Pearl Nash
It’s normal to feel jealous when you see your ex with someone new. In fact, it can be downright agonizing.
You might be wondering whether you should give up hope and move on, or fight for your love.
This article will talk you through what to do if your ex-girlfriend is in a rebound relationship, and how to win her back for good.
What to do if your ex-girlfriend is in a rebound relationship: 10 steps to getting her back (for good!)
1) Don’t jump to conclusions
Going through a breakup is hard enough. But knowing your ex has already moved on only exasperates those feelings.
I know that it is difficult to keep emotions in check. But try not to make it worse for yourself by jumping to conclusions.
What I mean by that is filling in the blank gaps in your mind by weaving stories that just add to your pain.
You might be worrying that their relationship is perfect. Or thinking that she is so much happier with this new guy than you.
But the truth is that you do not know how your ex feels right now. There is no way to know what is going on in her head.
So don’t make assumptions.
Please remember that this new relationship she has with someone else is not going to be perfect.
From afar, you may think they are happy together. But from where you stand, you really cannot tell.
When you catch yourself storytelling about things, make a conscious effort to stop.
Remind yourself:
“I do not know what is going on for her right now. And it only causes me more suffering to assume the worst”.
In order to stay strong and win your ex back (if that’s what you ultimately want), you need to start by keeping your over active imagination on a tight leash.
2) Be patient
I know, I know — it’s a big ask.
Staying patient when you feel such a sense of urgency is not the easiest skill to master.
But here’s the thing:
Time is your ally in this.
Emotions that lead to a breakup often run high. But they do die down. Give it time to let the dust settle.
It can be utterly crushing to know that your ex has moved on so quickly. But it’s not as bad as it may seem.
If you two were in a genuine relationship —aka you didn’t just have a few dates— then she is not going to get over that overnight.
Rebound relationships are often a form of denial.
The way they work is that they provide a pleasant distraction to avoid the discomfort and pain of a breakup and all the loss that comes with it.
But we cannot outrun these feelings forever.
And when they catch up with her, it is then that she will most likely start to feel your loss.
Initially, rebounds can feel exciting. They are new. They are less complicated and so feel easier than facing the difficulties that you and she may have had in your relationship.
But novelty always fades effectually.
Do rebounds make you miss your ex more? They certainly can do.
And here’s why:
As time passes, she starts to realize that he isn’t you. In the beginning that might feel good, but after a while, it doesn’t.
Because the effortlessness that initially comes from chasing a shallow new connection elsewhere cannot replace the depth that you two had together.
So it starts to feel empty. And so eventually, it is likely to hit her.
That is why time can be a key factor. But you have to allow the time for this to happen, and that does require some patience.
3) Stay away from her social media
There’s no way to take away all of the pain you feel right now. That’s the bad news.
But that doesn’t mean you need to pick at an open wound. And trying to trace her every move on social media is doing just that.
Please, whilst you patiently wait for her to realize that she is in a rebound, do not make things harder for yourself.
Her Instagram might make you believe that your ex seems so happy with her rebound.
Her TikTok could be showing glossy images of how great her life seems to be since you broke up, meanwhile you feel totally gutted and miserable.
But you need to remind yourself that social media is not real.
It is only a representation of what someone wants you to see, or wants you to believe.
It is only a tiny fraction of the true picture and looking at it is only going to trigger you. So stay away from it.
Your ex is never going to post pictures of her crying late at night because she is missing you. She isn’t going to write a status update talking about the doubts she has been having about this new guy. She won’t be revealing that she’s secretly worried she could have made a big mistake.
What I’m trying to say is that you won’t get any truth from spying on her digitally. But you may well see things that you really don’t want to.
Plus if she knows that you have been watching her, it is going to give her a false sense of security that will stand against you in the long run.
4) Share how you are feeling
Rather than drive yourself crazy with all these thoughts and feelings that are going around in your head right now, release the pressure cooker.
Talk to friends about how you are feeling. Open up to family members. It’s easy to keep things bottled up. But just talking about what you’re experiencing really can help.
Speaking to a friend may not help get your ex back, but it can make you feel better. And in a way, feeling better really will put you in a better position to get her back.
It can also be incredibly powerful to speak to an expert.
When it comes to any kind of relationship issue, I always recommend Relationship Hero — and for good reason.
The vast majority of therapists or relationship coaches will just provide a sympathetic ear.
Sure, that’s helpful. But often what we really want is practical advice on how to resolve our situatiom.
Experts at Relationship Hero don’t just listen to you, they help you come up with a tailor-made plan of action based on your unique situation.
They can even tell you what to say to your ex and what to do next, based on how things stand with your ex right now.
So if you feel frustrated and want proactive things you can do right now to get your ex back, they can be a really powerful resource to turn to.
You can click on this link and connect with an expert within minutes.
5) Don’t try to win her back
It’s a bit of an irony that one of the steps you need to take to win your ex back is don’t try to win her back.
But that’s because of the way human psychology works.
Feeling desperate can lead us to act desperately in this type of situation.
It’s understandable that seeing your ex in a rebound relationship might bring about some panic.
But it’s important not to beg or plead with her. Don’t act needy or clingy. This will only push her further away.
The reality is that the more you chase after someone, the further they run away.
If you want to win your ex back, then she cannot see that you are trying to win her back. This will only make her feel secure and safe in the knowledge that she is in control.
You tend not to miss someone when you know that you can have them back at any moment.
On the other hand, if she feels like she might not be able to get you back, it is more likely to trigger her feelings of loss over your relationship. This is what you want.
Do not try to change her mind in any way. Do not tell her that you want her back. Keep your cards close to your chest for now.
6) Don’t contact your ex
Should I contact my ex if she is in a rebound?
The short answer is no.
Maybe you’ve heard of the no-contact rule after a breakup. This is where you stop all contact with your ex for a certain amount of time.
You don’t “stay friends”, you don’t check in on her, you don’t call, text, or email her. You avoid anywhere that you could bump into her. You don’t so much as like one of her social media posts.
I’ll level with you:
Going cold turkey isn’t always easy. But it is a win-win situation in pretty much all breakup situations.
Whilst you are still upset about the breakup, then you shouldn’t be contacting your ex anyway. Instead, you should give yourself enough space to heal.
But importantly, even when you want to get back with your ex, this is still the best strategy.
The no contact rule is powerful because you have to feel unavailable in order for your ex to realize what she is missing.
It goes back to what I mentioned above about giving her a chance to miss you. Feeling like you are no longer available is the best way to make this happen.
If she thinks you are still in her life, she can have her cake and eat it. Aka she can continue in her rebound and still know that she hasn’t really lost you.
If she thinks that she can carry on in her rebound and you are patiently waiting for her, there isn’t much of a sense of urgency.
She’s less likely to panic about your absence or the fact you are slipping through her fingers.
The best way to get her to realize you really are gone is by not being around. That’s why no contact when your ex is in rebound is the best way to go.
7) Get out there and enjoy life
To further help trigger that sensation of loss in her, it will help if you get on with your own life. This is also going to help you feel better, regain your confidence and stop dwelling on her.
That is sexy and will make you look far more attractive than pining over her like a puppy.
Even if you don’t particularly feel like it, try to get out there. Hang out with your friends, do things you enjoy, and focus your energy on your hobbies and interests.
Take this opportunity to work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Remember that person who she fell for in the first place.
As Tiny Fey so rightly puts it in her book ‘How to Get Your Ex Back’:
“There’s something about being self-reliant, and having your own life and things going for you, that’s really appealing to a potential partner.
“Think about it: would you like to be with someone who was totally reliant on you for their happiness and social life, and didn’t have goals they were working towards? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t find this attractive.
“On the other hand, getting together with someone who is carving out a life for themselves and working towards dreams is a turn-on.”
8) Let the rebound naturally self-destructive
It’s ever so tempting to try to meddle in your ex’s new rebound relationship.
It makes total sense that you are thinking: “I want my ex’s new relationship to fail”. That’s only human.
But any attempts to get involved, even through a third party, are going to backfire.
You run the very real risk of simply pushing them closer together rather than pulling them further apart.
The best thing to do is appear as though you have accepted the breakup, and are giving her the opportunity to do what she wants.
You just need to bide your time, focus on your own life, and let the rebound naturally self-destruct.
Because the reality is that it is hard for rebounds to work out. The odds are stacked against them.
It is very unlikely that she has healed from the breakdown of your relationship. How could she, she jumped straight into something new rather than processing or confronting her feelings.
This is going to require some faith. But please know that the many things that stand against the rebound mean it will most likely end in due course.
How long will my ex-girlfriend rebound last?
Sadly there isn’t a magic answer. It can be anything from a few weeks up until a year.
But even if stats did offer clues, they never predict the uniqueness of each and every situation.
All you can do is practice that patience I spoke of earlier, and wait for the rebound to blow up all by itself.
9) Respark her interest in you
At some point, the time will come when her rebound relationship is put under strain, and the sadness and loss of your relationship kick in for her.
You will have been quietly working on yourself and waiting for this moment. Will my ex-girlfriend come back after her rebound?
Maybe, but maybe not.
That’s why it’s also key to respark her interest in you again.
You see the reality is that you broke up for a reason. So there must have been issues in your relationship.
It’s important to reflect on those and consider how you could resolve them if you were to move forward.
Otherwise, what’s to say it would work out in the future either? You don’t want to be back at square one again.
Resparking her interest isn’t always straightforward. You may need to use some clever psychology.
I learned about this from dating expert Brad Browning. His techniques have helped hundreds of guys in similar situations.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again. Brad is a best-selling author and has plenty of practical tips to get back with your ex.
So if you want to make sure you’re in the best position when your ex’s rebound ends, then check out his free video to learn more.
10) Stay strong
After a breakup when you want to get back with your ex, doubts and hesitancy will happen. You may wonder if you’re going about it in the right way, or start to second guess yourself.
You might be tempted to crumble and reach out to your ex. You may want to drive over there and tell her what a mistake she is making.
But don’t give in. You’ll only undo all your hard work. Instead, try to find ways to help you deal with your emotions.
That means covering all the basics.
Exercise, get a good night’s sleep, meditate, journal, and do some self-esteem exercises to stay confident.
During this time you should keep the door open, but certainly don’t wait around.
In practical terms that means you don’t block your ex’s number or do something you’ll regret like getting angry, overreacting or begging and pleading.
You want her to still feel like she can reach out to you. But don’t put your life in limbo.
You don’t want to look like a pushover. Remember that self-respect and dignity are your number one secret weapons right now.
You have to get on with your life as best as you can in the meantime. This only makes you more desirable.
