If you’ve ever wondered what men want to hear in a text then look no further.
I have the answers.
Here’s the deal:
It seems like a trivial subject but texting matters.
When you hit a guy with cheesy lines, too much affection, or ignore him for too long he can get spooked.
There are also a number of other things that women do in texts which are deeply unattractive.
There’s no need for perfection but you can improve your texting game and figure out what men want to hear in a text with just a few simple tips.
I’ll share them with you below. Here are the 14 things you need to know so that your texts are zingers instead of getting left-on-read.
1) Flirt but limit the dirt
Flirting is something that guys love.
But if it gets too naughty, too fast then he’s going to consider you as a sexting conquest, not someone to take seriously.
There’s a way to flirt that’s highly attractive and suggestive but not necessarily sexual.
If you just tell him you’re not wearing panties or you’re a very bad girl, his mind is going to get one message: sex, sex, sex.
There are a number of sweet texts you can send him which let him know that he’s in your potential romance books but that he’s not about to just get in your pants.
Good options include things like:
“My day would’ve been a lot better if you were in it.”
“Even over text, you’re adorable.”
“I had a stressful day, but talking to you makes it fade away like magic.”
“You know why I just smiled? Because you sent me a message.”
You get the picture. Flirtatious, sweet, and fun texts that will get his romantic side going overboard and make him covet that next little delicious droplet of affection from you as he works to win your heart.
If you want some help coming across as flirty and fun to your man, Amy North can help.
Amy’s the leading “texting” expert on the internet. Her specialty is helping women develop chemistry with men in the early stages of dating.
She’s just released a brand new video where she gives away a unique set of perfectly crafted text messages that are guaranteed to get your man hooked on you.
Click here to watch this excellent video.
2) Don’t always send the first text
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to get a text from a girl you’re into.
But after a while, having the same gal initiate text conversations over and over can become:
And borderline creepy.
Texting is like a game of tennis. You play the ball and then go about your business until the opposing player hits it back.
If they don’t hit it back for a week, fine: maybe you go play with somebody else. Don’t wonder why he won’t text you first.
With that in mind, however, don’t intentionally ignore a guy for days and days: it’s juvenile and he will eventually lose patience and walk away.
Still, women should always be prepared to let a guy initiate the texting some of the time.
I recommend the 60-40 rule. The man should be initiating at least 60 percent of the time.
Every few texts he pops your way, you shoot one or two. This isn’t an exact art and sometimes you’ll get carried away and get really into it.
That’s fine — it’s the magic of text-love-at-first sight.
But in general, let him be the man and woo you over text instead of you always approaching him.
3) Let him know you want more than a penpal
Texting can be a lot of fun but it can also be misleading.
When you send too many messages that are just along the lines of “hey, what’s up, I’ve been thinking about you,” you can enter what becomes more of a texting relationship than a real-life connection.
He’ll shoot you a message now and then, but he might never really get around to meeting you in person or following up with you for a second date if you’ve already been out.
These days with all the apps, the good guys are also in high demand, and that means you need to be fairly clear about wanting to meet in person.
The best way is to mention specific places, activities, or ideas that you have for meeting up:
“I heard that new art gallery is amazing, I’d love to see it sometime.”
“Do you like waffles? Because I do, and there’s a place on 4th that is supposed to have the best ones in town.”
For a follow-up date you can try things like:
“Hey, almost starting to miss you a bit. What do you say we meet for a drink?”
Or keep it short and sweet:
4) Boost him up but not in a corny way
Guys like to be boosted up by a girl but not in a transparent or corny way.
Don’t make up reasons to praise or congratulate him, but if he has a big accomplishment then let him know you’re proud of him and think he’s pretty cool.
When a man gets a compliment every now and then, he really values it and it makes him feel like a million bucks.
But if you tell him he’s the greatest every morning he’s going to start taking it for granted and lose attraction.
As Nima Salimi writes for Verily mag:
“While it can seem like men praise action above all, when it comes to romantic relationships, a man is going to want to feel that he is loved for who he is. Sometimes, the difference can be as simple as rearranging some words.
For instance, you tell a guy that he is so great for helping your friend move, that may mean less to him overall than if you convey what a thoughtful and generous person he is. Telling a guy about his innate characteristics means more than pointing out what he does.”
5) Control your emojis
Emojis aren’t just for teens but adults should use them more sparingly.
If you’re peppering your texts with emojis and gifs constantly then a guy is going to eventually think of you as unserious.
I’m not saying that you need to self-monitor like crazy or never send funny emojis, but if you’re sprinkling them all over like salt and pepper, any guy who’s somewhat mature is going to start thinking you’re a bit silly.
Sorry, just being honest…
If you still want to level up your texting game even more, then Amy North’s free video is a great place to start.
Amy will give you the exact text messages you need to send based on your own situation and stage of dating (no emojis needed). These are tried and tested texts based on clever relationship psychology.
Check out Amy North’s video here.
6) Show him you know him
When you text a guy try to be a little bit specific. There’s no need to become a poet of the texts, but showing him you know him and care about who he is can go a long way.
Comment on his job, something he loves doing, or one of his interests.
Instead of just treating him like any other hunk of man meat, show him you’re focused on who he is as a person.
Don’t get me wrong:
You can say he looks hot…
Or that you miss holding him…
But try to make it clear you’re into him as a person, too. Think about how it feels when guys only focus on a woman’s appearance and then flip that around.
It still holds true for high-quality guys.
Speaking on behalf of all hot guys, I can say that we don’t just want to be seen as eye-candy.
7) Don’t try to pressure him
Men hate getting texts that are playing mind games.
Don’t try to pressure or manipulate him in your texts. As much as possible, text what you mean and mean what you text.
If you put a rolling eyes gif after he says he’s busy, later it’s going to piss him off, I guarantee you.
Just say “too bad, I was hoping to meet up, but I totally understand and we can do it later in the week.”
See how I did that? Mature, clear, logical, no mind games or guilt trips.
At the same time, don’t flirt or be all nice by text to try to talk a guy into being more serious with you than he is.
It won’t work, and will likely backfire.
Acamea Deadwiler puts it well:
“I may bring up the idea of a relationship if it’s something I’d like to explore with the man I’m dating, but once I know he’s clear on what I want and where I stand, I won’t mention it many times again. I don’t make threats or give ultimatums. I don’t badger for answers or decisions.”
8) Turn up the heat gradually
This is related to point number one about taking it slow.
If you’re going to turn up the heat or wanting to explore a more sensual texting exchange then turn up the heat gradually.
Not only is the guy more likely to get turned on and teased more, but he’s also going to maintain respect for you and be seduced slowly in a way he can’t resist.
If you start sending him nude photos or asking for sexually explicit photos, he’ll categorize you as an easy lay.
But if you gradually turn up the heat in conversations and pique his interest with your unique personality and sensuality.
Sample texts if you’re looking to go down the road to sexy town? I got you:
“I feel like a bad girl…I just took a shower, but I wasted a lot of water because I got distracted thinking about you the whole time.”
“What are you thinking about? I’d tell you what I’m thinking about but it’s rated X and it might shock you.”
“Is it just me or have you also been fantasizing about my body all day?”
9) It’s OK to ask him for help
As guys, we enjoy when a woman asks us for advice or help.
This triggers our inner hero and makes us feel needed and valued.
When you turn down his help or act too independent his attraction can start to sap away. If you don’t need him at all then he goes in search of somebody who does.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is about three main drivers all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger this.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel locked in the tower to make him see you as the one.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
All of that and more is included in this informative free video, so make sure to check it out if you want to make him yours for good.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
10) Live your life
At the same time as you should be open about wanting his advice and help now and then, you need to make it clear you’re not dependent.
Guys love to be of service and be a provider and protector but they don’t want to be your constant sidekick.
They want to know that you can have fun and live your life without them as well, which just makes the time you share together all the more exciting and valuable.
This means that you should decline invites now and then and don’t always jump to respond with a “yes, when?” to his texts and invitations.
Another plus of doing your own thing now and then is that it’s a chance to see if any red flags come up.
An emotionally manipulative narcissist guy is going to show jealousy at your spending time with your friends and other people, but a well-adjusted guy will be glad to see you out enjoying yourself and be secure about his connection with you.
11) Be interesting
Texting isn’t a talent show, but constantly texting “hi”, “how are you?” and “nice weather today :)” is not going to interest a guy very much beyond one-two messages.
Bring up actual subjects and interests. Talk about your day or his. Just don’t be boring.
I’ve had this issue a lot, and even though it might make me an asshole I have to be honest:
I do judge women for sending too many boring texts.
So, you had a good lunch and are working. Like yesterday, and…the day before. Yes, my day is OK. Yes, I’m working too.
OK, awesome chat!
Instead, I turn to spend time texting another girl who is interested in psychology, spirituality, and politics.
Just being honest…
12) Laugh a little
My favorite texts I get from women are texts with jokes. Who doesn’t want to laugh, right?
And to tell the truth, the women I’ve found who text the funniest things also usually turn out to be the most hilarious and enjoyable to spend time with in person.
I’m not saying that you should be the class clown or just be there to amuse this guy with memes and jokes.
But if you get him to crack a smile now and then, you can definitely count on that furthering his interest in spending time with you.
13) Respect his boundaries and his values
At the same time as it’s good to poke fun a bit and be humorous, a guy needs to know that you have a baseline of respect for his boundaries and values.
If you take digs at his religion, basic beliefs, values, or other things like that it’s very easy for a joke to turn into a real discomfort and him realizing you’re not a good fit for him.
When you text you can absolutely speak your mind.
After all, texting is part of getting to know someone.
I’m just saying that guys don’t like to get texts that show disrespect for them or openly making fun of them.
It sounds stupid, but it happens more than you think:
A girl decides to just make fun of a guy she likes and see what he does. Usually, he jokes a time or two and then puts her on mute.
14) Give it time
Men like to protect and provide.
They also like to hunt. If you make it too easy and open the doors to your heart after two days of texting, there’s a good chance his interest is going to drop like a stone.
I’m not saying to intentionally ignore his texts for days at a time. But like I said, show him you have a life too and don’t always answer right away.
Let him initiate sometimes and keep it short and sweet when you text back.
Keep the best for when you’re face-to-face.
How to win him over in text message
If you’d rather not leave things up to guesswork, then it’s time to tell him what he really wants to hear in a text message.
It’s time to trigger his hero instinct.
It’s something I touched on above: texting him to ask for help and making him feel wanted and essential in your relationship.
It’s the best way to pull him in and keep him interested.
But, it goes so much deeper than that.
Once you completely understand the hero instinct and how you can trigger it in a man, you won’t ever stop to wonder what to send him in a text. You’ll instinctively know exactly what he not only wants but needs to hear.
So, where do you start? Check out this free video here and discover exactly what the hero instinct is.
This game-changing concept was first used by relationship expert James Bauer in his bestselling dating book His Secret Obsession. It describes the biological drive inside a man to provide for those he cares about.
This drive is amplified in romantic relationships.
By triggering your man’s hero instinct, and tapping into this urge he has, he will feel like an everyday hero in your life. This free video shows you how.
Men want to make a different to the lives of those who are important to them. Especially women they love.
By triggering this drive, you have the potential to take your relationship to that next level.
No longer question what you want to send him via text.
No more questioning whether or not he has feelings for you.
Sound good? Get started today. Watch the free video here.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.