When you love someone who’s gone there’s a deep pain in your heart.
You want one thing most of all: you want them back as soon as possible and you start doing and thinking of whatever you can to make that happen.
Instead, I want to urge you to do the exact opposite.
15 things that happen when you give your ex space (+ how to do it properly to get them back!)
Giving your ex space is about really giving them space.
Far too many people do this in a provisional way, which is to say they give space but with expectations attached.
Here’s how to do it the right way that’s actually effective for you and getting your ex back.
1) Use no contact (but for real)
First off, you will want to use the so-called no contact rule with your ex, but you need to do this for real.
What that means is that you genuinely do not contact, pursue, online follow or interact with them in any way for a set amount of time.
How much time?
I recommend at least three weeks to a month, but it can be longer and amount to two, three or more months depending on the seriousness of your relationship prior to that point.
Different seriousness levels of relationship require a different cool down period and time to recollect yourself and regroup even if a reconciliation is on the horizon.
Using no contact for real is hard.
The best way to do this is the following:
Imagine your ex has gone on a top-secret classified mission for the amount of time of the no contact. They will not be posting any updates, nor will you be interacting with them in that time.
Doing so could put their life at risk – and your own!
Really pretend this is true. And stick to it!
2) Your ex will think of you
One of the paradoxes of letting someone go is that it’s really the only way to potentially get them back.
Often, we are full of fear that our ex will forget us or never really cared much in the first place and will easily move on.
The thing is:
Your ex will think of you…
…And if they don’t and it turns out they were leading you on or faking it the whole time then you will be infinitely better off without them.
It’s really crucial to realize and internalize this.
By trusting that your ex will think of you, you are recentering power and magnetism in yourself instead of putting conditions on it.
And if they don’t think of you, you need to realize that it only means someone better is on the horizon.
3) Use psychology to get them back
I realize that the last point is difficult to accept and that letting someone go can leave you feeling hopeless and drained.
With no idea of when they might be back, you may begin finding yourself preoccupied and caught up with thoughts and emotions about your former partner.
There are so many beneficial things that happen when you give your ex space, but far too often it turns out more like they get back in touch as “friends” or on a platonic level.
Unless this is what you want, it’s crucial to orient things more in the direction that you wish.
You’re still friends, but you want to take things back to the way they were.
What you need is clever psychology. That’s where dating expert Brad Browning comes in.
Brad is a best selling author and has helped hundreds of people get back with their ex via his extremely popular YouTube channel.
He’s just released a new free video that will give you all the tips you need to get back with your ex.
What Browning teaches is truly helpful for understanding the right mix between giving your ex space and making a reconciliation more likely by understanding more about the psychology of attraction.
4) You give them space to heal
Another of the very positive things that happen when you give your ex space is that you offer them room to heal as well.
A big part of every relationship is communication and respect.
But in order to make a broken connection come back to life, silence is sometimes the best remedy and respect is sometimes best expressed through space.
Not every broken relationship can just be fixed with a simple text or bumping into your ex and striking things back up.
Sometimes it really will take months for your ex to reach a place where they are ready to be together with you again.
And that’s really OK.
In fact it can be potentially very positive as it also gives you space to collect your heart and emotions.
Some of the most important and lasting relationships involve a lot of time alone and reflecting to really be ready to love someone else and be loved.
5) You allow broken trust to be rebuilt
One of the best things that happen when you give your ex space is that you give the broken ties time to heal.
Whatever went wrong in your relationship, the time apart can be the best way for your partner to let trust regrow.
This can be particularly helpful if there was cheating or a betrayal of some kind.
Broken trust takes time to rebuild.
And it also takes some insights into how to repair what went wrong.
If you just do nothing at all, the wounds may fester. But if you approach this in a way that balances communication with respect, you can end up making much deeper inroads.
But rather than leaving it up to fate to decide, why not take things into your own hands and find a way to get through to your ex?
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier – he’s an expert in relationships and reconciliation.
His practical tips have helped thousands of men and women not only reconnect with their exes but to rebuild the love and commitment they once shared.
If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here.
6) You allow them time with their friends
Another of the best things that happen when you give your ex space is that you give them ample time to spend with their friends and reconnect socially in their lives.
This is a big plus for you and your ex.
Friendship is so important, and even many married couples end up in trouble as a result of focusing too much purely on each other and neglecting friendship.
This time while you’re apart can be a time for both you and your ex to rebuild those frayed ties and nurture friendships that may have been left by the wayside.
Even if you’re only separated for a few months, this is a great chance to rebuild friendships, go on trips with friends, try new activities and focus on the non-romantic social aspects of life that are also so key.
This is a chance to go through your contact list and call or text someone you haven’t in a while.
It’s also a chance for your ex to do the same.
When the friendship tank is full up it can be very satisfying and leave more room for your ex to feel ready once again for intimacy (and you, too).
7) You give yourself a hall pass
On the intimate and romantic side, this time apart from your ex gives you and him or her a hall pass.
In other words, you can potentially get involved and sleep with other people in this time.
Sexual intimacy is such an important part of a successful partnership or marriage, and this time apart can be a chance for you to find out more about what turns you on and what doesn’t.
To be crude, it can also be a time to “get it out of your system” in terms of any urge you may have had to cheat or try to see other people.
It’s the same for your ex.
While he or she is free to see other people, don’t forget that you are as well.
If you’re still deeply in love and focused on your ex, this may understandably be the furthest thing from what’s on your mind.
But if it does seem like the kind of thing you might be interested in, it can certainly be a possibility.
And even if it doesn’t, refraining from jealousy while your ex does this can show confidence in your love that they will eventually come back to you if they find that things with you were not only better romantically but also sexually.
8) You get time to think about what went wrong
One of the best things that happen when you give your ex space is that you get time to think about what went wrong.
Whether a lot was your fault or theirs, or neither of yours, this time apart can be an ideal time to reflect on why things didn’t work out.
There may be aspects of your own behavior and life you want to improve or change in order to help ensure things work out…
And there may be aspects of your ex and their behavior or role in your life that you come to realizations about.
Maybe the time apart makes you realize that you were too hard on your ex or even not hard enough.
By becoming clearer about where you draw the line and what went awry in the relationship, you gain a big advantage going forward.
Because you now are much more aligned with what you really want in a relationship and what you are willing or unwilling to accept from your partner if they come back.
9) You get a chance to call on the experts
The idea of calling or seeing a professional about relationship issues can be really uncomfortable.
I know I’ve always had a lot of resistance to the idea…
But here’s the thing:
While this article explores the main advantages of giving an ex partner space and allowing them to come back to you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like how to optimize time apart from an ex and make it more likely for them to come back.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them in the past after having a similar situation with an ex that was also tearing me up and leaving me utterly confused.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.They helped so much!
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
10) You have down time for emotions to cool off
Time apart from your ex is time for both of you to attain clarity and also allow hot emotions to cool off.
This certainly means many of the negative emotions, fights and frustrations that went on, of course…
But it also means some of the passion and lust that may have kept you together or led to impulsive decisions in the past.
While you are apart is a time to become much more conscious about your relationship and what you want for it.
Communication is a two-way street, and you are likely to be pleasantly surprised by the receptivity of your ex about insights and realizations you’ve had during your time apart.
This down time when very strong passions or painful feelings have a time to cool off can feel like torture.
But it can actually be one of the best things that happens to you in your relationship.
It can also mean that if you do get another go around it is far more likely to be successful since both of you will have had time to clarify what you really want and let overpowering emotions simmer a bit.
11) You get time to focus on your own career
Another of the big benefits and helpful things that happen when you give your ex space is that you have time to focus on your own career and development.
This time is very valuable, and you can channel your frustration and loneliness into career.
Build a website, build a house, learn new skills, start a company or get a new job.
There are many opportunities out there waiting to be seized or created, and downtime during a bad breakup can be one of the best times for you to self-actualize professionally.
This isn’t about forcing yourself to be upbeat or happy.
You’ll probably feel like shit half the time to be honest.
But instead of just sitting listening to old music and cursing life, you’ll have accomplishments to show for yourself and more savings in the bank.
That’s a definite win-win.
12) You become less dependent
Time on your own can be very difficult.
You may find yourself facing many demons.
But like a fever that burns to the maximum before burning off, you may find that this time alone ends up for the best.
Because ultimately you will be better off by being much less dependent on any other person.
One of the paradoxes of love is that you are only ever really able to freely give love and enjoy a mature relationship when you are no longer dependent on it.
At the point that you become codependent and rely on anyone else or any relationship, it becomes more of an addiction than a love connection.
That’s why giving your ex space can be your way of truly appreciating that you are two different people with different lives.
If and when you come back together it can be with more respect: as two wholes instead of two “halves” seeking to form a whole.
And that will make all the difference in the world.
13) You learn to accept what’s out of your control
Time apart from your ex also serves as a stress test for you.
This is a chance to accept what’s out of your control.
In fact, it’s not only a chance, it’s a necessity, because you have no other choice.
Sometimes, being forced to confront the exact situation we dread is the best thing that can happen to us.
You can’t make your ex come back to you.
You can’t stop them or any future partner from breaking up with you again.
What you can do, is control your own actions and decisions.
Fully grasping this is actually very empowering, because it simplifies life quite a lot!
14) You have the chance for big personal breakthroughs
Another of the promising things that happen when you give your ex space is that you leave yourself time for huge personal breakthroughs.
If this means working on your own self-confidence, learning new skills or repairing other fractured social ties, it’s all very important and helpful.
This can be your time, as much as it can be your ex’s time to work on yourself and advance as a person.
You can work on your fitness and health…
You can work on your mindset and internal reality…
You can even go out and do more dating and work on your romantic and interpersonal skills as a communicator and seducer…
What has caused you the biggest frustration in life?
Start tackling it. This time you’re apart from your ex is a time when you can work to overcome challenges that have always blocked you.
15) You give your ex time to miss you
Most importantly of all, this time apart is great because one of the things that happen when you give your ex space is that you give them time to miss you.
If you beg and plead with them to come back all the time, they won’t have time to truly feel your absence.
They will feel pressured by you and like you are overly demanding.
Instead, time apart gives your ex ample opportunity to really your absence and notice how much they cared for you, perhaps even more than they realized during your relationship.
Making space for your ex
When you give your ex space, you leave them the room to rediscover themselves and their love for you.
Instead of forcing love to work for you, you allow love to work itself out for everyone.
Here’s the paradox:
It’s only when you’re truly willing to let them go that you stand the greatest chance of having them come back.
This more generous and love-filled approach works because it is realistic.
Giving your ex space just so they’ll come back to you is still a me-first approach.
But giving them space because you love them so very much is much different:
And it leads to change.
Still, it’s understandable that you want your ex back, especially if you really love them.
Maybe it could go either way, and you’re really hoping it would just go your way for once.
If you’re not willing to let this one go and you really want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.
And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning who I recommended earlier.
No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.