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What makes a man leave his wife for another woman? The brutal truth

“Will my man leave me for another woman?”

Are you asking yourself this question? 

Maybe you’re concerned you’re not good enough for your man. 

Maybe you’re worried that he’s been acting differently lately, and that it’s only a matter of time before he decides to move on with his life. 

It’s not an easy situation to be in. 

But we’ve all been there before, and I’m sure you don’t want sympathy. 

Instead, you want actionable tips to stop it from happening. 

So in this article, I’m going to talk about what makes a man leave his wife for another woman, and what you can do to rectify it. 

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started. 

10 reasons why men leave their wives 

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

1. Dissatisfaction with their marriage

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out. If he is dissatisfied with his marriage, then he’ll seek to find satisfaction elsewhere.

This is just one of the reasons a married man can develop feelings outside his relationship.

For example, if sex with his partner has become tiresome, and the partner is showing no signs to improve or make it better, then he may search for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

It may have nothing to do with sex, either. Perhaps his wife is neglecting him emotionally, making him feel empty and hollow.

Subconsciously he has worked out that he needs to fill that emotional void somewhere else.

Getting to a point where you want to cheat can be an incredibly difficult and hopeless path, and for many people, the dissatisfaction forces one to travel down this path must be long-term and immense.

We all have needs, and keeping those needs satisfied is an important part of keeping a happy relationship.

2. Excitement

When you’ve been involved in a marriage for years, your life tends to migrate into a routine.

If he is becoming frustrated with his routine and needs something else to keep the spark going, he may see an affair as helping him achieve that.

Or maybe he is the type who loves to live the moment and doesn’t think the consequences of cheating or having feelings for another woman is that bad.

We often see infidelity as a sign of dissatisfaction in a marriage, but this isn’t always the case.

It doesn’t always have to a negative reflection of the current relationship, but rather a positive reflection of an active movement within the person committing adultery.

In other words, he wants something more for himself than he is currently getting. It’s a need his wife can’t possibly fulfill.

3. Resentment

Maybe his wife has done something to hurt him. Maybe his wife flirts with other men whenever they go to a party together.

As a result, maybe he wants to even it out and get her back. He knows this will likely end the relationship but he needs to make it even. 

Perhaps his wife cheated on him many years ago, and even though they settled the problem, he still feels permanently inferior to his wife because of the pain he experienced.

Whatever it is, it gives him a sense of power and evens out his current marriage when he leaves his wife for another woman. 

4. They feel a lack of emotional connection

A key factor for leaving a relationship is feeling unvalued and neglected.

He may want to leave and find someone else to connect with to feel a sense of value within himself. 

We all have feelings, and if his wife is not validating those feelings, then staying in the marriage may make him feel worse. Men want to feel appreciated and loved as well. 

According to social psychologist, Dylan Selterman “lack of love is a powerful motivation — it’s definitely one of the stronger ones.”

It’s a good idea to talk to your husband about how they are feeling in the relationship.

You might think things are great, but how does your partner really feel? Are there areas of your relationship that could be filled by someone else?

You don’t have to be all things to your partner, but a sense of support, love, and understanding is important.

If your partner is in a situation where they unload their feelings on someone else because they feel like they can’t talk to you, the likelihood of that relationship progressing into infidelity increases.

5. He doesn’t feel like he can act like his true self

Is he behaving like his normal self? Or are you acting crazy and emotional? Is he scared of what he says around you? 

In the end, we can all agree that the greatest relationships are where you can be your true self.

If he is wary of how he acts around his wife then he is probably not going to be happy in the long run.

Here are 7 signs that a man might not be feeling comfortable with his wife:

  • He is tiptoeing and hiding things from his wife. 
  • He is constantly monitoring his actions and words, worried about her opinion
  • -He is feeling anxious and frustrated whenever he is in his wife’s presence. This cloud lifts whenever she’s not around. 
  • He is worried about being judged by his wife. 
  • He can’t stare into his wife’s eyes for more than 5 seconds.
  • He can’t say what he means. 
  • He doesn’t trust his wife. 

According to Andrea Bonior Ph.D, if he is apologizing for his behavior and not being your his self, then it is a clear sign of a controlling relationship.

It may be hard to admit, but it’s time to consider if you’re being too controlling in the relationship and this is why he has a motivation to leave the relationship.  

In the end, if he feels a lack of freedom within the relationship to be his true self, then that could be a reason he’d prefer to be with another woman. 

6. His wife is always mean to him 

It’s important to consider if his wife is being mean to her husband. 

Is she putting him down to gain control? Is she playing games in an effort to manipulate him? 

If his wife is putting him down and taking advantage of him, then it’s obvious that she doesn’t like him very much, or respect his feelings. 

And the longer this type of one-sided relationship goes on, the more likely it will be that he will leave his wife for another woman. 

According to Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist, a sign that you’re treating your partner poorly is if you’re blaming your partner for issues that are actually caused by you:

“It’s a bad sign if you tend to blame instead of taking ownership for your own issues…Men and women who blame always believe that the problem lies with the other person.”

7. The relationship is moving much faster than he wants

Maybe she wants a family, but he doesn’t. Maybe she wants to buy a house, but he can’t commit to something as long-term as a mortgage.

These might be signs that he doesn’t want to be in a long-term relationship.

It’s also clear that things may be moving too fast for him. This is the kind of thing that can scare a guy, especially if he has commitment issues.

Maybe it’s convenient for him now, but if he is not ready to take the necessary steps forward, then there’s something that’s holding him back.

Most relationships grow as time goes on, whether that means living together, getting married, or having a family.

And if he knows that he doesn’t really want those things, then he might be thinking that it’s time for him to leave the relationship.

8. Different drives in the bedroom

This is a common reason relationships end.

After all, if one partner finds themselves wanting it all the time, and the other doesn’t want it at all, then that’s obviously a problem.

According to Dr. Rachel Sussman, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, “action in the bedroom is really important, and it shouldn’t be something you avoid having”.

If you’re in the early days in your relationship, then it’s normal to want each other all the time.

After that period wears off, it’s natural for that desire to taper off, but it shouldn’t taper off completely.

According to Sussman, “sex is a good barometer for how the relationship is going” and that “either side of the spectrum isn’t good.”

So, how can you work out whether your sex life is the real issue in your relationship?

According to Carol Queen in Bustle, your relationship shouldn’t be too dependent on sex that “you don’t seem to have a connection beyond the sexual.”

But on the other hand, lack of attraction shouldn’t cause emotional issues in the relationship, either. If it does, then clearly there’s a problem.

However, if you’re experiencing issues in the bedroom, it doesn’t mean that you must end the relationship right away.

It’s important to try different things to see if you can work through it.

But if you feel like you have tried all that you can and the issues aren’t improving, then he might be thinking that it’s time to end the relationship.

9. Personal Changes

People change. We go to school, we get jobs, we evolve in our careers, we develop new interests, we want to become different and better people.

But we don’t all change at the same rate and in the same ways. While two people might have been perfect for each other at one point in time, that doesn’t mean they will continue to be perfect for each other forever.

It’s not the husband or wife’s fault. If one person starts to feel that they are at a different period of their life and need something else, they can’t help but feel that their partner is holding them back and keeping them from their true potential.

It’s something that we rarely ever admit, and instead, it ends up manifesting in needless and petty fights.

This might be the reason your man wants to leave for another woman if:

  • You or your partner has recently gone through a big life change
  • You or your partner has been talking about dreams and ambitions
  • You or your partner has become content with the status quo and thinks the other person is as well

10. The relationship is no longer adding value to his life

All relationships are meant to add value to our lives, whether that value is in the form of companionship, business relation, love, or something else.

A relationship is over when it is not only no longer adding value to our life, but sucking value from it.

But we don’t always recognize this when it happens. A part of us will continue to love the person that we are with, no matter how difficult things get.

And that part will keep you convinced that your feelings that the relationship is over are actually caused by different things.

This might be your relationship’s problem if…

  • Sex is rare or almost non-existent
  • Arguments don’t ned
  • You hate their habits
  • You can’t stop being annoyed at them
  • You feel permanently stuck

How to Keep Your Man: 5 Tips

Relationships don’t always end because of some grand reason.

Sometimes it’s the little everyday things that you could be unknowingly doing to your man that’s nudging him closer to saying “let’s just break up”.

Every little interaction you have colors your perception of each other.

Every fight, every celebration, every minute detail of the seemingly ordinary things you do for each other ultimately adds up to how your partner perceives you.

It’s easy to get lost in everyday things because we dismiss them as normal excusable behavior.

We never think that something so natural as raising your voice or ignoring a question can lead to unhappiness in a relationship – and that’s precisely why they’re dangerous.

When left unchecked, these things grow into habits that can ultimately destroy the relationship.

Here are some everyday things you might be doing that’s contributing to the unhappiness for him in your relationship:

1. Stop taking the other person for granted

All relationships eventually plateau and move from intense to stable, no matter how passionate your early days might be.

Although this sounds like the end of times, it’s actually a good sign of progress because you’re both ready to live out the not so exciting parts of life together.

Growing more comfortable around each other takes the pressure off being perfect.

Instead of trying so hard to put on your best self, you’re at a stage in your relationship where you know your partner is here to stay even if you don’t project what you think they want to see.

However, some couples tend to go from not trying so hard to not trying at all.

Suddenly the nice things they do for you don’t feel as nice anymore. You stop feeling like you have to go out of your way to make the other person happy because you’re already in a “safe” stage of your relationship.

Taking each other for granted comes in many forms – from forgetting to say “thank you” or ignoring a chore when they’ve asked you for help.

At the end of the day, these gestures still have the same effect: they remove the very thing that makes the relationship feel special.

What to do instead: Don’t forget to highlight what makes them special. Whether it’s their knack for booking the best restaurant or just being simply responsible, always make sure they feel appreciated for the little ways they inspire you and make your life better.

2. Change up the routine

As your life moves forward, you might find yourself prioritizing things that have nothing to do with your relationship.

We get it: people get busy and preoccupied and it’s impossible to maintain a relationship 24/7.

It’s when you completely stop putting the effort to introduce novelty and fun in your relationship that things go sour.

Instead of doing something fun and exciting, you or your partner might start choosing the easier, more comfortable option.

You blame work, time, or money for not doing the things you used to. After all, it’s so easy to swap fun nights out for quiet movie nights indoors.

What to do instead: Actively make time for each other. Whether it’s trying a new move in bed or eating at a new restaurant, make sure you have time to do things that are outside your routine.

Don’t underestimate the power of novelty. Keeping your relationship fresh with new experiences is a proven way to keep it going and keep your man engaged.

3. Communicate with each other

When things were new, you would spend hours talking each other’s ears off.

You would talk about your dreams, fears, prejudices, expectations, and share those with each other so openly.

Eventually, it’s those very things that have kept you in their company, even after the high of attraction has passed.

It’s normal to stop having these “deep” conversations the more you get to know your partner. After a while, it feels like you know everything about them which means there’s nothing left to say.

Really talking to each other doesn’t just mean physically talking to each other whenever possible; it means preserving the curiosity and sensitivity you had when you talked about things other than your work, family, and gossip.

Your partner should be the person you could talk to about anything. If you find yourself (or them) talking more about work and nothing else, it’s bound to turn your relationship from stable to stale.

I realize that it can be difficult to talk to him if he is already moody and down in the dumps but you just need to listen to him. Focus the conversation on him, forget about airing your grievances and just truly listen to what he has to say.

A deep conversation should never be underestimated in its ability to introduce connection and rapport back into the relationships.

What to do instead: Strive to have interesting topics for conversation. Read a new book or watch a new movie together and discuss those with each other.

People in relationships that don’t talk about anything else other than their daily routines are going to realize sooner or later that there’s nothing keeping them from calling it quits.

4. Share your feelings

Biting back mean and unnecessary comments during fights is one thing, never saying anything back is another.

The natural response for couples is to bring things into the light, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward, to try and resolve things.

Even in your most heated arguments, you should still be thankful if both of you still care enough to actually talk about what’s wrong.

Emotional vulnerability – whether it’s in times of anger or happiness – means they are still willing to let you become a part of their life.

What’s more alarming than a complete shoutfest is completely ignoring what you feel for the sake of “peace”.

We hide things when we truly believe there are no options.

Why bother getting into a heated argument when they won’t be interested to hear what you have to say anyway?

So instead of explaining your piece, you hide the anger and all the emotion, and let bygones be bygones until you have nothing else to say about every aspect of your relationship.

What to do instead: Whether it’s out of consideration or exhaustion, always strive to be communicative with your partner.

Even if you don’t feel like talking, it’s good to let your emotions out so your partner knows what’s going on in your head.

This way, they (or you) may adjust appropriately and make improvements on the relationship.

A strong emotional connection will make it more difficult for your man to leave the relationship.

5. Stop criticizing each other

Giving the other person constructive feedback from time to time is part of any normal, caring relationship.

However, what most couples don’t realize is that feedback can sometimes be a little too intrusive.

Criticism about your partner’s clothing, behavior, and habits may feel like innocent comments but they can ultimately snowball into discontent.

Men can be more sensitive than most of us realize.

When suggestions go from helpful to naggy, it’s a clear sign there are communication problems in the relationship.

Criticism should help the person improve; it should organically inspire them to become a better version of themselves.

But if the words are doing nothing but alienating the other person, it’s time to take a step back and rethink these “casual comments”.

Over criticizing your partner can apply to anything – from the way they do their chores or the way they interact with other people.

At one point, it’s important to realize that the person you are in a relationship with is still their own person and that there are some things, no matter how simple or big, that just doesn’t warrant criticism.

What to do instead: Know when it’s time to stop. Criticism, no matter how helpful, can still breed self-doubt. If you must criticize something, do it sparingly and gently.

Preface your suggestion by letting your partner know you appreciate them and would never want to hurt them intentionally.

Otherwise, you can just do something according to your preference to avoid conflict.

 

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Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

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