They’re the words that no guy wants to hear: “I just need some time.”
They could mean anything, right?
So what are you supposed to do?
Here’s the deal:
10 things it means when she says “she needs time”
1) She’s on the fence about your relationship
The reason that hearing she needs time is disturbing to a lot of guys is because we all know that it’s usually a bad thing.
The most common meaning is that she’s unsure about the future of your relationship.
There could be a number of reasons for this, and many of them may not even be your fault at all.
But whatever the reason that she’s on the fence about the relationship, the harder you push the more you’re going to push it off a cliff.
If she says she needs time, try to absorb it without getting angry. Take your time in reacting and really digest this.
Ask her why, and then listen closely to her answer and think over your response (if any) before speaking.
Even if you think her answer makes no sense or is oversensitive and ridiculous, restrain yourself from lashing out.
If and when you decide that she’s being unreasonable, you can always make the choice to walk away of your own accord.
But it doesn’t need to be on the spot.
2) She feels you’re too needy
Another one of the top things that it oftens means when she says “she needs time,” is that she feels you’re too needy.
Wanting love and companionship is perfectly healthy, but feeling a burning need and an inadequacy without it is not healthy.
It’s a form of codependency where you may feel you’re not “good enough” without her.
There are very common male behaviors that lead a woman to feel he’s being needy.
The main two behaviors that she might peg as being needy are actually extremely common:
- You constantly are seeking attention and validation
- You are trying to rush the relationship or stick a label on it too soon
It’s awful, and I’ve done it myself and shot myself in the foot for relationships that could have been great.
My honest advice is to pivot away from trying to meet “the one” and take a look in the mirror…
When it comes to relationships, you might be surprised to hear that there’s one very important connection you’ve probably been overlooking:
The relationship you have with yourself.
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And once you start doing that, there’s no telling how much happiness and fulfillment you can find within yourself and with your relationships.
So what makes Rudá’s advice so life-changing?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s experienced the same problems in love as you and I have.
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3) She’s genuinely confused how she feels
Sometimes asking for more time is just a way of her saying she doesn’t know how she personally feels.
It’s not the relationship or any issue with you, it’s her.
Sometimes it really is her, not you.
This is obviously not what you want to hear from a girl you have feelings for, but trying to force it will just hurt even more.
If she’s confused about how she feels and “wants time,” it means what it sounds like.
She wants to be alone, she wants to date around, she wants to go out and get drunk…
Probably all of that and then some.
She could really mean anything, but the important thing is that she’s not sure enough about how she feels to commit right now.
And that’s really all you need to know.
You can be forgiven if this annoys you a bit, but like I said, there’s not a hell of a lot you can do except break up with her on the spot or try to force the issue into an ultimatum, a move which you may regret.
4) She’s planning to break up with you
Sometimes “needing time” is just a cheap painkiller.
Let me explain:
Breaking up with someone is hard, and many women hate doing it.
So do many guys. I know I do.
That’s why they will sometimes “need time” as a way to slowly break up with you over time and hope you get the message.
It’s an attempt to soften the blow, so that the breakup hits you bit by bit and doesn’t hurt quite as much.
In my opinion it’s the coward’s way out and it won’t make it hurt any less at all.
Breaking up is breaking up, and if she’s done with the relationship but too scared or sad to let you know, then she’s a weak and hurtful person.
How can you know if she wants to break up? Push the issue when she asks for more time. Ask her if she really just wants to break up but is afraid to ask. Tell her you can take it.
“A girl can tell you she needs some space if she’s planning to break up with you.
It’s a time that she uses to gauge if the relationship is worth it and how she fares without you.
She’s also preparing you for a life without her.”
5) Ask a relationship coach
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
I know that I was always skeptical about getting outside help, until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like your partner’s asking for time or space.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
6) She disagrees strongly with your values and lifestyle
Sometimes asking for more time is a way of waiting to see if she meets someone who’s more in line with her values and lifestyle.
In some cases, it’s not that she’s unsure how she feels about you, nor is it that she dislikes the relationship in some way.
It’s that she just can’t see a future with you because of your values clash and completely different lives.
Maybe you’re a punk rocker and she’s a white collar insurance agent who goes to church three times a week.
Maybe you’re a strict Buddhist who doesn’t eat meat or drink and she’s a party girl who’s living out her mid-30s in a blur of rum-soaked revelry.
There are plenty of situations where values just don’t line up.
It doesn’t always have to be the end of the relationship, but it’s definitely enough to make one partner need more time to think it out.
7) She’s going through a personal crisis
Another one of the things it means in some cases when she needs time is that she’s not OK.
It may be nothing at all to do with you, but also something that she needs time and space with rather than closeness from you.
Common examples include:
- A death in the family
- A struggle with mental illness
- Serious issues from the past resurfacing
- Career and financial frustration that’s taking up all her attention
When she tells you it’s one of these things, you should believe her.
By showing that you take her at her word and are willing to give her time, you will greatly increase her respect and attraction for you.
8) She’s interested in a different guy
When she says she needs time, sometimes it just means she’s got another guy in mind.
If she’s interested in a different guy, you might be wondering why she doesn’t just break up with you and get on with it.
It’s usually because she’s not sure yet about how things are going to go with him.
This is known as benching: she wants to keep you on the bench as a substitute player in case guy #2 doesn’t work out.
So she tells you she just needs time, but what she really wants is a chance to try out another handsome hunk.
It’s not good at all.
Some guys who this happens to become very bitter about women in general, but remember that this isn’t a gender thing.
Some men bench girls, too.
9) She misses her independence
In some cases, a girl tells you she needs more time but what she really means is that she misses her independence.
It’s easy to feel lonely when you’ve been single a long time, but nothing gets rid of that feeling and produces its opposite like being in a relationship.
Suddenly the idea of just having a weekend alone to yourself seems like heaven.
And that could well be what she’s feeling.
So she tells you she needs some time.
But what she really means is that she’s struggling with the feeling of being attached to someone and she’s craving her space and freedom.
10) She’s testing you
Last and far from least, there’s always the chance that your girlfriend or love interest is testing you.
Sometimes she says she needs more time in order to see how you react.
Do you lash out in anger and accusations, or do you not care at all?
Do you communicate intelligently and ask questions, but ultimately accept it in a mature way, or do you flip out and get paranoid and sad?
Your reaction to this kind of thing is obviously pretty personal and instinctive.
You could have a traumatic history of girls walking all over you.
Obviously it’s not really fair for her to test you or play games in this kind of way.
But that doesn’t mean it never happens, and in fact it happens quite a lot.
Your best bet is to find out why she wants to take a break or go slow, but to do so in a reasonable and calm way. Ultimately you want to accept her choices and decisions in the relationship.
Forcing things never works out well.
How much time are we talking about here?
We all have a different level of tolerance for insecurity in a relationship.
It also depends enormously on the strength of your connection with this girl.
If she’s told you that she needs time, you’re perfectly reasonable for getting in touch after a few weeks and asking if she still wants to be together.
If she needs more time, and in a month or two she still needs more time, then it’s time to recognize that she’s just breaking up with you in slow motion.
If and when she wants to come back she will.
In the meantime, you’re better off focusing on your own life, trying to meet someone new and improving your relationship with yourself.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.