Pearl Nash
A common misconception is that the loudest person in the room is the most confident one.
In fact, there’s a high likelihood the opposite is the case – while the calm person leading a quiet conversation in the corner is more than comfortable in their skin, the one who tells loud jokes and howls in laughter may be trying to overcompensate for their lack of confidence.
Based on that logic, it isn’t really loudness – or even language, for that matter – that determines how healthy your self-esteem is.
You can absolutely show confidence without even saying a word.
Want to see how?
Here’s a list of 9 tips.
1) Assume a relaxed yet confident stance
Oftentimes, nonverbal communication speaks a thousand times louder than language itself.
It is through people’s posture, facial expressions, and energy that we are able to tell how they’re genuinely feeling on the inside – and they may not even realize it.
Psychologist Dianne Grande Ph.D. agrees: “We can learn to communicate confidence, attraction, and/or friendliness through body language.”
“Think about what impression you want to give, and learn the signs which are consistent with that impression,” she recommends.
While some people may tell you that a straight back and a chin held high are enough to radiate confidence, Grande argues that you should “avoid a stiff posture. Shoulders hunched up or a back held very straight suggests tension, which does not project confidence.”
Do try to keep your head held high, but be mindful of how tense your body gets. It is relaxation, rather than tension, that signals you feel comfortable and aren’t afraid to assert yourself.
2) Walk with a purpose
Did you know that the way you walk says a great deal about you?
It sounds a bit unhinged, but it’s true. There’s actually a study that shows psychopaths tend to choose their victims based on their gait.
Grande suggests that a good way to signal confidence and assertiveness is to walk with a purpose but “not too quickly or rushed.”
If you walk too quickly, you’ll look like you’re hurrying somewhere. If you walk slowly and look confused, you’ll appear as if you got lost.
Aim for something bang in the middle. Not too quick, not too slow – like you’ve got somewhere to be, but you’re taking it at your own comfortable pace.
3) Put on clothes that make you feel authentic and confident
You might think that your clothes have nothing to do with how you feel on the inside. It’s just clothes, right?
Wrong.
The truth of the matter is that your clothing is how you present yourself to the world. As a result, you will receive a certain kind of treatment based on what kind of impression you’re sending.
Yes, it’s annoying. That doesn’t make it any less true, though.
As Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today, “When we intentionally dress for success, we gain confidence through the way we are treated by others, as well as the way we perceive ourselves. Strategizing professional attire appears to be a wise move regardless of your industry, and attire-induced accomplishment can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
She also highlights research that shows well-dressed people are more successful in negotiation settings, not to mention studies that prove our clothing does, indeed, impact how we feel depending on what kinds of symbols we assign to it.
I think it’s safe to say your clothes are, indeed, important.
The next question is: which style makes you feel like your most authentic and confident self? And what can you do to make that version of yourself a reality?
4) Self-care, self-care, self-care
I’ve gone through a bit of a glow-up in the past year, and if there’s one thing that’s helped me most, it’s got to be self-care.
Ever since I learned how to properly look after my hair, skin, and nails, I’ve felt a thousand times more put-together and therefore confident.
And no, this isn’t because my appearance is more in line with some current beauty standards. I think it goes much deeper than that.
When I look after my body, I am actively showing myself love and care.
After all, I don’t have to eat healthy food and exercise – plenty of people don’t do it, and while this impacts their health to a large degree, they aren’t *obliged* to go to the gym and stop buying fast food – but I do it anyway because I want to be kind to myself.
Self-care is the art of being wonderfully selfish. It’s about taking all that loving energy you’ve got to offer and pouring it back into yourself so that you can thrive and perform at your best.
And just like that, you become more confident without even saying a word.
5) Employ effective breathing techniques to calm down your nervous system
When you enter a new and socially challenging situation, you may feel stressed out and nervous – understandably so.
And if you’re prone to social anxiety (like me), your body may even think it’s in actual danger.
Before you know it, you’ve entered a fight-or-flight reaction, you’re breathing quickly, you feel like you want to run away, and you’re sweating like hell.
How can you get yourself out of this predicament and portray confidence?
Enter… breathing techniques.
There’s a reason why breathing exercises are so very effective. They work to stimulate your nervous system and calm it down so that you slowly but surely exit the fight-or-flight reaction and return to a state of equilibrium.
When you’re finally feeling a bit calmer, you won’t radiate as much anxious energy and will be better able to show up as your relaxed and confident self.
6) Practice active listening
Another misconception people often fall prey to is the idea that confidence is only ever about how you portray yourself; that it revolves around you and only you.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Confidence isn’t just about what you say or how you say it. It’s about how you make other people feel when they are the ones speaking.
It’s about whether you can listen to them, hear them out, make them feel understood, and ask the right questions.
In fact, it is often those who only ever talk about themselves who actually suffer from low self-esteem.
Since they don’t feel comfortable with themselves, they constantly seek validation and reassurance in the external world. This self-centred drive makes it almost impossible for them to carve out enough space for another’s feelings and concerns.
Therefore, a great way to show confidence without saying a word is to simply… be there for others.
It sounds basic, but it works wonders.
7) Learn how to accept compliments with grace
“You’re so radiant today!”
“What are you talking about? Have you seen those eye bags? I barely even slept!”
Far too many people respond to compliments with this kind of dismissive, self-deprecating approach.
They’re simply unable to accept a compliment because they ultimately disagree and are convinced the other person is just trying to make them feel better.
As for body language, they usually wave their hands in dismissal, roll their eyes, or shake their heads, as if there was no way in hell the compliment came from a place of genuine admiration. As if it just couldn’t be true.
Well, guess what?
Most people won’t compliment you if there’s nothing they actually want to compliment you about. They’re most likely going to stay quiet.
If you want to show confidence, learn how to accept compliments with grace. A simple “thank you” and a pleased smile will do.
8) Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself
You might think that laughing at yourself will set the precedent that you are willing to become the target of mockery, but oftentimes, the opposite is true.
Charles Harper Webb Ph.D. explains, “Self-deprecating—not self-debasing—humor is especially good at shrinking the shoulder chip many of us lug around. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, laughing at oneself can increase self-confidence, too. People who present themselves to the world, weaknesses and all, with no apology, show strength that perceptive others notice and respect.”
If you’re willing to make fun of yourself and not take yourself too seriously, you’re displaying strength, confidence, and a great sense of humor.
If you get offended at every little joke or get embarrassed extremely easily, on the other hand, you’re making it known that you have pretty poor self-esteem.
Therefore, another excellent way to show confidence is to just… relax and laugh at your own silliness.
9) Remember it’s just not that serious
As someone who used to suffer from social anxiety, I know just how terrifying it is to put yourself out there, vulnerabilities and all.
Want to know what’s helped me conquer that fear the most?
The realization that it’s just not that deep. You’re on this Earth for a good time, not a long time, so you might as well go after what you want – no matter how scary it may seem at first.
If you don’t assert yourself, you’ll stay stuck in the same place.
If you go after what you want and learn how to be more confident, though…
You may end up living a life beyond your wildest dreams.
The choice is yours.
