You’re trying to get a reaction out of him, you didn’t really know what to say, or you genuinely haven’t had the time to reply yet.
Whatever the reason, you wonder what he thinks when you don’t text him back.
This article will help you figure out what is going through his mind.
10 things he is thinking when you don’t text him back
1) Is she in a mood with me?
Men get themselves into trouble with women enough times for them to be vigilant of bad moods being thrown their way.
So if he doesn’t hear from you then he might start to suspect you are sulking or punishing him in some way.
This is definitely going to be the case if his message follows some kind of disagreement or argument.
He might deduct that you are giving him the silent treatment because you are pissed off at him over something he has done or hasn’t done.
2) Maybe she’s a bit too high maintenance
It’s really important to note the difference between being high value and being high maintenance.
High value means you act with dignity, self-respect and come across as a classy girl.
On the other hand, if a guy thinks a girl is high maintenance he is likely to worry that she is too demanding, unreasonable or expects him to make all the effort.
A lot of us have heard that if you don’t text him, he will text you.
Sadly, it’s a slightly confusing one. Sometimes it can be a good way to figure out his intentions when you don’t know whether he’s really interested.
But expecting that you can constantly push him away and make him “work for it”, and he’ll stick around is naive.
Guys can get very quickly fed up and demoralized if they have to chase you when you’re giving him nothing back.
3) No big deal, she’s probably just busy
Let’s say you didn’t reply to a guy straight away for totally innocent reasons. Often you don’t need to worry.
If you reply when you can, even if it’s the next day, he probably won’t take it the wrong way. Especially if you explain.
We all have other priorities. If he feels secure about your connection then there is less reason for him to be paranoid when he doesn’t hear from you immediately.
If it’s not been that long, then he could just assume that you haven’t seen his message yet, that you are busy doing other things, and that you’ll reply when it’s convenient.
Time is relative.
Something can feel like an age when we are overthinking things. Whilst someone else may barely notice how long it’s been.
4) Ok, so it looks like she’s not interested anymore
When you don’t respond to a guy it can leave him wondering if you’ve lost interest in him.
We’re all human and so we’re all prone to insecurity, especially when it comes to romance.
Guys need validation too, even the ones that act really confident. So if they’re not getting it from you, they may start to think the worst.
They may start to wonder if you no longer find them attractive, or if you’ve found someone better.
5) Not a lot, because he doesn’t really care (ouch!)
If like me you’re an overthinker you might have found yourself pondering all sorts of things that could be going on in a guys mind.
How he feels about you, what he is thinking, and why he does certain things.
But here is the thing:
Often it’s the guys we feel like we can’t figure out who don’t really think anything in particular when they don’t hear from us.
Well, any man who we are desperately trying to “figure out” is usually sending us mixed signals.
They are the ones who blow hot and cold, disappear and reappear, breadcrumb us, show interest and then withdraw.
In short, they’re the ones whose behavior makes us question their affection for us.
And if you’re questioning it, it’s probably because they aren’t putting in enough effort.
That means they aren’t as invested as you are.
It’s incredibly frustrating, but often it’s the guys we are trying to get a rise from that don’t even notice or care that you haven’t texted him back.
They’re purposely staying detached or haven’t put all their eggs in one basket. So the irritating truth is that they may not give a damn.
6) I wonder if she is playing games with me
Let’s be fair, it’s not just guys that send mixed messages. Girls are just as capable of giving a guy the run around too.
They like the attention and the validation, but don’t want much else.
Some girls will try certain tactics to see if they can get a reaction. And intentionally ignoring his messages is one of them.
It’s likely that most guys have encountered this type of behavior before. So he may wonder if that’s what you’re doing.
This is particularly the case if you don’t know each other so well, and are in the early stages of dating.
It might cross his mind that you’re simply leading him on.
7) What on earth is going on, I have no idea what to think
Rather than think one thing in particular, it’s likely that he has a mixture of thoughts that run through his head.
Confusion being the predominant one, so that actually, he doesn’t know what to think.
He can’t work out what is going on. Or if there is anything going on.
Maybe he’s being paranoid, but maybe he’s not.
Maybe you have lost interest, or maybe you were never interested in the first place.
Maybe you’re just busy doing something else, or maybe something has happened to you.
Depending on the relationship you have already established, it could depend. But he may be confused, frustrated, unsure and feeling a whole range of emotions.
8) Have I done something to blow it with her?
If you don’t text him back he could be sitting there wracking his brains trying to figure out if he has messed up somehow.
After all, dating is a delicate dance that we do. We try to impress one another, show off our best sides and woo our potential partners.
So if it looks like that’s stopped working for him, he might be trying to understand why.
Did his messages start to get boring? Has he said something to offend you?
He might start going through old messaging, analyzing them for reasons why he could have lost your attention.
9) Maybe she has met someone else or is talking to another guy
Dating apps and social media have made it easier than ever before to casually date.
So a lot of us anticipate and even expect potential love interests to have other suitors at the same time as us.
We assume that they are seeing other people if we’re not exclusive.
Sometimes things just fizzle out.
You’re chatting with someone, but they meet someone new who they really click with.
They may go on a few dates with you but they ultimately have a better connection with someone else, and so they start to focus their attention elsewhere.
He might wonder if there’s another guy on the scene who has grabbed your attention.
10) Should I send her another message or just leave it?!
He might wonder if he should send another message. He could start to regret sending the last one that you’re yet to reply to.
Think about a time when you didn’t get a response from a message you sent to someone.
You might have found yourself trying to justify their lack of response, telling yourself things like:
“Well I didn’t ask a question”
“Maybe the message sounded like something that didn’t need a reply”.
You might think about sending a follow-up text, so that you can clarify whether you’re just overthinking things or whether you are right to be suspicious.
Well, guys aren’t so different, so he could be contemplating the same sort of thing.
If he feels like you are playing games, he might decide to be stubborn and refuse to text you again until you do reply.
Will he care if I don’t text him?
The internet is littered with people asking about texting etiquette. And we’re all Googling this for a very good reason.
We want to know what it means when people behave a certain way over text because texting can be open to a lot of ambiguity.
There is a lot of context and important cues like body language that we cannot read through a message that we would pick up on in person.
This is why it can be confusing to navigate.
In real life, we can often instantly tell when someone is acting weird, but over text, it’s harder.
What he thinks when you don’t reply might depend on these things:
1) What stage of dating you’re at
It depends how well he knows you, whether you’re in an actual relationship and how secure he feels about what’s happening between you.
2) What you last talked about
If the last time you spoke everything seemed absolutely fine, he might be reaching different conclusions than if you exchanged cross words or your last conversation was flat.
3) If you keep him on unread
Personally, I don’t even have read receipts on my messages for the very reason that they can be a total minefield of insecurity.
If you leave him on unread for a long time, he might assume you’re intentionally ignoring him.
4) How long it’s been since he heard from you
If it’s been a couple of hours and he hasn’t heard from you yet, he’s probably not jumping to any conclusions.
But if it’s been a few days, then his mind is likely to be asking some questions about what’s going on.
5) Your recent behavior
How you’ve been acting towards him in general will offer him clues that provide context.
So if you’ve been attentive and nice, he might not panic when he doesn’t hear from you.
If you’ve been distant, cold or acting differently, it’s another matter.
6) His recent behavior
The above point also goes for him too.
So if he has been acting a bit weird and he knows it, he might not be surprised that you are ignoring him.
7) Your usual phone habits
Not everyone is glued to their phones.
I’m rubbish at replying to texts quickly. I also really don’t enjoy chit-chatting through messages.
I make a point of letting guys know this early on so that they don’t take it personally.
Your own texting habits with one another will impact how he takes the radio silence from you.
8) What your intentions are by not replying
If you are hoping that he will care if you haven’t text him back, here’s the problem:
When using any kind of mind game to try to manipulate him, you have no way of controlling how he interprets this move, or what his response will be.
As we’ve seen, he can interpret it in many ways.
He might care, but then again he might not. He might care a little bit or he might quickly cut his losses.
He might be provoked into action and step up his efforts or he might decide it’s a huge red flag and run a mile from you.
Should you stop texting him to get his attention? No, do this instead…
Pretty much every woman on the planet has heard the expression “treat them mean to keep them keen’ but it’s never that easy.
Generally, it’s a bad idea to stop texting in the hope of getting his attention. It’s a bad habit than can quickly turn toxic.
Why? Because manipulation has a habit of backfiring.
Here’s what to do instead:
1) Only give him as much attention as he gives you
Forget the power struggles, dating works best with reciprocity.
That means you put in just as much as you get back and vice versa.
If he isn’t putting in the same amount of energy as you and it’s annoying you, then don’t give him any more time and energy than you should.
This isn’t about game playing, it’s about establishing healthy boundaries and showing that you expect equality.
That doesn’t mean abruptly not texting back or ignoring his message. But it might mean adjusting your communication style.
- Don’t always be the one to text first
What happens when you don’t text him first?
He has to decide whether he wants to reach out and get in touch. If up until now you’ve been the one who always sends the first message, this is where you learn how interested he is in you.
If you’ve shown him you are interested up until now, and if he feels the same he will start a conversation if he wants to speak to you.
- Don’t keep the conversation going if he isn’t contributing
Maybe you ask question after question and although he always replies, he never asks you anything in return.
Perhaps you write lengthy texts, but his responses are always short and to the point.
Look for signs that suggest the communication between you isn’t balanced.
Don’t pick up the majority of the slack for carrying the conversation. Both people need to contribute to it.
2) Trigger his hero instinct
A lot of us only resort to ignoring his texts as a last resort.
It’s often out of desperation because we don’t know what else to do to make him step up and show us the interest we want from him.
But there is a healthier way of sparking his desire and getting him to be more committed.
Text him something that triggers his hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
3) Talk about it
You’ve heard it many times before, but only because it’s vitally important:
All healthy connections rely on good communication.
There are always going to be issues that arise between people. It’s a part of life. There’s no way of escaping the occasional conflict or crossed wires.
It’s super tempting to dodge telling people how we feel because it can feel super vulnerable.
But ultimately it’s always best to be straightforward and practice open communication. So if you’re unsure of something, ask.
If a guy has done something to annoy you or make you question if he’s into you, it’s tempting to not reply. But you might end up regretting it.
It could be a misunderstanding and you can clear things up with a quick chat about it. Either way, at least you will know where you stand.
4) Know when to cut your losses
I wouldn’t ever recommend purposely ignoring him as a way of payback or to provoke a response.
But maybe you’re wondering, ’is it OK to not text him back?’ And the answer is definitely yes sometimes.
In some circumstances, this might be your best option. For example, when you’re prepared to walk away because he hasn’t been treating you right.
Let’s say he runs hot and cold, he only contacts you when he’s bored or he has ignored your messages before.
Basically when he oversteps your boundaries in some way. Deciding not to reply can be your way to clearly signal that it’s not ok.
You might decide that you’ve had enough and it’s time to cut your losses.
It’s also important to point out that you should never feel pressured to reply to a guy who you don’t want to.
Maybe he is pursuing you and won’t take no for an answer or perhaps he has behaved in a way that makes you uncomfortable for some reason.
You are under zero obligation to respond to a guy who doesn’t respect you.
5) Get professional advice unique to your situation
It’s clear by now that all sorts of things can go through his mind if you don’t text him.
Your best next move also depends heavily on what you are trying to achieve by not replying to his message.
Because of all these unique factors at play, it can be super helpful to get the guidance of an expert.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations. They’re a very popular resource for people facing relationship and romance dilemas.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch with a guy I was into.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship with him and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.