No one deserves to be cheated on…
It’s one of the worst things a partner can do if you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship!
Simply put, having a pact of trust broken isn’t something anyone deserves.
If you’re in this position and you’ve been cheated on multiple times by your boyfriend, there are steps you can take to deal with the situation.
This is what you can do to cope with being cheated on!
1) Know that you are not to blame
First things first, the fact you’ve been cheated on is not your fault.
The fact it’s happened multiple times is also not your fault.
I want you to know that you did nothing wrong that caused his cheating ways.
It is just simply not your fault that this happened to you.
Even if you and your boyfriend had a blazing row before the cheating happened, it still isn’t an excuse for it.
There simply is no excuse for cheating!
You might have found that you’ve been blaming yourself because of the things you said during an argument, or even thinking that maybe you generally weren’t a good enough partner…
…But this is just giving him a pass for his behavior.
Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that maybe you weren’t giving him what he needed or you weren’t complete enough.
Truth is, the best thing he could do is to talk to you about how he was feeling and to express that he was unhappy or needing something else from the relationship.
That would have given you a chance to work on things and to make a decision about the relationship going forward together.
On the other hand, his cheating has likely put you into a headspin while you try to unpick why this has happened…
…Odds are, you’re wondering why he’s not only done this once but multiple times.
I’ll repeat it: just don’t blame yourself.
This action is on him. It’s his error and bad decision!
2) Take some time for you
Being in a relationship takes WORK…
…And navigating a relationship where cheating has taken place takes even more work.
Now, this is eating up all of your valuable energy.
Truth is, we only have so much energy each day and if the relationship troubles are taking up a considerable amount then you’ll be losing out on all of the energy you could be giving yourself.
Allow yourself to have a break from all of the issues, and take some time for yourself.
This could take so many forms, you could:
- Go for a walk in nature
- Disconnect from social media
- Take a bath
- Go to a meditation or yoga class
You can find time for yourself in so many different ways.
What’s more, combining this with a level of self-care will allow you to recharge and reboot and it will help you get perspective on how to deal with the situation.
Self-care is so important in the recovery state if a boyfriend has cheated on you.
You see, if you’re constantly in the drama and in discussion with your boyfriend then it’s not going to give you the time to get clarity.
So, take the time you need!
It’s an empowering act to take some time for yourself.
3) Don’t let fear dictate your decisions
Or, as I like to call it: false evidence that appears real.
We all coexist with fear…
Some of us have a better grasp on fear than others, but we all have it!
Since your boyfriend cheated on you, you might have found that you’ve been in a fearful state about what the future holds for you.
This is natural, so give yourself a break if you’ve been feeling like this.
You see, maybe you had a lot of future visions with your boyfriend about the life you wanted to build together.
Maybe it included things like children, building a home and living together until you’re old…
…But now this vision is dissolving as you feel so much anger and upset towards him.
However, at the same time, you might be feeling fearful about whether you’ll meet someone else.
For that reason, it might make you feel as though you should stay with him and make it work.
But, the truth is, you should only want to be with someone because you two have an aligned vision, genuine support for each other, and love and respect for one another.
You shouldn’t be together because you’re fearful about whether you’ll ever meet anyone again.
If you’re feeling these thoughts and feelings of fear surge, just acknowledge them and breathe through them.
…Let these thoughts pass and even thank fear for showing up, while making a decision to not let it dictate your future.
4) Accept that things will suck for a while
There’s no way to sugarcoat the truth that follows someone cheating on you.
It just sucks.
It’s a sucky decision from your boyfriend to have done this, and it’s going to hurt for a while.
But time is an amazing healer and things will get better quicker than you’ll believe.
During this time immediately after, do your best to accept the situation and decide what you need to do going forward.
Simply put, there’s nothing you can do to change what happened; it’s impossible to rewind time and to erase the event from history.
It’s unfortunately happened and now steps have to be taken to deal with it.
So, what can you do?
Remember that everything happens for a reason and there IS a larger purpose for you in this.
Even if you can’t see it at the moment, it will make sense down the line.
Just trust the process and know that everything is working out for your highest good.
That said, it’s up to you during this time to decide what steps you need to take for you to move on with your life.
5) Log out of social media
Social media has got a reputation for damaging our collective mental health.
I know this to be true!
It has a way of making us feel instantly bad about ourselves, as we look at how well other people seem to be doing and how much fun they seem to be having in their lives.
Couples also love to post photos of their happy relationships and milestones, such as engagements, weddings and babies.
For this reason, it’s best to stay far, far away from social media in the immediate time after finding out that your boyfriend has cheated on you.
It’s not wise to consume content from others that depicts them as thriving and so in love.
Instead, give yourself time to be present with yourself and to see how you feel, without the influence of social media.
In my experience, I’ve found social media to be so damaging to how I’ve felt about myself.
One minute I’m going about my business happy as anything, the next I’m looking at someone’s wedding photos and feeling bad about myself and the fact I’m not married!
It’s simply just not worth it, so keep off of social media.
What’s more, in addition to just logging out you could even deactivate your accounts or delete the apps so you don’t have any temptation!
6) Spend time with your people
Your boyfriend cheating on you multiple times might have caused you to lose a bit of faith in humans, but there are so many amazing people in the world!
Don’t lose your faith in how brilliant people are.
There are a lot of genuine people, who would never, ever break your trust.
Now, remember this in the aftermath of coming to terms with his behavior.
The best way to remember this is to spend time with your people.
Whether it’s old friends or new friends, spend time with people who get you and truly have your back.
These sort of people will give you genuine support and encouragement, and be there for you during this dark time.
What’s more, if you feel like you don’t have connections with people that get you then make a point of building new relationships with people.
Simply put, there are so many people you’re yet to meet that will totally love you and want to see you happy and well.
If you’re wondering where to meet these people, there are loads of ways!
For example, you could take up a new hobby or go to a class where it’s likely you’ll meet similarly minded people.
7) Seek out professional help
In addition to talking to friends about where you’re at and receiving support from them, it’s a good idea to seek out professional help.
There’s no shame in seeking out therapy!
Speaking to a counseling professional can help you get clarity on your situation as they guide you with what to do next.
Counselors have an amazing way of holding space for you and allow you to speak freely. Remember, it’s literally their job to encourage this!
In other words, they’ll allow you to see the ‘trees through to forest’ and you’ll feel a little less overwhelmed by the situation.
What’s more, these days, you can get professional counseling online so you don’t even need to leave the house!
There are so many ways that you can get support…
…And, it will likely be more impactful than you could ever know, while having a positive knock-on effect in all areas of your life!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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