7 ways to improve your emotional intelligence, according to the Korean concept of Nunchi

Ever feel like you’re stumbling through social situations, unsure of how to read the room or connect with others? You’re not alone. 

Recently, I stumbled upon the Korean concept of “Nunchi,” translating to “eye force/power”. It’s a fascinating blend of listening skills and empathy that Koreans swear by for social harmony. 

And the funny thing is, I realized I could find examples of it everywhere in my life already.

Understanding this concept helps you navigate relationships and understand people better. 

So, if you’re keen to boost your emotional intelligence and feel more at ease in any setting, read on. These 7 Nunchi-inspired tips are about to become your new emotional toolkit.

1) Listen actively

Imagine you’re at a dinner party, surrounded by chatter and laughter. But instead of tuning into the conversation, your mind is racing with what you’ll say next. Sound familiar? 

Active listening is your first step in practicing Nunchi, and it’s a game-changer. 

I recently attended a barbecue where a friend of mine couldn’t stop talking about his new job. At some point I realized I felt super agitated because I was waiting for my turn to speak.

So then I decided to try something — just fully focus on what he was saying, as if I needed to relay it with all the details to another person later. I nodded, mirrored what he was saying, and asked questions to understand better. 

The result? He felt so heard, he kept telling me even months later how much he enjoyed that day and our conversation in particular. And, I gained deeper insight into his life.

Active listening doesn’t just mean hearing words — it’s about really engaging with the person speaking to you. 

Try this at your next social gathering: resist the urge to formulate your next sentence and truly focus on the conversation at hand. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes, not just in how others perceive you, but in how you connect with them emotionally.

2) Watch out for non-verbal cues

Have you ever walked into a room and just “felt” the tension hanging in the air? That’s Nunchi in action. 

Paying attention to non-verbal cues is like unlocking a secret language that everybody speaks but few truly understand.

I once went to a winter market with several friends who I had met not long before. The group chatted and laughed, but one friend seemed to quiet down and fidget with his cup a lot.

We went our separate ways to go home not long after that, but I decided to text the one person to ask if everything was okay. He admitted that he felt a little uncomfortable with some of the topics that the group spent a long time discussing.

To truly live by Nunchi, I should have steered the conversation to a different topic while we were still there. But a great first step was noticing them in the first place, and making him feel seen.

Words are just the tip of the iceberg — it’s the non-verbal cues that often reveal the most. Next time you’re in a social setting, take a moment to observe the body language, posture, tone of voice, facial expressions, and overall atmosphere. 

3) Blend into the mood

You might have already experienced walking into a room and immediately feeling that something’s off — like you’ve stumbled into a scene you weren’t meant to be part of. It’s awkward, right? 

But mastering Nunchi can help you avoid this. It’s all about tuning into the emotional currents of a room and knowing how to adapt seamlessly.

A few years back, I was at a family gathering where the air was thick with tension. My cousin had just announced he was moving abroad for work, eliciting a mix of excitement and concern from the family. 

Rather than diving into the celebration I felt he deserved, I sensed the room wasn’t ready for that. Opting for a softer approach, I whispered my congratulations and chose a thoughtful conversation topic for dinner. 

This shifted the atmosphere from a tense standoff to a meaningful discussion, allowing everyone to process the news collectively.

Adapting to the mood isn’t about dampening your own emotions or personality — it’s about creating more meaningful and respectful interactions.

Through Nunchi, you learn the art of being a social chameleon, capable of blending your emotional state with that of the room.

4) Stay humble

Nunchi places a high value on humility, which is more than just a virtue — it’s an emotional intelligence superpower. 

In a society that often rewards the loudest voice in the room, Nunchi encourages the wisdom of restraint and modesty. 

This doesn’t mean suppressing your achievements or talents — rather, it’s acknowledging that you’re part of a bigger picture, where every person has their own value and skills to offer.

I remember a work conference I attended where one guy seemed to dominate every discussion with his own accomplishments. It was impressive, sure, but it also prevented others from sharing their own insights and experiences. 

Then there was Lisa. She listened intently to others and only spoke when she had something truly impactful to say. 

When she did share, it was often to commend a colleague on an idea or to gently introduce a new perspective that illuminated the discussion in a way the first person’s grandstanding never could.

Humility, as guided by Nunchi, is about creating space — space for others to shine, for different viewpoints to be heard, and for a richer, more inclusive conversation.

5) Consider the timing

Timing is everything, or so the saying goes. And particularly in the context of Nunchi, the timing of your words and actions can reveal a lot about your emotional intelligence. 

Think back to a time when someone shared bad news right in the middle of a celebration. The whole room’s energy shifts, doesn’t it? That person failed to consider the timing. 

Instead, imagine waiting for a quiet moment to pull someone aside and share the news. This respects the celebratory mood while also taking care of serious matters.

Being sensitive to timing teaches us to be cognizant of both our environment and the people around us. It’s about sensing when the room is ready for a joke, when a friend needs a comforting word, or when it’s best to simply be quiet and listen. 

It’s also about gauging the appropriate time to express your own feelings, and when it’s better to focus on others.

When you master the art of timing, you’ll find that your interactions become more meaningful, your relationships deepen, and your influence grows.

6) Build self-awareness

Gaining mastery over Nunchi begins with understanding yourself — your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and motivations. By knowing yourself deeply, you can navigate the world around you more effectively.

Last year, I joined a community group with the hope of making some new friends. But after a few meetings, I noticed I was not feeling as connected as I’d hoped. 

After reflecting for a bit, I realized it was because I was so preoccupied with how I appeared to others that I wasn’t fully engaging with them. So the next time we met, I made an effort to be more present, and the connections naturally started forming.

When you’re self-aware, you’re better equipped to employ Nunchi in your interactions. You’ll recognize when your emotions are clouding your judgment or when personal biases may be affecting how you perceive others. 

And, self-awareness enables you to constantly refine your Nunchi, adjusting and adapting in a lifelong journey of emotional growth and understanding.

7) Respond instead of reacting

One crucial aspect of emotional intelligence and Nunchi is the ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. 

When you react, you let your emotions take the wheel, often leading to regrettable decisions or misunderstandings. However, taking a moment to process and then respond gives you a level of control that can transform interactions.

I remember an awkward experience with a co-worker who criticized my work in front of the team. My first impulse was to snap back defensively. 

But I had been doing considerable self-development work, so I was able to stop myself. Instead, I took a deep breath, evaluated his comments, and offered a constructive response. 

It turned out, he had some valid points. By choosing to respond rather than react, I opened the door for productive conversation and improved working relations.

Practicing this skill allows you to fully harness the power of Nunchi in every situation. It helps you manage your emotions, better understand those of others, and create a harmonious environment wherever you go.

Living your best life with Nunchi

Now you know 7 ways you can use Nunchi to improve your emotional intelligence.

You’ll probably recognize many of them as tips for better communication and relationships in general.

And that’s because emotional intelligence is inextricably related to both those areas.

As you work on following the 7 tips above, you’ll be sure to notice a huge improvement in your overall well-being and happiness in life too.