What to do when a married man says I love you

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

So a married guy just said he loves you…and you’re pretty sure he means it!

And the thing is that you kinda like him too, which makes it more difficult.

What is the best way to respond to his confession?

In this article, I will tell you exactly what to do when a married man professes his love for you.

1) Don’t react quickly

Don’t be pressured to say anything right away. In fact, don’t be pressured to say anything at all.

A married man—whether he’s deeply in love with you or just hungry for sex—has no right to demand. And don’t worry because married men generally aren’t demanding.

He is aware that the very act of him getting too close to you is a bit uncomfortable for you, how much more if he says something as loaded as “I love you.”

If you’re worried he’d pull away or find you rude, don’t. He doesn’t expect you to react right away. In fact, what he probably expects is that you’ll run to the hills or punch him on the nose.

What’s good about not reacting right away is that you’ll be able to think things through. You can still ask yourself “Do I really like this guy?” and “Am I willing to take this risk?”

So take your time.

2) If he said it once, don’t take it seriously

If he just said it out of the blue, he’s probably just carried away by the moment. Maybe he’s especially lonely that day, and you’re looking cute in your dress, and so he can’t help himself.

Don’t worry about him losing his feelings for you if you don’t take it seriously.

If he’s serious about it, he will say it more than once. Trust me on this.

You see, married men actually expect this. They know pursuing a girl when they’re married is not as simple as one “I love you”. It requires more from them, especially because on the surface, it seems questionable.

3) If he’s drunk when he said it, forget about it

I know that being drunk can make us more bold. It can reveal our true feelings because we’re uninhibited.

But you know what? It’s not always the case.

Some people simply want to do risky things when they’re drunk and so that could be the reason the married guy blurted out an “I love you.”

Or maybe he’s a bit lonely and desperate for affection but he doesn’t really love you (or even like you). He could just be horny, even.

My point is, don’t put too much weight on his words. He’s just drunk.

4) If you think he’s just lonely, be understanding

It’s incredibly lonely to be in a dead-end marriage.

You have to pretend to love someone when all you want to do is run away and start a brand-new life. And the conflicts and day-to-day drama? Exhausting.

So if he told you or you suspect that he’s struggling with his marriage, then it might be better if you extend some compassion towards this guy.

Instead of taking his advances personally, be kind.

Don’t judge him right away. Don’t lash out on him for being “irresponsible” and “selfish.” Be a friend instead.

One day he’ll thank you for it and you’ll both be able to laugh about it.

Of course, this goes without saying, you have to set clear boundaries, especially if you like him, too.

5) Get guidance from a relationship coach

Being involved with a married man  is not easy. It comes with a dozen complications and not a single one of them is easy to deal with.

You have to be a tough woman in order to handle everything well…but it requires more than that. You have to get proper guidance from a relationship coach.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations such as what you’re currently facing right now.

I consulted a coach for help with my relationship issues and my five sessions with them were worth every cent.

They helped me sort out my emotions and look at the bigger picture. They helped me manage my messy relationship with techniques backed by psychology.

Honestly, I really don’t think I’ll be happy right now without their help.

And from my time talking to them, I’m very confident that they can help you out too.

Click here to get started, and you’ll get in touch with a certified relationship coach within minutes.

They know their sh*t, I guarantee you.

6) Analyze why he said it

How long have you known each other? What’s your relationship like? Do you think he’s a generally happy person? Does he have a history of infidelity?

And what about you? Did you give him the impression that you like him?

It’s not easy to figure out the exact reason why—that’s why if possible, discuss this with a relationship coach—but for now, you don’t have to be too certain.

In fact, you can never be certain. It’s possible that even he doesn’t know why he blurted out an “I love you.”

But if you’re perceptive enough, you can see some clues.

If he’s been drinking every night and he’s not excited to go home, maybe things are clearly not okay with his marriage.

And if it’s the case, it’s possible that he said he loves you but what he actually wants to say is “I’m lonely, can you please save me from this misery?”

You have to be smart about this.

It might seem like he’s the only one that can ruin his life by having a relationship with you. But it’s not true. You will be risking a lot, too—including your heart and your precious time. So don’t jump right away.

7) If he’s your boss, step back

Don’t shit where you eat. Period.

I know it can be sexy, but don’t put your career and income in danger. It’s easy to find romance, it takes months to find a job in this economy.

But if you have no control over it—say, he won’t stop giving advances even after you repeatedly told him to stop, keep your distance.

Tell him you don’t feel the same way in the most respectful way possible. And if that doesn’t work, well…it’s probably time to tell HR about him.

8) Ask yourself how you truly feel about him

Do you love him too, and if so are you sure that it’s actually love you’re feeling?

There are many reasons why you might find yourself drawn to a married man.

There’s this sense of empowerment that comes from the idea of being desired by someone who’s already taken.

But it’s also possible that there’s a genuine bond between the two of you. He could be your twin flame who settled down too soon, and is now regretting it.

9) Ask yourself how you truly feel about his “I love you”

When he told you “I love you”, how did it make you feel?

Did it feel right or did you feel a little uneasy about it?

Or maybe it came at you out of nowhere and you simply didn’t know what to feel about it.

Set aside time to think things through and ask yourself why you feel that way.

If you feel like you must return his affections because you feel pressured to, for example, you may want to take a step back.

If you feel right about it even if it seems so wrong, you might want to explore why, too.

10) If you like him too, do some self-reflection

So let’s say that you felt elated when he confessed his feelings for you. You might feel awful about it because, well, isn’t it a bad thing? He’s married after all.

But don’t beat yourself up just yet. We can’t help falling in love with people, and it doesn’t matter if they’re married or not.

But before you indulge yourself, it would do you good to do a little introspection.

Ask yourself:

  • Has this happened to me before? Did I fall in love with a guy who’s also unavailable?
  • How do I view cheating?
  • What is my definition of love?
  • What about this guy do I really like?
  • Will we have a future? Do I want that or do I see this as just a temporary adventure?

If you are to do something about his little proposition, you must be completely sure what you feel about it first.

11) Focus on what’s good for you

It doesn’t mean you should be selfish or self-centered (although it’s not bad to be those, too), I just want you to think of what can give you a GOOD life.

This is not easy, especially since we’re conditioned to always focus on happiness, which we often mistake for pleasure.

So what is good for you?

It’s the things that will give you more lasting happiness, and not temporary ones.

It’s the things that will make you grow as a person.

It’s the things that will not put you in harm at the end of the day.

It’s when the reward is greater than the suffering.

What kind of life do you really want? Will this romance guide you toward it?

12) De-romanticize him

Removing the romance from something as romantic as “I love you” isn’t easy. Especially so if he’s someone that you like… married or not.

But you need to think clearly and be rational. Those romantic feelings get in the way of that, so you should try to do your best to de-romanticize him.

A good way to go about it would be to assume that everyone is a jerk unless proven otherwise. And yes, that’s even if he’s “sweet” and loving towards you.

13) Know the status of his marriage

Is it really falling apart, or are they just bored or going through something?

Try to ask him yourself, and then try to see what you can glean from browsing his socials.

And if he says something like “I’m about to divorce her”, ask for evidence.

Way too many men cheat on their happy marriages by telling their side chick that their marriage is failing. They string you along and then toss you aside when they’ve got what they wanted.

When in doubt, it’s best to wait for him to actually get divorced before you get involved.

14) Stay away as far as you can if you’d rather have an easy life

It goes without saying that getting involved with a married man has its issues, especially if he already has kids with his wife.

You’re going to get labeled a “homewrecker”, even if the marriage was falling apart anyways.

And you’re going to earn the ire of not just his wife, but also his wife’s friends and family. There’s the possibility that someone will be vindictive enough to make your life hell.

Plus, imagine what kind of issues you’ll be having with him if you already know he can’t be loyal to his partner.

If you think you can’t handle all of these, then you should definitely cut him off.

15) Say it back if you’re ready for the consequences

But let’s say that you’ve already considered the consequences and decided you want to go ahead—that you can handle everything as long as you’re together.

Then there’s nothing left for you but to say “I love you” to him and brace for the worst.

It’s definitely not going to be easy. You will likely find yourself in the middle of drama and be left to deal with the fallout. You will be tested.

But if you think he’s the one, then you have no choice but to try.

If you know he isn’t okay with his wife, and that you have a very strong connection, the two of you can weather it together.

True love is always worth it.

Last words

Being wanted by someone who’s already married will fill you with a lot of strong emotions, and sometimes it’s hard to think straight.

There are a lot of reasons why that happens. There’s a sense of pride in being wanted by someone who already belongs to someone else, for one. Married men can also feel like a forbidden treasure.

But getting involved with married men is often more trouble than it’s worth, and no matter how much you love him, you should really think things through before you get involved with him.

But, hey. Judge his actions based on his circumstances. Sometimes, taking the risk is the right thing to do.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

10 reasons your boyfriend is emotionally distant

10 signs a married man is fighting his feelings for you