Paul Brian
Women can be very competitive creatures.
But if your boyfriend or husband is being pursued by another woman, it’s far from amusing.
And it can be very hard to know how to deal with it.
Here’s how to respond effectively.
What to do when another woman is after your man (11 effective tips)
1) Never try to be someone else
Many women freak out when another woman is after their man.
If you want to know what to do when another woman is after your man, stay far away from feelings of inadequacy or blaming yourself for her behavior.
This is not your fault, and she has no power to take him from you if your relationship with him is strong.
One of the first instincts you may have is to change who you are or “upgrade” in order to keep your man away from the other woman.
This is a big mistake.
On the surface it seems logical.
After all:
Another chick wants to get her hands on your guy, and you need to make sure to demonstrate enough value to stop him from being tempted.
But go under the surface and it’s obvious why this is the wrong move.
Firstly, he fell in love with you, not the other woman.
Secondly, trying to shift who you are, your appearance or your behavior in order to be “better” than your rival is deeply insecure.
And insecurity is unattractive and actually just makes it more likely to drive him into her arms.
“Don’t sacrifice your authenticity on your quest of how to make him forget the other woman.”
2) Relax until you know the facts
The thing about another woman hitting on your man and trying to seduce him is that it can remain as nothing more than that.
There’s no reason it has to escalate beyond a woman wanting your man and failing to get him.
If you’re wondering what to do when another woman is after your man, first of all relax.
The key thing to focus on is your relationship with him and your relationship with yourself.
You can’t really stop her from flirting with your guy and trying to snatch him away.
But you can make sure that he knows you love him and that you’re aware of what’s going on.
And you can improve the relationship you have with yourself so that you’re not insecure and having trust issues about your man.
As Susie and Otto Collins put it:
“Get clear about the facts as you know them before you try to talk with your partner about what happened.
“When looking at facts, double check what you think you know and rely on information that is trustworthy.”
3) Communicate clearly with him
If your man is being seduced by another woman who’s after him, he may be tempted or he may not be.
Either way, he’s probably feeling a little awkward, guilty, tempted or all three.
Your job is to communicate clearly with him.
Let him know that you’re not jealous but that you have certain boundaries and limits on how comfortable you are with him being around or speaking with this other lady.
That’s also why it’s crucial to be clear about exactly how she’s after him.
What methods is she using?
Does she text him? Work with him? See him at a group he’s part of? Flirt with him when he’s out with the kids or out with you?
Let him know what it is that you’re noticing and ask him what’s up.
Your man may not want to open up about what’s going on, but the least he can do is hear you out on why this matters to you and what’s going on in your head.
4) What’s his attitude towards her flirting?
The thing about what to do when another woman is after your man is to gauge his attitude.
First of all, did she start it or did he?
Secondly, how does he respond when you bring it up?
Is he secretive and obsessed or is it clearly not a big thing for him?
Is he willing to cut off contact when you confront him, or does he say he will and then continue flirting with her?
The truth is that your man is the important one in this equation.
His attitude and his attraction to her is the important thing.
5) Avoid accusations and acrimony
If your husband or boyfriend is being tempted by another woman, the worst thing you can do is jump in with accusations.
Unless you have solid proof that he’s been cheating, I highly recommend not pouncing on him and airing out all his dirty laundry.
It’s more likely that he’s just been testing the water and texting or sexting with a lady who wants to get her hands on him.
In this case, let’s be honest:
You have a right to be angry, but this is also not the end of the world.
Communicate clearly with your man and let him know that this isn’t acceptable to you.
But don’t go crazy over it, as that is likely to backfire and just drive him more into the other woman’s orbit.
6) Do not go after the other woman directly
Another pitfall you want to avoid is going directly after the other woman.
Whether this is over messaging or physically, confronting this woman isn’t going to do a lot.
At most it will blow up in your face and cause a big scene which eventually reaches its way back to your man’s ears sooner rather than later.
The truth is this:
You need to shut down what’s going on from your man’s side.
You can’t control what the woman does, nor what he does.
But you do have a relationship with him, and you can let him know about your concerns and why you’d prefer him to cut off contact with the other woman.
7) Set your boundaries and stick to them
One of the other common mistakes many women make when they’re facing outside competition is that they start to become overly flexible.
Being a doormat will not keep your man at your side, believe me.
What you need to do is set your boundaries and stick to them.
This is all about respecting yourself first and foremost, because the truth is that your husband is going to feel much more committed to you when he sees that you aren’t able to be walked all over.
Earn back his commitment by showing him that you’re the prize without even trying.
8) Maximize the strong parts of your relationship
The best thing you can do when another woman is after your man, is to strengthen the relationship you have with him.
He’s not going to wander off if he’s feeling fulfilled and in love at home.
For this reason, focus on building up the best parts of what you already have.
If you have an amazing physical connection, focus on that.
If your intellectual bond is epic, engage in those deep conversations that rock both your worlds.
If it’s your emotional connection that keeps you going through hard times, go away for a weekend to a retreat and see if some peace and quiet refreshes you both.
9) Analyze what it is you’re scared of exactly
Another important thing to do when another woman is after your man, is to work out what exactly you’re scared of and why.
Are you scared he’ll leave you?
What signs is he showing that he might be losing interest in you?
Is there some quality of the other woman that you feel makes her more attractive than you? If so, why?
Maybe you’re not scared he’ll leave, but you’re worried he’s going to cheat.
This then comes down to trust and your relationship with this guy.
Has he cheated before? What gives you reason to think he might cheat?
10) Offer him a choice
Trying to force your man to choose you will never work, which is why I’ve shared Amy North’s course and the Mend the Marriage resources.
The truth is that he has to choose you.
If he’s even wanting to choose the other woman, then there’s definitely work that needs to be done on the foundation and daily realities of your marriage.
A lot depends on how serious your relationship is and how firm a commitment you’ve made.
But if another woman is trying to steal your man, you can offer him a simple choice:
Her or you.
You have the right to ask for either more commitment or end the relationship.
If it’s gotten serious enough that he’s cheated with the other woman or clearly wants to, you may come to a point where you have to offer an ultimatum.
Hopefully it won’t come to that, but sometimes it does.
11) See the funny side of the situation
Every situation has a funny side, even a woman trying to steal your man.
As I recommended, confronting her is not a good idea.
But if someone is flirting with your guy in public or writing her number on a napkin for him and that kind of thing, you can try seeing the humor in it.
How pathetic and classless to hit on a guy right in front of his partner, don’t you think?
Feel free to even openly guffaw as she hits on him.
Why not?
It shows your guy that you’re not stressed and that you trust his judgment.
It also shows the woman that you’re not threatened by her flirtatious behavior.
Win-win.
