If you’ve ever wondered what men want to hear in a text then look no further.
I have the answers.
Here’s the deal:
It seems like a trivial subject but texting matters.
When you hit a guy with cheesy lines, too much affection, or ignore him for too long he can get spooked.
There are also a number of other things that women do in texts which are deeply unattractive.
There’s no need for perfection but you can improve your texting game and figure out what men want to hear in a text with just a few simple tips.
I’ll share them with you below. Here are the 14 things you need to know so that your texts are zingers instead of getting left-on-read.
1) Flirt but limit the dirt
Flirting is something that guys love.
But if it gets too naughty, too fast then he’s going to consider you as a sexting conquest, not someone to take seriously.
There’s a way to flirt that’s highly attractive and suggestive but not necessarily sexual.
If you just tell him you’re not wearing panties or you’re a very bad girl, his mind is going to get one message: sex, sex, sex.
There are a number of sweet texts you can send him which let him know that he’s in your potential romance books but that he’s not about to just get in your pants.
“My day would’ve been a lot better if you were in it.”
“Even over text, you’re adorable.”
“I had a stressful day, but talking to you makes it fade away like magic.”
“You know why I just smiled? Because you sent me a message.”
You get the picture. Flirtatious, sweet, and fun texts that will get his romantic side going overboard and make him covet that next little delicious droplet of affection from you as he works to win your heart.
2) Don’t always send the first text
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to get a text from a girl you’re into.
But after a while, having the same gal initiate text conversations over and over can become:
And borderline creepy.
Texting is like a game of tennis. You play the ball and then go about your business until the opposing player hits it back.
If they don’t hit it back for a week, fine: maybe you go play with somebody else.
With that in mind, however, don’t intentionally ignore a guy for days and days: it’s juvenile and he will eventually lose patience and walk away.
Still, women should always be prepared to let a guy initiate the texting some of the time.
I recommend the 60-40 rule. The man should be initiating at least 60 percent of the time.
Every few texts he pops your way, you shoot one or two. This isn’t an exact art and sometimes you’ll get carried away and get really into it.
That’s fine — it’s the magic of text-love-at-first sight.
But in general, let him be the man and woo you over text instead of you always approaching him.
3) Let him know you want more than a penpal
Texting can be a lot of fun but it can also be misleading.
When you send too many messages that are just along the lines of “hey, what’s up, I’ve been thinking about you,” you can enter what becomes more of a texting relationship than a real-life connection.
He’ll shoot you a message now and then, but he might never really get around to meeting you in person or following up with you for a second date if you’ve already been out.
These days with all the apps, the good guys are also in high demand, and that means you need to be fairly clear about wanting to meet in person.
The best way is to mention specific places, activities, or ideas that you have for meeting up:
“I heard that new art gallery is amazing, I’d love to see it sometime.”
“Do you like waffles? Because I do, and there’s a place on 4th that is supposed to have the best ones in town.”
For a follow-up date you can try things like:
“Hey, almost starting to miss you a bit. What do you say we meet for a drink?”
Or keep it short and sweet:
4) Boost him up but not in a corny way
Guys like to be boosted up by a girl but not in a transparent or corny way.
Don’t make up reasons to praise or congratulate him, but if he has a big accomplishment then let him know you’re proud of him and think he’s pretty cool.
When a man gets a compliment every now and then, he really values it and it makes him feel like a million bucks.
But if you tell him he’s the greatest every morning he’s going to start taking it for granted and lose attraction.
As Nima Salimi writes for Verily mag:
“While it can seem like men praise action above all, when it comes to romantic relationships, a man is going to want to feel that he is loved for who he is. Sometimes, the difference can be as simple as rearranging some words.
For instance, you tell a guy that he is so great for helping your friend move, that may mean less to him overall than if you convey what a thoughtful and generous person he is. Telling a guy about his innate characteristics means more than pointing out what he does.”
5) Control your emojis
Emojis aren’t just for teens but adults should use them more sparingly.
If you’re peppering your texts with emojis and gifs constantly then a guy is going to eventually think of you as unserious.
I’m not saying that you need to self-monitor like crazy or never send funny emojis, but if you’re sprinkling them all over like salt and pepper, any guy who’s somewhat mature is going to start thinking you’re a bit silly.
Sorry, just being honest…
As Adam LoDolce writes at Love Strategies:
“Emojis can better express the intention behind your words, which is important because it’s all too easy to misinterpret a text. But pay attention to how often you use those emojis (and gifs are great, too). If this guy never sends a single emoji, you don’t want to come off as juvenile by peppering your texts with them.”
6) Show him you know him
When you text a guy try to be a little bit specific. There’s no need to become a poet of the texts, but showing him you know him and care about who he is can go a long way.
Comment on his job, something he loves doing, or one of his interests.
Instead of just treating him like any other hunk of man meat, show him you’re focused on who he is as a person.
Don’t get me wrong:
You can say he looks hot…
Or that you miss holding him…
But try to make it clear you’re into him as a person, too. Think about how it feels when guys only focus on a woman’s appearance and then flip that around.
It still holds true for high-quality guys.
Speaking on behalf of all hot guys, I can say that we don’t just want to be seen as eye-candy.
7) Don’t try to pressure him
Men hate getting texts that are playing mind games.
Don’t try to pressure or manipulate him in your texts. As much as possible, text what you mean and mean what you text.
If you put a rolling eyes gif after he says he’s busy, later it’s going to piss him off, I guarantee you.
Just say “too bad, I was hoping to meet up, but I totally understand and we can do it later in the week.”
See how I did that? Mature, clear, logical, no mind games or guilt trips.
At the same time, don’t flirt or be all nice by text to try to talk a guy into being more serious with you than he is.
It won’t work, and will likely backfire.
Acamea Deadwiler puts it well:
“I may bring up the idea of a relationship if it’s something I’d like to explore with the man I’m dating, but once I know he’s clear on what I want and where I stand, I won’t mention it many times again. I don’t make threats or give ultimatums. I don’t badger for answers or decisions.”
8) Turn up the heat gradually
This is related to point number one about taking it slow.
If you’re going to turn up the heat or wanting to explore a more sensual texting exchange then turn up the heat gradually.
Not only is the guy more likely to get turned on and teased more, but he’s also going to maintain respect for you and be seduced slowly in a way he can’t resist.
If you start sending him nude photos or asking for sexually explicit photos, he’ll categorize you as an easy lay.
But if you gradually turn up the heat in conversations and pique his interest with your unique personality and sensuality.
Sample texts if you’re looking to go down the road to sexy town? I got you:
“I feel like a bad girl…I just took a shower, but I wasted a lot of water because I got distracted thinking about you the whole time.”
“What are you thinking about? I’d tell you what I’m thinking about but it’s rated X and it might shock you.”
“Is it just me or have you also been fantasizing about my body all day?”
9) It’s OK to ask him for help
This triggers our hero instinct and makes us feel needed and valued.
When you turn down his help or act too independent his attraction can start to sap away. If you don’t need him at all then he goes in search of somebody who does.
Sorry if it rubs your feminist sympathies the wrong way, but the truth is that guys want to be needed and valued by women.
They want to feel like a protector and provider. And if you text him giving that opportunity, he’s going to like it.
“Hey, I could really use your advice,” or “is there any chance you could help me out a bit?” are going to make him glad to be of service.
Just don’t do it every day or you’ll become seen as a freeloader.
10) Live your life
At the same time as you should be open about wanting his advice and help now and then, you need to make it clear you’re not dependent.
Guys love to be of service and be a provider and protector but they don’t want to be your constant sidekick.
They want to know that you can have fun and live your life without them as well, which just makes the time you share together all the more exciting and valuable.
This means that you should decline invites now and then and don’t always jump to respond with a “yes, when?” to his texts and invitations.
Another plus of doing your own thing now and then is that it’s a chance to see if any red flags come up.
An emotionally manipulative narcissist guy is going to show jealousy at your spending time with your friends and other people, but a well-adjusted guy will be glad to see you out enjoying yourself and be secure about his connection with you.
11) Be interesting
Texting isn’t a talent show, but constantly texting “hi”, “how are you?” and “nice weather today :)” is not going to interest a guy very much beyond one-two messages.
Bring up actual subjects and interests. Talk about your day or his. Just don’t be boring.
I’ve had this issue a lot, and even though it might make me an asshole I have to be honest:
I do judge women for sending too many boring texts.
So, you had a good lunch and are working. Like yesterday, and…the day before. Yes, my day is OK. Yes, I’m working too.
OK, awesome chat!
Instead, I turn to spend time texting another girl who is interested in psychology, spirituality, and politics.
Just being honest…
12) Laugh a little
My favorite texts I get from women are texts with jokes. Who doesn’t want to laugh, right?
And to tell the truth, the women I’ve found who text the funniest things also usually turn out to be the most hilarious and enjoyable to spend time with in person.
I’m not saying that you should be the class clown or just be there to amuse this guy with memes and jokes.
But if you get him to crack a smile now and then, you can definitely count on that furthering his interest in spending time with you.
13) Respect his boundaries and his values
At the same time as it’s good to poke fun a bit and be humorous, a guy needs to know that you have a baseline of respect for his boundaries and values.
If you take digs at his religion, basic beliefs, values, or other things like that it’s very easy for a joke to turn into a real discomfort and him realizing you’re not a good fit for him.
When you text you can absolutely speak your mind.
After all, texting is part of getting to know someone.
I’m just saying that guys don’t like to get texts that show disrespect for them or openly making fun of them.
It sounds stupid, but it happens more than you think:
A girl decides to just make fun of a guy she likes and see what he does. Usually, he jokes a time or two and then puts her on mute.
14) Give it time
Men like to protect and provide.
They also like to hunt. If you make it too easy and open the doors to your heart after two days of texting, there’s a good chance his interest is going to drop like a stone.
I’m not saying to intentionally ignore his texts for days at a time. But like I said, show him you have a life too and don’t always answer right away.
Let him initiate sometimes and keep it short and sweet when you text back.
Keep the best for when you’re face-to-face.
Text tastefully and woo him with your words
My final piece of advice is to keep the texting tasteful and focus on wooing him with your words.
There’s no need to go overboard on texting. In general, less is more.
What men want to hear in a text is that a woman is interested in them and respects them. They want to hear about her day or some updates now and then, but for the most part, guys use texting for basic communication, not for extended back-and-forths.
Keeping it short and sweet is the order of the day.
And if you want you can always tack on a nice photo.
Sending a snap of your beautiful self every now and then is going to keep his interest perked up for sure, but it’s that nice buzz he gets when he sees an incoming message from you that’s going to build his interest and keep him coming back for more.
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