Wondering why your partner is acting differently lately? Has he been missing your calls or replying to your texts late?
While there might be suspicious activity happening, you won’t know until you confront him.
You can ask him point-blank if he’s cheated, but more often than not, he might just dodge the question or answer in a roundabout way.
Of course, someone who’s cheated would want to avoid that conversation — so you need to be clever about it.
If you really want to get to the bottom of the situation and know the truth, here are 12 alternative ways to get him to admit that he hasn’t been as faithful as he should’ve been.
1. Avoid Asking Yes/No Questions
Yes or no questions tend to be the simplest ones to answer; there are only really 2 responses.
That also means that it’s the easiest for someone to lie on; they won’t need to develop an entire storyline or rationale for their answers.
Instead of asking these simple questions, it would be more revealing to ask them open-ended questions.
Instead of asking, “Have you cheated on me?”, an alternative could be: “Where were you last night?” or “What were you doing that caused you to miss my call?”
A study has found that lies can be detected from open-ended questioning because the person still needs to choose what to use, as opposed to a simple yes/no question.
If he tends to stumble on his words or take too long to reply, he might’ve been up to something.
2. Pay Attention To His Words
Often, when politicians are asked difficult questions, they use big words to hide the fact they don’t want to answer with honesty.
They also often tend to weigh down their responses with too many details, again to cover up something they don’t want to reveal.
A study showed that liars tend to confuse adding too many details with being honest — a practice that helps detect their dishonesty.
The next time that you talk to your boyfriend, pay close attention to the words that he’s using.
Does he give irrelevant details, like what color someone’s shoes were? Or does he go off-topic with his reply?
You might be able to call him out on it and get him to admit that he was lying.
3. Test His Alibi
After asking him a question about what he did last night, you can bring it up to him again in the following days — but this time, alter it a little.
Change a small detail like what time he arrived at the venue or who he was with.
Try to make a subtle reference about it and ask him if what you said was right.
If he doesn’t correct you, that’s another piece of evidence that you have against him.
The next time that you ask him whether he cheated on you or not, you can bring up the fact that the story that he told you was flimsy and inconsistent.
You can go a step further to verify his alibi by asking the people he was alleged with to see if they’ll back up his claims.
4. Stay Friendly And Avoid Being Aggressive
While it’s easy and understandable to explode in anger at him at the hint that he may be cheating, that may not always lead to the most ideal results.
When you get mad, insult and argue with him, that will only encourage him to avoid you at all costs.
As difficult as it may be, it’s always important to remain civil and be the better person in the relationship.
On top of that, you’ll probably need to assess what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling suspicious.
But equally, I know that it can be difficult to sometimes know why you’re upset, or why your gut feelings are telling you something is up.
If this sounds like your situation, I’d suggest giving Rudá Iandê’s Self-Love Quiz a go.
He’s a world renowned shaman who has helped thousands of other people to better understand their own emotions, and in turn build more meaningful relationships.
Starting fights and accusing your partner if you have absolutely zero reason to will only cause you both harm.
So will sweeping evidence of his infidelity under the rug just because you’re scared of being alone.
It’s free and very quick to complete!
And if you do need to express your anger, you can talk to a close friend about your feelings.
Being friendly may also indirectly make him feel more guilty about his actions and cause him to come clean.
5. Claim You Know What’s Going On
One way that can prod him to tell the truth, is to tell him that you’re certain that he’s cheating.
Begin acting like you’re prepared to end the relationship right there and then if he doesn’t prove that what you assume is wrong.
Mention the lies that he’s told and the things that he’s done that have felt suspicious to you.
Remember to continue remaining calm about this, however. Getting angry will only give up control of the situation.
If you remain calm and level-headed, it might draw the truth right out of him in an effort to diffuse the situation.
6. Catch Him In A Good Mood
According to a study, one method used in interrogating criminals is by flattering them and making them feel good. This technique is commonly referred to as: “buttering them up”
What you can do is to take him out on a date to get him distracted.
When he seems to be enjoying himself the most, ask him whether or not he’s cheated on you.
He might get so caught up in the moment that the truth slips right out of him.
Although it might not always guarantee admission, it will at least boost your chances of his confession.
7. Study His Body Language
Body language has long been one of the key areas of detecting if someone is lying or not.
A study found that when the stakes are high in a situation — like a potential breakup on the horizon — liars tend to seem unusually still and make much less eye contact with the person that they’re talking to.
The same study wrote that liars tend to talk with a higher pitch and press their lips together.
The next time that you ask him about what he’s been up to or if you want to verify the story that he told you before, try to pay close attention to his facial expressions.
Make direct eye contact and try to see if his eyes begin darting from one corner of the room to the other.
The same study also wrote that liars tend to be more nervous and complain more.
So if you notice that he’s been more vocal about his frustrations, that can signal to you that he’s hiding something and get him to admit what he’s done.
8. Gather More Evidence
When you aren’t getting much information from him, you can always try asking the people that he’s closest to.
Ask his friends about his whereabouts and who they might’ve seen him talking to recently.
People tend to be different when they’re with friends, so ask his friends if he’s mentioned anything odd or acting differently lately.
This is all evidence that you can use against him when you begin questioning him about his faithfulness to you.
9. Repeat Your Questions From Time To Time
It’s common for liars to forget what they lied about; they can feel too relieved after successfully lying to you.
More often than not, liars tend to forget the fiction that they used the first time that they said.
If they tell an entirely different story or if one detail was different from what he originally said, that’s a clear sign that he’s faking it.
You can even repeat your question and catch him offhand when his mind isn’t focused.
If he begins stumbling on his words or he’s taking too long to remember, that can be a sign that tells you that he’s been lying.
He might also accidentally tell the truth when you catch him offhand, so try to be strategic about when to ask him the same question again.
10. Get Closer To Him
Try to subtly get in his space.
While you should still maintain a cool and level head, you can try sitting really close to him on the couch.
Take a step closer to him when you’re standing together. When you’re talking, maintain focused and intense eye contact with him.
While you’re listening to him speak, lean in to show it.
By getting physically close to him, he might feel even more guilty for what he’s done and squeeze the truth right out of him.
11. Show Love And Understanding
Remind him that you are always there for him.
Ask how his day went or how he’s been doing lately.
When he talks, be encouraging and pay close attention, not just to find things that you’ll use against him later on, but to truly listen to him. Reassure him that you love him.
This will ideally motivate him to open up to you about what he’s done while also showing him what he has to lose, making it less likely for him to cheat again in the future.
Being cheated on is tragic.
Once he’s actually admitted that he’s been unfaithful, there are a number of things that you can do: break up, take a break, argue, or speak with a friend.
It isn’t unheard of, however, for couples to remain together after a cheating incident. It’s possible for the both of you to discuss what happened, and how to avoid it in the future.
Rudá Iandê, who I mentioned above, also has a fantastic masterclass on Love and Intimacy.
Using his practical exercises and guidance, you’ll be able to sit down (with or without your partner), and start perhaps rekindling your connection with your partner if you think this is the right path.
And definitely rekindling your connection with yourself. Cheating can mean your self-worth takes a big hit, and if you’ve found out that it is happening in your relationship, you’ll likely need to be kind to yourself but also do some soul-searching.
While other people may not be so forgiving when it comes to an unfaithful partner, it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether you want to continue being with him or not.
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