What do guys like in a woman? 10 traits men love (and 5 they don’t)

Image credit: Shutterstock - By View Apart

Afraid that you’re not girlfriend material?

Is it becoming a trend that men only seem to be interested in you for a short period of time?

Don’t worry, many people have these worries from time to time. It’s completely normal.

But if you think that it might have something to do with your personality, then it’s easy to fix. You just need to know a little bit about male psychology and what they look for in a female.

I’m a male and I’m a psychology expert, so I’m well-qualified to talk about what men really like in a girlfriend.

In this article, I’ll talk about 10 traits that men find really attractive in a woman, and we’ll also talk about traits that men don’t find attractive.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

10 things men find attractive in a woman

A couple bonding. Signs he respects you.

1. Sexy femininity

Women tend to like strong, masculine men, and in the same vein, men like sexy, feminine women.

But in today’s society, our definition of femininity can get a little fuzzy. Many of us misinterpret femininity as being passive and a pushover.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

The fact is, despite the shift in roles between men and women, one thing remains true:

The most important factor that attracts men to women is femininity.

Being feminine is all about owning your sexual power.

You know the type of women I’m talking about:

When she walks in the street, she walks with her back straight, her chin up and with strong sex appeal.

This is a woman people can’t take their eyes off.

It’s about walking, sitting, talking, and moving with sexy confidence.

It’s about flirting with that seductive, charming feminine beauty.

A woman who understands the power of her femininity knows she is high value, that doesn’t need a man to take care of her, and is confident in who she truly is.

That’s kind of feminine female a man loves.

2. Can bring the hero instinct to them

According to the hero instinct, men are driven by three basic things in life:

  • To live a meaningful life and feel appreciated for his efforts
  • To provide for those he cares about, including his family, friends and especially his romantic partner
  • To be respected by those around him.

If you’ve spent any time with a man, you’ll instantly realize that this all makes a lot of sense. Men come in all shapes and sizes, but these 3 psychological urges are common to us all.

The simple truth is that your man doesn’t necessarily want to be an action hero. But he does have a biological urge to be your hero.

We all know that women are natural caretakers. Their best qualities are their loving, caring and selfless nature. Making men feel empowered to feel like a hero, therefore, should be right up your ally.

The main takeaway of the hero instinct is this: Instead of making your guy feel unessential, you need to make him feel wanted and needed.

This doesn’t mean women need to come across as weak. Although you may not need a hero, you do want a man who feels like one.

Your guy probably knows you can do most things on your own. And he probably respects you for it.

But there isn’t any harm in letting him take charge once in a while to fulfill his biological urge to step up to the plate for you.

He wants to have your back. He wants to be your rock. You just need to let him be this once in a while.

3. A sense of humor

No matter who you are and what sex you’re interested in, everybody is attracted to a person who can make them laugh.

It’s no different for men.

Research has even found that men like women who laugh at their jokes and can make them laugh, too.

This doesn’t just go for telling funny jokes. After all, we’re not all naturally witty.

But it’s about people who can laugh along together.

When you can’t help but laugh in synchronicity, spending time together becomes exciting, positive, and fun.

However, what men don’t like is when women constantly use humor that makes fun of them.

So, if you can help it, try not to make jokes by teasing him. You might have the opposite effect of turning him off.

You want to make him laugh, not reduce his self-confidence!

4. Confidence

“Be more confident”

We’ve all this heard time and time again.

But the reason its such popular advice is that it actually works.

Any person becomes more attractive when they’re secure in their own skin.

These kinds of people are less sensitive, not as jealous, and they’re more comfortable to be around.

In short, there’s less toxicity when a person is accepting of themselves.

When you’re happy with who you are, people around you become happy as well.

Being confident in who you are will work for you in more ways than one.

I spoke about the confident feminine energy that men can’t get enough of above.

An independent, strong woman who is also embracing her feminity is the definition of sexy.

Despite what society may tell you, men actually want to be challenged. They want a female who isn’t afraid to tell it how it is and risk offending whoever comes into their path.

If you really want to get the attention of a man, be confident, and embrace who you are. You’ll instantly become more attractive. I can guarantee it.

5. Be adventurous

Relationships are meant to be fun. We don’t get involved in one to have the same old, boring routine over and over again.

This is particularly the case when it comes to men. They love the excitement and trying new things.

There are 2 different ways to be more adventurous:

1. Doing new activities. Go hiking on the weekend. Go to this favorite sporting event. Be open to anything he might be interested in and try new things.

2. Be adventurous in everyday life. When you go grocery shopping, have fun. Bring a bit of life to the situation. Be open to new situations. Adding a bit of excitement and flair to your daily life will improve any relationship.

6. Show your beautiful smile

There’s no getting around it. Men absolutely love a beautiful, sparkling smile.

You might think that putting on long eyelashes or big red lipstick will get you the attention of a guy, but actually a smile will do more than they could put together.

When you have a big, happy smile, not only does it show your confidence, but it makes you appear happy, friendly, and open.

We just spoke about how men love excitement, well, a big, bright smile gives them that excitement that they crave.

There’s a reason research studies have found that humans are most attractive when they’re smiling.

Now obviously there’s not much you can do to change your smile and how it looks, but what you can do is make sure you are smiling as much you can.

A beautiful smile can do wonders. You just need to make sure you’re using it.

7. Be caring

Women are naturally more caring and empathic, so it’s time to use that to your advantage.

Research has found that men find a kind, caring side as an important quality in a female.

Men are attracted to a woman who is able to take care of them and look after them when sh*t hits the fan in their life.

Women are great listeners, and if you can bring out the emotional and sensitive side in him by making him feel comfortable, your connection will spark like a lightning strike.

But it’s not just about how you treat your man, but also how you treat his friends and family. Be nice and friendly to them, too.

Men like a woman are lovely and polite to everyone they meet. It means that he’ll be happy to show you off when the time comes for it.

Now if you’re on your first-date, then you need to be aware of how you come across. Some women can have that natural resting b*tch face that can turn off some men.

If that’s the case, then you might want to work on smiling more. That will make you appear more open, friendly, and likable.

Make sure you listen and ask insightful connections. Once he feels comfortable, he’ll start seeing your caring side and will understand that he can trust you when he wants to release his emotions.

8. Be playful and have fun

Men like a woman that is playful. There’s no doubt.

Related post (article continues below)

Nobody wants to be with someone who is extremely serious 24/7. That can get a little tiring and uncomfortable.

It’s time to bring out that laid-back, playful, and fun side to you. Don’t be afraid of what other people think of you.

Laugh at yourself, make jokes, laugh at him, and enjoy your time together.

Most men are attracted to a more youthful woman but doesn’t mean youthfulness based on age. It means youthfulness based on attitude.

Furthermore, it’s not just about having more fun but making him feel comfortable and calm with you.

Isn’t it more relaxing to hang around someone who doesn’t take everything so seriously?

I think it is. And he will too.

Don’t worry if you think you’re no fun. It’s just an attitude quality you need to focus on bringing out more.

After all, we all have a silly side to us!

9. Listen to him

Guys like a girl that makes an effort to listen to him.

If he is thinking about having you as his girlfriend, then he needs to know that you’re willing to listen.


Well, there will be days when all he wants to do is come home to you and tell you about the horrible day he’s been having.

Remember the tough guy act is just for show. Underneath that facade is a human being needing a companion who will listen to his stories.

Guys are simple beings: sometimes all they need is a box of pizza and you right by their side. So the next time your guy comes over in a bad mood, lend him your ears, and simply listen.

This is especially the case if they’re experiencing anxiety or emotional issues. Guys are afraid to speak about that stuff so it makes it comfortable for them.

10. Be intelligent

Your mind is a precious thing, and improving your mental capacity and mental sharpness is a quality that many people find sexy.

The days of people looking down on bookworms are over (and if they’re not, then do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t find intelligence sexy?); these days, it’s all about putting yourself out as the perfect, complete package.

Show people that you have interests, that you like learning new things.

Explore parts of the world that have nothing to do with sexiness or romance or dating, and it will show your potential partners that you are someone who is much deeper than they realize.

Intelligence generally comes with passion, and displaying that passion out for the world to see is always sexy.

5 things men don’t like in a girl

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

1. Arrogance

Yes, it’s important to be confident, but sometimes we can overstep the mark and become arrogant.

And nobody finds arrogance attractive.

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance so you need to make sure you know where that line is.

When someone is arrogant, they can come across as selfish, narcissistic, and self-absorbed.

This is not the type of woman that men want to be around.


Because they won’t feel cared for and they won’t feel like they can trust you.

What will this lead to?

Well, for one thing, they won’t want to introduce you to their friends or family. They don’t want to bring toxic energy into their life!

Remember, one of the great qualities of a feminine lady is that she is empathic and caring. Make sure you don’t lose that in your quest to be confident.

Ultimately, a man wants to date a woman that is laid-back, confident, open-to-try new things, and fun, but someone who is arrogant doesn’t tend to have those qualities.

If you’ve told by other people that you appear arrogant, then you need to work out why that is.

Even if it’s not the case, it might be that you just need to change some small things about your facial expressions.

The more you become aware of how others perceive you, the better you can get at understanding what works and what doesn’t.

2. Bitchy-type qualities

If you’re acting like a bitch and crossing the line when it comes to communicating with your man, then that needs to stop.

Nobody likes a bitch, particularly one that is just outright nasty.

Remember, men want a woman they can show-off to their friends, and a bitch is someone they’ll be hesitant to parade around as their girlfriend.

He’ll want to be confident that he can get along with you rather than fight with you.

If you’re always bitching about other people, then it’s fine to a certain extent, but be careful about doing it too much.

He may start to worry that you’re a fully-fledged bitch that won’t stop bagging him behind his back when you get a chance.

So observe how you talk with your man and try to put a stop to making too many nasty comments about other people.

Focus on being positive and nice about others. Try to not judge. It’ll make him feel way more comfortable and most importantly, he’ll be more attracted to you.

In the end, no one in their right mind wants to date a nasty bitch, so make sure you’re not one.

3. Too needy

It’s okay to want attention from your man, but don’t take it too far by wanting to know where he is 24/7.

Being too needy can also mean being too controlling.

Ask anyone who has been in a successful relationship and they’ll say that it’s incredibly important for both people to have their own lives.

If you’re relying on him for your happiness, then that’s a position that he doesn’t want to be in, and it’s certainly one that you don’t want to be in.

It can put too much pressure on him and he’ll feel like he hasn’t got much freedom.

So make sure you have your own life and your own personal goals. Don’t seek his attention all the time. Don’t expect a text message from him every second hour.

Strive to give him some freedom to live his own life and for you to live yours. It will make you more attractive and it will put less pressure on him.

4. Lack of ambition

Ever been out with a man who lacks ambition?

He seems lazy like he doesn’t care about anything and has nothing going on with his life?

How frustrating is it?

Well, it’s the same thing for men.

The fact of the matter is this:

A person with drive and purpose in life is attractive.

Look, you don’t have to be super-ambitious, but at least be passionate about something.

It’s okay to have a dead-end job, but as long as you have something you’re interested in. That’s the main thing. He’ll be attracted to your passion when you talk about it. He also won’t find you boring.

What’s more, it’s really important in a relationship for both partners to grow.

The most successful relationships are ones where both individuals motivate each other to improve themselves.

Life is about growth. So strive to improve yourself in some ways and it’ll make you much more attractive to your target man.

5. Being dishonest

If you’re tempted to lie to make yourself seem more attractive, don’t.

Research has suggested that dishonesty is a major turn-off for both men and women.

We like being around someone who accepts themselves for who they are and doesn’t try to be someone they’re not.

If you’re dishonest and you get pulled up on your lies, then how can he trust you?

In fact, trust is one of the most important qualities of any relationship, so already, you’re starting off your relationships on the bad foot by being dishonest.

Just tell the truth. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. He’ll enjoy hanging around you a lot more.


Sign up to Hack Spirit's daily emails

Learn how to reduce stress, cultivate healthy relationships, handle people you don't like and find your place in the world.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit
Lachlan Brown

Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.

12 undeniable signs he loves you but is scared to fall for you

MindValley Quest All Access review (2020): Is it worth it? My verdict