What do guys like in a woman? 11 traits men love (and 7 they don’t)

Image credit: Shutterstock - By View Apart

Afraid that you’re not girlfriend material?

Is it becoming a trend that men only seem to be interested in you for a short period of time?

Don’t worry, many people have these worries from time to time. It’s completely normal.

But if you think that it might have something to do with your personality, then it’s easy to fix. You just need to know a little about male psychology and what men look for in a woman.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and I’ve been studying relationships and human psychology for many years now.

I’m also a man, so I’m well-qualified to talk about what men want in a girlfriend.

In this article, I’ll talk about the ten most important traits that men find attractive in a woman, and we’ll also talk about traits that men don’t find attractive.

We have a lot to cover, so let’s get started.

11 things men find attractive in a woman

A couple bonding. Signs he respects you.

1) Sexy femininity

Women tend to like strong, masculine men, and in the same vein, men like sexy, feminine women.

But in today’s society, our definition of femininity can get a little fuzzy. Many of us misinterpret femininity as being passive and a pushover.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

The fact is, despite the shift in roles between men and women, one thing remains true:

The most important factor that attracts men to women is femininity.

Being feminine is all about owning your sexual power.

Every guy wants to be with a girl who has that powerful feminine look about her: you know, the look that could stop a train.

When she walks in the room with confidence and everyone looks – guys love that.

Maybe it’s not a look, maybe it’s an outfit, or your smile, or your hair.

But there’s some feature about you that would make a guy stop and stare.

Find out what it is and find a way to highlight it. It’ll forever be the story he tells:

“I couldn’t help myself. When she walked into the room, I just stared.”

And isn’t that the story you want to be told about you too?

The bottom line is this:

It’s about walking, sitting, talking, and moving with sexy confidence.

It’s about flirting with that seductive, charming feminine beauty.

A woman who understands the power of her femininity knows she is of high value, doesn’t need a man to take care of her, and is confident in who she truly is.

That’s the kind of feminine female a man loves.

2) A sense of humor

No matter who you are and what sex you’re interested in, everybody is attracted to a person who can make them laugh.

It’s no different for men.

Research has even found that men like women who laugh at their jokes and can make them laugh, too.

This doesn’t just go for telling funny jokes. After all, we’re not all naturally witty.

But it’s about people who can laugh along together.

When you can’t help but laugh in synchronicity, spending time together becomes exciting, positive, and fun.

However, what men don’t like is when women constantly use humor that makes fun of them.

So, if you can help it, try not to make jokes by teasing him. You might have the opposite effect of turning him off.

You want to make him laugh, not reduce his self-confidence!

3) Confidence is a must

Oh, and you must be confident.

You don’t have to be cocky, but you must know yourself, your body, and what you want.

It’s easy for guys to be a part of your life when you have it together.

He wants you to want him but not need him. There’s a difference. It’s called being clingy.

So yes, the order just keeps getting taller, but nobody said dating was easy.

And yes, you can be confident, funny, pretty, girly, and independent all in the same day.

The bottom line is this:

Any person becomes more attractive when they’re secure in their own skin.

These kinds of people are less sensitive, not as jealous, and they’re more comfortable to be around.

In short, there’s less toxicity when a person is accepting of themselves.

The real question is, how can you really accept yourself?

There are a lot of masterclasses, gurus, and courses out there that could help you with that. 

But I for one can vouch for this Love and Intimacy masterclass by Rudá Iandê, a shaman trusted by hundreds of other people globally. 

From him, I learned that confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself deeply. It comes from healing your emotional wounds and learning to be a complete person in yourself. 

When you create a healthy partnership with another person, you need to not need them, but they add to your life and you to theirs in a way that isn’t toxic. 

This free masterclass will reconnect you to that part of you that is complete so that you can attract a complete partner through your genuine confidence. 

By building yourself up and healing your sense of lack, you’ll exude a true radiance that can’t be bought or faked.

And you don’t have to buy it – this masterclass is totally free.

Click here to access it.

4) Be adventurous

Relationships are meant to be fun. We don’t get involved in one to have the same old, boring routine over and over again.

This is particularly the case when it comes to men. They love the excitement and trying new things.

There are 2 different ways to be more adventurous:

1) Doing new activities. Go hiking on the weekend. Go to this favorite sporting event. Be open to anything he might be interested in and try new things.

2) Be adventurous in everyday life. When you go grocery shopping, have fun. Bring a bit of life to the situation. Be open to new situations. Adding a bit of excitement and flair to your daily life will improve any relationship.

If you tend to avoid things like being outside or driving past the mall on a Saturday afternoon, you might want to broaden your horizons to find new adventures.

Plus, the bonus here is that you’ll be so busy learning new things you’ll forget all about not having a date.

And the other bonus is that when you’re too busy to care about finding a date, you almost always find a date.

Guys love girls who are out there doing their thing. It all goes back to the confident, feminine requirements they look for in women.

5) Show your beautiful smile

There’s no getting around it. Men love a beautiful, sparkling smile.

You might think that putting on long eyelashes or big red lipstick will get you the attention of a guy, but actually a smile will do more than they could put together.

When you have a big, happy smile, not only does it show your confidence, but it makes you appear happy, friendly, and open.

We just spoke about how men love excitement, well, a big, bright smile gives them that excitement they crave.

There’s a reason research studies have found that humans are most attractive when they’re smiling.

Now obviously there’s not much you can do to change your smile and how it looks, but what you can do is make sure you are smiling as much you can.

A beautiful smile can do wonders. You just need to make sure you’re using it.

6) Be caring

Women are naturally more caring and empathic, so it’s time to use that to your advantage.

Research has found that men find a kind, caring side as an important quality in a female.

Men are attracted to a woman who is able to take care of them and look after them when sh*t hits the fan in their life, even when he’s emotionally unavailable.

Women are great listeners, and if you can bring out the emotional and sensitive side in him by making him feel comfortable, your connection will spark like a lightning strike.

But it’s not just about how you treat your man, but also how you treat his friends and family. Be nice and friendly to them, too.

Men like a woman are lovely and polite to everyone they meet. It means that he’ll be happy to show you off when the time comes for it.

Now if you’re on your first-date, then you need to be aware of how you come across. Some women can have that natural resting b*tch face that can turn off some men.

If that’s the case, then you might want to work on smiling more. That will make you appear more open, friendly, and likable.

Make sure you listen and ask insightful connections. Once he feels comfortable, he’ll start seeing your caring side and will understand that he can trust you when he wants to release his emotions.

7) Be playful and have fun

Who doesn’t love a funny person?

You’re probably wishing for a funny boyfriend right now, but don’t leave all the laughs up to him.

If your jokes have been met with some crickets in the past, consider boning up on your sense of humor and make the effort to be funny.

Guys like that. They want a girl who can hang out with their friends and laugh and take a joke.

It’s a tall order isn’t it? Look like a girl, laugh like a guy. No wonder women give up on dating.

But the truth is this:

Nobody wants to be with someone who is extremely serious all the time. That can get tiring and uncomfortable.

It’s time to bring out that laid-back, playful, and fun side to you. Don’t be afraid of what other people think of you.

Laugh at yourself, make jokes, laugh at him, and enjoy your time together.

Most men are attracted to a more youthful woman but I don’t mean youthfulness based on age. I mean youthfulness based on attitude.

Furthermore, it’s not just about having more fun but making him feel comfortable and calm with you.

Isn’t it more relaxing to hang around someone who doesn’t take everything so seriously?

I think it is. And he will too.

Don’t worry if you think you’re no fun. It’s just an attitude quality you need to focus on bringing out more.

After all, we all have a silly side to us!

8) Listen to him

Guys like a girl that makes an effort to listen to him.

If he is thinking about having you as his girlfriend, then he needs to know that you’re willing to listen.


Well, there will be days when all he wants to do is come home to you and tell you about the horrible day he’s been having.

Remember the tough guy act is just for show. Underneath that facade is a human being needing a companion who will listen to his stories.

9) Be intelligent

Your mind is precious, and improving your mental capacity and sharpness is a quality that many people find sexy.

The days of people looking down on bookworms are over (and if they’re not, then do you want to be with someone who doesn’t find intelligence sexy?); these days, it’s all about putting yourself out as the perfect, complete package.

Show people that you have interests, that you like learning new things.

Explore parts of the world that have nothing to do with sexiness or romance or dating, and it will show your potential partners that you are much deeper than they realize.

Intelligence generally comes with passion, and displaying that passion out for the world to see is always sexy.

10) Have your own sense of purpose

Guys want a girl who has her own life, her interests, her own goals, and who lives by her own rules.

Guys don’t want girls who are needy, clingy, drama queens, and always in the middle of some chaotic episode.

In other words, guys want girls who have got their lives together and who can be their own person.

If you want to get a date with a quality man, you first need to have your own quality life.

Like attracts like so if you find yourself dating dull, boring, and uninteresting people all the time, consider what you’re putting out there to attract that.

If you need help with finding your purpose, I can offer my own experience. 

I spent a lot of my life feeling aimless, and purposeless, and seeking meaning by supporting my partner’s purpose. 

That left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

But I was recommended a thought-provoking free masterclass called Find Your Purpose by Justin Brown, the CEO of Ideapod.

Oh man, did it give me a new perspective on my life. 

I just didn’t see how connected my sense of purpose actually was to me. It was like I was looking for something that was right under my nose, but that I was blind to. 

I figured out that my purpose was to spark deeper understanding and connection in other people through my words, my art, and my stories. I found the courage to pursue that wholeheartedly, and it’s been an incredible and complex journey since. 

I really have this masterclass to thank for the many things I realized about the way I was operating in the past. 

So if you want to attract a worthy man, the first thing I always suggest is to live a life dedicated to your purpose. But first, you have to be sure of your purpose. 

The answers you’re looking for are right here in this masterclass

11) Have your own routine and your own friends

If your entire schedule is open all the time, he won’t like that.

There is a reason our society has expressions like “playing hard to get”, “you don’t know what you got ’till t’s gone” and “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Making something appear scarce (like your available time) or difficult to obtain can make it more desirable.

The solution?

Have your routine with your responsibilities.

Look, as much as you want to be with him all the time, you should make your available affection somewhat scarce, at least in the beginning.

Guys like it when girls are sometimes unavailable to them.

It means they can still live the life they want and have you. Sure, it sounds selfish, but it’s what they want.

This is also why it’s also essential to have your friends.

If you don’t have at least one grown-up friend when you go looking for a date, get one.

Get a friend before you get a boyfriend.

You want to have someone in your life who isn’t romantically linked to you because no matter how hard you try to make sure your happiness is not wrapped up in this dude, it will be.

So it’s important to have someone who isn’t your boyfriend to provide entertainment, advice, fun, and love.

If you have your own friends, you don’t need to borrow his.

7 things men don’t like in a girl

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Roman Kosolapov

1) Arrogance

Yes, it’s essential to be confident, but sometimes we can overstep the mark and become arrogant.

And nobody finds arrogance attractive.

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance so you need to make sure you know where that line is.

When someone is arrogant, they can come across as selfish, narcissistic, and self-absorbed.

This is not the type of woman that men want to be around.


Because they won’t feel cared for and they won’t feel like they can trust you.

What will this lead to?

Well, for one thing, they won’t want to introduce you to their friends or family. They don’t want to bring toxic energy into their life!

Remember, one of the great qualities of a feminine lady is that she is empathic and caring. Make sure you don’t lose that in your quest to be confident.

Ultimately, a man wants to date a woman who is laid-back, confident, open to try new things, and fun, but someone who is arrogant doesn’t tend to have those qualities.

If you’ve been told by other people that you appear arrogant, then you need to work out why that is.

Even if it’s not the case, it might be that you just need to change some small things about your facial expressions.

The more you become aware of how others perceive you, the better you can get at understanding what works and what doesn’t.

2) Bitchy-type qualities

If you’re acting like a bitch and crossing the line when communicating with your man, then that needs to stop.

Nobody likes a bitch, particularly one that is just outright nasty.

Remember, men want a woman they can show off to their friends, and a bitch is someone they’ll be hesitant to parade around as their girlfriend.

He’ll want to be confident that he can get along with you rather than fight.

If you’re always bitching about other people, it’s OK to a certain extent, but be careful about doing it too much.

He may start to worry that you’re a fully-fledged bitch that won’t stop bagging him behind his back when you get a chance.

So observe how you talk with your man and try to stop making too many nasty comments about other people.

Focus on being positive and nice about others. Try not to judge. It’ll make him feel way more comfortable, and most importantly, he’ll be more attracted to you.

In the end, no one in their right mind wants to date a nasty bitch, so make sure you’re not one.

3) Guys like girls who act like girls

Let’s get the controversial conversations out of the way first: acting like a girl, wearing pink, and wearing pretty clothes will not make you less of a woman.

Your feminist ways do not have to crumble just because guys like girls who act – and dress – like girls.

If you want to get a date and are coming up short, you could explore your approach to men.

Are you competitive with them or are you interested in being with them?

Women often confuse feminism with a lack of independence and can’t see how someone can lean on a man and still be strong and confident, but it is possible.

However, if you’re asking what guys like in women these days, they like girls who still act like girls – not girls who want to be men.

4) Too needy

It’s okay to want attention from your man, but don’t take it too far by wanting to know where he is 24/7.

Being too needy can also mean being too controlling.

Ask anyone who has been in a successful relationship, and they’ll say that it’s incredibly important for both people to have their own lives.

If you’re relying on him for your happiness, then that’s a position that he doesn’t want to be in, and it’s certainly one that you don’t want to be in.

Strive to give him the freedom to live his own life and for you to live yours. It will make you more attractive and put less pressure on him.

However, it’s important to realize that you need to strike a healthy balance of not being too clingy, but showing him that he’s wanted at the same time.

It’s not about memorizing a perfect script. It’s about working on yourself internally so that you’re not dependent on him. 

5) Lack of ambition

Ever been out with a man who lacks ambition?

He seems lazy like he doesn’t care about anything and has nothing going on with his life.

How frustrating is it?

Well, it’s the same thing for men.

The fact of the matter is this:

A person with drive and purpose in life is attractive.

You don’t have to be super ambitious, but at least be passionate about something.

It’s okay to have a dead-end job, but as long as you have something you’re interested in. That’s the main thing. He’ll be attracted to your passion when you talk about it. He also won’t find you boring.

What’s more, it’s really important for both partners to grow in a relationship.

The most successful relationships are ones where both individuals motivate each other to improve themselves.

Life is about growth. So strive to improve yourself in some ways and it’ll make you much more attractive to your target man.

And in the end, guys want a girl who has her own life, her interests, her own goals, and who lives by her own rules.

Guys don’t want girls who are needy, clingy, drama queens, and always in the middle of some chaotic episode. In other words, guys want girls who have got their lives together and are pursuing a purpose in life. 

And if you don’t know what your purpose is, you can easily find out by taking the short, free masterclass I recommended earlier. 

It’s a life-changer to have that inner knowing of why you’re here. 

So check out Find Your Purpose and start living a meaningful life; for you and for your partner.

6) Being dishonest

If you’re tempted to lie to make yourself seem more attractive, don’t.

Research has suggested that dishonesty is a major turn-off for both men and women.

We like being around someone who accepts themselves for who they are and doesn’t try to be someone they’re not.

How can he trust you if you’re dishonest and you get pulled up on your lies?

Trust is one of the essential qualities of any relationship, so already, you’re starting your relationship on the bad foot by being dishonest.

Just tell the truth. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. He’ll enjoy hanging around you a lot more.

7) Unrealistic expectations.

Every relationship has its way of doing things; creating those routines and habits takes time.

As you grow together in your relationship, be realistic about what you can expect from each other, and be honest about what you need and want.

Even if he can’t give it to you, he does want you to get what you want and be happy.

Being honest and setting realistic expectations about what you can give and get helps to ensure that nobody is disappointed in things that are outside your control.


It can be so easy to get caught up thinking about precisely what a guy wants in a woman and how to be that woman he desires.

But at the end of the day, the most important thing you can do is be true to yourself. It doesn’t make sense to change for the sake of any man. A relationship you have to change for isn’t a lasting one.

Instead, be yourself. Love yourself. Help him see how great you are.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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