I’ve never met anyone who isn’t looking for love.
Someone to grow old with, to snuggle up to at night, and who makes us feel special.
But what are the most important things in a relationship? And what essentials does a partner need to contribute in order to make it a success?
A successful relationship requires both parties to put in effort and commitment. A good partner is someone who helps you achieve your goals and dreams. They support you through thick and thin.
It takes two to tango.
So if you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, this is what a partner should bring to the relationship…
Some elements of a healthy relationship aren’t just desirable, they’re essential. They are the strong foundations on which everything else is built.
Whilst it might be nice to have a partner that makes you laugh or spoils you rotten — there are far more fundamental things to look for.
Respect is one of those things.
If your partner does not respect you, then they will never really value you either.
This means that you respect each other’s opinions, thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
It also means that you don’t take advantage of your partner when they are vulnerable or weak.
It involves being honest with each other about how you feel and showing concern and compassion towards your partner’s problems.
Examples of respect from a partner include:
- Open communication
- Truly listening to one another
- Giving attention and validation to feelings and needs.
- Speaking to each other nicely
- Understanding and appreciating your differences
- Showing gratitude for the things each other does
- Wanting to lift one another up
You need a partner to bring honesty to a relationship if you expect there to be trust. And trust is essential in any relationship because without trust, there will never be security.
It can be hard for a long-lasting love to grow if you do not feel secure and trust your partner or your relationship. Honesty is an excellent way to build trust.
You need to know that your partner won’t lie to you or betray you. They’ll always tell you the truth and be upfront with you, even if it hurts or isn’t what you want to hear.
Some people struggle to be honest, even with their nearest and dearest, because they worry about rocking the boat. But it’s important to find someone who is prepared to express their needs and wants to you, even when they may conflict with yours.
This is how you resolve problems and grow stronger together. It’s also an excellent way to avoid conflict in the long run.
Examples of honesty from a partner include:
- Being open and transparent
- Not keeping secrets from one another
- Staying true to yourself and admitting your real feelings and thoughts
- Not purposefully omitting things
- Being sincere about your reactions
3) Love and affection
Love is the glue that holds relationships together. Without it, nothing works.
And so, if you’re looking for something lasting, you need to make sure that your partner loves you as much as you love them.
Of course, we all give and receive love in slightly different ways, and so we can have different ideas of how to show it. Understanding each other’s love language can help you grow closer to a partner.
But essentially when you love someone, you care deeply about them and want to spend quality time with them.
We may think of love as butterflies in the stomach and flames of passion, but real love runs far deeper than desire.
If your partner loves you, they want to go out of their way to help you and support you. Your happiness and contentment are important to them and impact on their own. They want to protect you and keep you safe.
For most of us, feeling loved is a non-negotiable powerful ingredient in any meaningful relationship.
Examples of love and affection from a partner include:
- Physical touch
- Doing nice things for each other
- Buying gifts
- Spending time together
- Giving compliments and saying loving/positive things
Commitment means being willing to walk through life hand in hand with someone else. It’s knowing that they’ll stick by you no matter what happens.
When you commit to someone, you promise to be there for them. Of course, there are never any guarantees in life. But commitment is about showing intention.
If you don’t both bring this level of commitment to the relationship, then you shouldn’t expect to stay together for long.
The reason commitment is so significant is that you want a partner who is ready to put some effort into making your relationship work. Because let’s face it, relationships aren’t always easy.
So, if you’re going to invest energy and time into something, you want to know that you’ll get back what you put in.
You want to feel like you’ve found a person who will stand by you and not just use you.
Commitment is especially important if you’re planning on making big life decisions together at some point, like having children.
Without it, you won’t be able to create the stability and security that you need.
Examples of commitment from a partner include:
- Making sacrifices for each other
- Considering each other in your plans
- Thinking and talking about the future
- Putting in time and effort for the relationship to grow
- Sticking around to resolve conflict
- Prioritizing one another over other things
Bringing flexibility to a relationship is all about having a partner who is willing to compromise.
It doesn’t mean giving up what you want or putting yourself last. Instead, it’s about finding a balance between your needs and those of your partner.
Personal flexibility is really important because it allows couples to adapt to changes in their lives. But relationship flexibility also helps you deal with issues that crop up in your relationship.
Having a partner who is unwilling to ever back down and adopts a ‘my way or the highway’ type of attitude can be very challenging.
One of the qualities of a healthy relationship is that you both win and lose sometimes. That way, you are both accommodated.
When you have a flexible partner, you can find ways to make compromises without feeling resentful.
Examples of flexibility from a partner include:
- Being open to new experiences
- Making decisions together
- Giving differences in opinion proper consideration
- Being prepared to always hear each other out
- Being willing to be proven wrong
Having integrity is all about having a moral compass.
It’s about honor, decency, fairness, truthfulness, and trustworthiness
It’s about doing what you say you’re going to do. This means keeping promises, being honest, and sticking to your values. Even when there may be an easier option on the table.
People who lack integrity often lie, cheat, and manipulate others. As a result, they end up hurting themselves as well as everyone else.
Integrity is all about treating people right. It’s about saying “no” to things that go against your morals. And it’s about standing behind your word.
Isn’t that what all of us expect from a significant other?
If you find someone who lacks integrity, you’re bound to end up disappointed.
Examples of integrity from a partner include:
- Not being afraid to admit when you are wrong
- Not making excuses
- Showing your partner respect
- Respecting one another’s personal boundaries
- Not trying to use blame as a weapon
- Not getting defensive
- Being able to say sorry
In any kind of success, consistency is often one of the most overlooked essentials.
But this unsung hero ensures that you go the distance and make the effort required to do well in life.
Consistency in relationships is no different.
We’ve all met those hot and cold lovers who flatter one day and are gone the next.
Their fickle attention catches our eye but leaves us wanting more. They don’t offer us the steadiness that it takes to build upon a strong and healthy relationship.
Consistency is all about staying the course. It’s about showing up every time you say you will show up.
For example, doing those things day in and day out that matter to your relationship.
This is how you know whether you can rely on someone. Because they show you a pattern of behavior that backs up words with actions.
Examples of consistency from a partner include:
- You feel confident you can rely on them
- They do not leave you with insecurities or doubts
- They don’t disappear on you
- They feel trustworthy
- They keep their promises
- They are dependable
- They keep their commitments
- You can count on them during difficult times when you need them most
When we think about compassion, we usually think about caring about other people. But compassion goes beyond just helping others.
It also involves understanding where they are coming from.
This helps us see ourselves through their eyes. We learn to empathize with them and understand their feelings.
Because if we don’t, we risk becoming insensitive to their needs.
So compassion is all about seeing yourself in others. It’s about having empathy for those around you.
And this is something that a good partner has.
A compassionate person understands that everything isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. That sometimes bad things happen.
So they try to put themselves in the shoes of others. To see things from their perspective.
To help them get through tough situations.
Examples of compassion from a partner include:
- They listen to your problems without judging you
- They take care of you even though they have their own issues
- They encourage you to talk about your feelings and emotions
- They accept you for who you are
- They want to support you through hard times
If you’re looking for a long-term partner, loyalty is an essential quality.
Most of us are looking to create a team with our significant other. We want to be a strong united front that can take on the world together.
And that involves choosing a partner who you know has got your back when it counts.
It’s someone who sticks up for you, defends you, and has your back. Choosing a loyal partner means they won’t turn against you. That they’ll stick by you through thick and thin.
Even when you mess up. Even when you disappoint them. They are still by your side regardless.
Loyalty is also about faithfulness to one another. But this can be interpreted in different ways.
For example in open relationships or non-monogamous connections, you can still be faithful.
Because being loyal and faithful goes beyond your partner not cheating on you. Staying true to your partner is more than that, it’s about staying committed to each other.
It’s not just about avoiding temptation, it’s about keeping your word, sticking to promises, and being reliable.
Examples of loyalty from a partner include:
- They defend you when necessary
- Sticking up for you
- Being there for you
- Not leaving you alone when you need them
- They forgive you when you make mistakes
- They believe in you
10) Emotional availability
Yours and your partner’s emotional availability is going to determine your ability to create and grow an emotional connection.
Emotional availability is about how much time you spend talking to your partner. How often do you share your innermost thoughts?
How often do you express your feelings? And how often do you give your partner space to process his or her own emotions?
The more emotionally available you are, the better able you will be at communicating with your partner.
You’ll be able to connect on a deeper level. You’ll understand what’s going on inside each other’s heads. And you’ll feel closer to each other.
Because if you don’t communicate well, you could end up feeling disconnected.
This is because you don’t have enough opportunities to express your emotions or to receive feedback from your partner.
Being emotionally available is about how willing you are to fully share experiences with your partner and the whole spectrum that life has to offer — including the good, the bad and the ugly.
Examples of emotional availability from a partner include:
- Expressing emotions
- Being willing to let you in
- Listening to your emotions
- Admitting when they’re triggered
- Talking about feelings with no shame
- Understanding and being in touch with their own emotions
The key to attracting a better partner and creating more fulfilling relationships
We’ve just seen some of the most significant qualities to look for in a partner and important things in a healthy relationship.
It’s certainly what all of us deserve. But how can you make sure that is what you get?
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
But let’s face it, that’s not always what we find. And so it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like ending up with people who don’t deserve us.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to meeting a partner who possessed the traits I was looking for.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Because here’s the biggest secret about attracting a better partner:
It doesn’t lie somewhere out there. It lies within you.
The key to attracting a better partner is also making yourself a better partner
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