You’ve had sex and now you’re really curious to know what’s going through her mind.
What do women really think after you’ve slept together?
This article will reveal all.
What do girls think after you sleep with them? (22 most common things)
1) How was it for him
How was it for you is the classic after-sex cliche question.
Even though most women are unlikely to come out and ask this, it doesn’t mean we’re not wondering it.
The truth is that there can be a lot of pressure around sex for both women and men. This can leave us wondering about how well we “performed”.
Even that word kind of misses the point of sex. Of course, it shouldn’t be a performance, it should be a connection.
At the end of the day, it’s a shared experience between two people.
But we’re still bound to think about how our sexual partner felt about the sex and whether they had a good time.
Did I meet his expectations or was he left disappointed?
Did I turn him on?
Did I satisfy him?
Was I any good?
It’s common to think about these sorts of things after sex.
2) Will I hear from him again
Sex can feel really vulnerable and bring out all your insecurities.
If a girl likes you and wants to see you again, she’s bound to wonder if that’s going to happen.
Getting naked with someone takes things to a different level. But there’s no denying that casual sex is common in today’s society.
Dating apps have increased the ease of one night stands. It can feel like more people are playing the field these days.
And that leaves us unsure whether you might instantly disappear from our life as soon as we’ve done the deed.
3) Does he only want me for sex
I once heard a generalization that I think is often true:
Women decide when you have sex, and men decide when you have a relationship.
Now before you accuse me of being sexist or oversimplifying, remember we’re talking generalizations — not every man or every woman.
But let’s face it, women are often the gatekeepers to sexual intimacy.
That can sometimes feel like the card we hold. And so naturally once you have played that card you can’t help but wonder if that was all he wanted.
Even if it is just a casual thing, no woman wants to feel like the only thing a guy wants from her can be found between her legs.
She wants to feel desired for who she is and all she has to offer.
And a lot of women have probably been in a situation before when a guy suddenly stops pursuing her as soon as he “got what he wanted”. So it’s something we often can’t help but wonder.
4) I hope I’m not pregnant
I don’t want to kill the mood here.
I know that what you are hoping she is thinking after having sex with you is what a total stud you are. But we can’t forget the practical side of things here either.
Having sex has the potential to make babies.
If you’ve practiced safe sex, the pregnancy paranoia will hopefully be far less. But believe me, it’s still probably there in the back of her mind somewhere.
The stakes can feel far higher for a woman. It is her body and there is no escaping the consequences.
I once took three early pregnancy tests before my period was even due because I was so super paranoid.
If she doesn’t want to have a baby, the fear of pregnancy can play on her mind.
5) Should I try to play it cool
Ah the age-old dating debate, just how much interest do you show?
She might be feeling super excited about the fact that you too actually got it on, but she’s probably trying to hide it a little.
None of us want to give too much away, especially if it’s early days. After all, you don’t want to scare someone off.
But don’t assume that because she hasn’t invited you to stay over or asked when you’ll see each other again that she isn’t interested.
It’s perfectly plausible that she is waiting to see how you react before revealing her feelings.
6) Is he judging me for sleeping with him too soon
Now I’m sure you’re a modern kind of guy who would never dream of judging a girl on her sexual history.
But I do think it’s fair to say, despite progression, that women still face more judgment over their sexual choices than guys do.
I speak from experience when I say, it can feel pretty impossible to try to walk this fine line between “a lady in the street and a freak in the bed”.
In fact, it sometimes feels like judgment follows no matter what you choose.
A girl can quickly be labeled “frigid” if she doesn’t want to have sex, or a “slut” if she does.
So there is a chance that after you’ve chosen to sleep together, she could be wondering if that has changed the way you feel about her or think about her.
7) I wonder what our kids would look like
I’m probably not doing my fellow ladies any favors by adding this one to the list. But come on, it’s only natural.
Would they have your eyes and her smile?
Would they be totally adorable?
It doesn’t mean she wants to have your babies any time soon, or ever in fact.
But take it as a compliment, if you’re a cute guy then she might be curious about what your kids would look like.
8) How did I look
Having sex for the first time is probably the first time you’ve seen each other totally naked — and definitely from those angles.
Despite how body positive you are, we all have things we can feel shy about or features we worry a little bit about.
You probably love her curves and think she looks hot when she’s throwing herself into different positions.
But don’t be surprised if she’s wondering to herself what she looks like from your point of view.
That’s why some encouraging feedback is always appreciated.
If she looks sexy, let her know. It’s bound to boost her confidence, which is going to pay off for both of you.
9) Is he going to stay the night
There are all sorts of things we probably should talk about both before and after sex, that a lot of us don’t.
Either because we don’t think to or because we feel a bit awkward bringing it up.
You’ve had sex, you’re now lying in bed together chatting about random stuff, you might even start feeling a bit tired or know you’ve got to get up in the morning.
So…is he staying the night or not?
It is a really simple thing, but it can feel loaded with meaning so we don’t want to ask.
She might assume you’re staying the night, she might even ask straight out if you are (good for her).
She may not want to ask in case you say you’re leaving and it feels like a rejection. She might even want to see what you will do.
Let’s face it, we’re bound to think somebody is less interested if they can’t get their clothes on quick enough and are straight out the door as soon as the sex is over.
10) I can’t wait to tell my bestie about this
Sex is exciting and fun and it makes for a great story.
I’m not suggesting she is going to spill all the juicy details. But for a lot of women, it is an experience we like to share with friends.
Honestly, I am usually pretty sparse with the details. I usually just cover the basics of who, what, and when. But I’ll level with you, I have plenty of friends who do divulge allll the details.
Her first thoughts after you’ve had sex might be to pick up the phone to her bestie to dish the dirt.
11) What’s his body language telling me
Love-making is one of the ultimate acts of body language. But that also continues after the sex too.
How you respond to her and the body language signals you give off is going to affect what she thinks next.
Does she feel like she is getting the cold shoulder? Is there going to be some cuddling and is he going to instigate it?
That’s because women are highly tuned into the signals a man’s body is giving off…
In fact, they get an “overall impression” of a guy’s attractiveness and think of him as either “hot” or “not” based on these body language signals.
Kate’s a relationship expert who has helped so many guys to improve their body language around women.
In this free video, she gives you several body language techniques guaranteed to help you better attract women.
12) Where is this going
Look, I’m a 21st-century woman so I’m not going to perpetuate outdated notions about sexuality.
Sex doesn’t have to be a huge deal, but it is still a big deal for most of us, and so it should be. It’s an intimate thing to do with someone else.
And as a consequence, it’s normal to have a think about where the connection could be going after she has slept with you.
Maybe that’s something you’ve already talked about.
But if it’s not then she might be wondering where she stands and whether it’s heading anywhere.
People can be on very different pages about what sex means to them, so you’d think we’d talk about this before we do it. But very often we don’t.
So she might be wondering about the status of the relationship now.
13) Did he come
It’s not always so obvious to us either.
I know this is one of those things that’s way easier for us to be able to tell about you than the other way around.
But actually, we can’t always tell. Especially if it seems like you’ve been at it for a long time, and then you stop.
Did you just give up trying or did you finish?
Not everyone announces their orgasm or climaxes in a way where there is no doubt that it’s all over.
14) That was a bad idea
Sadly sometimes regret might be on her mind.
We can all get carried away. In the heat of the (horny) moment, we might do something we later decide probably wasn’t the best idea.
If she has just cheated on her boyfriend, if you two are friends or exes, or maybe if she is sobering up. There are some circumstances when she might tell herself that this needs to be a one-off, and she shouldn’t have done it.
15) Is he asleep already, how rude
I get it, your body has certain physical reactions to…er…a release.
But it’s hard not to take it a little bit personally when you are already snoring 10 seconds after we’ve finished having sex.
Without sounding melodramatic, you can feel a bit used or abandoned.
It’s polite to have some pillow talk after sex.
So if your eyes are closed and you’ve rolled over before she even has a chance to say “goodnight”, don’t be surprised if she is silently judging you for it.
16) Hmmm, that was a bit “wham, bam, thank you mam”
I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve heard it:
Foreplay is important to women.
Our bodies need time to warm up to for sexual intercourse. This process of getting turned on usually involves plenty of kissing and touching, way before any penetration.
If a guy rushes straight to the main act, the chance are the sex isn’t going to be as satisfying for her.
17) He has watched too much porn
It still surprises me how many grown men with relationship experience are still taking their cues from pornos.
But pornography is a performance and not real. The way women react is theatrical, and a lot of the acts performed are totally unrealistic.
I’ve slept with guys before and totally thought to myself “he’s doing that because he has seen it done in porn”.
It doesn’t seem to flow and it feels more like he is trying to artificially recreate a porno.
18) Thank God he’s not a selfish lover
Us girls appreciate:
- A man that’s good with his hands
- Someone who makes an effort to try to give us pleasure
That’s why if:
a) you weren’t wrapped up in getting your own needs met and instead asked her what she likes and, b) actually cared about her orgasm too
…she’s definitely going to be thanking her lucky stars that you aren’t a selfish and inattentive lover.
19) Oh no, he’s a totally selfish lover
Basically, see the above point and totally reverse it.
There’s no such thing as being bad at sex really, as it all comes down to preference. We all like different things.
But when a guy seems very uninterested in how it is for you, then it’s a huge turn-off.
And as soon as you leave she’s going to be thinking about what a shame it is that you’re a selfish lover.
20) I better pee or I could get a UTI
Sorry boys if it’s TMI (too much information) but just another reality check.
Sex can come with quite a few annoyances for us girls. One of which is triggering urinary tract infections.
So if she diapeears off to the bathroom straight away, it’s because it’s recommened that women empty their bladder after sex to prevent infection.
What can I say, our plumbing is slightly different from yours. And sex moves around a lot of bacteria to places it shouldn’t be.
21) I hope things don’t feel awkward now between us
Any awkward things you are worried about after sleeping with a woman, she might also be worrying about too.
If things are undefined between you, if you don’t know where you stand, if you don’t know what each other wants, or you don’t know how to act afterwards — it can all make you feel a bit awkward.
Not to mention the fact you are now lying naked with someone. As I’ve said, sex if vulnerable for all of us.
22) I hope he doesn’t act like a complete f**kboy
Sadly, sometimes as a way to avoid awkwardness, not all guys behave the way they should after sleeping with a woman.
(I’m not suggesting women don’t ever behave this way, because obviously they can do the same).
It’s a total myth that women can’t do causal sex. We can. But what we will always struggle with is disrespectful sex.
That means regardless of whether you want anything more from her or not, there are still basic rules of human decency.
Don’t ghost her, don’t ignore her, and be upfront and honest about what you are looking for (preferably before you have sex).
In short, don’t be disrespectful (aka don’t be a f**kboy).
If in doubt, simply reat her like you would want someone to treat the women in your life that you care about.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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