Clifton Kopp
The reason I ask is that I dreamed of an old friend of mine named Allison last month. Then I dreamed of her again last week and then again three days ago.
The dreams have been vivid and were very similar.
Allison is an old friend and not somebody I’ve been in touch with in over eight years.
Why am I now dreaming of her?
You miss them
Allison and I met at a youth hostel in Italy the summer of 2015.
I shared a love of indie music and Renaissance art with this young woman and was immediately surprised by the strength of our connection.
She was from New Zealand, and myself from the UK.
I was initially captivated by her Kiwi accent and azure blue eyes, but the connection became so much more than that.
We were both traveling with friends and our friend groups meshed naturally.
Our friend groups soon started going out regularly in the several weeks.
We all ended up traveling together by train, bus and boat through Greece as well as Italy, an epic trip for the ages.
Friendships were made and brief romances were kindled, although Allison wasn’t single as I would come to find out after a night of making out and her subsequent guilt.
The really remarkable thing that happened was the depth of our friendship.
We were comfortable just being silent and talking.
We’d split our earbuds and each listen in one ear to the latest song that we were in love with.
I didn’t feel pressure to define our relationship or even for it to be more.
We were friends, and for once that really meant something.
The backdrop of traveling through Italy and Greece didn’t hurt either:
I could say it wasn’t like all those corny rom-coms and comedies set in Europe, but it kind of was.
For us in our mid-20s it was a dream.
Eventually real life took over. I’d like to say the strength of our connection was enough to keep us in touch, but Allison got married and became very busy with a career and then had a baby. Then another.
I was thrilled and we exchanged all sorts of emails and messages, but eventually our regular lives took over.
But I still remember that Italian dream…
And now, almost a decade later having these repeated dreams about Allison has me wondering why.
The most likely explanation is obvious:
Some part of me misses her and misses the connection we have.
So much has changed since that time, but so much has also stayed the same, and those memories certainly haven’t gone away.
The most common reason you dream of someone you don’t talk to anymore is that you miss them.
Certain friends, exes, relatives and people we meet in life leave a deep imprint on our psyche for better or for worse.
Sometimes dreaming of them can be as simple as really missing them.
The fact is that this dream did remind me of how much I actually do miss Allison, even though we lost touch.
But there was also more to it, which I’ll get to.
If you’re dreaming of someone you no longer talk to, start with the possibility you miss them, but also work your way down to determine if there could be more to it.
You are worried about them
When you dream of someone you no longer talk to, it can also be a sign that you are subconsciously worried about them.
There may be bad news you got about them or worries you have about what’s going on in their life.
In my case there was nothing I’d heard about Allison or reason I had to be worried about her.
She’s doing quite well so far as I know, and the odd year that we shoot over an email everything is perfectly normal and fine.
But if you are dreaming about somebody who’s not in your life anymore, it could be a sign that you have anxiety over their well-being.
It can also point to deeper anxieties about your own life path or state of being, in that you may miss how things were when they were around.
If you’re worried about this person it will generally manifest as waking up with a clammy, dreadful feeling as if something bad is happening and you’re not quite sure what.
In such cases it can indeed be advisable to try to reach out to this person and check if all is well via messages or phoning.
You have unfinished business with them
In general, dreaming of a person you don’t talk to anymore means you have unfinished business.
In the first possibility I went through how you might miss them. This could mean getting back in touch, or it could mean reflecting on the qualities you admired in that person and seeking them out in new relationships.
Unfinished business can also mean you are worried about this person and something is intuitively telling you that they may not be well.
The next possibility here is that you have unfinished business in the painful sense: one of you hurt the other or a misunderstanding or fight took place.
Some kind of hurt that marred the past has been lurking inside you and now it’s reemerging in dreams, urging you to resolve it in order to clear your conscience and be able to move forward.
“Dreaming about someone usually means you have some unfinished business with that person.
You’re worried about something he or she did, said, or didn’t do or say to you.
It could be events in the past or an emotional issue.”
If you have painful business to resolve with someone from the past it can be easy to just avoid.
But if possible, you should get in touch and try to see if you can talk it through or even meet.
Even after many years, misunderstandings and past pain can still be raw, and we often underestimate the ability of a few kind words and a desire to make amends and how big of a difference that can make.
You have romantic feelings for them…
Another option is that your unfinished business is romantic in nature.
Allison and I did have some sparks fly and we shared a nice kiss or two.
But we didn’t sleep together and I never really felt like I fell in love in the full sense.
Still, I have to admit that there was always an element of romance there and that I had a strong desire for her from the first day we met.
If you’re dreaming of someone you don’t talk to anymore, you want to definitely take an honest look at your emotional inventory and see if you have some romantic or sexual feelings for them.
What you do about that if you find there is is up to you, but it’s important to be honest with yourself so you don’t leave unresolved feelings or pain unresolved and unfaced.
They’re dreaming of you as well
If you’re dreaming of someone you don’t talk to anymore, it’s sometimes because they’re also dreaming of you.
This phenomenon of shared dreaming is a very real phenomenon.
When two people are sharing a dream, they may experience the strange feeling that they are in a shared reality or reconnecting even though in “real life” they haven’t spoken at all.
This phenomenon is interesting and potentially meaningful, and often means that your souls are communicating in the spirit world.
Are they just saying hello or is there more to it?
A lot of that depends on the content of the dream, the feeling you are left with after waking up and the symbols and content of the dream.
The universe wants you to reconnect
Sometimes dreaming of somebody you don’t talk to anymore means the universe wants you to reconnect, sometimes not.
The key signs to watch for are whether you have the same dream more than once and, if so, what the dream is telling you.
What words, if any, are exchanged in the dream?
What is the overriding emotion of the dream?
Do you receive any strong prompting upon waking up such as “Call Allison?” or something like that?
If the answers center around a desire or need for reconnection or resolution of past wrongs then you should strive to make contact.
If making contact isn’t a possibility or if the dream’s emotions and message don’t point towards reconnecting, then hold off.
Meanwhile, let’s dig a bit more into this…
Let’s get deep…
Dreams of people from the past sometimes represent a sense of fondness and nostalgia for who we once were.
It’s not necessarily that you’re missing them or have unresolved business.
Sometimes it can simply be that you’re missing the way things were and the person you were in the past.
You may be missing the emotional states of well-being and connection you experienced with this person.
Or you may be dreading the fights and problems you had with this person and be warned about not falling into those kinds of connections again.
Dreams of those we no longer speak with are sometimes warnings, sometimes nostalgia, and sometimes nostalgic.
When we get on this deeper level, sometimes it is very about missing a past version of ourselves or wanting to reconnect to that older version of ourselves.
Missing who you were when they were in your life
We are always changing and life is a process of change.
Dreaming of someone you’re not in touch with anymore can be a way of dreaming of yourself and how you used to be.
The person you were, the feelings you carried with you, the values you embodied, even your physical appearance at the time.
These are all aspects of your past self when you were close to this person, sort of like the setting of the film.
This type of message can be subtler and is quite easy to miss if you’re not paying attention and analyzing.
But if you detect that this dream is more about missing how you once were, start putting some thought and introspection into what’s changed about you since that time and what you valued most in yourself in those past days.
Do you really miss them or is this dream about you?
Catching key symbols in the background
Many dreams have key symbols in the background, including dreams about somebody you don’t talk to anymore.
Understanding the interpretations of such symbols can shine a light on the meaning with regard to the person you dreamed of as well as the meaning of the dream more broadly.
For example:
Wild animals can represent many different emotions and feelings, from the desire for inclusion to fear of being harmed. They often key us in to wanting to reconnect to our real nature and truth about ourselves.
Chasing dreams: these type of dreams represent a feeling of being under threat or life and other people, including expectations of other people, closing in on you.
Changing clothes: dreams about changing clothes or trying to find the perfect look, wearing disguises, etc. are all about feeling insecure about how people see us in life and how we are valued or perceived.
Tests or exams usually represent taking a deeper look at ourselves or trying our best to pass a difficult or challenging time.
Falling dreams: usually falling in dreams represents fear of losing control or being lost, as opposed to flying or soaring dreams which relate to liberation and personal freedom and power.
Broken machines or malfunctioning cars, etc. usually represent fear about not being up to the task we’re being asked to do or feeling lost and confused in our life in some way.
Hair dreams are usually about sex, with lots of hair being sexual desire and vitality for men and cut short hair representing a loss or cramping of sexual expression.
Houses in dreams generally have different meanings for each room, but the house as a whole is thought to represent your psyche or identity as a whole.
Killing in dreams usually is a sign that you want to get rid of or eliminate some part of yourself or some burden from the past, and doesn’t represent an actual desire to commit murder.
Putting it all together
If you have dreamed of somebody you don’t talk to anymore, it generally means there is something unresolved in your relationship with them or with yourself.
You are being called on to take a look at who you were during this time, at the nature of your connection with this person and to probe the meaning and look at the spiritual significance of it.
Linking up with a gifted spiritual advisor is also something I really recommend.
It helped me out a lot in understanding my dream of Allison and what to do about it.
We’re now more in touch than we used to be and it feels good.
