Let’s get this out of the way: dating mind games are the worst.
Ghosting is one of those terrible practices that seem very common nowadays.
What’s ghosting, you ask?
It’s when someone suddenly stops texting, calling, or showing interest in you after everything was going great.
As a general rule, this leaves the other person feeling broken, confused, or in denial.
After a while, you started moving on, thinking about other people, or starting different projects.
That’s the exact moment when he chose to text again.
What can you do next? How can you approach this situation? What do you do when he texts after ignoring you?
No worries! We’ve got the answers.
The following are 16 essential tips for how to respond when he texts or calls after a period of no contact.
16 ways to behave after you get his text
1) Access the entire situation first
Don’t answer right away.
We encourage you to not even open that first text.
Evaluate the situation, and think about things.
How long has he been ghosting? Do you think he intentionally ghosted? Was he playing mind games with you?
For example, if someone’s been MIA for an entire month, we don’t think you should answer the text.
After all, their actions have consequences.
However, tons of things might have happened if it’s only been a couple of days. He might’ve had an issue, or he needed a break from his phone, etc.
If that’s the context, reply and see if he offers any explanations and if everything’s okay.
2) Check on yourself
Think about your boundaries, expectations, and needs in a relationship.
Don’t text him back angry or sad, or even vengeful. Check with yourself first.
Think about the time he ghosted you: what were your feelings then?
Don’t pressure yourself to answer in a determined amount of time. After all, he ghosted first.
He can wait until you’re ready to answer, if you do at all.
Take a step back, focus on yourself for however long you need to, and let your feelings emerge before responding.
3) Don’t text back right away
We cannot stress this enough: don’t rush to reply.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed when you see his text after a while of no contact, even if it wasn’t that long in the first place.
Your feelings might be negative: anxiety, denial, rejection. These emotions feed on your intrusive thoughts and affect your actions.
If you reply immediately, it’ll be from a place of negativity. You’ll answer with anger, shame or blame.
If his text isn’t clear or doesn’t offer apologies, it’s better to think about your answer first.
The best way to avoid hurt and mistakes is to take some time, sort yourself out and see if you want to answer first.
4) Tackle your insecurities
When a guy ignores you, it’s easy to fall into a “victim mode” and think you’re the only reason he behaves like this.
In reality, he might not be the right person for you or simply – not know how to treat someone with respect!
So, to stop thinking you did something wrong, use this time to work on your own insecurities.
You may wonder, how can you overcome them?
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration, dreaming but never achieving, and of living in self-doubt, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
5) Ask for explanations
Listen, we know.
He should start by apologizing.
But if he doesn’t, then you can start by asking him to explain himself.
His answer will tell you a lot about who he is and what you should do next. It can even be your way of getting closure on this relationship.
Make sure not to let him think he can come and go from your life as he pleases.
This is why it’s important to know your boundaries and apply them.
Perhaps he will have a valid reason why he ghosted for a while, or maybe he just needed a short break for his mental health.
However, if his explanations are too vague or sound fake… he’s playing games.
6) Is he the one for you?
This is a great question.
Before getting all in your feelings about his actions, ask yourself: do you want him? Do you care, even? Is he good for you?
These are important to stop your emotions from taking over.
If he’s been ignoring you for a long time, then his feelings aren’t strong either.
It might be time to stop his games and just move on to better things.
7) Don’t let your self-esteem drop
Breadcrumbing is the act of sending flirty texts and going MIA for weeks, only to do it again.
If this is the situation, don’t get negative toward yourself.
He might not see how much you bring to the table, but maybe he doesn’t even deserve to be at your table!
What are these irreplaceable qualities he has anyway?
Also, don’t sit around feeling bad about yourself.
Go out with your friends, have fun, leave the phone alone and forget about his bad behavior.
Make an effort to meet new people.
There is plenty of fish in the sea, and everyone can learn to catch bigger ones.
8) Don’t get revenge by ignoring him
Whether he has explanations or not, not replying because you’re feeling petty will make things worse.
If he’s playing mind games with you, don’t play them back.
The situation will become stale and chaotic, not better.
Communication is key; you’ll be the actual adult in this context, avoiding mistakes.
If your text isn’t coming off as needy or angry, it’s going to be okay.
Getting closure isn’t the same as getting revenge or berating somebody because they don’t know how to behave.
If he’s breadcrumbing you, we recommend going no contact forever.
9) Invest in some self-development
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with someone ignoring you, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like not being his priority.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution on what to do when he texts you back after ignoring you.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
10) Don’t show vulnerability
Men who play mind games feed off vulnerable folks.
It’s not a great idea to show how much he hurt you if he ignored you for a long time.
You need to think about yourself first, not act on your negative feelings.
Think about how you can work this problem out, and get in touch with your heart.
Having your head on your shoulders will help you avoid being manipulated in the future.
If it turns out he was playing all along, you’ll move on with more ease. If he can’t make up what he feels about you, you will know what to do.
11) Be empathic, but not too much
It’s normal to feel confused after a guy that’s been ignoring you for months texts again.
Especially if you’d been dating and things were going great.
People are easily scared these days when it comes to intimacy.
Try to empathize with that fear if that’s what he’s been experiencing.
However, he might have been aiming for a one-night stand only and now wants another round.
You can text back but assert your boundaries. Ask about the relationship and what happened.
If he wants you, he will explain himself.
Your energy and time are too valuable to be spent with men that play mind games.
12) Think about your actions
Getting caught up in a relationship and not taking a step back to be able to think is pretty normal too.
This is why we insist you check on yourself before replying.
Try to see your behavior in a more objective light. Spot the flaws.
Your own red flags are the hardest to detect.
Maybe you’ve hurt him, and he’s been waiting for you to text. Maybe you’ve come off as too clingy.
Re-read his message and try to interpret how he might feel towards you.
If you think you can still have a future together, ask him for some time to answer.
Take your time to think and make a great choice!
13) Find your own purpose
So, you might’ve been spending some me-time. But how to spend it with purpose? Is there something you can do to learn how to avoid situations like this in the future?
The answer is – yes, it is…
What would you say if I asked you what your purpose is?
It’s a tricky question!
And there are far too many people trying to tell you it will just “come to you” and to focus on “raising your vibrations” or finding some vague kind of inner peace.
Self-help gurus are out there preying on people’s insecurities to make money and selling them on techniques which really don’t work for achieving your dreams.
Sage burning ceremonies with some vaguely indigenous chanting music in the background.
The truth is that visualization and positive vibes won’t bring you closer to your dreams, and they can actually drag you backwards into wasting your life on a fantasy.
But it’s hard to stop your “monkey-brain” from thinking “why on Earth he’s ignoring me” when you’re being hit with so many different claims.
You can end up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that your life and dreams begin to feel hopeless.
You want solutions, but all you’re being told is to create a perfect utopia inside your own mind. It doesn’t work.
So let’s go back to basics:
Before you can experience a real change, you need to really know your purpose.
I learned about the power of finding your purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus just like me. They sold him on ineffective visualization and positive thinking techniques.
Four years ago, he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, for a different perspective.
Rudá taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life.
After watching the video, I also discovered and understood my purpose in life and it’s no exaggeration to say it was a turning point in my life.
I can honestly say that this new way of finding success by finding your purpose actually helped me to feel worthy and not worry when someone is ignoring me because it’s their loss!.
14) Give him room to breathe
When a relationship starts off strong and fast, most people need a moment to readjust after a while.
When you first started seeing each other, you might’ve been talking all day long. Probably even meet every day.
It can be too much, too fast for some.
Sometimes people need distance to be able to think better about their boundaries, their expectations, and their needs.
Don’t push them!
Let him come to you on his own.
15) Think about his previous actions
People tend to have patterns of behavior.
If, for example, he went from “ignoring one message”, to “ghosting every single weekend”, or something similar… there’s your pattern.
This proves that he knows exactly what he’s doing and why.
A lot of men do this because they’re scared to break up with you and they want you to do it for them.
Take that into consideration before replying.
He’s trying to play you; he’s not busy.
Are you alright with it or not?
We can’t change your mind if you think he will change or that he’s worth your time.
But we can say that difficult conversations are part of healthy relationships, and you shouldn’t be afraid to have them.
16) Live your life to the fullest
Many women give their all in a relationship.
Their time, their money, their habits… they become dependent on the men they’re dating.
It’s not their fault, of course.
Some men cause this to happen on purpose.
This is why it’s crushing when he ghosts you.
You get confused, afraid, and clingy.
After all, your heart has just been broken in a cruel way.
Put yourself first again. Forgiving yourself if you feel you made a mistake letting this man enter your life.
You can always reconnect with yourself.
So, before replying to that text, take some time, make a trip, and detox from your phone.
Align yourself with your values.
Reasons why he might be ghosting you
Jumping to conclusions isn’t always the best in this situation, especially if you’re an anxious person.
Life can get in the way, and people might forget about texting or calling.
So, before berating him through text, consider the reasons he might have behind his actions.
Here are some of them, good and bad.
He’s a busy bee
We all have those periods where life seems endlessly busy. Extra work, extra chores, extra everything.
Not all of us can spare time to text or call right away.
It doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there.
He wants to slow down things
We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: too much too soon can feel overwhelming.
True to both life and relationships.
He might need time alone to process everything that’s happened between you.
Maybe he’s figuring out what is it exactly he wants with you.
If the world was like a Disney movie, he could just communicate clearly, telling you “hey, this is going too fast and I need a little more time”.
Romantic movies are unfortunately not real life, and he might be simply bad at communication.
Remember that it’s not your job to be his teacher!
He is dating other people
If you don’t have an exclusivity agreement, he might be seeing other people.
He simply isn’t putting you as a priority; he just replies to whoever he wants to when he wants to.
If you’re not okay with this, it’s better to cut it off.
You deserve a lot better than this behavior!
He isn’t interested anymore
It’s horrible to be rejected, but it happens to all of us.
He might simply not be interested in you or your relationship anymore.
While this can hurt a great deal, it was a matter of time before you found out and you do deserve better than ghosting.
Maybe you’ll even know it in the way he texts you, cold and disinterested all of a sudden.
He’s asserting his boundaries
The silent treatment isn’t the best, but it can happen.
Anxious folks have a hard time with difficult conversations, and they might resort to silence.
If you’ve done something that bothered him in some way, he can choose to ignore your texts for a while.
Of course, it would be better to have a clarifying talk about it. If you believe this is the case, don’t be afraid to approach the subject.
Should you respond or ignore his text?
This depends on the specific situation you’re in, the reasons why he ghosted, and your feelings.
We can only reassure you that mind games never end well.
You deserve closure and you should be clear about it.
Don’t overanalyze his behavior. Instead, ask him questions.
Assert your boundaries and accept explanations.
If he doesn’t have reasons you feel are valid… it’s better to cut things off quickly.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.