“I miss you.”
We’ve all heard it before from somebody in our lives.
What does it mean if a woman says this to you?
I break it down here:
1) She misses your company and connection
First off in the things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she genuinely is missing your company. The talks you would have and your connection between the two of you is special, and when you’re not around she feels its absence.
This is a romantic thing to say, and she means it in that way.
It means that you’re her special guy (or at least one of them).
Congratulations to you.
The point is that when she tells you she misses you in a romantic sense it means she craves you spending more time around her, talking to her, being her man.
Simple, straight up.
2) She misses your body and the sex
The next of the possible things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she’s horny for you.
Let’s not mince words here: women have needs.
And if those needs involve you, then you may be on her mind and she may be starting to feel the fire.
She imagines your touch and your presence and she reaches out to you to tell you she misses you.
She wants you close, closer than close.
Are you coming?
3) She wants to show you how much she cares
Sometimes when she tells you that she misses you, is that she cares a lot about you in general.
In other words, she doesn’t necessarily actually miss you at the moment that she sends that text or says those words to convey her affection.
She does care about you and has affection for you, and she wants you to know she hasn’t forgotten about you.
She wants you to feel wanted and to know that you’re wanted.
She’s telling you that you’re a guy she thinks of and cares about.
Do you care about her, too, or is she just another girl?
Maybe you can tell her that you miss her, too. (Just thinking out loud here).
4) She wants you back
If you’ve broken up with a woman who says she misses you then there’s a good chance she wants you back, or at least wants you for the night.
If you still have feelings for her then getting back together may be something that’s of interest to you.
However many people go about getting their ex back in the wrong way.
They jump on the first sign of thawing and then fall back into the same mistakes that led to the breakup in the first place.
This can include falling into a kind of friends-with-benefits situation which isn’t actually what you want.
If you want help getting your ex back for real, I recommend the Ex Factor program by relationship coach Brad Browning.
Browning has helped thousands of couples patch things up, including me and my ex-girlfriend (now current girlfriend again), Dani.
He gives you real, action-oriented advice about what to do and say to get your ex back.
She may miss you, but how do you turn that into getting back together?
Brad has the tips you need and explains them here in his free video.
5) She’s testing your response
Another of the top things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she’s testing your response.
She likes you, or maybe she’s not even sure how she feels and wants to see how you feel.
In addition, she wants to see a number of things about you from what you respond or don’t respond when you say this.
- How quickly do you respond to what she says by text or in person?
- What is your response and does it have much emotion behind it?
- Are you giving any more details about why you miss her or how you’re doing?
- Are you overly needy and coming on too strong?
- Are you overly detached and brushing her off?
She’s going to be watching for all of this and more, seeing what you do when met with a sign of interest.
Do you go over the top or do you ignore it? Both extremes won’t go well.
6) She’s asking you to have a relationship with her
The other of the things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she’s using this as a bridge to ask you for a relationship.
In this context, “I miss you,” means “I’m ready to get serious with you.”
This is somewhat like her making her choice about who she wants to be with and can be a really heartfelt statement.
Hopefully, it’s not being said to many guys at the same time as she picks a boyfriend from amongst the large crowd of contenders.
You want to be special and unique here.
Assuming that you are, this is a good thing indeed.
If you’re feeling like she’s the woman for you as well then a serious relationship could certainly be in the cards.
When Dani first started telling me she missed me at the start of our (first) relationship I was over the moon.
The one thing I wished I’d known is not to jump in too quickly. Yes, I had feelings for her, but going all in all at once proved to be a bit too much.
This brings me to the next point…
7) Calling in the pros
When my girlfriend first told me she missed me like I said I took that expression of interest and thanked God and the universe to no end.
I was euphoric.
I never noticed some of the latent issues that could come up including my tendency to get over attached and her avoidant streaks.
The second time when she started to admit she missed me I didn’t make the same mistake.
I went to the website Relationship Hero and spoke to a love coach.
She really helped me sort through my own emotions and my reactions to Dani’s renewed expression of interest.
I honestly found them extremely helpful and insightful into my situation and what to do about it and recommend Relationship Hero to anyone who’s wondering what to do with somebody who might like you.
Now let’s get into the more downer options…
8) She misses you, but only as a friend
Sometimes a woman will say she misses you, but she won’t mean it in a romantic way.
One of the things she might mean when she says she misses you is that you’re a dear friend for her and that she feels sad when you’re not around.
She wants you back in her life more often so you can talk, laugh and spend time together.
If you only have platonic feelings for her as well then it’s ideal. But if your feelings are on the romantic or sexual side this can be the kind of proposition that actually leaves you feeling down.
This isn’t that bad, let’s be real. Friendship can be pretty rad.
But it’s still a massive letdown if you have feelings as more than a friend or feel compelled to accept friendship as a consolation prize.
Yes, she likes you, but only as a friend. Groan.
9) She’s really needy
Let’s face it:
We all get a bit needy when we’re in love or highly attracted to someone.
This has a lot of issues, but it also has its advantages too.
Nonetheless, if she’s a needy person then you have yourself a handful because you basically have an individual who is basing her sense of self-worth on you.
This outsourcing of her happiness and worth to you is unattractive and a burden.
It will eventually become a toxic deadweight in your relationship.
If she’s telling you she misses you just to demand your attention and love, you need to consider whether this is the kind of woman you want to get involved in.
If the needy vibes are pouring off the screen or emanating out of her eyes, ask yourself if this is really what you need in your life right now.
10) She’s trying to pressure you into a relationship
This also falls under the needy category:
Trying to pressure you into a relationship.
I miss you can be a way to ask you to be in a relationship and let you know she’s ready for something more serious, like I noted before.
It can also be a way to demand it.
She may be using “I miss you” as a kind of ticket stub, as if missing you entitles her to your heart and lifelong devotion.
This kind of entitlement is pretty offputting, and unless you also have equally strong feelings for her, you may find yourself instinctively resisting this type of scenario.
Plus, every time from then on when she says she misses you, you’ll be worried it’s in an egotistical way…
“I miss you, therefore do xyz for me.”
I can see a lot of codependency lurking under the surface in relationships built on this kind of emotional exchange.
11) She’s demanding you reciprocate her interest equally or more
In a related category of pressuring you is that she’s demanding that you prove you like her as much or more as she likes you.
She expects not only “I miss you” back from your side, but even more declarations of love and commitment.
That’s actually fine if you’re in the same vibe as her, but if you aren’t really sure how you feel or are just starting out with her you may feel uncomfortable being pushed into something serious so quickly.
If you do feel the same, also, that doesn’t mean you necessarily are ready to have a kind of contest about who misses who more.
Sometimes missing someone is best said in a nonverbal way.
Feeling like you need to say how much you miss her can ruin it even if you actually do miss her.
These kinds of romantic expressions are best said voluntarily, so if she’s saying it as a kind of “now you say it” thing it can really sour the whole exchange.
12) She’s suspicious of you cheating and saying ‘I miss you’ to check your temperature
“I miss you” can be a checkup text.
If she suspects you’re cheating then telling you how she misses you can be a way of seeing how you act.
Do you seem spaced out and not respond or do you go over the top in saying you miss her as well?
Both seem like the responses of a guy who could be cheating.
Mind you, you may not be cheating at all.
But in her mind, “I miss you” is like a litmus test of where you’re at. How you respond or don’t respond can help her build up a narrative about what’s going on with you.
Are you giving your love to somebody else?
Telling you she misses you can be her way of trying to find out.
13) She doesn’t miss you at all but feels obligated to say it out of routine or habit
This is kind of disturbing but sometimes couples, friends, and others who have a social bond of some kind say things out of convention.
In other words, they say it because they think they “should” say it.
Very lame, I know.
But very true…
Many times people would rather say what’s easy than be honest about how a relationship is doing or how they really feel (or don’t feel) about someone.
One of the things she might mean when she says she misses you is nothing.
She’s literally just going through the motions…Sending you that text, saying those words to you on your work lunch break.
14) She is benching you
Another option of the things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she’s benching you.
Benching is a sports metaphor and refers to when somebody keeps a roster of people they sleep with and date, putting some on the bench and then calling them in as substitutes when another falls through.
Benching is incredibly common, especially in today’s busy and short attention span digital dating world.
Being benched means you are a fallback plan or at least that somebody else is already waiting as a fallback plan once you fall through.
You’re on an assembly line and your heart is just one of the various components she’s using for her pleasure and her agenda.
That may be money, romance, sex or even good conversation.
But when she’s using you, you’ll know it.
15) She is having a pang of conscience due to cheating or wanting to cheat
I hate to say it, but it’s possible that one of the things she might mean when she says she misses you is that she feels guilty for cheating or wanting to.
Conscience can be a very powerful force, and when it hits everyone responds in different ways.
One of those ways is to go over the top with love bombing and affectionate words.
She may not miss you, she may be feeling bad that she’s been sexting with another guy or cheating with one.
Sometimes it’s even more basic than that…
She may not be cheating, but she may feel an almost subconscious urge to do so or find herself checking out hot guys when she’s out and about or at her job.
Or she may just feel guilty for the fact that she no longer really wants to have sex with you and is tired of being with you in various ways.
If you’re no longer together then it can be the kind of thing a girl says or texts after rebound sex.
She’s done the deed with a new random guy and now she feels completely empty and hollow.
She texts you because you’re the last person she remembers where she actually felt something and she wants that back.
She feels bad for letting herself and letting you down.
“I miss you”
They’re the words that can be sad, happy, pressuring, relieving and so much more.
“I miss you.”
So much depends on who’s saying them to you and why.
If you want to know all the things she might mean when she says she misses you, keep in mind that sometimes she herself might not quite know!
Words are like that, and they come and go, just like feelings…
The fact that she misses you could be promising or even be the start or continuation of a special relationship, but it could also be a way to try to pressure you into giving her more attention or proving your loyalty.
Be cautious about how much weight you put in words.
She may miss you, and you may miss her. But ensure that your actions and real life interactions in how you support each other and love each other say more than romantic words.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.