Kiran Athar
I know what it’s like when you crave some time alone but don’t want to hurt your SO.
Unfortunately, there’s a misconception that couples in love need to do everything together…but in reality, time apart is essential for you to focus on your own needs.
Not to mention the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” really is true!
So, here are 10 ways to get alone time in a relationship, without creating drama. The following have all been tried and tested in my own relationship, and I can confirm, they work!
1) Communicate clearly
If you really want to spend some time alone without creating drama or upsetting your partner, know that communication will be your best friend in achieving this!
You should approach the conversation with a non-confrontational tone, and keep things respectful and kind.
Be honest, but be tactful too.
Rather than saying, “Eurgh, I need a break, we’re together 24/7!”…You could phrase it like this:
“I love spending time with you, but I think it’s healthy to have some time apart in a relationship. Why don’t we plan some time to do our own things?”
This way, you’re not making your partner feel bad – you’re pitching it as something that will benefit both of you (and the relationship in general).
2) Schedule it
Once you’ve communicated your desire to your partner, turn it from a mere idea into something concrete by scheduling it.
In my relationship, for example, my partner knows that on Tuesday evenings I go for a solo bike ride. I know that he enjoys his alone time in the mornings, so I respect his space.
The truth is, when you schedule it, it means you’re both on the same page and know what to expect…
Which is much better than suddenly springing it on your partner, which could leave them feeling like they’ve done something wrong and that’s why you want to be alone!
3) Cultivate separate hobbies
Now, another way to get alone time in a relationship without any drama is to naturally cultivate separate hobbies…
And here you can get creative!
For example, I know my partner isn’t into arts and crafts. So, I’ve taken up painting, and he usually tends to leave me alone once the canvas and brushes come out.
On the other hand, he enjoys playing poker, something I have zero interest in.
We still do stuff together, but it’s nice to have that space apart to each dive into our own interests.
Not to mention, by having separate hobbies, neither feels left out. It’s a win-win!
4) Create a personal space
I know for many of us WFH folk, finding alone time is a REAL struggle. We’re literally squashed in with our partners, sometimes even sharing a table to work at.
Whether you’re in that situation or not, creating a personal space at home is another great way to satisfy your needs without upsetting your other half!
For example, you could:
- Create a little reading nook in a quiet part of the house
- Separate your working space by moving a small desk into a spare bedroom
- Using the garden to relax alone
Ultimately, this will depend on the layout of your home.
Speak to your partner and come to an agreement on designated spaces where you can get some alone time while you’re both at home.
5) Practice self-care
Another easy way to get alone time away from your relationship is to practice self-care…by nature, you don’t need a partner involved to do this!
It’s something you can also encourage your partner to do, creating a time when both of you individually focus on yourselves.
A few examples of solo self-care include:
- Taking a long bath to relax and unwind at the end of the day
- Going to a yoga class or exercising alone
- Writing in a gratitude journal
Not only will you get some much-needed “me” time, but your mental and physical well-being will benefit as a result!
6) Change up your schedule
My partner and I have vastly different schedules, so we actually have to adjust ours to be able to spend quality time together…
But the same works for finding quiet moments alone!
Let’s say your routines are synced up, why not change yours slightly?
For example, you could wake up an hour earlier to enjoy a cup of coffee and a book in peace before your SO gets up to join you for breakfast.
Or, you could sleep an hour later, giving you time to enjoy some solitude in whichever way suits you!
This is an effective method because it won’t make your partner feel like you’re avoiding them during the day (so no need to worry about creating drama!).
7) Take a solo trip
Now for one of my favorite suggestions – solo travel.
This one will require a bit more tact though, as your partner might feel a bit put out when you suggest going away without them.
So, rather than tell them you want a trip to get away from them, frame it as an opportunity for personal development…
When I took my first solo trip, I told my ex at the time that I wanted to work on my confidence levels.
In reality, I just needed a few days of peace in the sun (he didn’t need to know that part, though).
And if you feel uncomfortable telling a little white lie?
Then compromise! Tell your partner you’re planning a solo adventure to get some alone time, but when you’re back, you’d love to plan a trip away with them too.
8) Use technology to your advantage
Did you know there are ways to “feel” like you’re getting alone time, even if you’re still in the same room as your partner?
Technology will greatly help with this, as you can:
- Put your headphones in and listen to music
- Listen to a podcast
- Read an eBook
Effectively, you’ll learn to zone out their presence by diving into something on your phone or tablet.
I think it’s a beautiful thing when two people are comfortable enough to do their own thing in each other’s company, so this is a method you should encourage your partner to adopt, too!
9) Run errands on your own
I don’t know about you, but I find it easier to run errands without my partner in tow…he tries to be helpful but usually slows me down!
And it was on one of my solo trips to the supermarket that it suddenly dawned on me…
I’ve just spent the last two hours enjoying my own company, spending as long as I want looking at items and chatting with friendly cashiers.
This could be a great way for you to also get your alone time in, without creating drama or upset in your relationship!
And let’s face it, not many people will be annoyed if you offer to do the errands alone, in fact, they’ll probably embrace and encourage it!
10) Factor in quality time with your partner
And finally, if you want to spend time alone, it’s wise to also factor in quality time with your partner.
Why?
Because the more they feel valued by you, the less likely they are to be upset when you want an hour to yourself.
I’ve found that if my partner and I make an effort to do things together, there’s less pressure or tension when one of us wants to make plans without the other.
You see, it’s all about keeping a balance!
Not to mention, being honest and open about how you’re feeling. With the tips above, you should have no problem enjoying a little “me-time” without worrying about creating drama in your relationship!
