I’ll be honest, most ways are likely to only backfire on you.
Having said that, there’s no harm in showcasing some of your fabulousness on social media in the hopes that they see it.
Take snaps of all those good times you’re having, and see how they react.
13) Take a genuine interest in your crush
Let’s just try for one second to sideline your romantic feelings for your crush. Try to learn more things about them as a person.
What are their interests? Ask them their thoughts and ideas about things.
Take an interest in them. We like people who ask us questions because it makes us feel special. You might find you have things in common that allows a connection to grow.
14) If you’re a guy, learn how to give off the right signals
Believe it or not guys, you can use your body language to attract her.
That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…
They get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.
In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.
15) Ask them out
I know that this tip is going to fill some of you with dread. The idea of directly asking out your crush, especially if you suspect or know they are into someone else, is scary.
But what have you actually got to lose?
Sometimes we can be too proud. But pride doesn’t get us very far. You don’t need to be proud, you just need self-respect.
You don’t have to chase after this person, you can cut to the chase and ask them out. If they say no, then you walk away with dignity.
You don’t even need to make such a big deal about it if you are feeling insecure. A text asking if they feel like hanging out sometime will do.
16) Remind yourself how awesome you are
Self-esteem can take a long time to build up, but can also be quickly lost.
A really practical way to give yourself some TLC right now is to remind yourself of all your best qualities.
Don’t just think about them, write them out. List 10 things, small and big, that you like about yourself.
The more you can see what makes you special, the more your crush will be able to.
17) Try to boost your confidence
It stings when we feel rejected. It totally knocks your confidence. But confidence is what you need right now.
In fact, research shows that both guys and girls rate confidence as a very attractive trait in a potential partner.
All kinds of things might give you a boost. It could be trying out a new look or working out. You might want to do something new that pushes your comfort zone.
Even little adjustments like changing your posture can make all the difference. One study from Ohio State University found just sitting up straighter can make you feel more confident.
18) Share how you’re feeling
Keeping things bottled up inside never helps. When you are alone with your thoughts everything feels so much worse.
Chat to friends or family members about how you’re feeling.
They may offer you some wise words of wisdom. Either way, just talking about your feelings is going to help you feel better.
19) If it hurts to be around your crush, take some space
Let’s say that you discover that your crush definitely likes this other person and not you.
That sucks and it’s bound to hurt.
If you need a bit of time away from them, that’s perfectly ok.
If it makes you feel better, know that it’s alright to avoid them for a while. That might include both face-to-face and on social media.
Limiting contact can help you move on.
20) Know that no matter what happens, you will meet someone else
I know exactly how frustrating it feels when you want somebody who doesn’t want you back.
You probably don’t even want to think about moving on right now. But it’s important to know that:
- Every single person on this planet has felt rejected, it’s unavoidable sometimes. It might feel personal, but it’s actually not.
- If it’s meant to be it will be. You shouldn’t have to force things or change to get anyone to like you. You are enough as you are.
- It’s a cliche but there really are plenty of fish in the sea. There will be other crushes. I promise you that. And there will be many people you meet in life who will feel the same way back.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.