Getting into an argument with your man is never fun.
Voices are raised, tension are high, and things are usually said that neither of you actually mean.
At the moment, everything gets heated.
But, it’s what happens after the fight that can be the most frustrating.
After a bit of time cooling off, you naturally want to talk about what happened and sort it out.
You do…but he doesn’t.
Instead, he ignores you.
He stops taking your calls, won’t answer your texts and completely ghosts you.
It’s incredibly frustrating as you wonder how you can possibly move on from this argument and solve the issues if you can’t even make contact.
If this sounds all too familiar, read on.
Why do guys ignore you after a fight?
If only we had a magic eight ball that allowed us to know exactly what’s going on inside his head. It would make life so much easier!
Unfortunately, there is no such thing. This means we can never truly know what he’s thinking after an argument.
But if you’re looking to understand him a little better, then here are 9 reasons he might be ignoring you after the big blowout:
1) He’s so angry he doesn’t want to deal with it
We’ve all been there and felt this way.
When you’re so incredibly mad about something, you simply can’t even put it into words.
You don’t know what to say.
You don’t know how to express yourself.
It’s frustrating for you, sitting back and waiting for him to open up and let you in. But it’s not necessarily a bad sign.
Your partner respects and cares for you, which is why he feels lost about how to express his feelings after an argument.
You may just need to give him a little more space to sort out his thoughts, so he’s ready to talk with you on his terms.
2) It’s all about you
No matter what the argument is about, it’s important to remember it takes two to tango.
After we have removed ourselves from the argument and had time to cool down, we’re ready to jump in and sort it as soon as possible.
If our partner isn’t quite as eager, it might be time to take a look at your approach.
How much is the focus on you…
How much is the focus on him….
Often, you want to make sure he realises his mistakes after a fight and talk through the issues and make sure that he understands them.
Well, he doesn’t like talking.
And he has some issues with you as well. That’s what started this whole fight in the first place. It was two-sided.
Many guys see the best way of making their point is through silence. It gives you some time to think about what you’ve done and the role you’ve played in all of this.
And the bonus for him, he gets to avoid “the talk” for even longer.
If you’re wanting to speed things up, try seeing things from his perspective. Acknowledge the areas you could improve on and let him know you see this.
He’ll be more willing to end his radio silence.
3) He’s feeling emasculated
There’s this super fascinating theory in relationship psychology which explains A LOT about male behavior.
It was first coined by relationship expert James Bauer and when you hear about it, you’re going to suddenly have so many light bulb moments about your present or past relationships.
Although there’s a lot more to it, in a nutshell, it says that men want to be your hero.
I don’t mean full cape, rescuing a damsel in distress style. But men do have a deep-rooted biological drive to provide and protect for the people they care about.
They can’t help it, it’s evolution.
And guess what, if you don’t trigger this primal instinct within him, your guy is going to end up feeling useless to you.
The real kicker is, when this happens he’s going to pull away from you.
If your big blowout has pushed his buttons in a way that has left him feeling like you don’t really need him, or respect him — it could be the reason why he’s pulling away now.
Click here to watch a free video on the hero instinct, which breaks everything down for you in more detail.
The video reveals the little things you can do today to trigger this very natural instinct in your man.
Why not get inside your man’s head to figure out exactly what makes him tick? Once you do that, the power is well and truly in your hands (**evil genius laugh**).
4) He needs some space
This tends to be the most obvious reason.
Arguments get heated, words are thrown around and anger builds.
He might simply be looking to take a bit of a breather after this to regroup before diving back into the relationship.
And who can blame in?
Perhaps it’s a good idea for you to also take a step back and regroup. It gives you both plenty of time to think about what happened and to process the fight.
After all, if you keep diving back into it without taking a little time, you’ll find the same fights keep happening over and over as nothing truly gets sorted.
5) He’s busy
I know we don’t like to think about this, but the fact is, our guys have a life beyond us!
Perhaps you fought on a Sunday night.
His working week (depending on his career) has now begun and he’s caught up with clients, paperwork, meetings, etc., and simply hasn’t had time to catch his breath. Let alone chat about your fight.
It can help to acknowledge that he might be busy and to simply let him know you’ll be waiting when he’s ready.
By taking a gentle approach, he’s more likely to make time for you when he can.
On the other hand, if you keep nagging him and make him feel bad for not having time for you, it’ll more likely push him away even more.
Get caught up in your own life for a little bit, and when he’s ready, he’ll come to you.
6) He’s a face-to-face guy
You’re busy messaging him, calling him and trying to get him to answer his phone.
But really, he’s waiting until he can see you face to face again to sort this out.
If we’re being honest, texting is never a great way to sort out an argument. Tone can get lost, words can be misinterpreted and it can end up making matter worse.
Same goes for a phone call. When you’re unable to read their body language, you might take things said the wrong way.
Face to face is often the easiest way to talk things out, and he might simply be waiting for this opportunity.
If you want to know for sure, why not message him and ask if he’d feel more comfortable talking about it in person and when suits him.
It could be just what both of you need to sort it out.
7) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main things you can do when a guy ignores you after an argument, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like when your partner ignores you because of various reasons. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
8) He’s thinking about ending the relationship
Not all relationships make it after a fight.
No matter how big or small, whether it’s your first argument or your 15, we all have a breaking point. And we all have that moment we decide we’re done and don’t want to do this anymore.
He may have reached his.
This might not be what you want to hear, but it’s something you need to consider.
If you’re pushing him to talk to you, it might be having the opposite effect of pushing him further and further away.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do in this situation except wait it out.
Give him the space to think about what he wants.
If you’re not ready to end the relationship, you can always try fighting for him. Let him know you’re sorry and you want to make things better moving forward.
Ask him what he needs from you to make this work.
9) He’s just upset
You did fight after all — it stands to reason he might be upset afterwards and not feel like talking to you.
It helps to think back to the argument about things you might have said.
Does anything stand out as a reason he might be upset?
It’s time to come clean and let him know you’re sorry. He’s more likely to take your calls if he knows your feel remorse for what was said in the heat of the moment.
It’s important to remember that different people are sensitive to different things. You might not think what you said was hurtful, yet it has clearly upset him.
You need to think about things from the other person’s perspective to truly understand what they’re thinking and feeling.
9 things to do when he ignores you after a fight
Now you know why he might be ignoring you, it’s time to consider what you can do about it.
Here are some ways to get your relationship back on track after an argument.
1) Arrange a time to talk
Forget the endless barrage of calls and texts that are going unanswered. Instead, invite him out to a quiet café where you both can sit down and talk.
Face to face is the perfect way to clear the air and really say everything you need to.
You have the opportunity to read each other’s body language and truly understand the message they’re trying to get across.
By choosing a public place, like a café, you’re acknowledging that you don’t want to fight anymore. After all, who wants to make a scene in front of others?
If he’s not taking your calls, then send him a text asking to meet up and discuss. If he sees you’re thinking about this from a level-headed point of view, he might be willing to oblige and turn up.
2) Try to trigger his hero instinct
I touched on the hero instinct earlier — a new concept generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
If he’s not feeling like your very own Superman, he’s point-blank not going to be able to commit to your relationship long term.
If things are shaky between you after your fight, now is the time to stroke his ego a little to make him feel like your one and only man.
I know, I know, you shouldn’t have to — but whether you like it or not — men and women are different.
Learning to tap into his biological drives by triggering his hero instinct is going to work in your favor.
Here are a few simple ways to do that:
- Ask for his help. He wants to feel useful to you, so asking him to help you with something is a quick and way for him to feel important again.
- Show your appreciation. Men desire respect even more than they want love. That means you showing genuine appreciation for anything he does for you is going to go a long way.
- Boost his confidence. Belittling your man is one sure-fire way of deflating his hero instinct. Instead brag about him and big him up in front of others.
For more ways to trigger his hero instinct, watch this excellent free video.
The video will help you master this important relationship tool. It reveals the phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural male instinct.
3) Give him time
Just because you’re ready to talk straight away after a fight, doesn’t mean he is.
Make sure you give him the time he needs to process it before you get angry and start accusing him of ignoring you.
We all need space from time to time. You need to be willing to let him have it when he needs it.
This space could be the perfect opportunity for both of you to calm down and come to terms with the fight. It means when you do see each other next, you will be able to have a calm and rational discussion about what happened, without letting it get heated again.
Time is important — even if it’s not what you want.
It’s up to you to decide how much time you think is reasonable before approaching him again and arranging a time to talk.
It takes two to tango — or so they say.
Often, your man isn’t talking to you after a fight because he’s worried it’s going to get heated again.
Instead of approaching him on the attack, it’s worth taking the time to cool down and think about what was said.
What about the part you played in the argument?
As much as you might like to think it, you’re unlikely to have been entirely innocent in all of this.
Try and think back to what was said and acknowledge where you said things you shouldn’t have.
By accepting the blame for the role you played and apologising, it opens up those lines of communication again.
Your partner is more likely to start taking your calls again once he realises you’re not calling just to have a go at him!
5) Cook for him
Sometimes a simple apology isn’t enough.
If you know you’re in the wrong on this one and are mostly to blame for the fight that took place, you might have to go to extra lengths to try and win your man back.
He’s not talking to you because he’s angry.
So your job is to put that smile back on his face and remind him of why he was with you in the first place (and also to help him forget that nasty fight that just occurred).
Here are some things you can try:
- Buy him chocolate (what guy doesn’t love chocolate).
- Cook his favourite meal.
- Write him a note to apologise.
- Buy his favourite snacks.
- Watch his favourite movie.
It’s time to pull out all the stops to show him you’re sorry and help you both move on.
6) Let him know how important he is
If your man is ignoring you after a fight, it’s time to let him know how important he is to you.
Fights are inevitable in most relationships — it’s how you move on from each one that matters.
Let your man know he’s more important to you than any fight you have and you hope he feels the same way about you.
You can’t just ignore the fight and what was said, just because he’s decided not to talk to you. But you can work on bringing back those feelings of love for each other before you sit down to resolve the fight.
It then comes from a place of love and respect, rather than anger and hurt, making it much easier to discuss and get to the bottom of your issues.
So, let your guy know how you feel about it, and hopefully, he’ll come around and be ready to talk.
7) Start creating new memories
The longer you let a fight linger on between the two of you, the more time it has to do damage.
Over time, you’ll forget about the feelings you once shared for each other and only be able to focus on what was said and how angry you are with each other.
Don’t let this become a lasting memory.
Instead, organise a date night to get your relationship back on track.
It’s the perfect opportunity to talk about things together in a nice and calm environment while rekindling your relationship with each other.
Here are some great date ideas for you to try:
- Putt putt
- Ice Skating
- Laser tag
All these ideas combine a little bit of fun to get the two of you laughing together again and creating new, special memories to wipe away the old ones.
Think outside the square a little and find something you both might enjoy.
8) Find other ways to communicate
If he isn’t responding to your calls, texts, or emails, despite your best efforts, it might be time to take a new approach.
Go through his friends and family and try and get in contact with him that way.
Of course, you know your man better than anyone, so consider how he might feel if you take this approach.
Lots of guys don’t like to share their feelings, which means their family and friends might have no idea something is even wrong between the two of you.
It’s best to keep it light and simple.
Tell friends or family you haven’t heard from him in a couple of days, and figure he must be busy. But could they possibly pass on a message to him for you?
This way, they don’t need to know anything is wrong. If they guess something is up between the two of you, they’ll understand from the way you have phrased things that you don’t want to talk about it.
It could be just what your partner needs to get them communicating with you again.
9) Communicate effectively
When it does come time to sit down and talk after a fight, it’s important that you both communicate effectively. After all, you don’t want to find yourselves plunged back into another fight.
So, what exactly does this mean?
Set up some ground rules from the start to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Make it clear that there will be no yelling and both parties will get a chance to talk and share what’s on their mind.
Here are some great tips:
- Tackle one issue at a time: often when we fight, so many issues are brought up at the same time, which is what leads to so much anger and confusion.
When discussing the fight, just bring up the issues one by one and talk them out. Don’t let them lead into other issues before the first one has been sorted.
- Keep it civil: there’s no need to throw the knife in when trying to make amends.
That means don’t attack each other. It will quickly spiral to anger and frustration and revamp the fight.
- Make sure you both want to make amends: if you both come to the table looking to stir things up again, there’s no point even having the conversation in the first place.
You need to ensure both of you are hoping to make things right and set this as the tone of the conversation. It will help to steer the discussion.
Fighting with your partner is never fun. Even less so when he ghosts you afterwards and makes it hard to resolve your issues that were brought up.
If you both truly love and respect each other, you’ll find a way forward and hopefully learn from your past mistakes.
Relationships take work and commitment, and part of this means being able to communicate after a fight to help get things back on track.
Just remember, there are so many different reasons he might be ignoring you after a fight.
It’s about letting him know how much he means to you and opening those lines of communication once again.
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